Sunday, April 30, 2023

Field Notes- Sunday, April 30th. Rain. Rain. Rain. All Day I think. And COLD

 Shaker Style.  This is what I would aim for if starting over- clean slate and all.   Flat trim boards. No details on the cupboard doors.  I'd even skip the rug.  But I might need the little step thing to reach the top shelves.  And then forget I'm on it and step off into the Emergency Room.......

Yes, It's raining here in Maine.  Gray sky.  Wet everywhere.  As I walked out with my umbrella to get the Sunday Paper- I could hear the siren of a Police Car or Fire Engine.....  off in the distance.   Some trouble off to my right.

There is always someone worse off than you, me on that.

I am deep into season four of Fringe recordings.  Very confusing.  I wonder how many viewers stuck with this series that long?  But even strange Fringe episodes are better than the news.  I need to return to my bedroom for socks.  My ankles are cold.  I am wearing the same outfit- sweater on top and pajamas pants. Past few days...this has been it..lost the will to get dressed. I take the sweater off when I climb into bed. And the pajama pants. Usually keep the socks.  Cold feet. Cold hands. Always.

We are scraping the bottom of the barrel in the "food to eat" category.  I made a miscalculation in last week's grocery list...for sure.  Several of them.  Last serving of chicken soup.  No Chicken Parm dinners. No milk for my oatmeal.....there is a frozen ball of pizza dough....but not enough time for it to thaw out.  I had no milk to loosen up my bowl of oatmeal.  I have never run out of milk before today. I kept searching the fridge sure a carton would be hidden somewhere.  Nope.

Personally- I still have meatloaf prepared meals.  He will have to have soup two days in a row. That's how it will have to roll.

There is always Chinese Take Out as a Fall Back Position.  But it's Raining.  And it's Cold.  So I am voting that he has soup. Tomorrow is another day.  I can shop tomorrow.

What I really want to do- is find a pair of socks, put them on and then settle into the couch for a little nap. And if I can't sleep...then I will read a book.  I still have a stack of them.....  Stay dry....stay warm...

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Field Notes- Saturday, April 29th. Sunshine. Quiet.

 Peonies.  From France.  From my cross the street neighbor for watching over her house and collecting mail.  And I have NOT bought a new stove.  I was just LOOKING at them. Induction. Smooth glass surface.

I did not ruin my neighbor's return from a week's vacation by mentioning the deer had eaten all her Tulips planted by her front door.

Why I don't plant Tulip bulbs.  Deer think Daffodils taste bad.

 I have NOT bought a new stove because......this house was built by Jenga Puzzle People.  All the pieces fit together (TIGHT) and it's difficult to pull one piece out without disturbing all the others.  To get the stove out of the built in place where it has existed since 1986...will require more decisions than the washing machine did.  It was built in and then things were built in surrounding it -front -sides everywhere..  I measured.  Boxed in. Getting it to move forward (and up against the center island) will be difficult and then what- it's blocked on all sides. ..... and I thought getting the washing machine in and out was tough.

AND...the Electrician told me that the electric connections under that island where the electric stove more complicated than a submarine.  I counted over fifteen different switches, outlets, plugs, connections- to the  central vacuum, to lights (indoor and outside), ceiling fan,  stove,  cable tv,  inside the cabinet mixer plug ins.........because I mentioned getting rid of that wall.  Everyone lost all color in their faces.  And to work on it in the very shallow crawl space (no basement) he would be on his back on a rolling thing. He said NO.

Now that I wrote all that.....not surprised they won't return calls or come back......Not surprised at all.

While the Washing Machine Installers were here I should have asked them if they thought they could get the old stove OUT.......or not.  But they had places to go.......... I think it's pointless to buy a new stove and have it sit in the garage uninstalled.....I doubt they will let me return it.  

To get a new fridge years ago- we took out a built in desk and surrounding cabinets (and if you think my kitchen looks like a construction site- you would be correct and that was YEARS AGO).  The original  fridge was the exact size of the ONLY SPACE allotted and not a half inch more. Our daughter now has that desk unit in her kitchen with a sink and counter top (where the desk was).

I had PLANS for a new kitchen....but the construction guys went to Vegas during COVID and lost all their money.....and lost their minds.  I contacted them...but no one has returned my calls.... and it's been FOUR YEARS.

That's the way it goes in Maine.....I can't even find the Tile Guy who was actually a responsible adult.

Friday, April 28, 2023

Field Notes- Friday, April 28th. Sunshine, Warm, but still need to wear socks.

 Lavender.  I had a plant in a pot like this....but no matter how well I treated the had a death wish. Sometimes you have to just realize that a plant doesn't want to live with you. Let it go.

Completely Fresh Bedding.  Fresh Sleeping Outfit.  Hoping to end the "rash" but there it was- behind my knees this time. In the Morning. Gone now.  So VERY tired of the rash.  And NOW I have that huge basket full of king sized sheets to do in the new washing machine........  a bit of anxiety going forward. But what's new in that???? Nothing.  I am full up on Anxiety.

My husband is not pleased that I went to check the mailbox out by the street wearing my pink pattern pajama pants. yesterday  Like any of the zero people I saw...cared.

I am making another pot of Chicken Soup today.  The only cooking I do besides boiling pasta noodles. I have more meatloaf dinners to heat in the microwave for myself......with added carrot. I might Go Crazy and shred cabbage and make a little slaw to go with my prepared dinner.  I was really considering ordering Chinese today.  Take out.  And there is another ball of Pizza dough.  Variety. Menu Choices.

I would NOT get the Lo Mein as that is what started the rash business.  But I did enjoy the two kinds of dumplings I ordered.  I tend to like the appetizer section.

Not much else to report as we get close to the end of April.  I haven't done anything with cloth.  Or thread. I haven't done much with anything really.  Not even little drawings....which I used to do often. I have  60 pages to go in the book I am reading- Yours Truly.   And I have four waiting to be picked up.  We might take a ride today... to Library.  Which is quite close to the Chinese Restaurant.

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Field Notes- Another Spring Day. Sunshine. Contact Dermatitis. Joanne is Very Itchy.

 So........I have a super annoying case of Contact Dermatitis.  Meaning "what ever" is touching my skin is making it itch and have these air bubbles  (blister filled with air).  ITCHES!!!!! It comes and goes. Not everyday and then everyday... It has been worse.....but still annoying.

