Cold Rain

Here it is June 9th and we are in the midst of a week of 50 degree days and all day drizzle, rain and dark skies. June. And yesterday was sunny and 70. The doors to the greenhouse were open all day and the cold wet came in and surrounded us.

I almost went to work without a warm sweatshirt (borrowed from my husband). Thank goodness I returned to the house for it and my bright yellow rain jacket. By the time I had lunch, I was wishing for hot soup instead of a cold salad. So I made a single serving of French press coffee with the hot water from the coffee machine and the coffee I had tucked in the lunchroom freezer. It was fantastically delicious as only something warming can be on a bone chilling cold day.

In case you are curious, I didn't use the coffee machine coffee because it all expired in 2003.

My customers arrived this afternoon and picked up their 16 PINK window boxes ($592) and were very pleased. I tried for a variety of pink shades and a variety of leaf and flower sizes to make it interesting.

Pizza tonight. I think I'll look and see if there is any sausage in the freezer for the guy pizza and I know I have artichoke hearts for my pizza. Sounds yummy. I like getting home early. We have shorter work days and less of them now. Less customers. Less work.

I didn't actually ASK the Universe for help, yet, but the real estate agent called to say we already have a house viewing set up for tomorrow evening in Ohio. So I will be concentrating on positive thoughts and a quick sale to a buyer with a good credit score.

The guys are fussing with the wireless line. So I will quit while I still have the power to do so.

Just Peachy

Peaches are ripe somewhere in America (I hope) since they are in the grocery and on sale right now. They taste okay but not perfectly juicy. I had one sliced into my yogurt today for lunch. I put two spoons of vanilla in with a full half cup of plain (sour) yogurt. It wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't yummy.

I worked in the garden and planted the deer chewed peppers and eggplant. Both are trying to stay alive so I am giving them a positive chance. I also watered with my new sprinkler. And I dug up the daffodil bulbs I "saved" from the dumpster at work. I wanted to plant more things but my back was hurting. On the right side by my kidney and it makes me nauseous. C said a friend had the same symptoms and had kidney stones. I had meant to say something to my doctor during my check up but we got on a different topic and I forgot. I should do what my daughter does and bring a list of questions to any doctor's visit.

It could also be the way that I sit (slouch) while watching television. And for the first time in a week, I watched television last night. I watched a bunch of TiVo.

I called the water department that supplies water/sewer to my house in Ohio. They just sent me the quarterly water bill for 28 gallons of water (I had the caretaker flush the toilets when he checked the house). $93. That's the minimum bill. So I had them turn the water off at the meter. I will still have to pay for an additional month and for storm water but for the time being, no more $93 bills.

So far, I have made meatloaf and Mexican Casserole for my son. He requests old family favorites and I'm only too happy to make whatever he wants. His sister comes over to eat with us, so it's like old times around here. I think we will be having Chicken Potstickers one night this week and spaghetti or lasagna. I know he wants tuna casserole so I may have to make something else for G on that night. It would be fun to make some pulled pork but the meat isn't on sale right now.

Only one more day of my vacation from work. I have really enjoyed not going to work. I thought I would miss it, but I haven't given it a thought. I am thinking of it right now and I'm not that enthused about going back. It's summer and my garden beds need me. And if there were less bugs outside, I would enjoy just sitting in the sun, daydreaming.

We're going for ice cream as soon as G & C are finished with whatever they are doing outside. I made them meatloaf sandwiches with zucchini bread and butter pickles and chips for lunch. I think I will find somewhere, inside the house, to stretch out and rest my back. Maybe read a bit more of my overdue book.

Off Road/Shoes & Dreams

My NEW shoes finally arrived. In the new size, which fits. Army Green. Which to me is perfect as Gardener Green or Greenhouse Green. These shoes have deeper treads on the soles which will, I hope, take longer to wear smooth. When the soles of these shoes get smooth, the water covered cement floor in the greenhouse is dangerously slippery.

I purchased a new occillating sprinkler for the garden yesterday along with a metallic purple wand for hand watering. And then I used both to water my newly planted (Sunday) plants. Was it really only Sunday? Seems like weeks ago.

And I purchased a test half pint of royal purple to use as an accent color on the half round table or a planter for the front of the house. I decided I needed a "punch" of color up there. I had always hoped to, eventually, get around to making a bead mosaic (36 inches square) for the bare space on the porch. I purchased bags of Mardi Gra beads in gold, purple and green plus Christmas tree trim at 70% off in magenta and aqua. I was thinking of a large floral pattern. My daughter and I were going to make it as a winter craft project. But it didn't happen. We were also going to renovate the Spooky House.

I deposited my inherited money into the bank here in Maine yesterday. Have you ever dreamed of what you would do if you received a large amount of unexpected money. "If I win the lottery" types of dreams. How you would use it? How it might change your life? Free you to do things you always wanted to do? Well, I'm there. Perhaps THIS is why I procrastinated about claiming the money. Now I have choices that I never, ever, had in my entire life. Let me just say, it (the money/ the possibilities) pretty much screws with your mind.

I think the first things I want are a large, old fashioned drafting table. The kind that slants almost to the floor. And a small etching press. So I can go back to one of the processes I actually LOVED in college. Intaglio print making. Craig's List? Uncle Henry's? Or do I just ask the Universe for these things and see if the Universe provides? You have to really want what you ask for in order to get a reply.

Yesterday's mail brought a sample copy of the new Maine FiberArts Map which will be going out to over 30,000 locations statewide. An image of one of my quilts is on the upper right front of the map. It's like sending out 30,000 postcards. Heady stuff.

Yesterday my son (C) and I worked on making meatloaf. He wanted to know how. Tomorrow, I think we'll make Chicken Pot Stickers or one of the other recipes he wants to test. I think C is going out with his sister tonight so I may just make a pizza or lasagna for G. I also need to tweak the Mexican Casserole recipe my dad made for the kids when they were small. I always served it plain in those days, but would add avocado, sour cream, red onion and jalapeno as "fixings" on the side when I make it now. Family memories and recipes. It's nice to have C here with us this week.

Which reminds me. The deer visited the yard Wednesday evening and ate my still boxed petunias, jalapeno peppers, bell peppers, cornflowers and then went over and chewed the top several inches off every stem of my many rose bushes. Right up next to the house.

Ripe peaches at the grocery yesterday. They even smell like peaches. Can't wait to mix up a batch of yogurt, Grape Nuts, fresh sliced peaches and raspberries. It will be difficult waiting for the Grape Nuts to get soggy and caramelly. And I purchased plain yogurt. Which I do not think I will enjoy at all. I plan to mix the plain with the vanilla so I have "some" of what I love and "some" of what I don't think I will like to eat. If it's really BAD then I'm going back to the vanilla yogurt and to hell with the added calories. Because, if it tastes bad, I just don't want to eat it.

Home Again, Jiggidy Jig

What a whirlwind trip this was! I left home at 3:30 am for the drive to the Portland airport. My plane took off at 5:47 on time and I spent 2 hours in the Detroit airport (which was VERY nice) listening to all loudspeaker announcements read in English, Chinese and Japanese. I had a delicious Bacon, Egg, Cheese Bagel at McDonald's. All the proteins and fats helped calm my jittery nerves (over excited and overtired). Before I knew it (20 minutes) my flight from Detroit to Akron was complete. And the adventure began.

I was delivered to my (Dad's) house by the caretaker's delightful wife. Then I discovered (after she drove away) that my (Dad's) car's battery had died. So I called AAA for service. Then I left the car running and charging the battery for one full hour. That's when I discovered the tires all needed air. I drove to the nearby gas station and literally begged the maintenance man to fill the tires with air. Lucky for me, he had a tire gauge in his personal vehicle. All four tires needed 7 pounds.

Then I followed the directions I had to our hotel. Checked in. Then got directions to the Akron Airport (from which I had just arrived) because my son was arriving at 3:30. It was 2. The directions had me driving on two interstate highways, making lane changes and exiting to the left. I 76 and I 77. I try to NEVER drive on a highway. I did this. Successfully. I felt empowered. Like SuperWoman. Sort of.

C arrived on time and took over the driving. We drove north and west and arrived at the great intersection of all the chain restaurants, bookstores and retail shopping. We had a nice late lunch/early dinner, bought a local map (C is a techie in the Silicon Valley (a computer engineer) and prefers paper maps to the GPS I brought along from home). Then we retired to the hotel. Both of us had left home at 3 am. We watched the news (Brazil airplane missing) and then just gave up and went to sleep.

