Eleven P.M.

Spent the morning with G & Riley. Too cold and the rain was coming down too hard for the tomato seedlings to be outside.  Perhaps, tomorrow?  We are supposed to see the sun this weekend.

I worked from noon to 7.30 today. The boys devoured the banana bread and raved about how good it was.

The senior retirement residence finally got their very large pots to me. The center plant I wanted (had planned) to use fell apart as I tried to remove it from the pot it was in.  No roots. So I had to change lanes and go with a Mandavilla.  One white and one pink because I really wanted the pink and there was only one.  Later I added a taller bent bamboo hoop to hold the wandering (future) vines.  I managed to use $100 worth of plants (plus taxes) for each pot.  They look like something I would love to have at my house.  That's what I do.  Make things I love and give them away. If I remember in the morning I will take my camera and get a picture of the two pots.

Instead of using my expensive Pro Mix soil-less mix, I went behind the Annual House and searched the pile of broken bags and found potting soils.  Several brands.  I filled the pots with that.  Already marked off as damaged.  If I had added soil into the price it would have been closer to $150 each.  If I had found more styrofoam packing I could have made the pots lighter--they are way too heavy.  But they are always too heavy.

My scale showed a 7 pound weight loss in 9 days this morning ( and I believe it is realistic as some of my spring work pants now fit loosely enough to be comfortable).  The Atkins diet/1200 calories is working. We even went to Ruby Tuesday last night for dinner and I had a small steak and two helpings of salad from their reduced in size salad bar (and we had a coupon).  Man, were people grumbling about the limited salad bar!!!  RT removed 20 popular items from the salad bar.  When I went thru they were out of several items (empty containers) and the delicious croutons.  G loves the croutons and he asked the kitchen to bring some out.  They gave us another coupon because we had to wait so long for our food.  I don't think I want to dine there again, actually, unless we get the ribs.  The steak wasn't very good.  Chewy.

Work again at 7.30 am.  I don't have anything prepared for breakfast so will need to get up with time to make my omelet or at least fry the last two eggs.  I may do that and eat them with reheated bacon and some Tuscan bread toasted until it is very dry and crisp.  Lunch will be a green salad with tuna.

Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut by a new stylist.  I am nervous about it.  Nothing ruins my feelings of self worth more than a bad haircut.

Pinched

A nerve running from the right side of my neck down into my right shoulder must have gotten "pinched" during the night.  Even holding a cup of coffee in my right hand is painful (to a degree), so I think I will bake loaves of banana bread with the bananas I have not been allowed to eat on my "diet".  And tuck one into the freezer and the second take to work for the crew of boys to eat.

One loaf of bread and four little mini loaves to go in the freezer for G.  Later.  After he finishes the pie. G just got home and told me a customer complained that the flag was flying (in front of the McD's) in this drippy weather.  He wanted G to "take it down".  Working with the public isn't for the faint of heart.

I have decided to remove all the partially eaten items in the fridge and freeze the items that can be used for future meals and dispose of those that can't.  G has this quirk of never using up anything.  He will leave 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes in the container.  Either decide to eat the potatoes or throw them away. Finding 1/4 cup of pasta sauce when you thought there was enough for dinner, makes me crazy.

I also want to remove a great deal of stuff from my closet and bring the wire storage cart down from the attic.  I think it would be nice to have my tee shirts and summer things folded into the wire basket drawers instead of piled up in the "shoe" closet.  They are continually jumbled up in there, making choosing a tee for the day a lengthy and annoying procedure.  G and I have way too many tee shirts.  G likes to have all the available colors and then tends to wear the two tees on the top of his piles.  Red and black this winter.

My "intention" is to remove, fold and bag everything I have not worn in the past two years.  This should (but may not) include things I have tried on and then returned to the closet.  I don't think 30 seconds of trying on is "wearing" in the truest sense of the word.  I also need to make the "new" bras I purchased fit better.  Where would you place tucks if the band wasn't snug enough.

Here's the recipe for Incredible Banana Bread

4 Tablespoons soft butter mixed with 1/2 cup sugar, 3 dead bananas, 1 egg, 1/4 cup milk and 1/3 cup of ONE of these things (yogurt, cottage cheese or sour cream).

2 cups flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 3/4 teaspoon salt and optional 2/3 cup raisins or nuts (I do walnuts).   Mix wet with dry and scoop into a greased 9" loaf pan.  350 for one hour. Cool on rack for 10 minutes and then remove from pan to cool completely.

HotNews From Work Yesterday:  The French Teacher once emailed all her students with nude photos of herself instead of the anticipated homework assignment.  The students said she "almost got fired".  Really????  So now I wonder if she is the French Fart (cabbage) or the French Tart (possessing nude photos of herself).  Isn't high school interesting these days. Almost got fired.

Caladium Leaf

No worries about keeping this plant in the "shade" as we haven't seen the sun in a very long time.  I just finished shredding the pork picnic which simmered in the crock pot overnight.  Now, it is slow cooking in BBQ sauce and a handful of brown sugar.  Riley is keeping a close watch on the pork.  Hoping some may drop onto the floor.  Dogs are the real optimists among us.

I can't decide what I want for breakfast today.  It's so cold, that a nice warm breakfast would be very nice. I will climb up on the step ladder to reach the oatmeal box in a few minutes to see how many carbs there are in one serving.  There are 40 grams in a serving of 46 tiny biscuits of my shredded wheat (not counting the soy milk).  My index card gives me permission to have 15 grams per meal.   There are 16 total grams in the 1 cup of Greek yogurt and the scoop of protein powder combined minus the fruit.

I obviously was consuming great quantities of carbohydrates with the Whole Foods approach.  Even though they were all whole grains without any added sugar.

I have time to decide as I woke up this morning and wasn't ravenous.  I am satisfied, right now, with my coffee.  I don't have to be at work until 12 noon, so I have plenty of time for a few loads of laundry and my exercise routine.  I should prepare and cook the "omelet" to have whenever I get hungry.

I worry about the greenhouse business.  This long stretch of chilly weather is good for transplanting but I am not seeing much activity in the perennial yard even though I try and stay out there "just in case" anyone needs help.  All they ever want is cucumber seedlings.  Everyone's lawn is looking like a golf course.  Emerald green carpets dotted with golden dandelions.  Tomorrow (day off) I will be using the little dandelion "puller" we purchased at Cracker Barrel a few years back.  Works like a charm.  Most of my existing dandelions are in the perennial beds.

That's it for today.  I am cold.  Unenthusiastic about work.  Eager to return home at 7.30 tonight and have a nice serving of BBQ on top of a mixed green salad.  My only decision is whether to shower first or eat first.  I guess it will depend on how cold and damp I get at work today.  I'm betting on the shower first.   Hope the sun is shining where you are today!

What, Exactly, Is Happening?

This evening I found myself standing next to the roasted turkey breast I had purchased for G to use in a grilled turkey and cheese panini.  I noticed I was eating the turkey.  I don't like turkey unless it is covered in gravy and nestled against a forkful of cranberry sauce.  A big forkful of cranberry sauce.  Eventually, I ingested 7 ounces of plain turkey along with steamed broccoli.

I started the day with two eggs (still didn't get the frying thing right), 2 strips of the precooked bacon (which is too smokey for my tastes) and a toasted piece of whole wheat bread.  I think the bread may be the reason I was hungry all day long but I am allowed one slice a day. When I have the "omelet" for breakfast I am not hungry until after 1.30. The Atkins Plan I am using allows a small amount of carbs each day, if needed.  I guess I do better without.  Or it was the soup. Today I was hungry all day.  I even had to eat my emergency banana at 10 am.  Yes, I know I am not supposed to eat bananas.  Or pineapple.

The soup included allowed Atkins vegetables.  Onion, tomato, celery, kale.  Their own website has the Power Diet Soup which is exactly what I made.  Sort of.  I didn't add the one pound of chicken. Which is probably why I needed to eat all that turkey.  What is happening to me?  I actually WANT to eat meat.  I stood next to the meat counter where the steaks are sold.  Thinking I wanted one.

Everyone else I know who did this diet mentioned craving pasta, bread, rice or rhubarb pie.  Not meat.

I go to sleep feeling full and wake up starving.  I am trying to drink more liquids as I may just be very thirsty.  My energy levels were low today for the first time.  Did any of you (who have done Atkins) find this to be true?  I plan to make the "omelet" tomorrow and just keep that in the fridge to eat for breakfast.  The tuna and salad is good for dinner or lunch.  And tomorrow I plan to return to eating my yogurt with fruit (verboten) and a scoop of protein powder.  I never said I was going to be completely Atkins.