I am showered-  Wearing pajama pants.  Bedding is in the laundry basket.  I'll be DOING a load of wash today.   I am still anxious about selecting the wrong wash cycle or whatever.  The number of selections on the machine many.  Clothes come out not really holding water.  And after the Drier-- so SOFT. Even without fabric softener (which I can't use- contact dermatitis).  I use wool dryer balls.

I had one apple left and it had been around for awhile so I decided to peel and slice it and add sugar, butter and cinnamon.  Sort of a Microwave Baked Apple.   Itching started after I ate it.  Apple, Butter, Brown Sugar, Cinnamon.  Pretty BASIC.  Triggers for a Food Allergy are usually Milk, Eggs, Wheat.

My youngest brother was allergic to EVERYTHING.  I am reminded of the severe rashes he had.

There is a blog in my side bar with Daily Joanne in the title of the posts.  I am So Envious of the tag. That title would have been awesome for this blog- Daily Joanne.  

The Benadryl is making me very slow and tired. I'm reading the second 7 day loaner book from the Library.  Yours Truly.  Jimenez.  ER Doctors.  Kidney Transplant.  It's the newest book in a continuing series.  Rom Com but actually just the Rom.  Usually the situations are really serious. Life and Death. As it would be in the ER.  I am drifting- sleepy.  Husband has just stretched out on the other couch- napping.

Old Folks At Home- asleep before 2 pm.   Kyle at the appliance store is going to help me choose a new STOVE.  I know...who are you??? and what have you done with the real Joanne.  New Stove. Not yet but soon.   I am returning to the couch and possibly my own NAP.

Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Field Notes- Mia Culpa. My fault. I JUST FORGOT TO POST.

 I guess I got "sidelined" after receiving my cross the street neighbor's "agenda" for the remainder of this month and all of next...... I am in charge of watching the house.  Collecting mail.  Bringing in Boxes all sorts of trucks.  Fed Ex is a Frequent Flyer on this street.  Amazon in the mailbox. Like the trucks are driving past several times each day- going to my next door reclusive neighbor. 

And Reading my 7 day Library Loan of Curtis Sittenfeld's "Romantic Comedy".  80 (possibly more by now) holds on 14 books here in Maine.   It was "okay".   Not up to the standards of "Eligible" which was so good I bought a copy for my bookcase.  This was two stars. Out of four.  Older man and woman- older here is in their 40's (such bullshit)...and guy was multi millionaire.  Gulf Stream Jet and all. COVID.  My Library has it on the 7 day shelf.  I also picked up Jimenez's Yours Truly.   Another about ER Doctors.....remaining charactor needed a book. Also 7 day.  Return before Monday.  Slow going. But I like the guy already.....I usually like the guy more than the woman.

Washing Machine is being installed.......Two (only) doors had to be taken off hinges.  Young 20 something told me I should expect only 15 year Lifetime for this "good machine" not the 36 years of the old one......(if you all were wondering why I kept the old one so long.) "they don't make them like they used to."   Shiver. He told me about refrigerators with all sorts of tech on them- even a camera to look at contents without opening door.... he said they need service "often".  Well, I KNOW that- having returned two Defective Fridges to Lowes.  10:30 am.   I have a Ton of Dirty Clothes to WASH.  It has a spin knob with 20 selections.  About the same for Wash Water.

I had Hot, Cold, Warm.  Large, Medium, Small.  I think there is a special wash for wool sweaters....Like I would put any of mine in a machine....the HORROR of that!!

Last night the raised red welts and itching...instead of Hot Shower, Calamine Lotion etc etc.  I just dry swallowed two Benadryl and fell asleep.  I had Noosa Yogurt yesterday and am now wondering if the yogurt is the cause of the Allergic Reaction???  Sucks if it is- I have five in the fridge.

Still tinkering back in the bathroom with the washer.  It's so much bigger-   Taller.  Installer- VERY TALL is in behind it plugging things in etc.  They will tip it when he needs to CLIMB out. 

So they are done- he showed me how it many buttons.  Dryer was heating.  Vent was working. All systems are go.  He DID NOT fill and'm pretty nervous.  Water is my Cryptonite.

Sorry, I worried you all...... it's dark, wet and cold here in Maine...Reclusive Weather.

Monday, April 24, 2023

Field Notes- Monday, April 24th. It started to rain yesterday and rained all night and into today.

 Yesterday's pizza looked a lot like this image.  No green stuff.  And I remembered the Ranch Dressing. I even own that knife.  I own a lot of those knives. I cut pizza with scissors made for cutting pizza.

Still reading Agnes and the Hitman.  Agnes is in jail.   Hitman should be arriving soon to unlock door and take her home.   Still lots more about to happen before any "happy ending".......

My Dentist Office called.  To fit me in on Wednesday.  10am.  But the Washing Machine Delivery Time is STILL in the air...with a three hour window.  I have a secondary time and date for the tooth.  But they called to say......that they would keep the Wednesday time open for me, in case it works.....I won't actually know until Wednesday. But they said ...fine....Very very nice Dental Office.

I know some of you Reading this Blog are reminded of the Peonies......well, the rain yesterday and today have gotten the Peony buds up above ground.  Not sure the ones he stood on will recover but the others have buds and should be fine......there will be Peonies.  Little red points coming out of the now moist Earth.

Husband raked leaves off the will be weeks before the Hosta start showing....but the  Crab Trees all have tiny green leaves.....

I would  usually be visiting the Library and Grocery right about now......but husband finished breakfast and then wrapped up in a down comforter on the couch- sound asleep... so I will wait until he wakes up.

It's very DARK here in the house and cold...I need to push a few buttons and get the furnace running. And then settle in and finish the last of Agnes and the Hitman.  It's odd.....but I buy and shelve books I love into my bookcase......and then forget they are there.......such strange behavior.  Delightful to own Agnes and the Hitman.

I am thankful for the rain....even if it's so very very dark here in the house today. At 11:54. And cold.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

Field Notes- Sunday April 23rd. It's chilly and a bit cold today. Damp. Cloudy.

 I don't actually like looking at FISH or eating them...but this wooden fish reminds me of my father's Tackle Box.  And the different, I think they are called "bobbers"?  anyway.  This fish looks like a cob of sweet corn with a head and red fins. From Little Somethings blog. Which I think is just Something these my sidebar over to your right.

