Sunday, February 13, 2011

There Are Days When You Wonder Why You Got Out Of Bed

Today is one of those days.  As you can see, my morning drawing didn't turn out very well.  I had to tear up some of the worst areas and glue magazine text to the back and boost the contrast in iPhoto to get it to this degree of gruesome.  But not every day is a good day to make art.

We had to make another emergency call for the furnace last night at 9pm.  Lucky for us, the technician answering the call was one of our installers.  She and G were down in the crawlspace trying to figure out why we had no hot water for the house.  It got down to red/white wires and green/white wires and a simple mistake made at the end of a 13 hour work day.  All is well.  Meanwhile, the dishwasher managed to heat it's own water so the dishes got washed in the dishwasher for the first time in 2 weeks.

Riley and I had a pleasant walk yesterday, late in the afternoon (I resented having to walk him yesterday) and I had my scarf and gloves off because it was relatively warm.  The streets we travel in the first part of the walk are heavily iced.  The next street over has no ice on their streets.  This pisses me off every winter.  I actually pay higher taxes than the households on the next street over, but the plows actually plow over there.  They sit and eat lunch or take breaks at the dead end part of my street.  And then drive off, plow blade up.

My icy driveway is my own fault.  In the good old days, before we had a dog, I was always out there at 11 in the morning, sun shining, chipping away at any ice on the driveway.  But now that I HAVE to walk the dog, I am less inclined to go out and chip ice on the driveway while the dog stares at me or barks.  He only wants what HE wants.  If I am wearing my coat, we should be walking. I like the freedom to choose what I want to do.

Yesterday I wanted the freedom to sit on my couch and read my book.  Just that.  Simple enough. But no. I had an obligation to walk the dog for a full hour. I kept putting it off. By the time we got back (5 pm), it was time to get things going for dinner.  I had started the chicken soup for G before walking the dog, so I had noodles to make and the soup to strain etc.  Then we had our dinner.  Then G attempted to wash the pots and pans.  Then it was time to call the furnace people (9 pm).  Then it was bedtime (11pm).  I never got to read one single word in my book.  While the furnace was being worked on the dog was pacing, barking and wanting to go outside, come back inside, pace, bark, go out, come in, pace, bark etc.

My back hurts. My diet is going nowhere.  My life seems to belong to everyone else and there doesn't seem to be any room in their lives for me to be me.  And tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I wanted to make and send Valentines.  I didn't.  I forgot.  I didn't have time.  All sorts of excuses.  This makes me sad.  I really wanted to send Valentines.


Diane N said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You have had one hell of a week with things going wrong and the stress of worrying about your husband's health.

If you can give yourself a little break sometime today or tomorrow, give yourself your own Valentine - a gift of time to do what you want to do. Even if it's only for an hour or two, you will feel better.

Take good care of yourself.

dee said...

what Diane said...geez you're hard on yourself.