Monday, March 26, 2012

While I Was Away

Blogger and iPhoto changed the way I do things.  This is happening so often now, that I have no sense of balance and "normal" any longer.  I am comforted by the ordinary-ness of my surroundings.  I don't like change.  I do like "new" but only when I am in control of anything "new" coming into my life.

I am being STRONGLY encouraged to join Facebook (as a means) to getting PinInterest so I can "pin" my quilt pictures out into the blogosphere and gain readers.  Re-pinners.  This is now "the way" to increase your presence on the blogs.  My readership has gone up 25% in the past five months without any changes.  I have no idea how or why.  But there are more of you reading, from more countries.  Welcome!!

This amaryllis was a surprise.  Where did it come from?  Did I buy it or rescue it?  And when did that happen.  Is this one of the bulbs that has refused to bloom for several years?  I just don't know, but I am surprised and delighted.  It's really beautiful.  All those petals and brightness on such a cold, damp day. Spring in Maine is back to normal. Cold. Dark. Wet.

Yesterday, at work, they had one door to the greenhouse open all day (to encourage customers to walk out to the plastic house and look at perennials).  So the entire big greenhouse house got chilly.  Which meant I got cold and stayed cold.  My class went well.  Not the huge turnout of years past (with warmer weather) but a decent enough Sunday crowd.  I heard Saturday was better.  It also was raining on Sunday which limits the crowds.

I am struggling with my perception of how my diet is working, should be working etc.  It is really hard right now.  To be continually limiting more and more of the already limited food choices, trying to get the weight to go down.  So, I won't be making you laugh today.  I was writing in my paper journal last night, with tears running down my face.  I was also very tired.  What I forced myself to eat for dinner was truly terrible.  But I was not hungry after and I am still not hungry now.  I must be one of the few who are metabolically resistant to losing weight.  Don't worry.  I won't bore you with the trial this is going to be for me.  I will suffer in silence.

Editor's Comment: So much for silence. I have noted your concerns.  I WAS once in the OBESE category and had a great deal of difficulty tying my shoes and getting in the car behind the steering wheel.  Which is why I went on the 1200 calories a day diet for a full year (I should not have stopped but I had huge food cravings) with a huge shove from my doctor.  I am NOW considered to be OVERWEIGHT.  Yes, dear readers, overweight.  Clearly not as "healthy" as some of you assume. While not AS overweight as I was 10 months ago (20 pounds is gone) I weigh at least 20 to 30 pounds MORE than I should. My Atkins diet is not working because I have never actually entered ketosis which is what this "new menu" is trying to do.  If I am thinking about this correctly, and I have done my research, I have managed my food cravings simply by eating low carb.  I have NOT, EVER, actually been burning fat.  I never had the massive weight loss I should have experienced, even if for only a few weeks. So, I am trying this again, from the very beginning and hoping that THIS time I can get it right.  I cried because I had worked so hard to break lifelong eating habits all these months.  I really needed to see some results.  I needed a "gold star sticker" to help me continue for another 10 months.  I need a reward.  And all I have gotten is an ever increasing number on the scale.  Instead of going down, my weight has been going up ever since the vacation to Florida in January.  Clothing that fit is now getting snug.  I am sad beyond tears.  Bear with me.  

Mad Men returned last night.  Different.  The Killing returns next Sunday.  Fringe has started up again. My television therapy is looking good.  G has his Dancing with The Stars.  I actually have two books on my shelf to read.  And I may just do that today.  After I clean the kitchen and take half the stuff off the long table.  Declutter my home and, hopefully, declutter my mind.


Tracy said...

You don't need facebook to join Pinterest. All you need is an invite from a current member. Or if you like to wait, you can request one directly from pinterest. Thats what I did and it took about ten days to get it.

Annie said...

I will never,ever,ever understand why you make yourself miserable for a few pounds. Nope, can't understand it at all.
Yes, I know, you have an unhealthy body-image problem that's usually found in teenage girls.

You seem to be physically healthy, not obese, yet you make yourself miserable eating a god-awful diet that does nothing for you! You need carbs for mood enhancement, do eat some once in a while. Also throw out your scales or put them in a Goodwill box.

Love the amaryllis, one of my favorite flowers.

: )

Deborah Boschert said...

Have you thought of doing Weight Watchers? I know lots of people who are doing it right now and seem to really enjoy the system. It would be very different from what you are doing now and you may or may not like it. You might get the "gold star" feeling from going to meetings, plus interaction and support from others.

Anonymous said...

I second the WW idea. It might jump start you just because it is so different from the way you are now eating. Counting points, eating a bit of bread, not a lot, a bit, but mostly veges, fruits and protein. My daughter and I are doing it together, she in Denver me in Spokane. Neither of us is losing fast but we are headed in the right direction. Do remember it is so much harder to lose at an age over 60 than it was when younger.