My butt seems smaller.

Rob won Survivor.  Now he can stop playing, I hope.  A million dollars doesn't last long.  I think he just needed to even things up with his wife since she beat him the first time he played and he seems like the kind of guy who needs to be at least as good, if not better, than his wife.  She won a million and he won a million plus 100K.

I got all the laundry done yesterday, the shirts ironed and G & I watched a good chunk of the TiVo backlog.  I never got to the book reading but there is always tonight while DWTS is on.  I bought two new mint plants today and repotted them in much larger pots for the summer.  Mojitos.  I also got Sungold tomato plants.  Tiny, infants.  So small I had to bundle them up with newspaper so they didn't roll around on the drive home.  Twenty days until I plant them in the garden.

It was cold and wet again today at work.  Drizzle.  Seattle weather.  We may not see the sun until Friday.

Making Hot Soup on May 15th

Yes, Hot Soup.  It is cold and wet around here and I have time to make soup because my boss decided I could go home 4 hours early today.  I don't know if it was a "passive-aggressive" retaliation, but whatever it was: I took the suggestion and ran.  G says employers can't actually send people home early, if they are scheduled for a certain number of hours, without their consent.  So, I could have refused.  I was tired of wearing the heavy yellow rain gear.  I think he was just being nice.

I made the Tomato Kale soup from Love Soup.  It has vegetables in it that are Atkins friendly, except for the potato and optional beans.  I added the potato but not the beans (which have protein so they may go in later).  I had "the" omelet this morning and tuna (with mayo) and a large green salad for lunch.

I have lost 4 pounds.  The only time I am really hungry is in the morning.  And.  While G is eating a large wedge of the absolutely delicious Rhubarb Custard Pie I baked yesterday with homemade crust.  I tasted about 2 teaspoons of it.  Very, very good.  I made some rhubarb sauce with Splenda and orange juice to spoon over yogurt for one of my lunches or to have with whipped heavy cream.  Heavy cream is on the YES list of foods.  (the Splenda in the packets tasted good but the loose stuff for cooking is nasty)

Yesterday I also cooked a pound of good bacon on the panini grill.  The house smells like bacon but the strips came out flat and crispy in less than 15 minutes.  That's three sets of strips in 15 minutes. I managed to eat three fried eggs and 6 slices of bacon for breakfast yesterday and wasn't hungry (really) until 7 pm.  I gardened, cleaned and visited a friend who kept offering me crackers and cheese.  I said no several times.  I said yes to gin and seltzer with lemon juice.  At seven, I had meat loaf and the tops  off the over wintered kale in my garden which were thinking about going to seed.  I steamed them in one of those Glad steam bags.  Delicious.  I will NOT be having that much bacon again.  I will limit myself to two strips, warmed up, with 2 eggs.  It's so difficult to get the eggs just right.  I like the whites completely cooked with runny yolks.  I had to throw away eggs that were too cooked in the middle.

G and I noticed a female cardinal at the birdbath today and then saw the male.  He was under the birdfeeder getting seeds and then he joined her in the oak tree and and fed her some seeds.  G's uncle told us they mate for life.  It looked like "love" from where we were standing.

My garden is enjoying the rain today.  I planted beet seeds, kale seedlings, bok choy seedlings, calendula seeds and seedlings.  I had intended to plant more onions but I kept forgetting that I "intended" to do that.  I also repotted 12 Mortgage Lifter Tomatoes into larger pots.  I gifted my friend with 4 Mortgage Lifters, 4 Early Girls and three Ace green pepper seedlings. (She gave me a Pilates book to read (and return), Yoga cards, a Veronica plant (we dug it out of the front yard) and a baby violet she started for me.  We were project buddies in our Master Gardening Class in 2002.  We enjoy gardening, laughing and drinking gin and vodka.  Together.

G is watching TiVoed shows and I am going to iron the five shirts he wore last week.  I am starching them with liquid starch that I am mixing with water and shaking up in a spray bottle.  Working great.  G doesn't look wrinkled at the end of a long workday.  Then I am going to read my book as it is seriously overdue.  This going home early is pretty fantastic.

Repeat Daily Until You Learn

I didn't have a picture and wanted to post so I went into the files and found this from May 22 of last year.  I remember I was taking an on line class at the time: using text in fabric art.  I had wanted to use this image for the 12 by 12 but forgot where I put the original pieces.  I recently found them again.

Today was busy.  D and I went out on an "installation visit" to a medical building.  It was lovely to leave work and go visiting in our company work clothing.  It would have been more fun if we had brought our radios and they worked.  We would have felt so geeky answering the radio out in public.

The messengers from the Universe just keep coming.  This afternoon, at 5 minutes to the time my work day ended, I started working with a couple on the two window boxes they needed for their home (because the other employees disappeared).  The couple was uncertain about their plant choices. So I showed them how easy it actually was.  I held up a few items, asking this one or this one?  They quickly chose a magenta geranium.  Some vinca.  And I added a fragrant blue Nemesia that the wife had liked.  We were done.  And then, because I couldn't find any of the people who are supposed to cover the greenhouse when I go home (typical)--I stayed and potted the plants into the boxes.  (45 minutes without seeing another employee in the greenhouse)

The husband said all the neighbors would be jealous because the windowbox was so pretty.  I said send them in.  The wife asked if she could take pictures for her Facebook page.  We talked and laughed while I worked and guess what?  The wife (the Messenger) is a Pilates instructor right here in town. Can you believe it!!!!  She gave me some tips for my exercises and asked that I please come to her for a class.  Two of the tips were EXACTLY what I needed.  I need to flatten the pelvic triangle in one exercise and work a certain way on another exercise that doesn't feel right.  I can't wait to try both tips.

This is day four of the new diet and while I do get hungry, it is at an appropriate time (lunch) and then I am satisfied for the day.  Tonight we went out for dinner and by luck I had enough calories left for deep fried ribs, beef brisket and cole slaw.  A perfect Atkins meal. Meat, Fat, Meat & Cabbage.  Yes, I know we don't count calories in Atkins.  I feel lighter.  Better.  And I even like eating eggs for breakfast (I purchased cage free eggs and applewood smoked bacon for tomorrow's breakfast).  I made another Eggbeaters omelet with onion, peppers, precooked sausage patties, cheese and kale.  Less calories in half the omelet than in my normal bowl of cereal.  And I wasn't hungry until 1.30.  Amazing.  Obviously, I need to eat more protein.

I am feeling happy, healthy and well balanced.  And 1.5 pounds lighter.  LOL

Transitional Confusion

I am not from HERE but not THERE yet.  Moving in my heart and mind but still feeling my way in the dark.  Some moments are clear and I know where the new path is leading me; but it is new and different and I sometimes move backwards instead of forward.  Change scares me.

The Universe is sending messengers to speak to me at work and on my days off.  At first, I thought they had come to just talk but, now, after thinking about what they had to say, I think they spoke to a specific purpose.

One reminds me of the Zen moments watching him unscrew the top of his tea thermos, pour the tea into a cup, and then slowly put the cap back on the thermos.  My friend Patty and I would wait, during the class lecture, for those moments and watch.  Purposeful.  Thoughtful.  Peaceful.  I had forgotten this lesson in taking the time to enjoy the simple gestures, the simple movements.

Another speaks of the beauty of the quilts I made and the quality of my stitches.  She is saddened to learn that I no longer make quilts.  She mentions that if I ever do, again, she would love to buy one, to own such beauty.  How did I not hear her?  Yes, with my ears but not with my heart.  I need to listen with my heart.

Yesterday the messenger told me not to be afraid to let go of "work".  That there is great joy and freedom to be had once you let go.  Let go of everything but a few cherished possessions, let go of cares and worries related to work, and joy to be found in the serendipity of letting the Universe know what you want and being ready to accept the gifts offered.  Our final lunch date was filled with happiness and joy.  And eggplant parm.

My son has been sending me this same message as he let go of work almost three years ago.  He lives frugally and works on projects that interest him.  Retired in his youth rather than in old age.  He can always return to work.  Now I can hear what he is trying to tell me.  You can always go back.  But try letting go first.

Today, I have rested, eaten breakfast, packed my lunch, dressed for work and then sat down to write to you.  I don't want to go to work.  I would prefer to walk in the woods with G and Riley, dig in the dirt of my garden beds and eat my lunch with them.  Instead, I will go to work.  Who knows, another messenger could be waiting for me there.  Or here, in the comments.  And, I believe it is good manners to leave on positive terms: two weeks notice at least.