Tuesday morning. Breakfast at McDonald's. Another Bacon Egg Cheese Bagel and the largest decaf coffee they had. We purchased light bulbs, Febreze, work gloves (I had forgotten them) and two batteries for the smoke detectors (which were beeping). The dumpster and Daniel arrived at 11 am and by 1 pm we had carried every scrap of trash out and into it. And FILLED it. Wood, garbage bags of trash, wheel barrows and buckets of trash. I swept every floor surface clean. Then the realtors arrived and we toured the "property" and decided on a price and my "as is" no improvements decision. Then I signed papers. And signed papers. And signed papers. And then C & I raced (with GPS) to find the bank branch where I could FINALLY get control of the money I inherited in October. It took almost 2 full hours, but I have my money. C kept me calm, quiet (I tend to talk too much) and pleasant.

Wednesday morning. Up at 6:30 and out the door to McDonald's for the BEC Bagel and coffee and over to the house to pack the FIT with everything we could safely carry. (It's a small engine vehicle and we didn't want to overload it since it only had 197 miles on it and was still in show room condition. This would be it's first real "drive") By 9 am we were on the road. C wanted to go to 59/8 and drive east on 271 to I 90 and then just drive on 90 to Mass. Which is what we did. And arrived home, in the driveway, at 10:30 pm. A very easy and pleasant trip. We don't get to spend much time together and so had lots of conversation. I drove for 2 hours on the New York thruway. We paid lots of tolls.

Here we are. We have had breakfast and now we will empty the FIT and put all of the useful things we brought home away. Vacuum, TV, Computer, Wall Clock, Tools, Kitchen Ladder, Paper Shredder and workshop tools from the basement. I forgot the neat broom I used to sweep piles into the dustpan. I miss it already. I don't miss that house. It may take a full year to sell, but it's in good hands, has an attractive low price and lots of potential (once the new owners paint, carpet and update). The lawn guy is doing a fantastic job on the cutting. The yard has never looked better.

Here I am at home again. Riley and G were happy to see C & I last night. We were happy to see them. The power company is cutting tree branches out front. Noisy. My Crocs have still not arrived. I still have 4 days off before I have to return to work. The remainder of my gardening work is still waiting for me. The sun is shining!

This is all very good. Happy.

Hours to Go

This morning I was awake by 7:30 and making biscuits by 8. And by 10 I was out in the garden trying to fit a week's worth of gardening into one short, dry, day. G had gotten some lovely compost for me and I tucked some under all the plants I had time for today. And I moved the phlox which I had in the wrong place for YEARS. I weeded, pulled, yanked, and chopped the many plants that, being in the wrong place, are weeds to me, today. And I dug up what I found out is a an old variety of something -- "a farm flower" which has taken over my beds. I dug it all up and planted it somewhere where it can be rambunctious. One such place is behind our polka dot mailbox. So far, nothing has survived there. I planted some charming pink zinnias into the bed where I dug the "farm flower" up. They look very cute next to the catmint and coreopsis. Pink, yellow and blue.

I gave away a huge box of the red dahlia tubers on Saturday to a lucky customer. She wanted to pay me! I said "just take them!". I planted the few remaining sets of tubers into the front of my perennial bed -- until I can find homes for them, perhaps next spring.

Mother Nature helped me with all the planting and transplanting by providing downpours of rain to help set the new plants into their new homes. Thank you, dear.

I got manure spread and the cucumbers (pickling) set in the vegetable garden, the zucchini and yellow squash are in as are the Delicata and Butternuts I started from seeds. Six large tomato plants are in as well (the other 16 tomatoes aren't big enough yet). Everything has a few yellow calendula or marigolds nearby to draw pollinators. I ran out of time before I could plant much more. It was really raining by the time I cleaned up the tools etc.

My lettuce and chard are really coming along nicely. They enjoyed all the cool weather and rain last week. I want to start some beets this evening so they will be ready to set out after I get back from Ohio. The kohlrabi is up. Tiny but up.

I am packing my applique circles for my trip and a book to read. When I bring things I enjoy along, I never have time to do anything. But let me forget a book or some handwork--- and we get delayed. This worked yesterday. I dressed for cold and rain and brought hot soup for lunch, so of course, it turned hot, sweaty and buggy by the afternoon. I took off as much as I could to cool off and I enjoyed the hot soup (followed by two bottles of ice cold water).

The weather is 50% chance of rain, 50's at night and low 70's during the daytime in Ohio. So I can safely pack one of every kind of clothing. My son only wears shorts and tee shirts so he'll adjust to the weather by pulling on a fleece or taking it off. I could do the same?

Time to pack the suitcase. I have all the important papers, documents, car keys, car insurance, cash, e-ticket, watch, checkbook, book, handsewing project, quart size bag of products, driver's license. I'm taking my pink crocs, light work pants and tees for the dumpster filling on Tuesday and wearing my all purpose gray sweater, jeans and lightest, long sleeve tee plus shoes and socks on the plane (where its always cold). I'll bring along my Flax linen 2 piece and sandals in case it's "warm" and we need to visit my dad's attorney. Oh, and for the "bank".

I should be back by Friday. With my new orange Fit. Gag! My new vacuum, Wega TV and G's "new" old PC. And whatever else we can stuff into the Fit along with our two suitcases. The "flagship" Joann's is just up the street in Hudson in case there's room.

G took the cell phone to work, so he better get home from EOM before Sam picks me up to go to the airport at 4 am. Yes, you read that right. Four in the morning.

Still Raining. Still Cold.

I've had enough. I had on a down jacket and a fleece pullover today plus a vinyl raincoat with hood. It's May 29th. Where's the sun?

I purchased more plants today for the window boxes on the shed. I wasn't going to. But looking out across the lawn and seeing the flowers on the side of the shed makes me happy. So what if "happy" costs $25. Worth it. I also stopped in at Loew's after work to see what their price point was for plant materials. Whoa. No wonder we aren't busy. I purchased two metal, cocoa lined hanging baskets for less than $7 each (ours are $13) and four little pink zinnias for $3 each. Same size where I work is $5.49. I'll be repotting the geranium I bought at work from it's plastic pot into the metal and cocoa lined basket and potting the three new geraniums into the other new basket.

G drove to the Lewiston Transfer Station and got a truck load of compost for me. And shoveled it out of the truck. And he fixed the guest room toilet. In exchange for all this goodness, I made him Tomato Basil Soup with little drop soup dumplings. I made black Bean Bisque for myself from the list of ingredients I got last week from the chef at 111 Maine Street. Pretty darn good. I trimmed some cilantro from the plants at work for my soup. I have difficulty with cilantro. Smelling and touching it makes it hard for me to breathe. But I wanted the soup to taste exactly like it does at 111. So I took the chance of an asthma attack or whatever it is that happens. And it was okay.

Wicked Joe's didn't have our coffee roasted when G went to get it. Tomorrow. So G got enough supermarket coffee for a pot tomorrow morning. I just have to have coffee in the morning. Tea just isn't good enough anymore.

I used my tiny French press pot to brew two cups at work with the leftover open house decaf I stuck in the freezer. It was almost 1:30 before I remembered the coffee in the lunchroom freezer. Real snappy brain function, huh?

Today was not a good day. I had mucky jobs to do (pick squishy leaves off wet, squishy pansies), load water plants into the water plant tanks (in the rain) while trying not to injure my back. I did enjoy (?) staking and tying the big dahlias with fishing line so they weren't flopping all over the walk way. Oh, No! I promised a customer some of my red dahlia tubers and they are in the basement under the house and G is in the shower. RATS! He's not going to want to crawl around in the basement when he just got all cleaned up.

There was more stuff I had to say tonight, but I had to censor things.

More Rain

A picture from the pile I have torn from magazines to be used as artistic "fertilizer" when I need a boost or an idea. Yesterday was "dark, cold, wet" and I was totally chilled by the end of my work day. My hands were so cold the hot water in the shower made them hurt.

I have crossed a few items off my "To Do" list today. Two loads of laundry, the book sale email and volunteer chart (done), cashed my paycheck at the bank,returned library books, visited the post office to mail my shoes back, dropped off a bag of clothes to the resale shop (and got a skirt to cut up for a quilt or pillow) and I walked in town to the health food store for dried cranberries and raw sugar. I also bought romaine for my salads on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Yogurt for G and bagels.