Husband is going to be roping a few dead fallen tree limbs or whatever and dragging them to the "way back" of the property where he piles debris from the yard.......It should involve quite a bit of the daylight hours.  He's VERY slow these days and forgets what he is doing.  He raked leaves out of the beds up in front of the house yesterday.   Got very very tired.  His back hurts him all the Time but he refuses to even try standing up straight.  I also suggest he lay flat on the floor with his feet planted flat on the floor, ones bent to encourage his back to flatten. .......he won't. Even try.

Took him three hours to eat breakfast and read the paper.  I have to wait till he's done with sections of the paper. Before I can read them.

I heated up one of my Pre made Grocery Store Meat Loaf dinners yesterday evening.  I peeled and sliced a carrot to add to the vegetable segment of the meal (broccoli)- which I microwaved before adding the meatloaf slice and the mashed potatoes to the dish.  It was a very nice dinner. Husband had soup. 

We are planning on having Pizza today.  Using my last onion.  He'll have onion and pepperoni.  I'll just have onion.  We'll both have cheese.  Unless I defrost bell pepper for my side. And I will be sure to drizzle my half with Ranch Dressing today....I forgot last time.

So that's it.  If it was a regular day...I would be walking down to do a load or two of Washing Machine Pages....But that can't did wet mop the kitchen floor.  After sweeping up things like crumbs and dust.  Not yesterday.  A few days ago... it's still clean.  I need to turn on the lamps- very dark in here.  It is supposed to rain.  My tooth is still broken but I only notice it if my tongue goes over there. Otherwise, I forget.  

I am going to be reading Nora Goes Off Script and at the midpoint I will start crying and cry all the way to the last few pages.  and I just got myself really breaks my heart....this book, this couple... but I need a good cry.....and a happy ending. I might read Second First Impression next.  Another good cry. Or Agnes and the Hitman.  I think I might start with Agnes.   The Hitman and his Clean up Guy (dead bodies)- usually caused by Agnes..... are always a good time.

I'm just in that sort of emotional mood today.  The Lack of Sunshine.  The Moody Dark Sky.  The News. The Dark Woods.....  sounds like Teddy Bear's Picnic.  My favorite small record when I was four.

Saturday, April 22, 2023

Field Notes- Saturday, April 22nd. Suns, Clouds, A Chill in the Air.

 A little Farmer Set of Stamps.  Or Game pieces. I like them.  I like tiny things.

Yesterday......after my tooth broke apart and when I was self medicating with a very very good rom com...the fridge went crazy.   Making all sort of noise.  Not the good kind.  We pressed buttons.  The last one we pressed shut off the noise.  It started with the Ice Maker.  If I say I am on the very last thread of Sanity right's true...  My nerves are vibrating.  My tooth is beginning to ache.  I took ibruprofen along with my vitamins.

What would be really what I used to do when overwhelmed......go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day and then all night.  But there is too much light in the rooms where I could sleep.  And too much tension in my body to allow sleep.......and it's Saturday.  Did I ever really like Saturday????  No.

The very good rom com is Marlowe Banks, Redesigned.  A Gal with a Masters in Design from Yale is working on the set of a TV show- similar to Friends. (costumes) of the Friends is an actor playing a Motorcycle Riding Bad Boy.  The Gal is the only person on Set that can fit into the Waitress uniform and pour coffee into the cups of the cast as they sit and chat.  While being filmed.  The actual REAL waitress actress called in sick. 

And the Gal has already run into the Motorcycle Bad Boy actor and spilled coffee on him earlier.  The Meet Cute.  She walks over- cameras running.  With coffee pot. He looks up.  She looks down.  Camera sees all. Instagram asks who should the Bad Boy "ship" this season.  Not a word I am familiar with.  So Instagram breaks loose with "Ship the Waitress".  Cause........sparks were evident.  On screen.  And the ball rolls downhill from there..........

Today I am re-reading Nora Goes Off Script.  The mother of two with  Hollywood Actor living in the Tea House out behind her house..... sleeping on her front porch when she walks out to watch the Sun rise in her nightgown.  Taking him to the grocery store.  I shouldn't read it...makes me cry.... Not even reading it...just thinking about reading it...crying.   Also a spot in Marlowe Banks where I cried also.

Other news- I will be pasting this headline cut from the newspaper.....SpaceX Rocket Explodes Minutes After Launch.  Musk wants to put people on these Paying Customers.....yep. BOOM!!!

Friday, April 21, 2023

Extra Post- Friday April 21st. 15:36

 Addendum:  Good Things- and not so good things happen in threes.

I. My  Thirty six- something year old washing machine lost the ability to STOP filling with water.

Being replaced next Wednesday.

2. The DMV took my Driver's License Away.  Told me to send for a Birth Certificate.  $25 fee. Columbus, Ohio.  In the mail- how long will it take????

3.  While eating Cheese Crackers and watching birds in the Birdbath (just moments ago).....a very large chunk of my lower right side molar just fell off.  Disappeared. Was swallowed.  My Dentist is not open on Friday. Or Saturday. Or Sunday.

It really feels weird.  Rough.  Sharp Edges.  I'm sure it will hurt sometime soon. Probably.

It's so wonderful to be ME.......

Field Notes- Friday, April 21. Sunshine and 50 degrees. Making Chicken Soup Again.

 Applying Fertilizer.

Not as yet here in Maine.   Fertilizer.  Or Tomato Plants.  Still too cold here.

So...a sort of "resting" day here at my house.  To get over all the excitement of previous days.  Husband needs another pot of Chicken Soup.  I am glad I bought 99 cents a pound Chicken Thighs last grocery shopping day.  I have two onions, carrots and lots of celery (over bought).  Noodles.  I will start the pot as soon as I hit post.  I am tempted to cook for myself.  I rarely cook for myself.

I eat toasted bagels topped with cheese and sweet pickles.  Or Yogurt with Bran Buds. Or nothing.

I am (impossibly) waking up at 7 am these days.  Which makes my DAYS very very LONG and TEDIOUS.  Sigh.  Today is fluctuating between clouds and sun.  Like every five minutes.

We had our very own MASS SHOOTING here in Maine.  Shooter was about an hour out of prison. Really, he got released and was armed- where he got weapons is not something anyone is talking about. He  drove home (where did he get a car?) shot his parents and his aunt and uncle- then drove away from their house and just started standing in front of cars on the highway and shooting the people inside the cars. He shot a father and his two children. He did not shoot himself....a pity.  He should have shot himself first.