Why Is It Raining?

Riley and Pook are asking me this question on this cold and wet morning in mid May.  I turned up the furnace for the two of them.  As you can see, Pook didn't get as close to the vents as Riley, who is managing the yard from inside the house right now.  From this most excellent dog view point he can see any deer coming out of the woods, any passing walkers or joggers trespassing on private property (a concept Mainers do not understand at all), any squirrels, wild turkeys or passing ducks.  The crows who visit, stand in the trees calling down to him.  Or perhaps they are just trying to say "good morning".  The back yard is a very busy place from Riley's viewpoint and he has to divide his attention every hour to what may be happening in the front yard.  Garbage pick up or the neighbor coming and going.  He has gone out to chase crows off the lawn.

I slept until 8 and am now enjoying my first cup of coffee before going upstairs to do my pilates/yoga exercises.  I have a new yoga mat and hope that helps to stabilize my feet.

Yesterday was another personally challenging day for me at work.  More perennials to unload in the rain and wind (five full carts and then a sixth later) with D.  Sand and dirt blowing into our eyes.  Additions to tables we thought were complete.  Limited space left on the retaining wall for extras.  Weeds growing up thru the trays we already have on the wall. These are not conditions I would choose if I owned the business.

I am using the delete button.  I managed by 3 pm to separate my personal beliefs from my work situation.  This is my biggest challenge in LIFE when working.  This is what makes me miserable. The continual stress of working against what I know to be a "better solution".  And the World's Laziest Boy has been rehired for the summer.  I had hoped to never see him again after last summer.  (delete button used)

Yesterday was the first day of the Atkins-ish type diet.  I had an omelet made with sausage, onion and kale for breakfast, yogurt with protein powder, mango and raspberries for lunch (yes, I know Atkins is dairy free) and no dinner because by the time I got home, in the shower to warm up etc. it was past 8.  The 365 Day Diet specified no eating after 8 so I didn't.  I went to bed hungry but when I woke up this morning, I wasn't.  I am just happy to have something low carb to eat for breakfast.  That I like eating.  I have a lunch date today so that will be stressful. Choosing a low carb meal at an Italian restaurant.  I can always get a salad.  It's amazing how full you feel when eating so much protein.  I now wish I had added more protein to my diet in 2007.  I am counting calories (1200).

I have my shopping list ready.  After lunch I will be buying a pork shoulder for the crock pot and a chuck roast to cube for Texas chili if I can find the recipe I wrote down.  More lettuce. More tuna.  I have meat loaf (with broccoli) on the menu for tonight.  I don't think I can do this for very long, but it will get the scale moving downward, I hope.

I need to get upstairs and work out.  I hope it isn't raining or cold where you are today.

My Favorite Things

1.    Wrinkled brown, textured wrapping paper from work.  I like to think it will be excellent used with paint or dye to freckle an interesting texture in my journal or on fabric.  At this moment, it is still coiled in the vase I used for my paperwhites in December.  Yes, the paper has been there for months.

2.    Seeing interesting people at work.  People I have met in other times of my life and enjoy seeing while I am at work.  Today I saw a charming woman from my quilting days.  A friend from my 2002 Master Gardener class.  And a friend and coworker from my days at the library.  This might be my very favorite part of working at the greenhouse.

3.    Creating a very beautiful dish garden for a Mother's Day gift (phone order) using a green Bonsai planter, several ferns, an African Violet and a carpet of Baby's Tears to cover the soil.  I sent it off to be delivered and an hour later the new Mom called to ask how to care for her new lovely garden.  It isn't often I get to speak to the person who received the gift I made.

4.    New flats of baby Bok Choy, Swiss Chard, Kale and Leeks have appeared in the open area between the big greenhouse and the annual house.  We haven't had these items before but they are often requested.  And we have little 3 packs for the gardener with a small garden (or small family).  All indicate a willingness to accommodate the individual interests of our customers.  And not just do "what has always been done".

5.    A phone message from my daughter with an indication that the lovely woman who cuts our hair (and whose place of business burned to the ground last month) is getting past the shock of her loss and may be able to cut our hair next week.  She has finally been able to go out and buy replacement supplies.  I think she is having trouble losing the wonderful old painted table that was her desk, the very large pot filled with exuberant asparagus fern (I think the loss of a beloved plant can be devastating) and the art that decorated the room.  You can buy more combs and scissors but you can't replace these things.

6.    A lunch date with a friend from my library days.  She has retired (leading the way into uncharted territory), plans to move and house sit near one of her favorite cousins.  Auspicious start to this new part of her life.  We will celebrate her retirement and her new life.  I am ever so happy for her good fortune!!!

&.    I am happy that my "plan" for my days at work is going better than expected.  I stay busy and away from the other employees.  There were some "issues" today that got me very cranky but it was my own fault for getting involved with coworkers.  Learning curve!

Working Mother's Day Eve

We could barely squeeze the cash bags into the bigger bank bag today.  The greenhouse looked like it had been ransacked.  A very auspicious beginning to the greenhouse season.  And a great many mothers got lovely living gifts from their children and husbands.  I chose an absolutely gorgeous white orchid for one lucky Mom.  I envied her the gift.  As I did the perfect little basket filled with cellophane, yellow roses and blue campanula.

The day lasted way too long.  I thought it was 1 or 2 when it was only 11.30.  The hours from 3 to 5.30 were endless.  And after work, I did my annual "good deed" and drove a coworker home.  All the way to Land's End.  If I had driven any further I would have been in the Atlantic Ocean.  She has been taking a taxi to and from work ($22 each way) since her ex boyfriend asked for his car back and I thought I would drive her home to save her the $22.  I don't think I will volunteer to do it again. The road surface is pretty bumpy and narrow.  Country roads and drivers going too fast.

I've had my shower and my box of Kraft Mac & Cheese is ready to be cooked.  Then television and a good night's sleep.  I may need an Aleeve for my back.  Happy Mother's Day!!!

Quite A Dream Last Night

A surreal alternate universe almost.  Everyone sort of lived together.  No bright colors. And there was a game/or television show that everyone, but me, was involved in.  A reality, live show.  Clay based clothing that you wore only once. Paper that dissolved in water.  Doors with massive locks.  Winds that blew at night.Security cameras watching everything.  I woke up several times because I was disturbed by the "game" but when I fell back to sleep I was involved again.  I am hoping it all falls away as the day goes on.

I went to Target on my day off and bought storage jars, new undies, and work boots that will keep my feet and socks dry.  I wore them yesterday.  Good.  They are brown and green which I like much, much better than the pink flowered ones I see in all the shops.  I can't see myself wearing pink flower covered boots. Or purple ones.

Mother's Day orders are coming in.  So many lucky moms are being remembered and the sentiments I write on the gift cards makes my heart swell.  How lucky for the child to feel such love for their mother.  And for the mother to receive these thoughtfully ordered flowers.  Really.  They know exactly what she would like.  I am pleased when I can give them the exact item.  Except for Bay Laurel.  I don't have the 12 to 18 inch tall standards that are being requested.  2011 is the year of the Bay.

Rainy Day & Language Lessons

Which is just what the garden needs.  The red shoots are peonies with their loopy cages dancing overhead. The daffodils are standing tall next to the already bloomed out hyacinth.  All the brown is recently weeded area.  Yes, I did that.  And I tossed all the weeds (mostly grasses) out into the area around the vernal pool. Some of it "takes" and grows.

I have been trolling the internet for garden construction ideas (for a class I want to add to the line up).  I found a shade lath house on the Martha Stewart site and (duh!) finally figured out how to get "print ready" documents.  I also printed out two terrarium to do's and a plant stick craft.  Now I need maple branches.  Wish I had had that plant stick craft last weekend for my class.  They would have LOVED it.  Instead I made cutworm collars from cereal boxes. Also, fun and worthwhile but not as cute as the sticks.

Last night, while watching DWTS, I realized today was a day off and I could indulge in Farty Cereal for my breakfast.  That thought made me deliriously happy.  Not the farting.  That isn't all that wonderful but the cereal is very good.  And I plan to go to the grocery store for fresh pineapple to eat with my yogurt.  And the library for books to read.  I think one on yoga, one on gardening and one mystery.  I hope I can get in and out without embarrassing myself.