And I checked the yogurt aisle and my doctor was CORRECT! Vanilla yogurt has lots more calories than plain, low fat yogurt. 200 calories for 8 ounces of Columbo Vanilla Low Fat and 110 for 8 ounces of plain low fat (in any brand). That's 90 calories of HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP in one cup of yogurt. I could have nearly a cup and a half of plain yogurt for 200 calories. I also checked the bottle of corn syrup in my pantry. 120 calories for 2 Tablespoons. Dr J recommends I squirt a little honey on the plain stuff and get used to eating it that way. You see, I thought they just added vanilla flavoring. But, in fact, they were adding lots of corn syrup and chemicals to make the yogurt sweet and yummy. The way I like it.

And I had lunch at 111 Maine. The chicken gyro with potatoes and a cup of cream of broccoli soup. I brought half my potatoes home for G and purchased a bowl of broccoli soup for him. And I baked him a Rhubarb Custard Pie and purchased a very nice Cheese Foccacia to go along with the soup. I had a little French press decaf coffee which was wonderful. Then back outside in the cold rain.

I'm having a second cup of decaf black tea (to warm up) because once I turn the furnace off, it stays off. G just got home from work and he's playing with Riley. They wrestle around on the floor. Riley is always SO happy to see G. I think I will take Riley to school (day care) tomorrow so G can get things done here (fix the guest room toilet and take a nap). Our daughter is getting back from her vacation tomorrow night and G has to drive to Portland to pick her up. She'll return the favor by walking Riley on Saturday while G and I are at work. I wonder if the vacation turned out okay. She was visiting a long time friend but hadn't seen her in a few years instead of the annual May visit to see her grandfather.

I think I may "change up" the blog posts when I return from Ohio. Serious, funny or informational chats (rants) on the things I enjoy talking about. Art, gardening & cooking. I may even make a tutorial.

Waiting

For the weather to be "correct" for planting. I know that others already have their crops in the ground and most are successfully weathering the colder night temperatures. We had a frost on Monday night. And now we are facing two days of cold rain. So they wait. And I carry them outdoors, under the dappled shade of a large oak, for the day. Each morning, out. Each afternoon, in. G is finishing his breakfast and rushing out to mow the grass before the rain starts. I'm going to work at 10.

Yesterday, I had my Annual Doctor's Visit. Six months late. I was apprehensive due to the 22 pound weight gain in 18 months. My doctor had regular weigh ins scheduled for me during 2007 when I lost the 80 pounds. So she has a "vested interest" in the weight loss. Instead, the very first thing she said was "Have you lost MORE weight?"

I continue to be VERY healthy. Nothing wrong with me that a 1200 calorie diet wouldn't fix. So this morning I have returned to the diet diary and I am writing down every mouthful of food and drink that I have, each and every day, until I lose the 22 pounds. I am determined. This time I will eat more during the work period of my day, less in the late afternoon and evening.

I began my day with 320 calories of breakfast. 1 1/2 cups of Fiber One cereal, 1 cup of 1% milk and tea with two sugars. Lunch will be my usual salad of Romaine, carrots, sweet dried cranberries and Chinese noodles with a mixed by me salad dressing (Ranch, light mayo and honey). I will have a large water and a large tea at work. Perhaps two teas. And if I get hungry (because I work until 7 pm), an apple.

I had ham for supper yesterday and I feel the salt (holding water) in my hands. So lots of liquids today to flush the salts out of my body.

I began clearing the dining room table of clutter this week and hope to continue working toward a clean slate before I go to work later. I just decided to pack my little fabric squares and circles to work on in the evenings in Ohio. I could try and sew during the drive also, but may get carsick. I found my green looseleaf notebook with the plastic sleeves. I want to place all the important papers for Ohio in the sleeves so I can see them clearly.

I have a great deal of planting to do before Sunday, so I don't think I will get to the 12 by 12 challenge by June 1. Things could change, but I am giving myself permission to be late. I also have Book Sale work to email to the volunteer coordinator. That will take about an hour or more of computer time. Tomorrow. And I need to make the Master Volunteer Time Chart and deliver it to the library with the books that need to be returned. And I have Rhubarb Pie to make and bake. For G to eat. Not me.

And I need to pack my clothes. My plane takes off at 5:45 in the morning on Monday. Which means I need to be up and getting ready to go at 3 am. G has end of the month and won't even be home from work until 2:30 am. I really don't want him driving to Portland and back, so my daughter will have to be called into serve. Or I can get the JetPort taxi for $50. One way.

I will arrive in Ohio at 11 am and be met by Daniel's wife, who will take me to my Dad's (my) house and the car. I'll see what needs doing, plug in the refrigerator so we have ice and cold water, check out the basement, find the hotel and wait for my son to arrive at the airport. I'll need to go get him. This will be a "sort of" stressful day for me as I don't like driving. But Ohio driving is very strange. Everyone drives SLOW. So it should be okay. I like driving slow.

Well, I need to dress for work and get going on my day. G is mowing. Riley is watching G mow. So far, so good.

Memorial Day

No picture. Things are out of control here, with work, gardening and dog duty. I don't even remember sleeping last night. Just when I thought I was falling asleep, the birds started chirping and I knew, just knew, I would never get to sleep, and that's when G said it was time to get up.

I'm working today. G is working today. Doggie Day Care is closed for the holiday. My daughter is on vacation in Florida. So I have to drive home at lunchtime, like I did on Saturday, walk the dog, feed him etc and then go back to work. This absence from work does not make Joanie popular with the other employees. They get to do the work I would have been doing, as well as their own. Not something they look forward to. And tomorrow I leave work for my doctors appointment. Yikes!

We finally got the plum tree into the ground. It still may be too low. It looked too high and now it looks too low. Not just right! I have all my little "starts" out under the oak tree in the back yard. They seem to like it and after two days of "daytime", they spent the night outside last night. It may be time to set them into the garden and let them grow. Not the real Memorial Day (31st) so I am being cautious. It still gets really cold here at night.

All my "cold" crops are going along nicely. The Fava beans look good and the lettuce and chard are getting stronger every day. The beets and turnips didn't germinate. Lemon thyme is back and so is rue, sage and chives (which I don't like). French tarragon is spreading everywhere. I now have two mints as the one I thought was dead, isn't. I have added lemon verbena, lemon grass and cilantro to the herb garden and started seeds for lemon marigolds. I planted dill but it seems to have self seeded all over the herb bed--which is okay with me as I have lots of pickle cucumber starts ready to produce pickles. I potted the rosemary and thyme on the stoop. Can I just admit to never using any of the herbs I plant and grow? Well, I think I used some dill, once. I have never used the parsley or celery. We did eat the garlic one year. I just like to touch and smell them.

The caretaker of my Ohio house is setting up appointments with real estate people, ordering the dumpster to be delivered and set up (ready for filling) and selling the large items I don't want to move to Maine (lawn tractor, rototiller, trailer, snowblower). I still need a hotel reservation, maps and a container for all the important papers I will need at the bank.

Time to go to work. Have a happy day. I hope you aren't working!

Garden: Heat Wave

After many pleasant days in the mid sixties (we like that temperature here in Maine) we are having a "heat wave" of temps in the 80's today. And all my plants are wilting in the heat and hot sunshine. Me, too. I was watering everything and getting bitten by every bug that flew past. Black Flies! Ugh! Now I am covered with pink polka dots of Calamine lotion. And I'm sipping my, first of the season, iced coffee.

My walking buddy is back from Florida where she says it's "stinking hot" and it's also raining. Their house sitter has had to lower the water in the pool twice or three times this week. We walked Riley this morning and all his favorite pools of water have dried up. He wasn't the happiest of walking buddies.

I need to visit the grocery store, library and bank. It's 2 pm so I'd best get started.

I missed Art Club on Tuesday. I had to work long past my scheduled time to quit (5:30, not 4) and after picking up the dog, showering, and thinking about going-- I just gave up, ate dinner in my jammies and fell asleep watching Dancing with the Stars. I woke up to see the chubby Olympic champ win. Too bad she wasn't the best dancer. Just the most popular with people who called in. A good season ends badly. At least Survivor ended well. JT, even after making so many mistakes (but did he?) won it all. And Coach has a book deal. Ha! It also looked like Coach had used some Botox.

We are almost out of Rhubarb Pie so I need to make more. The Baked Ham continues to be very delicious. But needs Rye Bread and pickled hot peppers. I'm thinking of making G a cheesecake. Cream cheese is on sale. My daughter leaves for her vacation tomorrow and I have to drive home from work, mid day on Saturday to walk the dog. I couldn't get the whole day off.

