Monday, February 07, 2011

Teeth Cleaning

The only appointment on my calendar today.  And now, an additional appointment for "deep cleaning" on one tooth.  In two weeks.  They assure me it won't be painful. (Oh!)  G had another very bad episode of pain yesterday evening and wasn't able to go into work this morning to do the paperwork.  He also dropped his cell phone in the toilet.  All his numbers are on the phone. Were on the phone.  Words he says "I can't live like this" echo in my head.  And heart.

This (above) is the final page of my journal.  I can begin a new book (always a very auspicious time) and I think I will try to include line drawings with a bit of colored pencil more often.  Each journal has it's own personality and style.  The one I am just finishing had more color, more new techniques, more art supply trials and more usage of Sharpies, especially the colors, than ever before.  There were even black gesso spreads which look amazing.  I can try a black gesso page with a fine white pencil drawing in the new book.

The shoveling of the driveway yesterday was hard on my back.  Heavy wet ice and slush.  Today is another bright and sunny day in the high 30's.  My heart wishes it were Spring and my head realizes it is only the midwinter thaw; Winter's little joke. I need to be out scraping yet another inch or so of slushy ice off the surface of the driveway.  I am resisting that need.

Because I wash clothes in cold water, and have no hot water, I can still do laundry.  I even sorted, folded and cleaned out G's underwear drawer and threw all 100 of his white cotton handkerchieves in the white wash.  To bleach.  I have a cashmere sweater to hand wash.  I have about a dozen of G's work shirts to iron in case he can ever return to work.  This seems less possible each passing day.

Each evening we seem to shift ever closer to a new, painful, reality.  In my 64 years, I have been, somehow, sheltered from close contact with this type of reality.  I have watched from the sidelines wishing the participants best wishes and hopes for recovery.  This is so much more. Hand to hand combat with fate.  I know that I never truly understood what my friends were going through. You want things to get better, with your whole heart and being, but it doesn't make a bit of difference in the way Fate will play out.

The handkerchieves will be bleached white, ironed and in a neat stack.  Breakfast will be served, chicken soup made and served with extra noodles, the floors vacuumed and mopped, the bed made and every comfort available.  And the dog will be comforted, walked and hugged because he just doesn't understand but knows things are very wrong here at home, with his man.


Jan said...

I do know what it's like, after M's long episode last year with quick onset pneumonia and resultant thoracic surgery. It's wearying and worrying while doctors try to figure out what's going on and how to address it. You try to be optimistic while wild scenarios run a continuous loop in the back of your mind.

Hang in there, Joanne. The best advice I received at the time? Take care of yourself.

gema said...

What I don't understand is why is your hubby at home with all that pain? Shouldn't he be hospitalised so that they can find out what's going on?

dee said...

You were such a wonderful help to me during the last months-I wish I could do something for you. All I can do, for now, is pray and hope that things will improve for G. and, thus, for you. Can't you hire someone to do the driveway for now? I know it's costly but if ever money were well spent, this is it. You must take care of yourself.

Our animals always know when things are not as they should be. Instinctive-intuitive..amazing creatures.

Terry Grant said...

Lovely drawing, bad, bad situation with your husband. Pain just sucks your spirit and I know you are feeling it too. Yes, take care of yourself. I am hoping to hear better news soon.

Nathan Bedingfield said...

Teeth cleaning is not painful, don't worry. Maybe just a little, hehe. I was just wondering, why would you need "deep cleaning" on just one tooth? Is there a problem with it? Better have it checked out, just to be on the safe side.