Not much to say, Husband finished a big puzzle and is now sorting pieces for another puzzle. And that will be the day today.  I finished another of the Bromance Book Club books. I don't have any more. Next up are repeat books.  Ones I love and like to read.  The Bromance Books were "new" to me.

Mail Truck just coasted past.......might just wander down to see if we got anything.

And that's it for today.  A Pot of Chicken Soup.  Boiling some noodles for the Soup.  Tangerines. Puzzle. Word Search.  A packed day for husband.  Nothing for me. I was going to look for the Attic.  But I can't think what it was........... can't think of anything I might want to do...... My day and my life are pretty dull and empty.......might need to give the bookcase a look see....for a good book.  I don't want to visit the Library today.  But might go into the search thing and order books...from other libraries.

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Addendum to Thursday, April 20th

 Well, I made a few calls.  No Service or Repair is available so I bought a new machine and it will be delivered on Wednesday.  We measured and it will fit.  And it has a Five Year Warranty for Service etc.... by then I will be Eighty One if I am still alive.   Good Enough.

The measuring was the hardest part of all of see if it would FIT.  

Well, If I was a Drinking Woman- I would have a drink.....I am not... So...I will try and get my resting pulse back.   Sigh.  Things are NEVER as difficult as you think they are going to be.......I should embroider that on a pillow.

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Field Notes- Wednesday, April 19th. I did not get my Driver's License Renewed.

 I did not have my Birth Certificate.  So they said no license renewal.  (after two hours waiting) Took the expired license away from me. Gave me a paper that says I can drive for two months. Temporarily.

They gave me a form to send to Ohio.  To get a copy of my Birth Certificate. Come back when I have that.

Not until I have that.

So- TWO HOURS and my friend Nancy and I returned home. I was number 17. The Waiting room was full.

We (husband) are going to see if it's in the Safe Deposit Box at the Bank.  If not...then I am sending the paper they gave me to Ohio.  Waiting.

Not that I intend to drive.  Anytime.  Ever.  Again.  Not that I went anywhere when I did drive.  Just into Town and the Grocery. Walked to Library from Grocery Parking Lot.  Hardly ever out of Town- crossing the bridge in the past year.  When you get that "feeling" like its actually not a safe thing for you to drive- that's when you should stop.  76 is a good time to stop.  Sell the car.

But then ... what if you have no kind neighbors and friends or family to take you places?  What do those old people do then....what do I do then?  Janet says I call a Taxi Service for Elderly People.

Gosh...Life?  No Driver's License.  Washing Machine that might expel huge amount of water if turned on. Or might not.......  I really would like to go back a few months to when everything was okay. Nothing to think about or worry about....I could just throw things in the washer and sit down and write in the Pages. 

I had no idea Life was So Good back a few weeks or months ago. Yes, I did know it was good. I was happy.  Well, I need to find some Kleenex-- blow my nose wipe off my cheeks.......

I have books to pick up at Library and a few groceries to get.  I need yogurt- coffee cream.  I need a hug.  I am so very thankful for my neighbor Nancy......quite wonderful to have someone take you to the DMV and sit with you for two hours...and no license renewal.  Sigh.  We had good conversation for two hours.

Her high school grandson is in Europe for Spring Break.  A School Trip.  Rome, Italy today. Still has his suitcase and backpack......iPhone pictures each day. What a Wonderful World.

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Field Notes- Tuesday, April 18th. Raining here in Maine- Chill in the Air.

 The Gardener Choosing What To Grow.  Not me.  I tried the Root Crops (beets, carrots, onions) and the little critters ate them from underground.  I won't do that again.

Rain yesterday and today.  Which is fine.  Rain is always needed. Welcome.  But surprised by the Chill. The cold that came with the Rain.  And then there is a complete absence of Sun.  April.

Library was closed for my usual Monday visit so we will go today.  Husband is still eating his breakfast. I had a nice stack of books but didn't get to most of them...had to renew the stack I am keeping until next week.  I don't understand how they didn't get read...... has it been three weeks?

House lights are on, furnace has been running.  Wet brings a more intense chill to the house.

Husband has Chicken Soup. A new batch.  I am thinking I need to put on socks.

Tomorrow Morning- DMV to get my Driver's License renewed.  I have collected all the papers and ID needed.  My Lunch Buddy says I will need to do the Eye Test.  I need the License for ID.  I am not at all sure I will be driving.  My Car is still in need to a new Battery.  And the Inspection Sticker.

I think I need to go back down to my room and get socks.  It's really cold. I already have on a long sleeved thermal and Sweater.  But socks........I need socks.  And a fresh hot cup of sweet tea.  

The few days of sun and warm are past us now.....Maine is known for long, cold, wet Spring. And, if the truth be told......the same in Summer.  I can recall temps of 50 in the summer.

Monday, April 17, 2023

Field Notes- A Very Rainy Somber Monday, April 17th. Reminded of the Boston Marathon Bomber.

 I doubt...going forward..I will ever be the Joanne who posted on this blog last week.  I am in such a different PLACE now and it seems...when I get comfortable with changes- that FATE decides to throw more shit my way.  I really just want to go back to bed and cover my head with my comforter and stay there..forever.

I am guessing that I am depressed? Actually...I am angry.  Really really angry.  Because I am unable to fix any of this.......and now the washing machine.   Sigh.  Too Much.  And I did look forward to the Time doing wash..and writing in the Washing Machine Pages notebooks.  A therapy of sorts.

But Fate has decided to take that from everything else.

I have a few more days of clean underwear before I have to decide how to move forward.  I am guessing I will be traveling to the nearest place with Washing Machines and the need for pockets full of quarters to feed into the machines...... until I decide what to do with the old machine.  If I want a new one.....doors in the bathroom will need to be removed- the toilet will need to be removed (and then replaced)- because that is how they got the machine into the small space it occupies....without the toilet being there....

And who will do this work?  The guys who did the work before are all gone....and finding people to do things in Maine- is not easy.

I really can't deal with it.......I might just sign myself into one of the Senior Living Places........ It's just a very very bad place that I am in right now.......Wednesday, my Lunch Buddy is taking me to the DMV to get my Driver's License Renewed. So I can drive ...... places. I haven't driven the car since August. Last August.