One week till my trip to Ohio. Feeling better about it. Making lists of documents I need to take, keys I need to have, car papers, house deeds, death certificates. Work gloves for the carrying of trash from the basement. Hotel reservations. Taxi or hotel shuttle from airport (small town and they may not have one). Or just a taxi to the house and get the car. Hope it starts.

I'm tired. Wish I was working less and enjoying gardening more. But I would miss the customers. Love helping them. I'm a helpful personality. Wish I had time to read a book. Wish I had time for lots of things. I just am not doing a good job of getting things done. I never actually made a list.

Wish I had time to make a decent list.

Exit laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Morning Post

I'm trying an early morning post to see if I can regain my "upbeat" personality. I think (know) I have been dragging around here, of late, with a pretty dull, sullen attitude.

My boss is being a really pain this week. He is in panic mode because I am taking a week off work. In the 18 months I have worked for him, I have never even taken a sick day. The thought of seven days without me (get real) is making him crazy. Yesterday I had to teach another employee "everything" I know about the perennial yard. Where to start? With Latin names? I left her to tidy up the yard and I went in the annual house to pot up large orders. We had two massive pots to fill for one of the assisted living residences. Turned out okay. Not as spectacular as last year.

I am still in my own little panic mode, thinking about my trip to Ohio. And I am waiting impatiently for my new "Off Road" Crocs to arrive. And tonight is Art Club.

I weeded my flower beds for an hour after work yesterday while Riley sat with his back to me, several feet away, protecting "my back" from rouge squirrels.

I'm taking the camera to work for traffic/construction pics and also pictures of my perennial yard. I plan to exchange the rosemary I purchased for a Tuscan Blue Rosemary which has caught my fancy.

We finally ate some of the baked ham yesterday along with au gratin potatoes and green bean casserole. The ham was really "baked" but still tender and very tasty. I shared a large container with my daughter (Sam/Ham) and have plenty for many more ham meals (and more sharing). Got to run to work now. Have a happy day!

A Sunday In May

Here in Maine, when the temperature gets as high as 60 degrees, the shorts, sandals and sleeveless tops are pulled out of storage. And if the sun is shining? Well, it's a regular holiday. My coworkers have started tucking the sleeves of their work tees up (no farmer tans wanted) and wearing shorts to work. Later in the afternoon they have to pull on heavy hooded sweatshirts, but never mind that. I still have to get down on the ground to reach under tables for trays of perennials that have been pushed way under, weeks ago. So no shorts yet. And anyway, none of the shorts I wore to work last summer, fit anymore. All the weight gain is in my rear end.

My garden is getting a good soak today. Rain. It was sunny and nice on Friday and Saturday, but not today, our day off. We had wanted to finally plant the plum tree and unless G has a complete personality change and decides he likes being out in the rain, it won't be happening today.

I should take a photo of the sweep of blue Forget Me Not which has taken hold of the Peony bed. I love blue in my gardens. I also love pinks and pale yellows. I'm no fan of red.

The days are rushing by and I haven't taken time to "stop and smell the flowers" lately. Perhaps G and I are doing too much? Working too long and hard when we should be slowing down and enjoying life. Perhaps that's just a fable, no longer true these days. Not that each day doesn't bring it's share of happy moments. My customers are delightful. I genuinely enjoy helping them find just what they want for their gardens.

I enjoy the hour I have after work, with the dog, doing something in the garden. I'm already dirty from a day at work, in work clothes, so why not garden a bit longer? Planting a few herbs, a flat of lettuce, pulling some weeds, planting a few seeds. My indoor window sill is full of seedlings of tomato, peppers, eggplant, squashes and cucumbers. Waiting. For that magical day when the weather is "warm enough". Memorial Day?

I have made plans (and airplane reservations) to return to Ohio the first week of June. To complete tasks I have left hanging with the estate. I need to go to the banks, empty the basement of junk, list the house with an agent, and, with the help of my son who is flying in from California, drive Dad's car back to Maine. I have been having difficulty sleeping ever since I finalized these plans. The executor position has not been a good fit for me. It seemed so simple but at every turn, there is some "difficulty", some reason why things can't get done. Some point where I feel like a failure or a fool. I can't seem to go from point one to point two without making some error in judgement. I question my mental capabilities. My son says he will help me with everything when we get to Ohio. I will begin packing everything I think we might need. Papers, certificates, identification, affidavit (notarized), voided checks, insurance, deeds, registrations. I am filled with DREAD.

Yesterday G and I had Chinese for dinner. I had made pizza on Saturday (we ate dinner after 7 pm). I think I made pasta one day last week, but I don't remember which one. I can't seem to get a regular meal on the table anymore. I think we had leftovers (?) and cheese sandwiches twice. Today I have laundry (work clothes and underwear) to do, a rhubarb pie to bake, grocery shopping to do (I need lettuce for my salads for lunch), and I think I should work on my Twelve by Twelve piece. Image.

So, here I am, this Sunday. Ambivalent. Wanting to finish. Afraid to finish. Wanting to begin. Afraid to begin. Balancing. Sort of. Unsure.

I think I will make a list of tasks I can accomplish today and cross them all off as I get them done. I will add some very easy ones and one hard one. And my reward at the end of today is Masterpiece Theater/ Wallander. And a few pages of reading? It's been so long since I had time to read a book. It seems like such a long time since I had time to just sit, look and rest. Perhaps I will add these tasks to my list for today. Sit. Look. Rest.

Mother's Day CUP

Polka dots and a big cup! G went shopping for Mother's Day and brought home two of these for me to fill with annuals or indoor foliage. They have drainage holes, so no coffee. Of course, they glued the saucer to the cup making drainage difficult. The last time we had one of these in the greenhouse (potting it up for an employee's mom), we had to chase down customers who kept taking it to the cash register, trying to buy it. So, I am waiting for a "slow day" at work. And I figured out how to crop the photo. Always learning new things.

I have been busy, tired, having a sore back etc. I can do a lot, but when the limit is reached, at my age, there isn't much of a reserve left. I hate having to take pain medication every morning. My work pants are getting looser but the scale shows no weight loss. So I'll just be happy with the loose pants (for whatever reason they are getting loose).

The days are just racing by, it seems. The past two months seem like two weeks. And when we reach the end of June the "new, fresh, bright beginnings" period will be past and we will be into the long, hot (then cold) decline which ends on December 31st. Not so long ago. BUT. This year I know what I'm doing at work and have repeat customers who sing my praises. Boy, that is definitely good for the soul!

My seedlings of tomatoes and squashes are doing just fine on the window sill. My fava beans are growing but the beets, kale and rabe just aren't coming along. The seeds didn't germinate. the lettuce, chard, celery and parsley are doing fine. I forgot to purchase a dill flat yesterday and they will probably not have any by tomorrow. I may just seed a flat here at home. Still too cool for plants to be outdoors. Everyone wants to garden this year. And they want to garden NOW!!!!

My perennial yard at work is most excellent. Alphabetical by Latin names. We can find anything, IF we know the Latin name. I am learning them. Not pronouncing them correctly most of the time, but I am learning their names. Linum for Flax. Because we make linen out of the Flax plant. Latin is such a pure language. I have spent the past two full days out in the perennial yard (I must take a photo for you), full sun, breeze off the ocean. Nice work.

Today, I get my hair cut. And, today, I have lunch with my husband. We both have today off. Riley is busy examining the yard.

The sun is shining. The sky is very blue. A Maine blue sky is one of those things I wish everyone could experience. It is SO VERY clear and intensely blue. And the grass, from the stoop, is emerald green. Close up it's not so lovely, but from the stoop or the street, well, it's a carpet of chemically enhanced green. My hollyhocks from last year have returned. We may actually get the plum tree into the ground today. We may dig and move the Germanic Irises which are now in the "wrong" spot. My peonies are huge. My lupine are all back and some are getting very large. Most of my "five dollar" roses made it through the winter. One died. I have rhubarb in the fridge for pie. Life is good, right now.

So today. A haircut. Perhaps a visit to Big Lots on the way home. The library to return books. The bank to deposit my pay checks. Lunch at 111 Maine and we will linger over coffee and chat with our favorite wait person and the chef.