Yesterday at work, the French Teacher stopped and chatted with me regarding vegetable gardening.  The French Teacher is beautiful, blonde (30's) and rude in a way only the French have perfected.  The last time I was helping her, a young MALE coworker walked by and she waved me off with her hand and cooed to him "help me, please?".  Oh, yes, indeed.  Yesterday we were alone and shared gardening tips and I promised her a recipe for pickles.  She shared by mentioning that she ate 3 cabbages a week (cole slaw).  Could that be how she stays so slim?  Who knows.  

I also helped some other foreigners.  There are many, many very wealthy people living in Maine for the spring and summer (or perhaps all year) who have few, if any, English language skills.  They migrate my way because of my talent for not speaking any foreign languages but giving the impression that I do, indeed, understand them.  Oddly enough, they are correct.  Yesterday I think we were doing Spanish or another romance language.  Last week, Greek.  The Germans are easiest as that is the language I almost, actually, understand.  But the French.  oo, la, la.  You know I love it!  Give me a tall French guy of a certain age to chat with regarding gardening?  Yes, please.

Two summers ago I had a fascinating half hour with a lovely Spanish woman with the Barcelona lisp wearing a silk slip dress with tiny threadlike straps and, my guess, absolutely no undies.  We were buying sweet red peppers for our vegetable garden.  The loader boys didn't know what to do with themselves.

On that note: I am getting dressed (with undies and a rain jacket), going forth into the rain.

Plans A, B and C

Today I arrived at work just as Plan A was starting.  It had been decided that we would take a certain size of perennial (by container) and set them up in a new area.  In alphabetical order.  We had to lift them off carts, onto other carts, push them across the gravel yard and then set them down in muddy dirt. In alphabetical order.  In Latin.  After I got done unloading all the new herbs I started in on Plan A.

Halfway done and the Plan A author realized we didn't have enough room for all the plants.  We stood around and looked for somewhere with enough room.

Plan B involved taking all the plant material (X) displayed on the gravel in front of the retaining wall and loading it onto carts and putting the Plan A containers in the new area.  Loader boys were requested to shove the loaded carts (X) off to another area (not in the Perennial Yard).

I started work on my own Plan, lets call it "C".  Remember the Astilbe story that made me cry?  Today I did more A, lots of B, some C, lots of D.  I stopped at 2 pm to eat lunch.  Then got back to it. I was outside lifting, hauling and shoving things around (as I added new things to already full tables) all day.  For most of the morning I had no radio so was left alone to just work.  I made the mistake of answering a call on someone else's radio (admitting I had no radio of my own) and licketty split, I had my own radio.

Then I got to run and answer the phone.  Most of my radio calls tell me I have a phone call. (I answer plant, bug, disease and availability questions)

I'm not complaining.  I can't fix any of this.  I can't fight any of this. I can only do the work.  G says the good part of all this moving stuff is that I have 100% job security.  They are always going to be moving the plant material from one spot to another.  Always.  And I know the alphabet.  In English and Latin. (this is a joke since the kids think the alphabet is different in foreign languages)

This is the biggest advantage of being 64.  My high school education is deeper and better than most 4 year college degrees for today's youth.  Don't even get me started on their high school educations.  Today the only good thing would have been wrapping all the loader boys in pallet wrap and attaching them to a pole on the loading dock.

 Here's a question for you.  How long will a Loader Boy let the business phone ring while he stands next to it doing nothing?  Answer: Forever.  They make 50 cents less per hour than I make.  And their job security is better than mine as they can lift everything and I can only lift some things.  LOL.

And So Shall You Reap

I have planted seeds of unhappiness in a friendship that has spanned 39 years.  It  ended with today's email from her. We met by accident.  Across the hall neighbors in an apartment complex.  G and I had lived there for a few days or possibly 2 weeks when I miscarried and needed someone to watch over a 2 year old and 6 month old (sleeping as it was 3 am) while G drove me to the ER.  G knocked on her door and she agreed to sleep on our couch until he returned.  We have spent time together, off and on, for all the years in between.  Even vacationing together at times.  There have been periods as long as 6 years when we haven't communicated at all.  But never because we had hurt each other. We shared our enjoyment of quilting and always made something on my annual visits to her home.

We have grown apart in the past two years since my friend's dad passed away.  She has suffered from depression and a deep sadness. No longer interested in quilting, so we lost that common interest. Her family is her rock and comfort.  I have never had that sort of family, so it feels foreign to me and I am not all that comfortable when I see too much of them on the yearly visits I make to see my friend.  I haven't visited in two years.  I just didn't want to go. She came here once, many years ago. We both were feeling the same irritation and unfriendliness.  We are going to give each other space and time and see what happens.  It's difficult to be long time friends when you have to second guess every comment you make. This is the second "forever" friend I have said good bye to.  I wonder if it's me changing or them? Of course, you have to be a friend in order to have a friend.

Work was one big blur today.  I remember sitting down to eat lunch and then it was 4 and I was supposed to have gone home at three.  I am tired.  I am enjoying the Greek yogurt with a scoop of protein powder mixed into it as my lunch.  I had it today with half a small can of pineapple chunks and 1/4 cup of Fiber One for crunch.  It's filling and even now, almost 6 hours later, I am not feeling hungry.  But I am thirsty. I think fresh pineapple will be even better.

Life changes so much in 24 hours doesn't it?   I am still seriously considering not working at all or working less over the summer. Even though my boss called me by name and actually treated me like a thinking person today. My new coworker is looking around already for another job.  She is spending lots of time alone at work and it isn't that interesting (customers aren't asking her to identify sticks or resurrect root rotted orchids). I had hoped to spend the next 28 days training her to take over.

I think it may be time to make supper.

Sunday Redux

Most of my garden (the part I worked on) is in order.  I dug, I planted, I mixed, I fertilized, I made K's special work drink (green tea and lemonade), I repotted seedlings into newer, more spacious pots and G and I sat out on the back stoop and discussed plans for future days in the garden.  He wants to build a pergola. Today he trimmed raspberries, raked leaves and hauled the hoses out of the crawlspace and watered the garden.  Half the fennel perked up a bit.

April commented that I am hard on myself.  You need to know that I don't plan ahead what I will write about in these posts.  You read exactly what I am thinking and feeling at the time I type the words.  Everything can change moments after I hit "publish".  I can sit here being ridiculously happy moments after writing about being "heavy" of heart, mind and body.

I used to be able to say, with complete honesty, that I was happy almost all the time.  I woke up happy for the start of a new day and went to bed happy about how I spent the day.

Yes, April, I can't say that now.  G just said I should stop working.  And I said he was probably right.  I don't work for the money and someone, who does need to work for the money, could have my hours.  I work so I don't get lonely.  But I seem to be spending significant amounts of time, at work, by myself.  You, dear readers, are more of a social event than 7 hours at work.

Eating shredded wheat for breakfast makes me happy and the thought of not eating it makes me sad. Having to eat meat makes me sad.  Eating a plate of vegetables and grains makes me happy.  I want to be the right weight for my height. Weighing 35 pounds more makes me sad. I want to have upper body strength so I can stand tall into my 80's. The Pilates exercises make me very happy.  Skipping them due to work makes me grumpy.  Having a dirty house makes me sad and even just cleaning the counters this morning made me very, very happy.

April, today was a good day.  I just needed to get outside and dig holes into some dirt.

We both know what I have decided to do.  I think it's the right thing to do.

Whistle While You Clean & Gravity

My theme for today.  I was up at 7.30 and sat quietly watching Law&Order reruns, writing in my journal and finally drawing this pear.  I like drawing.  I'm out of touch with the finer points right now, but once I was pretty good at drawing.  Not good enough.  We are never really good enough.  Always room for improvement.  I want this year's journal to have a great many pencil and pen drawings in it.  As a side note: the entry in the journal right before this morning's May first entry, was April 4th.  That says something about the way my life is going.

So far, I have one load of wash ready to go into the drier, emptied the dishwasher, scrubbed the sink, cleaned the counter around the coffee bean grinder (so messy) and coffee maker, have the cream and sugar waiting to go into the sink (sticky), mixed and baked some good looking baking powder biscuits using buttermilk, and now I'm going to repot my pepper and tomato seedlings.

I am having issues with my body mass.  Everything feels huge right now and very heavy and solid.  G thinks it's muscle but I think (fear) it is fat.  Pure and simply:  solid fat. (I have neither gained nor lost any weight in the past 2 months) I can't cross one leg over another. Something has gone very wrong.  Last night I kept dreaming that I was too close to the "edge" and slipping over (to fall from a height and get killed) and begging for someone (and the bystanders were usually the teen loader boys from work) to grab me and keep me from going over.  When I started my exercises I felt light and fit.  My pants were loose.  Now I feel heavy, lumbering and all my clothes are binding and making me feel like I am being suffocated.