I am tempted to try and get the old machine to do a load of wash.....but what if the water runs out into the bedroom and ruins the hardwood floors?????  My son isn't coming to Maine.  My daughter is too busy working.  It's just me..And I am so so tired......and now the washing machine......the last straw as they say. But then husband did something to the ice maker.... and I had to figure that out. Ice all over the floor.

Like I wrote- it's all too much..... and I am tired.  Even watching TV has become a problem. Everything is breaking down.  Falling apart.  Not working.  Needs repairs.  Overflows...  Has flashing lights.  Needs to be re-booted over and over again.  I am so tired......and my oatmeal has just beeped.....well, the microwave.   Wednesday.  Renewing Driver's License.  Then the car needs a tuneup and a new battery. And the Laundry.  And whatever is wrong with the tv.  I have five books... I can always READ.

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Field Notes- Sunday- Clouds in my Coffee. 58 degrees with possibility of Rain.

 Something Jude Hill would make.  

I have made Jude Hill tiny finished one inch squares, with the quarter inch basted down all four sides of each tiny square.  Lovely when it's all done. I like everything she makes. I think I would adore making a Jacket.  What would make it happen is a small group of quilters.  Meeting once a week. I think all my Quilting Friends are dead or moved far away.  I know quite a few are dead. I have their cloth stashes. I even have one friend's sewing machine. Breast Cancer.

Yesterday.......not much happened.  In fact, so little happened, I can barely recall any of it.  Really! I do recall the washing machine....... trying to block that.

Today I am making a fresh pot of Chicken Soup.  Possibly the last of the season.  Chicken Thighs are on sale again for 99 cents a pound.  I could buy more. Could. Would. Should??? Stockpile Frozen Chicken Thighs........yep? I'm thinking it might be okay.

New York Times had Manicotti.  My grocery used to sell sheets of pasta for Manicotti.  I would fill and roll them, bake and eat..  The NYT suggests a box of "Manicotti Shells" (what???).  Tomorrow is Monday so I will look but I don't think I will find. And I am SO NOT getting out the Pasta Machine and making sheets of pasta.  But now I consider it....might work out.

If my son was visiting- we would. For sure.

We would also make Mexican Casserole.  Which I also love to eat. And our own Pot Stickers. And perhaps a Fruit Pie.  We both love Cherry Pie. As soon as the Rhubarb is up in Patty's yard- I will be making a Strawberry Rhubarb Pie. Perhaps a lost Black Lab will stumble out of the woods?  That happened the last time I made a Strawberry Rhubarb Pie.

He isn't coming to visit. (my son)......I always knew he wouldn't... Daughter has also disappeared.  Working. I'm spending too much time sitting and looking out the window.  My Spring Bulbs are in Full Bloom and it's really so pretty.  The center island bulbs and the front yard ones are a few weeks later..... I have books to read....there is a fabric wanting to be a border for a small patched square.

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Still Saturday April 15th

The Washing Machine didn't stop on the rinse fill.  And even my sitting right there didn't help much (but better than not being able to shut it off right away).  I mopped up what spilled and got most of the water out of the machine before turning it back on so it could Drain and Spin.  Which it did.

The floor drain is in the wrong spot.  The water drained left along the shower wall...and then under the sink cabinets.  Not even close to the floor drain.  My slippers and socks are wet.

We stayed here too long......we've piled crap up everywhere.  If the house had been smaller-- we would have had to let stuff go.  If the toilet wasn't right in front of the washing machine- we could get a new one in here.  As it is.....the toilet will need to come out......gosh....what an f-ing mess.

Field Notes- Saturday, April 15th. Breakfast. Bill Paying. Sunshine. 61 degrees.

 My Grandmother grew roses like this.....her "secret" for growing roses was cow manure.  Lots of it. In fact, her secret for all of the gardens ...manure.

I gave up on roses.  No matter how I tried to protect them...the deer who wander into my yard (at night) love to eat roses..... this Spring- when someone strong volunteers to help in the garden (it could happen) The roses will become food for the compost bins.

About my (rash isn't a perfect term) it's more a series of red welts and bubbles filled with air.  The bubbles are empty.  Just air inside. They ITCH. I have looked on the internet but find nothing like this.  I had it once before- in Winter (we had a Christmas Tree) and the air bubbles were larger, extremely itchy, empty and darker.  Hot Water and Calamine Lotion and by morning..nothing to see.  What is happening now.... not as itchy, more welts and some bubbles.  After the really hot shower and calamine lotion they are gone.  Until bedtime. Same as the others two Decembers ago....nothing to see in the morning.  A lack of evidence. To show a doctor. Other than an iPhone photo.

Mystified.  This patches, fewer bubbles and not AS itchy.

Like the last strange foods, clothing, new came and it went.  This time it's staying longer. Whatever is getting it still present.

Bills...writing checks.  Not the most fun but gotta do it.

I haven't been reading.  I need to get back into it.  I also need to put on socks.  Even though wool socks itch.  And I only have Smart Wool socks.  

Are you all enjoying the Justice Thomas Soap Opera?????  Just proves that no matter how you try to keep something a secret- it still manages to surface....perhaps at the very Best of Times?

Friday, April 14, 2023

Field Notes- Sunshine and 76 outside. Cool in the house. I woke up, showered, dressed and fell asleep on the couch.

 My Daffodils out behind the house- Huge and very very amazing looking.  Fully in Blossom.

I woke with a whole body rash. Again. Very hot shower then Calamine Lotion.  Clothes- then breakfast and newspaper and finally asleep on couch.  I am going to eliminate flour  (wheat) from my diet.  Rice. I will be eating rice today and if we go out- I'll buy bananas.

To say, I feel lousy, is an understatement. Even though the red rash and hives are non existent right now  (I can see faint shadows of where they were early this morning.... I still feel tired.  I haven't a clue what set this rash into a circular crap shoot......but even my socks itch.

I poured drain cleaner (unclogger) down my bathroom sink drain and waited 15 minutes and then poured boiling hot water down the drain.  No clog this morning.  No idea why that drain would clog.

I actually have no idea about anything today.  Back to the couch.. closing my eyes.

A shame to be missing out on the very first 76 degree day of Spring in Maine.

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Field Notes: SIXTY SEVEN DEGREES. Got my haircut short.....Summer hair I can wet with the garden hose.