I have to go. Next Tuesday I have Art Club. That should spark a good post. And I want to take pictures of the long traffic delays on Maine street where we are (finally) getting new sewer pipes, and the homeowners are seeing, actually, where the front of their property line is and having trees, lawns and driveways chewed up by the biggest machines and trucks. It is amazing. And because it's Crooker and not the Town, the employees are so very gracious, smiling, stopping traffic in a very organized way etc. etc.

Wednesday, May 6th

A recent purchase. A pure white, spring cactus. The flowers open into a star shape (at some point in the day) and have yellow stamen. I usually view this pretty cactus with it's flowers closed. someday I will catch them open.

Yesterday I bought nothing. Quite proud of myself as there is nearly always something I want at the greenhouse. But I held firm. And this morning this was my internet horoscope for the day:

Take a look at your closet today and count how many things are in there that you never wear. Chances are, no matter how high the number is, every single one of those forgotten items was an impulse buy -- wasn't it? Today, remember those neglected outfits when you see something you think you must have. Think about all the money you could have now if you had just resisted that compulsion. Don't spend money on something you don't need.

I think the percentage of items in the closet that we actually wear is like 10% eighty percent of the time. We reach for the same few items, over and over again. Now that I work in a greenhouse (and get dirty) I have been wearing few (none) of the clothes in my closet and the items I would like to wear, don't fit. In fact, what I am wearing is stuff I purchased in May, 2007, at that point in the 365 day healthy eating plan.

These days I am wearing whatever I can find in greenhouse green @ the local Goodwill. Men's cargo pants. I have the company tee shirt in medium (wear alone) and large (wear layered with something under). I used to be able to layer under the medium. My coworkers have begun wearing shorts. I'll need to visit the Goodwill and see what they have in the men's shorts section since last year's shorts may be too tight. I want nice and baggy. One pair, washed often, will be enough. Most of the cargo pants I have fit high and tight in the rear. Not something I appreciate on a hot, sweaty summer day. I could always "go hippy" and wear long, floaty skirts to work with the company tee. Or tie a sarong around my hips. Laughing!!!!!!

So, my closet. I have been eliminating stuff all along as lots of things in there were too big. Now I have to work on removing things I haven't worn in the past year or two. I even have things in there I haven't worn in the past 10 or 20 years. Those things have all sorts of emotional attachments. Harder to pull out of the closet and bag up. Easier to do when the things don't belong to you. I can clean out someone else's closet pretty darn quick.

Hard to break the emotional attachment to these clothes. Hard to break the emotional attachment I have to stockpiled ephemera (old papers and books) and fabric. Baby steps. I think I will return to the brown paper grocery bag approach and just fill one grocery bag with stuff in the closet. Not a "big deal". I have been walking around the house finding little items and placing them in the "yard sale" box out on the porch. Vases, baskets, salt and peppers, a set of small tumbling bears. Little crap. Little crap that clutters up the horizontal spaces.

So, dear readers, do you have a brown paper grocery bag? Can you walk around the house and put things into it? Can you take the bag over to Goodwill when you have it filled? Put the really awful stuff in the garbage can. If I lived in a well traveled neighborhood ( I live at the end of a dead end street) I would set up a small table with a "FREE" sign and be done with it.

I love to stop the car and look at the "FREE" stuff people put out on the lawn. Windows, screens, doors, computers, televisions, couches, chairs, empty pails. G & I have a huge pile of windows we picked up. We have plans to make garden boxes (cold frames) with these windows. Someday. And last week I saw an incredible stack of lovely, old green windows and screens. I didn't stop but they were lovely and quite large. So if your situation is conducive to a table or pile on the curb--go for it. And fill a little jar or can with flowers.

And don't buy anything today.

Time and Money

I read Rice's blog post about not spending money (Voodoo Cafe) and tried. But I needed gypsum to condition my garden dirt (clay layer) for my new plum tree. And I needed buns for pulled pork sandwiches. And I had to pay for the four herb plants that will die in my garden this year (just like in years past) and the tomato plants that L and I are sharing (Brandywine). And chicken breasts (boneless and skinless) were $1.79 a pound. So I caved. Spent. Bought.

Oh, and the "empty" buzzer went off on the car's gas tank as I was driving back from getting my teeth X-rayed (18 times) so I had to fill the tank. If old friends and family members are reading this and snorting--yes, I did fill the tank. Second time in four weeks. After 32 years of NOT EVER filling a gas tank. G just doesn't have time to do it for me, like he has for 32 years, up till now. I guess the honeymoon is over?

Tomorrow. That's when I will not buy anything. In fact, my sales slip from today is incorrect so I will begin the day with a credit of $7.29 back onto my credit card.

Squirrel Report: Riley has caught and ended the life of his second squirrel. One moment Riley was resting in the freshly de-weeded garden bed with me and next G was yelling "stop". Riley was trying to encourage the squirrel to "play" some more, but alas, it was already done "playing". He caught one Friday (could have been this same squirrel) and G made him release it and let it run back in the woodpile. The learning curve with this dog is something to observe. He is quite intelligent and learns quickly from his mistakes. He even lines up behind trees so the squirrel can't see him clearly. And he walks so very slowly across the lawn, head down, tail straight out. A hunter.

The caretaker I have watching my dad's (my) house in Ohio called last night, late. We talked about the guy who doesn't want to cut the grass. D has another guy in mind. Just in case. We talked about karma. How bad deeds lead to bad things happening. Not for D and I but for someone who has promised to do things at the house and has disappointed both of us. Someone who took an almost new coffeemaker from the pile of my Dad's things meant for the food pantry. As he was driving off with his "stolen" coffee maker, he hit a bump and his muffler and back bumper were torn off the car. Karma.

Today was a better day. People are still tippy toeing around me. And that's okay with me. I don't mind having them staying away. I like solitude. Especially while I tend, count, and re-supply my perennials. Time alone. And the dentist visit was very pleasant. I found the staff chatting with me like I was an old friend of theirs and, in truth, I had never seen any of them before. And at the grocery an older woman came up to me and said "how do I know you?" and I answered, as I always do, "from the library". We talked about my new job and she asked me about her blueberry bushes and I told her what to do with them. Just another day. Oh, and a customer brought me Scarlett runner beans from her garden--for me to plant on my porch trellis. A better day.

Rhubarb Pie

Is in the oven baking right now. Riley woke us up very early this Sunday morning (our joint day off), so we had breakfast before 8am. I set some "Southern Pork Ribs" (about 6 pounds) which were on sale for 99 cents a pound this week into the crock pot with some hot water and a few onions overnight. This morning I picked and shredded the meat, added BBQ sauce and brown sugar and set it all back to cooking slowly for the rest of the day. So dinner is done.

Friday wasn't a very good day. I said something to a co worker with the very best of intentions. She complained to the boss. He came out to complain to me. I stayed out in the perennial yard organizing the plants and forgot to eat lunch (and everyone stayed as far away from me as possible, including customers, so I must have been radiating frustration). Then, I find out I am teaching the vegetable class the next morning, with no prep. G & I went out to dinner and I had a large drink.

Saturday everyone is bending over to help me get set up for the class. Still radiating, I guess. And it went well, and they ate all the cookies. The rest of the day flew by. And now it's Sunday. My mantra for the work situation: It's not MY greenhouse. I can try and fix what is mine.

On that note: I got my first bill for the lawn care at my Dad's house in Ohio and a handwritten note saying they don't want to cut the grass there anymore. Too big a lawn and too much time. I guess there's no recession in Ohio. You can just get rid of jobs that are too much work. I emailed an offer to pay more. What else can I do? And I always thought the fee was too low.

G is getting cranky. He's tired, has no time to just lay around and nap, is getting irritated with the dog, is falling asleep in front of the television. I pointed out that this is HIS dog and I don't mind helping out, but I am NOT doing the dog, the laundry, the cooking, the shopping, the ironing, the bill paying, and entertaining myself while he sleeps. And I was just starting to work on dusting and general cleaning of furniture, bathrooms and such.

Right now he is outside yelling at the dog, who is digging a deep hole in the woodpile looking for the baby squirrel he caught yesterday (and G made him give back). Pretty soon G's going to bring the dog back into the house--for me to watch. NOT! Riley tracked and caught that squirrel and had him in his mouth. He wants that squirrel back. He wants to be outside where the squirrel is hiding. Single minded devotion to the task.

I think I will get into my dirty work clothes and go out and garden a bit. Some weeding. Some digging up and potting of perennials (in the wrong places). I may even plant some more seeds. As soon as the pie is done.