Perhaps THIS is what made me want to cry at work.  That my body was so heavy and unable to push the carts over the gravel and that bending to set down or lift trays from the ground was such a struggle. This is how I felt when I weighed too much back in 2007.  Unable to do much because my weight was a significant factor in WHAT I was ABLE to DO.

Here I am back to 2007.  Unable to bend over.  Yes, I am still 40 pounds less than I was at my heaviest at the end of 2006.  But 40 pounds more than when I began working at the greenhouse.

If I was a scientist, I would be researching gravity to see if too much gravitational pull is located in my general area.  Like being stuck to a big magnet.

In other news, I stepped on an old board in the garden and it had two nails which went thru my shoe but not into my foot.  Everything seems to be falling apart around here. G didn't water my fennel seedlings and they were pressed flat into the dirt (dead or nearly) as was the borage plant.  He says when he checked them, they were fine.  I am going to continue to clean the house, garden and iron.  I would like to continue pulling weeds and grass out of the center island.  Perhaps plant a shrub or two.  Dig up the catmint and move it.  Fertilize my roses.  Whistle.

Finally, Spring

You can tell when Spring finally arrives --- no one is updating their blogs.  Too many "other" more enticing things to be doing.  Sitting in the sun, eating ice cream, digging in the garden or riding around with the ragtop down. Watching a beautiful bride get happily ever after married.

I don't think Spring is the time when you say "gosh, I want to be working longer and harder at work".  But that is what is happening.  Yesterday wasn't a "good day".  I was so mentally and physically stressed yesterday that I actually started to cry.  I stood there in the middle of the perennial yard (blue skies and sunshine) and wanted to just punch out and go home and crawl into bed and sob.  A few hours later, after lunch (Greek yogurt with protein powder), the right side of me was soaked to the skin from dripping hoses as I watered over my head.  It's bad when (cold) water runs into your bra. Then down your leg into your socks.

G took me out to dinner and I had the double beef brisket  and a DRINK.

Today I am teaching the Vegetable class.  I have salad and tuna mixed with canola mayo for lunch. And running out the door to work.  I have tissues in my pocket in case I start crying again.

Another Stormy, Muggy Day

High winds, downpours, high humidity, no sun but no tornados.  Looking out, past the tomato plant and the begonia tuber sending up shoots, to the garden bed where I dug out grass and weeds yesterday afternoon.  I can feel it in my arms and shoulders today.

Work was dull.  Not much going on and too many employees.  The crew yesterday (my day off) spread new gravel, added lots of new foliage plants and moved stuff and watered etc.  Not much left for me to do but stand around and answer the phone.

Three days of exercising in a row plus an increase in the amount of protein (meat) that I have been eating.  My son pointed out that my body needs more protein if I am exercising to build muscle.  And I am exercising to build muscle.  Most of it seems to be being built in my butt right now--but it's good, I guess. So, today I mixed up some tuna with mayo and had that on my toast at work instead of the usual jam.  I still feel full.  I think I can eat tuna with a mixed salad everyday for lunch for the month of May.  This is my plan.  The days that I can't I will have yogurt with protein powder mixed into it and 1/2 cup of raspberries.  I haven't worked out the breakfast yet.  But I think it will be eggs.  I am trying to do Atkins or Protein Power for as many days as I can manage it to get some of this bulky fat off my body so I can do my exercises more effectively.  Perhaps even see some muscles.  My goal is 10 or 15 pounds.  Half of what I need to get rid of.

I got some tiny Early Girl tomato starts today.  And some green peppers.  My own seeds never got planted.  Shame on me.  I still have time for zucchini, kale and cucumbers.  G is going to plant beets, radishes and carrots for me on Sunday. When he plants the seeds, stuff comes up.  My peas are coming up.  I planted them.  Now for a shower and some Tivo.

Wednesday Iris & Contemplation

The UPS man just delivered the new, pre programmed new TiVo. I did my exercises with music and it was very nice. I have had my lunch and Riley is going outside while I wash up and get dressed for the day.  I also found a low carb Texas chili recipe for my "try out" of a low carb diet.  The EXACT opposite of what I naturally eat (and gain weight eating).  Adding a portion of grilled meat to a big salad will do the trick.  I can do this for a few weeks.  It can be my diet for May.

I was up early, thinking about how to schedule the few hours before work.  And then remembered.  Today is my day off.  I am doing two loads of laundry, then ironing and finally making Easter Dinner.  I have my liter of Classic Coke for the ham and the ingredients for the Brown Sugar Crust.  Since ham is still on sale at 89 cents a pound, I may go and buy another one if this one tastes wonderful.  The ham is good until June stored in the fridge in the original wrap.

I finally returned to my Pilates yesterday and feel better.  I have been reading emails and letting Riley in and out the back door but as soon as I finish here I will go up to work out.  I will take my little CD player and have some soothing music.  Each time I go upstairs to exercise, I add something to the routine.  A few yoga stretches last week.  I need to have a timer or some music to get me through the minutes needed to do the lower back stretch.  It isn't painful but it also isn't pleasant.  But, my back feels 100% better throughout the work day and even overnight.  Hard to describe the sensation during the stretch.  And it's just where I have had trouble for years.  I am supposed to do the lower back stretch for as long as I can stand it. The stretch involves a rolled towel and my towel is very thin.  So, I am not over doing here at the beginning.

I have started doing "Downward Facing Dog".  I can't put the heels of my feet flat on the floor (yet) but just having my feet and hands on the floor with my hips up in the air is like winning the lottery.

I need to do some gardening.  I have transplants that need to go into the perennial bed, shrubs to plant, onion sets to plant and seeds to start.  It was supposed to be "sunny" today but still is wet and dark outside.  Will the sun and warmth ever come to Maine?  It has been warm.  Just not sunny.

Everything has changed at work as we switch into high gear.  The greenhouse is now full of petunias. With Mother's Day so close, I am hoping the fuschias start showing blossom color.  We haven't had enough sunshine in the greenhouse to get the blossoms open.  Last year they never grew properly.  This year they are big, healthy plants but no color.  Yet.  And my herb tables got moved outdoors.  The herbs will enjoy a nice damp, overcast day or two outdoors before the sun shines.  Everything looks so fresh and green.  New beginning.  Fresh opportunity.

The cold crops are outdoors, also.  Cabbage etc. and all the wild lettuces and regular lettuces.  And we have flats of spicy Arugula.  I pinch off a few leaves every afternoon.  Peppery.  Quality control.  I have grown cabbage every year but 12 cabbages are way too many.  I would like 6.  I can manage to eat 6.

I met and chatted with an older gardener yesterday.  She is 80.  15 years older than I am and limited in what she can do.  This was a momentous thought for me.  Fifteen years.  If this is what I have left--how do I best spend the time?  I feel, in my heart, that I can actually make it to 90 and perhaps a bit farther. But how much of those years will be productive?  I don't want to spend my days sleeping as my husband does.  I think this is why I stay at work.  I want to be "doing".  G wants to vacation.  And on vacation he reads and naps.  And while he reads and naps, I am bored out of my mind.  Even going to visit people involves so much sitting around doing nothing.  Which is why I end up doing laundry, ironing and cooking while on vacation.  I also work on collages in my journal, read (without falling asleep) and do hand sewing.  On the rare occasions when I spend an entire day doing nothing I feel terrible.

The new TiVo still hasn't arrived and the old one has now slipped into Advanced TiVo Alzheimers.  It can't remember how to do anything and can't identify even the simple commands without it's connection to the router.  Poor little machine and it's damaged little router switch.  Last night it kept forgetting how to record.  I had to keep pressing the record button in order to get TiVo to record the full one hour program.  Makes me appreciate all the years of faithful service even more.  This is what I have to look forward to with G when his router connection fails. LOL

Now to exercise while Riley controls the animal population in the back yard.  The imaginary/illusive squirrels. The ducks in the wetland.  The deer (possible).  The wild turkey (likely).  He is growling softly and barking occasionally.  Not sleeping

Monday, Monday

This little foliage plant is called a "Chicken Gizzard" and I have no idea why.  I bought it because when I was a very little girl (less than 2) I would climb (crawl) up the tall staircase to the second floor where my grandparents lived calling "gizzies" to my grandmother.  She would have chicken gizzards for me.  And. I seemed to have liked eating them.  This little plant reminds me of my grandmother.  I loved her so much.