 I didn't buy any Petunias but I did buy Fruit Spikes for the Peach Trees.  I will pound them into the ground around the circumference of the mulched area.  Feed the Roots.  I have two leftover from last year and will pound them into the ground by the Damson Plum.  Which flowers but hasn't made fruit since it's first year.  I should walk around the neighborhood to see if anyone has a Plum tree and will share a branch.  Cross Pollination.

Everything seemed too expensive at the greenhouse.  I looked at Citrus but they always die.  I looked at Orchids-- but they tend to get bugs. And it's too early for Geraniums--but they looked very nice.

I got my hair cut very short.  So I can run the garden hose over it when I get hot.

We didn't go to the Library.  We did go to the grocery store.  I got two more Noosa yogurts. Husband needed Orange Juice.  He stopped off in Town at the Hearing Aid place- the un-repaired hearing aid wasn't working just right.  They cleaned it for him.  He says he cleans them--but then can't recall when.

I went to the grocery yesterday to buy a new vitamin specifically for EYE Health.  It's very large and blue. I was worried I would not be able to swallow it- but it was fine.  I also visited the Baby Aisle and got some Eczema cream.   And it worked.  I still get the rash overnight but the new cream won the Rash Battle...which is terrific.

In an offer of such Grace and Kindness- my Lunch Buddy is taking me to the Motor Vehicle Place next week so I can re-new my Driver's License.  It could take hours....... Next adventure is having the car inspected for a CURRENT Sticker.  I have always had it insured.   The Driver's License as ID. The car in working order in case of emergencies.  And I need the kick in the pants for driving again......

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Field Notes- Wednesday, April 12th. Supposedly in the 60's but I still feel cold. Mild Sun.

 A simple (ly) beautiful kitchen.  Shaker.

Two loads of laundry done and I actually cleaned the bathroom floor and under the bed etc etc. 

My skin condition has been going back and forth.  Wake up with the rash.......or go to bed with the rash, or just have the rash all day.  I don't see a connection to anything I wear, I eat, I do...... 

It's a Great Mystery.  Cause it never lasts all day. It disappears. The Come and Go Rash.

So I washed the bedsheets because  waking up all red, and rash-y is not a great way to start the day. But I have been waking up like this........I decided the sheets might have some contamination. So washed. I bought a different Aveeno face wash and Aveeno body wash.  Put fresh sheets on the bed.

I also looked at things in the Baby Section.  Lots of rash products.  Baby's must be covered in rashes according to the number of products.   

I also bought Eye Vitamins.  Two weird elements.  Because my eyes  deserve the Very Best. Care. So now I will have three pills every morning.  Not two.  And am probably more like all the others my age.

My hair is enjoying the frequent (boiling hot) showers.  Hair is soft and shiny.  Tomorrow I get a haircut.

Grocery Store on a not Monday visit. Felt different.  And because of the Time- lots of people from businesses and the college (center of Town) were choosing lunch items.

I feel like I am "becoming a delicate flower" of old womanhood.  Three morning pills.  Wow.

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Filed Notes- Tuesday, April 11th. Clouds in my Coffee. Still, no breeze, no blue sky. But Daffodils have all opened. Glorious.

 Garden is on my mind.    Driver's License renewal is on my mind as Nancy just got hers renewed..  We could have gone together.  

This itchy rash I have is on my mind. How much I enjoy having lunch with my Lunch Buddy (Nancy).......

We got to Do the credit cards the old school way.  Paper.  Carbon paper. Pens that don't write on either very well.

Nancy had Fish and I had Eggplant.

I wore a scarf- my sweater is itchy--I brought one for her.  And it was the colors she absolutely likes. I have a basket full of pretty scarves.

We got a late start....there was a mentally unstable guy in the store where she was shopping... TJMaxx. The employees were carefully encouraging customers into the back stock room waiting for the Police to arrive. So it took awhile to handle all that and then get the customers out if they wanted out-- they did.

Wow......could have been really bad....

Went to bed with my hive/rash.  Woke up without it.   Took two regular blue Benadryl-- not the generic pink ones.  They seemed to work better.  I go to sleep with clear-rash free skin and wake up all red, puffy and with red circles. Empty. Red Circles. Very itchy.

Strange....very very strange.

Two loads of washing.  Only half a page written.  I have no thoughts.  

Monday, April 10, 2023

Field Notes- Monday, April 10th. Sunshine. Not feeling well.

 I woke.  Not feeling well.  Itchy. Hives.  Benedryl.  Hot Shower.  Calamine Lotion.  Then back to bed, hopeful that the next time I woke...would be better.  

An allergic reaction to something.  I am thinking the Lo Mein as it was new to me.  Still feeling weird.

Husband wanted to set up the Peony support rings. (I didn't know but saw him there when I woke)  Stood on all the tiny red Peony growing points. There will be no peonies....he has crushed them all.  I asked Why......there is never an answer to my Why questions.  Executive function no longer working.  

There is nothing I can do to fix.....them. Him.

That bed will look so EMPTY in the months ahead.

Tears....for the Peonies.  For me.  I will remember this loss for years of Springs to come. They won't ever come up again. I think this is true. How can they if the growing tip is crushed.

I have lived here 31 years and the Peonies almost all of that Time.

Sunday, April 09, 2023

Field Notes- Easter Sunday- April 9th. Sunshine, but chilly inside the House. Bunny skipped our house.

 Well, here it is Easter.  Seems early this year.  Chilly inside the house.  My hands are cold.

The Daffodils out back are opening- it all looks very pretty this morning. The neighbor across the street was all excited about having family here for Easter but they all seem to have gone to visit her ex-husband about 30 minutes to our south.  That happens every time the family comes to visit. They sleep over and then race over to Dad's house.  He married the "other woman".

So she is across the street.....alone. She should have gone on vacation. A resort.

Husband finished a difficult puzzle yesterday and has opened a new (to him- its a Library loaner) puzzle and is sorting pieces looking for the "edges".  It makes him crazy when I walk over look at the pieces and then pick up an piece and put it in place.  And then walk away.  Our visual acuity.  Very different.

I did not read yesterday.  I Fringed.  Hard to know who is in which "reality".  Season Three.

I made Pizza for dinner yesterday and today I will be setting a fresh pot of Chicken Soup onto the burner. I forgot to drizzle my half of the pizza with Ranch Dressing..... sad face....and I have the remainder of the Lo Mein to finish today...happy face...  So much for Easter Dinner.  Daughter stopped working at the Candy Factory no Easter Candy for the Old Folks.