Reality Check

No matter what age or condition I think I am -- inside my head-- this is what I look like on the outside. I wish I looked like I do in the bathroom mirror, right after washing my face. So young and fresh. I can see the waddle of my chin. That I need better glasses. That my hair is messy, again. My ears don't look as BIG as they do in real life, though. My nose is larger than I think it is. All in all, for me, a nice picture. 62.5

G has taken the dog to Petco to buy dog food and a new, metal water bowl for the back deck. They also went to the vet to get Riley's nails clipped and Riley now weighs 72 pounds. He's lost 6 pounds since the beginning of the new year. All that chasing of the plastic, planting pots around the yard. Now they are out walking. Riley stood next to me, looking, asking to go to "school" (daycare) this morning. He really likes to go there. It's his routine. But not today. Today he gets to spend time with G & me.

I went shopping at Big Lots yesterday in hopes of finding more of the delicious Italian pasta they had last month. Antolina. Imported from Italy. I found bowtie pasta last time and this time I found two sizes of spaghetti. I bought 21 packages. We had one package last night with butter and Parmesan cheese (and lots of fresh ground pepper). I may have to go back and buy more. Cooks up nice and al dente "firm to the tooth" and has a wonderful flavor. Not true of most pasta we buy. Which usually is pasty. But I think most Americans like their pasta overcooked, soft and gummy. Not me.

G is doing "End of the Month" paperwork and I will be eating alone this evening. I have some kale and the two artichokes I purchased so I will have a nice vegetarian meal. I will saute the kale with an onion (browned in olive oil) and some plumped up raisins. The artichoke will be steamed and served with some melted butter. Yummy.

I paid my overdue real estate taxes yesterday morning, deposited my pay checks, wiped down all the surfaces in two bathrooms, bought pasta at Big Lots, worked hard at work, took a lovely shower after work, made an easy dinner and actually stayed awake to watch TWO entire TiVo'ed programs. The Mentalist and Lost.

I have rhubarb in the fridge for a rhubarb custard pie. It isn't SPRING without rhubarb pie. I think I ate my way through two or three last spring, which might just be WHY I gained 20 pounds (along with the daily Yumbo for lunch or the yogurt and fruit). Do ya think????? That and the fact that I switched from the mini ice cream cone to the medium all summer. Just those two changes. Makes quite a difference, FAST. Now if I could just find something to burn off the pie and ice cream so I could have the lower weight (which I want) and the treats (which I want). Because I don't want to give up the treats. I even skip dinner in order to have the ice cream. The gym?

I have been finding that my breakfast is used up by 11 am (tummy grumbling) at work and that my lunch salad doesn't do the trick of filling me up when I have heavy lifting and hauling to do. That's why I started eating the ham and cheese Yumbo last year with carrot sticks and hummus. Then I switched to vanilla low fat yogurt, a fresh sliced peach and raspberries with Grape Nuts. That was VERY HIGH in calories also. Yogurt is NOT a low calorie food. And yogurt and fruit does not FILL you up. So I added a bran muffin. See. It's perfectly clear how I gained weight. And we're not even talking about the mid morning raisin bagel with low fat cream cheese. Now I chew gum. And make my own little French press coffee mid afternoon. I have even left my Granola bars at home, instead of in my locker.

Now that, finally, I am starting to think clearly again, I hope, that over the next six months, I will be able to lose some of this weight. Slowly. I will never be as thin as I need to be. Or was, once. But I can try to return to the weight I decided was "good enough". And then I have to be careful.

I'm going to clear the dining room table of art supplies, magazines, paid bills and plants. That's my "reality check" job for the day. And place my container of seedlings out on the deck to warm up in the sun. And later today, weed, iron shirts, and watch television. I have a lunch date with a librarian. Can that be any better???

Six Months

It has been six months since my father died. Six months of not getting things done. I had turkey fat sitting in a bowl on the sunporch (freezing weather most of the time) since Thanksgiving. I took care of it this morning. It hadn't really bothered me until this morning. And that's how bad it's been around here, for me.

Everyday, after work, I pick up the dog, do errands, and come home to work in my garden or flower beds. Before we know it, G has arrived home from work and the three of us sit outside for a few minutes to discuss "our day" and then go inside to prepare dinner, feed the dog, take showers. We eat while watching the 6 to 7 pm news. By 9:30 we are asleep in front of the television.

Somehow I must try and fit art into this long and work filled day. I tried working (writing) in my journal but have lost the "muse". I save all my good thoughts for you! LOL. Whatever thoughts I have, float away when I sit down to write.

Work is good. Heavy lifting. Watering. Deadheading. I go home dirty and tired. I found some new Crocs to buy online. Off Road. In Army Green. Serious treads on the soles. The website even has Croc boots. Butt ugly. Like something out of a storm trooper comic book. Water proof. I tugged on a pair of old boots sitting in the Annual House. Checked them for spiders etc before putting my feet in them. They kept my feet (socks) dry but then started "heating" up from the warm cement floor and the sun pouring into the Big House. So I took them off. But it was good for about an hour and my socks weren't as soggy as usual. Wool socks. I don't even realize my feet are wet. Wool Rocks.

Today I will be in the Perennial Yard. Sorting. Organizing. Cleaning. That's work. Annual House, Big House, Yard. There's also the Nursery. That's trees and shrubs. Not my business.

Today I will also be visiting my bank. To deposit four paychecks. I really should get direct deposit. I like to SEE my money.

Today we will be having leftover pot roast and leftover mashed potatoes and some fresh broccoli. Yesterday's dinner was HORRIBLE. Fried chicken in questionable oil. Oh. My. G ate it and thought it was delicious. Now you know about his taste level. I couldn't finish my first bite. I am clearing out the fridge and pantry and obviously some of these things need to go directly into the garbage can. I'm sure there was nothing wrong with the chicken. It was the oil I fried it in that should have been tossed. I had toast for breakfast. Plain.

It's 8 am and I don't start work until 11. I have 2.5 hours to spend doing something. Laundry? Iron G's shirts? Clean out the fridge? Read blogs? Walk the dog? Create Affidavit for the Ohio Banks? Fill out Annuity Papers? Deposit Checks in Bank? Clean one of the three bathrooms? Mop or sweep the floors? Dust (six months worth on everything)? Take down the Christmas decor? (I left the 2007 stuff up and had it for 2008-- snowmen look strange in June, but not so strange that I put them away) Remove and wash the couch slipcovers? Vacuum?

Now I have 2 hours. And time for another cup of coffee and the New York Times on line.

Definitely Spring

My daffodils are up and blooming in the back garden beds. White with pale yellow here and bright yellow in the peony beds. And the peonies are all sending up red bud shoots so I will have a riot of fragrant blooms in June. My two new peonies: Krinkle White and Bowl of Beauty will join the pink, white and red. The Sweet Woodruff I planted as a "ground cover" is sending out trailing runners which will send down roots for new plants.

In the veg garden I have my beets, rabe, turnips, celery, fava beans/spinach, and kale. A friend at work has given me chard seedlings and I have lettuce to add to the garden today since it's cloudy and a good day to transplant. I do some small gardening chore each afternoon after work. I'm already dirty and dressed for gardening so why not? And that, dear readers, is why you haven't heard from me so often.

The day just races by. In the morning, I have my salad to make (romaine, carrots, cranberries and chinese noodles with wheat berries when I have some cooked), my breakfast to eat, my pockets and bag to pack, and the dog to pack up (he has his toys, collar and lunch) for day care. All in one short hour from 6:30 to 7:30. When my work schedule changes I will need to do all this from 6 to 7 in the morning. No time to blog.

In the afternoon, I have the dog to exercise after his day at day care, the garden chores to work on, grocery shopping if needed, dinner to prepare (we haven't been eating very creatively lately), and laundry to do. Today, Sunday, my day off, I have time to iron shirts, cook wheat berries and make a decent supper. I already have the wheat berries cooking and a load of clothes in the wash and it isn't even 8 in the morning yet.

We have been having pretty mild and decent spring weather and everyone wants to start gardening and having flowers in the garden (outside) and we still have a last frost to get past. Everyday they ask if we have tomato seedlings. And everyday I say "no, it's too early". Yesterday, Mainers were dressed in shorts, sleeveless tops and sandals. It was 62. But I guess when compared with 10 below zero most of the winter, 62 is a regular heat wave. Not for me. I feel cold all the time. My body needed iron and B vitamins so we went out for a cheeseburger last night. I feel much better now.