Work has been good this past week.  I haven't been able to fit my exercises in to my days.  And this week I am going in to work an hour earlier on the morning shifts.  Tomorrow is an afternoon shift and I will be doing my Pilates (and a few yoga poses).  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  Three days of exercise.

Easter dinner turned out to be warmed up slices of leftover pizza.  Hey, it happens.  My after work shower was way too relaxing and G had to be into work at 1 am on Monday so he went to bed very early.  I stayed up to watch Masterpiece Theater and the Killing on AMC.  I went onto one of those comment blogs and, really, we aren't watching the same program.  Obviously.  I am missing huge chunks of "clues".  But.  Still thinking the same people are the "killer" as the people with way too many clues.

Time to eat, iron five more shirts, write checks for the bills, take my shower and watch DWTS.  And read my book.

Pussy Willows Rooting

My husband had these pussy willow stems (which I purchased carefully) on display at his restaurant during the weeks prior to Easter weekend.  They have made roots and leaves in the four weeks and are now ready to be potted up and then in late May, planted in the wetland around the vernal pool.  Yes, they are this tall. I am enjoying having a forest of tree branches in the kitchen.  G now has branches of cherry blossoms on display.

Happy Easter to all as I pack my lunch and get ready to leave for work.  Sigh!  No Easter Bunny.  No Easter Eggs.  No Easter Basket.   Our daughter is eating Easter Lunch with the boyfriend's family.  They are making special items to accommodate her post surgery diet.  Nice people.  G and Riley will have a quiet day together.  Resting.

Do You Have Friends?

I was reading this and I have to say it made me very sad.  So many of us are out "there" alone these days with no real people (by that I mean face to face) people to connect with.  Thank goodness for the internet.

My answer to this question.  I have three or four good friends and I can call and chat with them if I need/want to but mostly we don't.  They live in all the places I used to live.  I only have a brother in the family category.  We don't like each other, never see each other etc.  I have never understood why. No extended family of aunts, uncles or cousins either.  Sort of an orphan. Not much family history of "good times".

My own little family of husband, daughter and son isn't much better.  I see the husband all the time and we are probably best friends to each other.  The daughter is less involved with us now that she has a boyfriend which is a lovely thing.  She had been very sad and terribly lonely for 12 years and is now happy.  She lives nearby but we don't see each other often.  She walks my dog when I ask her to.  My son lives in CA and it's been 2 years since we have seen him in person.  He calls on birthdays and major holidays.  Easter isn't one.  He lives alone which makes me sad but he has a group of close friends and sees them often.  They are more than likely having Easter dinner together. I envy him that close group of friends.

Most of the "friends" I have had over the most recent years have actually been work acquaintances or related to my interest in quilting and now my Master Gardening group. I have always been lucky enough to make casual friends with people.  None that I could ever count on if I needed a friend. Perhaps.  But I haven't "tested" it and, so, don't know.  I do have two friends who I have lunch with occasionally.  I enjoy that a great deal, but never see them any other time.

And now, there is the internet.  I share more of my day with complete (not really) strangers.  People I wouldn't know if I saw them in person.  You (reading this) know me better and in more detail than anyone else.  How odd is that? I can depend on you.  You send messages of comfort and helpful advice.  I feel that, if you lived close by, you would bring soup and kleenex if I was very sick or stop by on my birthday with a fancy cupcake.  My husband, daughter and son read my blog.  To find out about me.

Was it always this way?  Do we now have so much free time to notice we are lonely, have no one to talk to, or are we lost without someone to laugh with?  I think it's number three.  No one to laugh with.  Thank goodness everyone who comments on my blog posts can make me happy and laughing out loud at least once or twice a week.  Crack Pots and Farty Cereal.

Time to exercise.  And do household chores.  My daughter read my blog and the mention of ham and has called to invite herself over for dinner (and the boyfriend).  Oh!

Pay Day and Memories of Lemon Meringue Pie

This is what the payday station at work looks like.  Time cards.  Time Clock.  Fire Extinguisher.  Up on top of the Time Clock is the rubber banded set of checks.  Today was payday.  I have my check.

I just wrote about what actually happened today (at work) and because I learn from my mistakes---- I deleted it all.  Instead, I will say that I repotted lots of gift plants for Easter.  Picked lots of dead pansy flowers off plants in flats, had my new favorite lunch- toast with jam.  The toaster at work toasts the bread I bring with me to crackly crispness.  And then I spread today's jam (Apricot) and chewed and chewed and chewed.  I think lots of chewing makes me very satisfied.  A coworker gifted me with a tangerine since he felt toast wasn't the best lunch.  I had a banana, toast and pineapple yogurt.  It was plenty of food.

I think I will try and have toast every Monday and Friday when I work the morning shift which will require planning because I like to use thinly sliced "good" bread for my toast.  Today it was Tuscan Boule.

Poor planning on my part means we are having pizza for dinner.  A very bread centered meal plan for today.  Tomorrow it will be Easter Ham Dinner since I will be working on Easter Sunday.  Au Gratin potatoes and roasted asparagus.

I wish my mother was around to make her fantastic lemon meringue pie.  And, for me to have written that--you can bank on the pie being super wonderful.  You know about me and my late mother.  I have never tried to make that pie.  Cooking the lemon filling and then hoping it doesn't "weep" and beating and topping the pie with egg whites and hoping that doesn't get all rubbery.  It's just too many "items" that can go wrong. My mother made lemon meringue pie for G every single time he was with us on a visit.  Every. Single. Time.  If he didn't come with me and the kids--no pie.  Isn't that something?  Would be nice on Easter.

Tomorrow I am planting red onion starts, separating fennel seedlings, starting seeds.  Riley and I will be outside most of the day.  No walk as his foot needs a good rest.  Then I have shirts to iron again.  When I visit the library to pick up books for G, I will stop and get French Baguettes.  The best baguettes in Maine.  From Standard Bakery in Portland.  For Sunday's ham and cheese sandwiches.

Happy Easter or Passover to all of you!  Don't eat too many chocolate eggs.

Freezing

Cold last night.  25.  When is Spring coming and STAYING?  I will be outside picking frosted pansy leaves off many dozens of flats at work today.   They should have been inside last night.

In other news the huge Agapanthus plants belonging to Ned were cut into chunks with a SawsAll.  It looked like a massacre.  I wasn't involved because all the men involved thought it was too traumatic for my sensibilities.  When did I become "dainty"?  Sensible, yes.  Dainty, never.

There has been talk among the customers of another Ice Age.  It only takes an average drop in temps of 10 to 20 degrees to qualify.  We, here in Maine, think we qualify right now.  They must have forgotten about the nearly 14 or 15 months of ABOVE average temps we had been having until February 2011.

Time for work.  Pizza dough thawing for dinner tonight.

 TiVo has broken and the new, premier edition doesn't arrive until next week.  Whatever will we do without recorded programs until then?  The exciting part of the NEW TiVo is that it has the ability (if I pay for membership) to stream Netflix onto our television.  Now, if we were ever AWAKE long enough to watch any Netflix.  LOL.

Slow, Meditative Start

To my Wednesday off.  I woke at 6.30 and then lay in bed dreaming until 9.30.  I have let the dog out three times now; he saw a very large wild turkey eating birdseed under the feeder.  Now, Riley must "check" the yard for turkey scent.  My breakfast was the "farty" cold cereal mix.  Muslix, wheat berries and a sugar free granola with nuts.  Since I am working at home today, I think farting all day will be acceptable.

My first load of dark work clothes from yesterday is in the washer.  So many wet pairs of socks.  Next will be the bed sheets.  Then the dog towels.  While the cereal is being digested, I will iron shirts.  Then do my Pilates and my very first try at beginner Yoga poses.  I watched a few videos on the internet and now think I can try a few of the standing poses.  Downward facing dog is going to be difficult.  But there are quite a few poses that are good for the back muscles.  Cat Cow.  I will end with Child's Pose and the Corpse. Five to fifteen breaths in each pose. A number of the poses are similar to Pilates.  I think they are fraternal twins.

First load in the dryer and white sheets in the washer.  Fresh water and lunch for Riley.  Grinding beans for a fresh pot of coffee.  I had a leftover cup with breakfast.  It is cold and gray outside.  And damp. It may have already rained for the day, or more is coming.  Either way, a good day to be home.