A headline in the paper..."Has America Lost It's Way?"  Yes.  A thousand times ...Yes. We are at the "lowest common denominator" period...... no one is going High. Reminded of Obama telling us to "go high when they go low"   Remember that?  Or was that Mrs. Obama??? I am so very tired of all the "going Low".......

Saturday, April 08, 2023

Field Notes- Saturday, April 8th. Cooler but Still Sunny. Good Friday.

 Watched Contact last night.  I wasn't going to...but I do like the movie.

I finally dug into the Lo Mein and was so much better- they used Chinese fat noodles.  And the cabbage and carrots I pan fried and added sent it over the top....... I have the second half for today. the "they" I refer to are the new owners, I think.   I also had the Lactate Free Strawberry Cheesecake "ice cream" for dessert.

I recorded the fourth Season of Fringe for this weekend's binge.

I filled the two Birdbaths with clean water.  None of the birds are taking a bath yet--mostly they are having a drink and then back to the bird feeders for more seeds.

I have a book ready to be read.......I have reserved a few more by the same author....of the Bromance Book Club...

I have started every sentence with I.

Now I am going to stop and read or do a lot of wash.  Would be nice to take a nap.

Friday, April 07, 2023

Field Notes- Sunshine and nearly 60 today...... no coats. Taxes.

 Taxes.  The Bankers were HERE.  Toured the property.  Chatted.  We signed.  They carried the returns off to write checks and mail.  Asked if I minded?  No!!!!!  I gave them my favorite pens.......G2 Bold.  They liked them...very much.  The Trust Office will be getting new pens. G2 Bold.

Tax Season is over.......what a relief. and no Post Office.

Chinese Take Out yesterday worked out GREAT ( G didn't get lost going or returning).......I made it thru the Crab Rangoon and the Pot Stickers. But never even opened the container of Vegetable Lo Mein.  No Fortune Cookies.  I felt a great sense of loss. I liked those little cookies. We ate while watching BattleBots. Yes....we did watch that. I actually enjoyed watching BattleBots.  Angry Machines. Had Tangerines.

When we lived in the suburbs of Chicago and the children were in elementary school-- we had Chinese at a little place and got tangerines with the fortune cookies...... both children loved the soap dispenser in the rest rooms....spent additional time there.  

Now it's only Take Out- no indoor seating or eating.. COVID changes everything eventually.

I read a book.  About a Men's Romance Book Club.  It's a series by  Lyssa Kay Adams.  Undercover Bromance.  Not the first of the Rom Com books to have this in the subject matter. I could look it up...see what the percentage of Rom Com readers are male etc..... but I won't.

Today's book?  I think Maggie Finds Her Muse.  Paris.  

Lunch buddy Lunch on Tuesday.   Now- Another cup of tea and a shortbread cookie.  

Thursday, April 06, 2023

Field Notes- Thursday, April 6th. Clouds, 39 degrees.......

 The price of this coat and others is in the four digits-  Yep.   I saw a pair of $900 shoes. Loafers. They looked like Loafers.......any Loafers.  Well, Navy Blue Loafers. 

What I actually would like to KNOW--who is buying and wearing this "fashion"????? Let me know-if you know who is wearing it...

Clouds in My Coffee again today.   sigh.  House Lights on at 9 am.  I have no lights on here in the room I am in...and it's dark.  Waiting to see what happens- rain or snow or nothing. Or Both.

We are ordering Chinese Food Today.  Hot and Sour Soup for husband.  He likes the big container so two days of soup.  And he likes the Fried Rice.  Well, He Did.  Who knows what he will like when we order. I have No Idea what I will order. Zero. Idea.  It's been so long that I have forgotten what I usually get. I did  like Orange Beef.  But not anymore. I think I like Lo Mein.  But I usually have to add stuff to it. At home.  Like fried carrot strips. We'll see what happens. I should ask daughter what she orders.  But she is at work.

My Lunch buddy says we'll meet next Tuesday.  For Lunch.  Her husband has just finished their tax returns. He does them by hand with pencils .  Doesn't trust computers or any sort of thing that isn't a pencil. I think he's 80 plus years old.. Been working on them for weeks.  A Lawyer (retired).

Banker is bringing ours tomorrow. I think he will be talking about Quarterly Payments. We don't have offsetting something or other.   

As long as I am not doing the taxes.....I'm fine with "whatever" something........  

Just finished a favorite book.  Might just turn back to the first page and read it again.  It would be an amazing movie.  Lucy Checks In.  Ernst.  Love after 50.

And that's it for today...Thursday, April 6th.  The daffodils out back are budded and will open in a few days.  The crocuses are falling over....having done their Early Spring job..... we still have unmelted snow from weeks ago. It IS and it ISN'T Spring.  Why does Winter linger so long and Spring arrives so SLOW and departs so quickly???

Wednesday, April 05, 2023

Field Notes- Wednesday, April 5th. Almost noon. Just finished my breakfast. I am sleeping late this month.

 Expecting snow today.    It seems like we are always expecting snow.  I am tired of it.

 My old friend Allie hasn't started her seeds as yet but she is having to do her seed starting on the dining room table this year and not in the basement.  Her sister's furniture is in the basement.  They are living together now.  I put my order in........I am so lucky to have such lovely people in my Life.

I got the full list of tomato seeds being started.  The lovely golden yellow one with the rosy blush.  So pretty. Delicious. Sun Gold and Snow White.  Cherry tomatoes I adore.  I used to grow so many plants that I could fill cookie trays with cherry tomatoes- added olive oil and roasted them and then into containers and into the freezer. Recently I thawed out one container (there were two) and made my favorite pasta dish.  The pectin made the sauce so creamy and luxurious.

I am so grateful for Allie and her annual tomato seed starting.  It's the only seed she starts or plants. She loves eating fat slices in a tomato sandwich as much as I do. Southern Style.

When I get my hair cut next week- we'll drive further up the road to where I used to work and buy composted seaweed to put in the Future Tomato Bed.  Where the hard black tomatoes grew last summer. I need to add nutrients to the soil.  I am also going to see what they have.......perhaps a few herbs. For the back deck.  In one of the grow boxes.  It's still too early for the containers.  But I will make a list for my daughter for when she and her employer go plant shopping up north.

Just thinking about planting and such......makes Spring seem more plausible.  Less distant. Less likely to SNOW.  There are no birds flying

Tuesday, April 04, 2023

Field Notes- Tuesday, April 4th. Clouds in my Coffee and a hint of Rain in my future.