Well, the coffee is ready to drink and I'm having whole grain toast for breakfast. I'm considering the possible things in the freezer that we might eat this evening: chicken, steak, ground beef. I just don't know. I also have a huge ham in the fridge that I could bake and then we could eat ham all next week. Or I could empty the fridge and give it a very much needed cleaning. Or I could go out for ice cream now that Cote's is open for the season. Oh, yes!

Definitely. Spring. Happy.

Fatique

Long days at work. Sunshine and, today, rain. Dirt under my nails. Dirt on my clothes. Wet wool socks.

I got to plant things for Secretary's Day tomorrow. In multiples of 5 or 6. Some offices have that many secretaries. More likely, assistants. I made it all look very special and "gifty". Crisp clear cellophane, cute gift cards, ribbons color coded to the flowers and container. Not matching. I am an "artist" you know. So, unusual choices. There was a comment from a co worker "well, we don't see that, often". They should!

I'm taking this book back to the library tomorrow, but wanted to share a "good cook book" with you dear readers. David Tanis is the chef who wrote this simple, garden driven, book. David was a chef for Alice Waters and now spends 6 months working for her in California and the other 6 months living in France. Not bad, huh? The cuff of my robe and my hand is reflected in the fig.

My orchid in bloom. I love the shadows. This would be fun to dye paint on whole cloth and then topstitch with lots and lots of colored thread. And maybe some beads.

I have two artichokes steamed for dinner. G is having leftover tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Yesterday we had a delicious dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes with light cream and sour cream mixed in and steamed broccoli. Perhaps popcorn while watching the results show for Dancing with the Stars? I think the cowboy is going home tonight. Or the football player. Depends on who has the larger fan base. No room anymore for people who haven't learned to dance, can't loosen up, keep their back straight, point their toes and shake their hips all in time to ridiculous music. My opinion.

I may fall asleep before we get to 10 pm. And I need an Aleeve. And a delicious hot shower.

Friday At Last

We had "some weather" today. Maybe up to 60 degrees. Where I was working out in the perennial yard, it was windy, so not as warm. Tomorrow we are expecting rain. My garden would appreciate it.

Riley is exhausted. He is sleeping so hard that I had to go check to see if he was dead. He opened his eye. Looked at me. Closed his eye. Not dead.

I made Tomato Basil Soup for G for his dinner. With homemade little dumplings. I just mixed up some egg beaters, milk and flour into a smooth and sticky dough and spooned it into boiling water and let them cook until they floated. I also added a ribbon of light cream to the soup. You could add a shot of vodka for an Italian touch. The dumplings add a Serbian peasant touch because I learned how to make them from my grandmother.

Tomorrow I am "hostessing" the garden speaker. Roses. I am in charge of copies of handouts, chairs, coffee and coffee cake at 9 am. At the 1 o'clock class we'll be serving cookies.

We are having the class in the Annual House and we'll have the "cold" crops for company. Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, lettuces, onions and celery. I want one of everything. I purchased a Jackamani clematis. I wanted one last year but waited too long. It's always best to buy plants the first few days they arrive. After that, they get depressed or something (even though I give them excellent care, water and talk to them-- we even play music for them). Like orphans when they don't get adopted. Poor self image. I plan to plant my Jackamani in a big pile of compost on Sunday. I plan to plant a number of things on Sunday.

G just finished eating a whole container of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. He never gains weight and has cholesterol of 180. I really don't understand. And it's hard to live with someone who eats like that and gets away with it. But I'm healthier. Never get sick and have more stamina. He's always whining about something.

TiVo. I already had my shower. And then bedtime.

Expiration Date

Late last night, or early this morning, I realized why I have been feeling so confused, morose, and listless. With the death of my father, I have only my very immediate family left. Me. G. and our children. So the next time someone very important to me dies....... it will be one of the four of us. It's been there, in my head, like a blinking light. The expiration date.

We all know that death is coming. It's just so easy to believe we have so much more time. And with that sort of thinking, we waste what time we still have. I guess that's what's going on in my subconscious mind. I'm questioning the way I use the time I have left. And asking what will happen to the "me" who will, eventually, lose the people dearest to her. Or what will happen if they lose me. Are my belongings in order.

This post isn't meant to be depressing. I think knowing you have a certain amount of time, like 20 years, and some of it will be limited by age and health, you can make plans to use what you have left; wisely, joyfully and lovingly.

And, most importantly, don't waste your precious time on things you don't enjoy. Don't postpone things that bring you great joy. Prioritize your life. There are things you have to do, must do, should do, can do, want to do, wish you could do. Sort it out.

An example. I packed up and mailed a box of hard cover books to my friend K after our visit. She insisted it was too expensive to ship them. I insisted that it was something I wanted to do as I had the books and she wanted to read them. In the end, book rate for the box was only $5 and we both ended up happy. I intend to do more of that. Doing things I want to do and not being put off by "cost" in time or money.

I have planted tulips in the vegetable garden. More peonies outside the dining room windows. Purchased two fruit trees that won't make fruit for 3 to 5 years. Planted small Agapanthus (Lily of the Nile) roots because someday, years from now, I hope to see them bloom and prosper out on my deck.

I am coming to terms with my expiration date. My "use by" date.

"Choice by choice, moment by moment, I build the necklace of my day, stringing together choices that form artful living." Julia Cameron

On the cooking front: Working five days and not having a day off in common with my husband is wearing on me. I haven't been doing anything creative in the kitchen and need to stop at the grocery for supplies after work. We had grilled steaks (not so tender), baked potatoes and a large mixed salad for dinner last night. Monday we had cherry tomato (my garden produce/2008) pasta. I have no idea, at all, what we will be eating tonight. If it was just me, I have roasted butternut squash, roasted beets, beet and kale greens I could saute with a browned onion. I also have the other half of my veggie whole wheat pizza. Nothing that would interest G. I liked when G traveled for a living and I had two or possibly three days to just feed myself.

On the weight front: I woke up feeling incredibly thin and light. And weighed myself and was horrified by the number. Quite the bummer!!!

The Other Me

Ever have those moments when you wish you had gone in a more adventurous direction? I would still want to dress like this, but I just don't have the legs for it. When I did have the legs for it, I was too conservative and "proper". Oh, to go back and try again. But the background paper is mine.

Yesterday was very busy at the greenhouse. The churches were picking up their Sunday flower orders and everyone in the area was buying an Easter Lily to give as a gift to someone, probably someone who is cooking Easter dinner. We had orders (long distance) for delivery of flowers to many assisted living homes. I paid particular attention to these orders. I work tomorrow, Easter Sunday, and we expect a good number of people to visit and ask questions.

I had to work the front counter and cash registers again. But I could answer a number of questions and help people find products so, in that respect, my being up front was valuable. My skills on the cash register are dubious. I was complimented on my "foiling" technique when adding a colorful foil wrap to the purchased plants. Perfection in all things. My Zen leanings.

I also, patiently, explained that cutting perfect squares of foil off the roll, instead of ripping jagged chunks, was a far better beginning to an attractive foil wrap.

I find that my perfectionist ways (the alter ego of procrastination) are out of sync with the ways of the world. No one wants to take the added few seconds to do the job correctly. And that's all it amounts to; a few extra seconds. Okay. Maybe it adds a few minutes. To cut squares of foil and refold them into nice triangles for the storage boxes. To wrap the plant and have four nice flaps at the corners. To cut and arrange a nice mixed salad each day for lunch and bring your own fork. To water the dirt in the pot and not just wave the hose over the top foliage. To go back and rewater to make sure everything is evenly moist. To sweep off the potting bench surface and clear away empty pots and dirt for the next person. To refill the potting soil container so the next person doing a repot finds soil, ready to use. Okay. I've gotten that off my mind.

Today is a bit cooler. Yesterday was sunny, warm (50) and the sky was BLUE. Today is cloudy and looks like it might rain. G raked the front yard so my task today is to scoop up the piles and remove them to some "other place". We have a new area, not quite so visible, for the burn pile so the debris can go there or be dumped into the low areas of the woods. BUT, on my walks I have been seeing RAKED wood areas and they look so clean and neat. Do I want that?

We had leftover Garden Vegetable Chowder and a small amount of leftover pizza from last Friday for dinner last night. Today I plan to make new pizza. Seems that all we eat around here is soup and pizza. But it's homemade pizza. That is healthier isn't it? Especially mine with all the vegetables on top of whole wheat dough. I would prefer to eat something else but the dough is ready so I have to use it or lose it. G will be having Italian sausage, mushrooms and onion on his. I'll have cherry tomatoes, green peppers, onion and olives.