Later I will go to the library for a book for G.  I pick out all his books.  It must be nice to have a wife. Then I will stop and buy the ingredients for Thanksgiving Dinner.  I also need detergent and spray starch.  I had been considering buying a few zucchini to make the chocolate chip loaf.  Better that I make chocolate chip cookies for G.  I don't like the cookies and I do love the bread.

I missed the 12 by 12 deadline for Chartreuse and the remainder of the colorplays are being done much quicker so they will all be finished in time for Houston's Quilt Show.  I fear, my joy in playing along, is diminished.  Not playing any longer.  Now it's more like working towards a deadline.  Which I don't share.  I will miss"playing along".  Perhaps someday I will be invited by a new group to play with them?  I can only hope it will happen some day.  Now, coffee and the iron.

Daisy Tuesday

Almost out of pictures from my day at work (last week) so I will need to take the camera to work next Sunday and snap some more.  It's nice to have something beautiful for you at the top of the blog.  Not much of beauty here at the house, right now.

Work today was exhausting.  So much to do and by 2.30 I still hadn't had lunch or finished watering the big greenhouse.  My socks were wet so I changed into dry warm socks before eating my lunch.  In less than an hour my feet were wet again.  Ugh!  As was the lower 10 inches of each leg of my heavy corduroy pants.  I got home after 6.30, took off all the cold, wet clothes, hot shower, jammies and by then G and Riley were back from a walk in the woods.  G was trying to tire the dog because tomorrow it will be raining and cold (I don't walk the dog in the cold rain).

Riley has a bloody cut on his foot from the woods.  People throw so much trash out into the woods (along the paths) that it is surprising his foot pads aren't always bleeding.  He's licking his foot.  G can't see any injury so it must be hidden between the toes.

G remembered I wanted ice cream yesterday so we went and had Dairy Queen and looked at the burned out, demolished building from Sunday.  I should have taken my camera.  I had a banana split with just hot fudge sauce.  It was delicious.  Dairy Queen makes the best hot fudge.  Well, I make the best hot fudge but I'm not making hot fudge these days.  We're back home and eating dinner now.  Backwards.

Tomorrow, laundry, shirt ironing, some cleaning.  Perhaps a ride to Goodwill to drop off stuff, the library for books and the shops in town for bread.  Really good bread.  I may spring for a bacon egg and cheese sandwich at the deli.  Treat myself to something tasty.  Or not.  And make it here at home.  And I plan to cook a really nice dinner.  Meatballs, I think.  Or I will get a roasted turkey breast and make Thanksgiving Dinner.  That sounds nice on a cold rainy day.

Fire

Either the wiring in several multiple apartment buildings decided to ignite in a "group effort" or we have an arsonist in our charming little town.   Sunday, at 2.30 am, the 1887  Firestone building where I get my hair cut, burned so badly that it had to be torn down.  The building, the businesses and the apartments (homes) of 17 people --all gone.  I wanted to have G drive me past so I could see it.  Instead, we watched recorded television and then ate dinner @ 7.30.  Now G is watching DWTS and I am not.

What is happening on Earth?  94 tornados in one day.  70 earthquakes in a 24 hour period all over the world.  Snow on April 18 in Chicago.  Here in Maine the peepers are peeping out in the vernal pool on the side of my yard.  My peas are planted and Wednesday I plan to set my red onion bulbs in soil and plant beet seeds.  I hope the Earth keeps spinning (even if it's off kilter due to the 9.0 quake in Japan) until my garden produces.

My days at work are wearing me out.  I am exhausted.  Nearly falling asleep in the hot showers I take after work. Lifting, walking, bending, leaning over short tables.  Work for much younger people.  G visited on Sunday and brought me a coffee.  Later, at home, he mentioned that everyone I work with is "very young"--just kids is the way he put it.  Yes.  Now that 89 year old Ed has gone to live with his children in Massachusetts, I am the "old" person working here.  There is a 50 something who works on the weekends (a high school teacher) but she has quite a bit of energy.

I am going to finish my ice water with lemon and sink into the couch cushions, perchance to dream. I decided not to have my house cleaned.  The reason, the thing that bothered me the most: having to give her a key to my house.  I didn't want to.  So, I won't.  Simple.   I filled my pants pocket with notes, slips of paper and made phone calls from work.  Customer inquiries. All taken care of.  The internet.  A Wonder. Sweetgrass. Red PassionVine. Bamboo. Cardamon Seeds.

Saturday Nearly Over

Stephanotis.  Fragrant member of the milkweed family.  Found in wedding bouquets.  Now being sold along with Easter Lilies at my place of employment and at the local grocery store.

Speaking of the local grocery store:  Finally got to buy some yogurt.  I purchased 6 Chobani pineapple for myself and the last four peach Dannon yogurts for G.  I had wanted peach Chobani but there was none to be had.  They aren't on sale starting tomorrow--guess what?  Plenty on the shelves tomorrow.

I was reading the NYT this morning regarding SUGAR.  Which linked to the Atkins Diet.  I bookmarked the Atkins diet and it is the EXACT opposite of what I am eating.  Fruit, Vegetables and Grains vs Meat, Fats and Salad.  All the bacon, egg and cheese that I want minus the bagels or blueberry pancakes. Salad with bacon, cheese and full fat salad dressing. There is also a Paleo Diet of meat, fish, eggs, nuts, vegetables and fruit.  No fats, dairy or grains.  Paleo.  Do they mean Caveman? I guess they would eat the animals but wouldn't milk them.  What sort of eggs would cavemen have eaten?

Have any of you "done" Atkins?  My son lost all the post college (I have a job and can buy junk food) weight one winter by eating beef chili made with the Adkins recipe.  Every meal @ home was chili.  My son likes to keep diet choices very simple.  Lunch out was fajitas without the tortillas. He lost 30 pounds in no time at all. Oh, and he switched from Classic Coke to plain water.  Men.  Really. Not. Fair.

I switched yesterday from diet coke to water with lemon.  I feel fat today but it could be the jeans I am wearing and the belt around my waist.  I feel tightly packed.

I baked a second loaf of Irish soda bread this morning and ate one small quarter  for breakfast with coffee and drove to work with the still warm larger half of the loaf for that Irish lad.  I had promised it to him on Thursday and his sad face when he asked and I had to say "no, I didn't bake yesterday" has been bothering me.  So, I baked and delivered and he was radiantly happy.  And surprised.  A good surprise is worth everything on a cold windy day when you've been outside working all morning.

I have to decide by tomorrow if I want to have my house cleaned every other Tuesday.  My house cleaner from the old days is available again.  She does a very good job.  I'm sure it's more expensive now.  My dilemma is cleaning up this mess before she comes or just limiting her to cleaning ONE room at a time.  If she comes this Tuesday, I will have her spend the entire time on the kitchen. I absolutely love a clean house.  The cleaning will cost more than I make at work on Tuesdays.  More like two Tuesdays of work.  See, this is my dilemma.  Why not just stay home and clean the damned house myself.  Why am I working?

Riley is eating his new dog food.  He has even started to remind us of his mealtimes, like he did when he was a puppy.  We are correctly measuring his portions (after checking what G was giving him) and serving him a skimpy lunch as not many dogs eat lunch.  He never gave it up while growing out of puppy food into adult.  Riley would continue to come get me at exactly 12 noon and let me know he needed "lunch" served.  Now he takes his lunch to doggie day care in a little dog lunchbox.  We just continue to divide the daily food into thirds.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner.  How often do you feed your dog?

I am going to put the white wash in the dryer now, change into my jammies and read my new Icelandic mystery.  I finally finished the Jo Nesbo and it was quite a ride.  About eleven endings and each time it would just start up again and go roaring off to the next conclusion.  I was exhausted, confused and finally just wanted it to end.  And Harry wasn't as delightfully flawed, drunk or suicidal.  He has decided opium is better than Jim Beam.  Harry without the death wish is not as good a read.  No more books for 24 months when the Ghost comes out in 2014.  I can wait.

Using The Wrong Finger

To hold up his jowls.  Our Governor should be using his middle finger.  Because that's what he's giving the citizens of Maine each and every time he tries to end conservation laws, cut down trees, make fun of safety issues and medical/health protections (little old ladies with mustaches).  All to help "create jobs".   Which is Tea Party speak for "give the rich some more money".

This man isn't rich and never will be.  But here he is courting the "Fat Cats" of big business.  Why?  The Governor's business, Marden's: a run down set of shopping centers selling salvage from "out of business" stores, fire sales and during the flood season, water damaged goods; doesn't meet most business codes right now.  He employs retired workers.  People that would be hard pressed to work anywhere else. No union.