 I like the idea of this wool jacket but- wearing it?   I wonder how many they will sell and how many will be returned????

Well, husband went for a hair cut and then was missing for an additional hour and if my hair wasn't already white- it would be now.   I was thinking he was lost..... I looked outside and there he was in the back garden poking around........I'll go with him next time.

Emails with our son about an odd "emergency" alert from Apple.  He says it happens- delete it. So I did.

I watched a bit of the Police Circus in New York City.  Also very disturbed that Andrea Mitchell gave MTG air space on 60 Minutes.  I stopped watching 60 Minutes years ago and never watch anything with Mitchell.  I have two nice books to read....... I did watch the helicopter follow the motorcade yesterday as the Clowns returned to NYC.

I had a good shopping list yesterday but.......I still don't have anything to eat. Well, I have oatmeal and pancake mix.  So I had pancakes for supper.  Not the most nutritious meal.....while reading a book with lovely French Food.  And a Lovely Man.  Both the books I got yesterday have short men...and both live in France. And the American women are in their 40's.  Not the madcap romcoms I usually read.

How lovely to take the dog for a walk each evening and sit in an outdoor cafe drinking wine and talking.'s not too late for any of us???

Monday, April 03, 2023

Field Notes- Monday, April 3rd. Sunshine and mid forties today. Seems warmer.

 I am reminded of the days when we folded, rolled and Kondo'ed the stuff we put into our dresser drawers. I did roll my underwear.  It was nice to look at when I open the drawer.  Now I fold it into a square and  stand them up on edge...that's as far as I go.  I skip the roll. What about you?

I had one comment in the last whatever number of either I am stupefyingly boring or...well, that would be why.  I am tempted to stop posting but...actually, I write these damned things for myself....for someplace to express thoughts etc.  I know that you read these posts.  There just is nothing to say, is there.

I stayed up past bedtime to finish that find out the who and what of the people being murdered. I was going to say.....something but who of you might read that author.....  The next book should wrap up a crime that occurred years ago- in book terms.  I recall the three men.  All policemen.  Two of them got shot pretty seriously.  One paralyzed from the neck down.  One dead.  The dead guy has left something behind that gets the other two arrested.....well, not the paralyzed one.....but it looks bad. I'll have to wait a year or two to find out.

Gordon and Rose.  I want to find out what happens there.

Fringe has moved past interesting and gory to just plain confusing.  Who is in one timeline and who is in the other world?????  Plus one episode was in the 40's.  I was lost the entire evening.  I guessed that the people who died in the one timeline and were alive again were in the "other" place...but why was Peter? I am guessing I missed an episode or two. Who knew that having a ball point pen meant you were from another reality????

Sunday, April 02, 2023

Field Notes- Sunday April 2nd. Sunshine. Rained yesterday and overnight.

 Bonsai type sticks to hold and support vegetables in the garden.   I have used this type of support system in the garden for years and years.  A stick or branch and some string.

The dark blue crocuses are fully blooming.  The daffodils are heavily budded but no flowers have opened as yet.  The tiny miniature yellow daffodils are just leafing out.  No hyacinths as yet.

I am near the end of the Jussi-Adler Olsen book.  We know who the bad person is.  Carl does not. This book was heavier on the actual murder mystery than usual and not on the quirky police personnel. I think perhaps because they were taking Covid lockdown seriously......not everyone did.  In books.

So....husband is sorting  "new" puzzle pieces.  It isn't a new puzzle.  But it is something to do.  He's now doing one per day so I am having to recycle them...more often than I usually do.  This one has larger pieces so it should go quickly but there will to be the usual- "pieces are missing" complaints.

My day long marathon of TiVo'ed episodes of Fringe finally got to the two worlds colliding yesterday.  The Peter from the "other" reality is now in the one we think is real. And perhaps we'll find out about Peter.  Since there IS a grave with his name on it.  I recall watching episodes each week....but seeing them back to back is better for cognitive recall.  And the ending will certainly be a surprise. I think I missed it first time around.

I made pizza yesterday.  I had onion and bell peppers on my side.  He had onion and pepperoni. We both had lots of cheese.  I had a bottle of lemonade with mine.  From a day I had company sitting on the porch and she didn't want a beverage.  I need to buy a large bottle of wine. Tomorrow on Grocery Day.

I need to email Allie to find out if she is growing tomato seedlings.  Put in my order.  I want more of the Sun Gold cherry tomatoes.  I used one of the frozen blocks of roasted Sun Gold tomatoes (frozen) and really enjoyed eating the resulting pasta.  Lots of Pectin.

Saturday, April 01, 2023

Field Notes- Saturday, April First. Happy Fool's Day. It's raining...Will be raining all day, I think.

 I have a few shrubby trees that might benefit from this type of "pruning".  

It's 11:35.  I didn't sleep well.  Things from my Past were bothering me.  There is nothing I can do about these bothersome things/events.  Nothing.  I have forgiven them.  But.........some injuries never really heal.

I did two loads of Washing Machine Pages yesterday but ran out of things to write well before the second load was in the dryer- so I did something I rarely, if ever, do... I walked away.  Then came back. I folded the first dry load and then came back later to fold the second.

I made another pot of chicken soup for husband.  He worked on the puzzle I got for him from the most recent Library visit.  I wish we had more of them but 300 piece puzzles are in short supply and the 500 and 1000 piece ones are way way too confusing.  I didn't type difficult.  Because it's more that they confuse him.

I think these massive Library puzzles with tiny pieces might be "gifts" that older people get from friends and family. And then they get donated to the Library Puzzle Collection.  My neighbor gets lots of catalogs during holiday times and is often away and I collect her mail.  She is okay with me looking at the many catalogs she gets.  Some had puzzles.  But all were in the 500 to 1000 piece size.   I have no problem buying puzzles for he does them over and over again-  forgetting is sometimes a good thing......but circulating only 5 or 6 puzzles- he does recall them... and NOW he doesn't read books.

So...finding him "things to do" is getting more difficult.  He seems to be less interested in his coloring books right now....but still enjoys his word search puzzles.  When I ask how things are going....he mentions being confused and not "understanding" things.  I think that is what happened with reading. 

So he is aware of what is happening. Not for long and not always...but I need to be careful how I phrase questions now......not to make him feel "less" as this loss continues and builds.  Erodes????