I have kale, beets, beet greens and butternut squash for a "harvest plate" like they serve at 111 Maine for my Easter dinner. I even have some asparagus to go along. G will have grilled lamb chops I have marinated in olive oil, lemon and rosemary, asparagus and none of the other vegetables. The big ham I bought will be eaten some other time before it's freeze or eat date of June. I just don't have the time or interest in cooking it this weekend. I'll round out the meal with some steamed rice.

I'm tired. I feel old. I feel heavy and wide in the hips. My hair is all fluffy and out of control. I want to crawl back into bed, cover my head and just disappear into sleep for hours. But I can't. I have piles of leaves to scoop, a dog to walk, food to cook, dirty clothes to wash and the reward of a long, hot shower at the end of all that work. My day off.

Frozen Pansies

Thawing on the floor in the sunroom. It got down to the 20's last night and because I had been out raking acorns off the lawn in my shirt sleeves yesterday afternoon, I forgot to bring my little pot of pansies in for the night. I don't even want to think about all the pansies at work, outside, and the hosta, outside. By the time I get to work today (11am) whatever can be done, will be, and that's the way the weather rolls.

I brought home four empty coffee cans and a big roll of newsprint sections (unprinted) from work yesterday. The cans come in handy for scooping fertilizer and lime out of the bags. The paper is just nice to have in case some five year olds come to visit and want to draw and color with crayons. It could happen. Or I can cover the dinner table with paper (like restaurants do) and hand out markers and crayons to my dinner guests.

My life was much different when I was in the habit of covering the coffee table with long sheets of blank newsprint (the newspapers would give the roll ends away in those days) and letting my two small children color while they watched Sesame Street in black and white. I taught them early on that television was secondary to some other activity. We did lots of crafts. We would have been coloring eggs today. And I would have my Easter Tree decorated with eggs, chicks and rabbits. All hanging by threads from branches. When I mentioned this at work it was greeted with "that's so Martha Stewart".

G cut a branch that had broken off a (possible) crab tree next to the place where he works and placed it on the counter in a glass vase, with the hottest possible tap water, to force blossoms. The customers are waiting to see what happens. I said he could hang some eggs on the branches, so I think that's what he will do on Saturday. It's sad that we can't do things like this at my place of work.

Today G is attempting to make some headway in the downed branches littering the front lawn. And if he remembers, G and Riley can drive over to the greenhouse and inspect and carry home the two fruit trees I purchased last week. A peach and a plum. And G has to sweep the road sand off our daughter's lawn. And it would be great if he had time to vacuum. A day off from work. LOL

I need to get dressed for work, make the bed, wash the breakfast dishes and take the compost bucket out to the compost pile. I semi-raked the back lawn after work yesterday where I raked all the gravel in the annual house. I'm trying for Michele Obama arms. I already have the hips.

Art Club

Last night I attended my second "Art Club" meeting. We had a fantastic evening. The full moon may have helped. I demonstrated Karen Michel's (Complete Guide to Altered Imagery) techniques for distressing photographs. Like the two above.

We soaked our photos in warm water to loosen up the photo emulsion a bit. Then we sanded the surface of the photo with sandpaper, a sanding block etc. The process is meant to open the surface (the shiny, slick surface) for further additions of paint, oil sticks (the water soluble kind), bleach pen dots or lines, stamped images, etched lines (ballpoint needles or awls). As you can see in the image on the left, I didn't sand everything. I left the tunnel images and the glass sculptures.

My demo piece was a picture of one of the other members (she had brought a handful of "bad" photos to share). I sanded the background images, leaving her face and seated body intact and began to show the group how to add color back into the sanded areas. P was very pleased with this as it was the messy background which had made the photograph "bad". After much painting, stamping, puncturing, she had an altered photograph she loved.

Another artist had a lovely photo of her young teen daughter in a pretty swirling dress. What wasn't so nice was the background. A moss covered dingy rental house. But after soaking, sanding, painting and with a halo of bleach pen dots, she had something she said she "worshiped".

In the end, each and every artist there last night went home with a new trick in their art tool box and with a very nice piece or two of altered art. Our 'end of evening' show and tell had something rather spectacular from each of us. All very different, as we are, and a fresh approach to making art.

And remember ---- I had to be, literally, dragged to that first Art Club meeting in March.

The Art Club began with one woman who wanted to learn and make art with fellow art makers. She invited two or three women to join her in making some cards or collage. They each invited a friend to come along at the next meeting. In March, we had about 15 people. In April, 12. Everyone brings some food to share, if they have some, and materials to share like papers, magazines to tear up, boxes of paints, oil sticks, glitter, pens.

Last night, in the "tell" part of show and tell, I discovered a number of members who were artists long ago and had lost that part of their life to family and work responsibilities. They were trying to reconnect with that past life. In my small way, I pushed them outside the "box" and into new territory. The have returned the favor, so to speak, and pushed me outside the house.

Yes, what we were doing could be classified as "craft" and not "art". But it's not WHAT you make or create. It's that you DO something. MAKE something.

One artist, wanting just a little something to do in the 30 minutes each day she had for art, now has photographs to alter with a shoebox of supplies. Sandpaper, oil sticks, watercolor paint. And she collaged images onto the altered photos with a glue stick. She thanked me repeatedly for giving her the gift of something she could do anytime and anywhere. I had given her art, she said.

What about each of you, dear readers? Do you have art in your day?

Missing Me

I haven't blogged since April first. What happened to all those days????? I have been working and planting seeds in the garden and teaching a class in Gardening 101.

It's raining today. Yesterday was glorious and warm and sunny. We even had ice cream at DQ for supper. And this morning was still pretty decent. But by the time I left work at 3:30, it was raw, cold and wet.

So. I'm working five days a week now. I'm working Easter Sunday. My Gardening 101 class went very well and they even took notes. I'm having a salad and an orange for lunch or a peanut butter on whole wheat with an apple. I still "need" something mid morning. Today it was an oatmeal cookie. A lot of new people have come back to work. (new to me because they didn't work last year).

Yesterday I sat down to do one of the "detestable tasks" I have on my list. Taxes. I tried to open Turbo Tax ($60) and turns out we don't have the correct operating system. So it won't load. And we can't return it. So I sharpened my pencil and started in, doing it the way I have done for 40 years. Only I used to be smarter. It took four or five complete tries before I got everything right (I think).

The Qualified Dividend ...I have had to pay penalties and be audited (several years now) because of this little item. I ALWAYS think I have gotten it right and NO! I don't. So I am more than a bit crazed by this element. And the worksheet. I erased so many times that there was no paper left at the end.

The Correct Tax Table. (I was using the single column for my daughter. I do her taxes first because, even though there are more forms, it just seems easier because it's not my money). I just didn't STOP using the single column in the tax charts until I had messed up MY taxes TWICE. And I used the Federal Tax Chart on my Maine Taxes and just about had a stroke. I could feel the arteries in my head constricting. No way was I writing a check that big to the State of Maine. I think Maine ranks 49 out of 50 states in the Realistic Taxation Category.

And then after I was done doing my taxes about ten times, I realized that my daughter had Qualified Dividends. So I got to do hers two more times. And erase holes in her worksheet.

Good thing we had ice cream for supper. And went to bed at 9:15.

Things will be better tomorrow. Art Club.

My daughter gets refunds and G & I get to write a BIG set of checks and fill out the Vouchers to prepay our tax money for 2009.

Friend of Twelve by Twelve- Window

My camera is giving up. And the light here in Maine isn't very good. But I do like what I have made for this challenge. A window grid. The darkest fabric, outside the window frame, is opportunity, waiting, just beyond. And that's what I think of when I look out the window. What is waiting for me just beyond what I already know.

When my life is in conflict and I am troubled, I find peace and contentment, while staring out the window. It is sort of a meditation ritual. Life goes on outside. With or without me. My troubles are small in comparison to the rotation of the seasons and the planet.

The fabrics used here are all from a small package of scraps I received in the mail awhile ago. All blues and all unknown to me. I added the blue batik outside border and the small square in the center from my own wastebasket scraps.

Working on this piece was very pleasant after a long time away from my fabric and my work space. I have been doing work with paper in collage and working in my journal. This is my first piece of fabric art in 2009. I need to make more.

I like Deborah's idea of a piece each day for a specific period of time. For her, it's Lent. I don't know what I will decide to do: perhaps a piece on my days off.