Paul LePage is gaining "fame" on most comedy news shows like John Stewart, Colbert Report, and lately on MSNBC.  Mainers like me are just embarrassed.  He's only been in office 100 days.

Reminds me of when I was a teenager and the mayor of Cleveland was doing a news report out in front of the Cuyahoga River (which was on fire) and the mayor's hair caught on fire.  The river was on fire because it was so polluted.  I think he was assuring people it was "okay".  Dennis Kucinich.

Ranunculus

Ridiculously gorgeous.  I took my camera to work with me today and snapped some "eye candy" for all of you to look at while being forced to read the puff that I write below the pictures.  Is that chartreuse in the center?

Today I am exhausted.  In mind and body.  Muscle fatigue and a tension headache which started in my neck while I was outside picking damaged blossoms from the pansies.  All the pansies.  There was some fun also as the guys are trying to find all the leaks in the irrigation system. I am thankful I don't have to help dig holes and get soaked.

G is talking me to dinner.  I may fall asleep in my food.

I didn't fall asleep and had eggplant.  Feeling very full now and plan to change into my jammies and watch Fringe.  The title up top was spelled wrong and Dee caught my mistake.  Thank you, Dee.  Riley update: His blood work was perfect as was his urine test.  He is in excellent health (tremendous leg muscles) but needs to get rid of 8 pounds.   The vet says he's overweight.  How can a dog who isn't eating be over weight you ask?  Well, I guess he's been eating "something".   Now he has grainless and holistic foods and is gobbling them down in modest (weight control) portions.  Begging for meals to be served.  How's that for progress!  Potato and Duck.  I guess it makes sense as he is very interested in the ducks on the wetland pool.

Royal Soda Bread

I finally broke down and made this bread.  It is everything I had hoped it would be.  Buttery, sweet, heavy, rich and delightful.  I added golden raisins (soaked for a short time in hot water, not Irish whiskey) but skipped the caraway seeds this time around.  G says it looks just like the loaves sold at the only bakery in town.  I got the recipe off a website.  After much searching.  I ate one quarter yesterday.  I wrapped the other three pieces up and plan to share one with an Irish lad at work today.  I have enough buttermilk for one more loaf which I think I will freeze.  Okay, I can freeze the buttermilk or the loaf.

Today is going to be my first day back to Pilates since Thursday.  I didn't have the time or the interest in doing my exercises on the weekend (yesterday, I thought I didn't have time and in the end, I did, but too late).  I'm ready to return to my schedule today.  It is becoming obvious that I can't control my weight, but I can try and control my "fitness".  I really, really, really, do not want to return to the 1200 calories a day.  I can't take another round of negative (no, no, no) in my life right now. And it hasn't worked the last few times I have attempted it, because of that negativity.  I am more active now; longer walks with the dog, my job, and now exercise.  These are items that were not included in my routine the last time. In fact, I remember resting quite a bit while on the diet that year, mainly due to the lack of food.

I also have a personal problem in my life.  I wonder if people can attract a certain type of personality to themselves, the way a magnet attracts only certain metals.  Last night, at dinner time, I had a long and frustrating conversation with a close friend.  In the moments after I said goodbye and hung up the phone, I was screaming at the room in general.  She is making ME crazy!!  I seem to be attracting people who are, right now, having a great deal of trouble in their lives.  Problems they love to talk about but refuse to confront or correct.  I am tired of listening.  Let's refer now to the paragraph above regarding my diet.  You may be tired of listening (reading) also, and screaming, just now, at what a pain in the a** I am being lately.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.

There are three friends now with problems.  One eats (chews in my ear) the entire time we talk on the phone.  She flits from one interest to another.  I believe she smokes pot which could be the reason for the odd conversations and her memory loss.  And she knows more than I do on every topic.  We have discussed her fruit tree diseases and the pruning of her grape vines every few days for months now.  Same exact conversation.  The second friend is spending 24/7 with her newly divorced daughter.  The third has a toxic mother who she keeps visiting.  For a few weeks now I have had a daughter with a sick gall bladder.  So, I was more understanding.  Sam is better now (read all about it on her blog today- Slambo in the sidebar-  too funny) and I am tired. Ann Landers had a saying, "people can't walk all over you, if you don't lay down on the floor".  Or something like that.

This is me getting up off the floor.

Yesterday work sped by.  It was time to go home before I knew it.  This is the work routine I enjoy.  Lots to do and no clock watching.  I think we will have clock watching today.  From 4 to 6.

My citrus "trees" are out on the back deck.  They were washed clean by the big rain yesterday, electrified by lightning and fed by the sunshine.  More sun today.  Another warm spring day here in Maine.  I still have drifts of snow, but most of my 8 raised garden beds are thawed.  My peas have been planted and they got a really good soaking yesterday.

I am intrigued by the thought of "baked oatmeal" but most of the recipes include lots of sugar, eggs, milk and butter.  More of an oatmeal CAKE.  Not exactly what I had envisioned having for breakfast.  I was thinking thick, dense, chewy.  More research will be necessary.  Now exercise.

Done

Our taxes are done.  What a relief.  And what stupidity not to have gotten it all done sooner!!!  I still have the property taxes to pay and a visit to the bank regarding my IRA but that's small beans compared to the taxes.

I got all my gardening done.  The ajuga dug out of the back bed.  A "ride along" donation from someone when I took a plant home and planted it back there.  I know I will be digging ajuga next year( and many years after) but it's nice to see the bed without it right now.

I sprinkled herb seeds (dill, parsley, cilantro) in the herb bed and planted my package of pea seeds. I also raked up the raised beds to make them look more "proper".  The kale I never picked is now sending out new leaves.  Who knew? And it tastes good.  I sprinkled some dinosaur kale seeds nearby.

We are now going to buy dogfood.  And our dinner.

Memories

Of past difficulties with my right leg.  Same thing.  I forgot about it until I was standing in the shower and I remembered.  Bursitis of the muscle that crosses over my hip bone.  The remedy?  Exercise. And those famous orange pills.  That was when I was first given the orange pills.

So, last night I took the orange pill and everything was good.

And today at work, when my right Croc stuck a bit on the floor, I felt my hip weaken just a bit.  So that's what has happened the last two times (when I wasn't paying attention).  My foot has stuck on the floor and I pulled against the hip muscle and it did what it does.  Hurts. And then as I keep moving it eases up and finally goes away.

The more I move the better it will be.  The Pilates exercise must have bothered that muscle when it rubbed against the hip bone.  Don't worry.  The remedy is exercise, not walking on uneven surfaces, and orange pills.  That's what my orthopedic doctor says.  It worked last time.  It will work this time.

I have strong bones.  I know. I saw the x-rays.

Remains Of The Day

Today.  Is over.  My daughter is home where she can privately pass all the gas they injected into her belly during surgery.  The Linus Project volunteers have packed their car with my 4 shopping bags and five boxes.  And they liked what was in the bags and boxes and plan to "keep" most of it and not sell it.  It is fun to make pretty things.  More fun to make pretty things.  Some donations are old and tired.  My stuff is bright and cheerful.  This little pile of brown checks and plaids was removed from a box at the last minute. I don't know why.  I followed my intuition.  We'll see.

Today, just about at the time I should have been in the car driving to pick up the dog, my right leg "gave" way again.  This is the second time this week.  It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to recover and then everything is good again. Everything was perfectly fine up until the moment I realized my leg might not hold me up.  I wonder what is happening to me?  Pinched nerve?  Tired muscles?  Cement floors?  I have been walking, reaching, lifting for two full days at work.  No problems.  And the "weakness" occurred at about the same time of day, afternoon, 3 pm or so.  And by just standing quietly and waiting, it went away.  What it is, is the feeling that if I place my weight on my right leg, I will fall.  I stop myself at the very first instance of this feeling.  Standing still and waiting is okay with me.  Falling at work is not.  I don't want to be treated like an invalid.  Not yet.

Just before this happened I was walking down towards a delivery truck, uneven gravel, to pick up trays of plants, one tray on each forearm, and carry them back up into the greenhouse.  It was after carrying the tulips and Easter lily containers in that I felt unsafe.  I had decided to skip my Pilates this morning.  I just had too many things to get done and was still late to work.

My lunch, at 1.30 was wonderful.  I especially enjoyed the toast with my still hot breakfast thermos of coffee.  If Sam's boyfriend can't walk and feed Riley tomorrow, I will drive home and eat my lunch here between classes.