Friday, September 30, 2022

Field Notes- Friday September 30th. Cold. Might need to surrender and put on socks and a sweater.

 What I am making and eating Today.

I was (am) considering SOUP.  But if I start eating SOUP will be a long slog this Winter. And I am seriously going to switch out the vegetable soup for lentil this Winter when I get a chunk of Baked Ham from the DELI counter.  I like Lentil.  I need to try and remember that.....I like Lentil Soup.  I had it every day on my 1200 calorie diet. Which worked.  Made me insane measuring and weighing all the food but it worked.

I made the last box of Kraft Mac and Cheese yesterday.  Ate that.  It was that or Pancakes. I forgot to buy bread so I couldn't make a grilled cheese with pickles.  I need to take better care of myself.

I went to sleep and was dreaming about after Florida.  When we moved to the burbs of Chicago.  When I was a volunteer helping out in the school my son went to "after" his bad experience.  None of the teachers in third grade wanted him after reading his inch thick student file.  The Gifted and Talented Teacher took him on. Gave him a chance. In gratitude, I helped out in her classroom.  Way over my competency zone.

WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!!!!!!  First assignment was teach all the boys (bored) in the class the multiplication tables to 9  (it had NOTHING to do with ANY ability on my part)  Then I asked for quarter inch graph paper and taught them how to use their new skill to multiple a three digit number by a two digit number. Then we worked on long division. For some reason I had little contact with the two or three girls in the class ... they stayed close to the Teacher.  The boys were actually....well, I was exhausted after a few hours with them.  So I went home.  Then Miss V had the whole class to herself.

Miss V was always in charge of what I did or did not do in the classroom. The boys were 8 years old.   Lots of wiggling around, running around and picking their noses, asking "why?". Regular Boys. No. Not really.  But I had one at home so...what can I say.  I was used to it. Seemed regular/normal even if it didn't look or sound that way. It was a lot.......I think their parents didn't have great patience, time or parenting skills.  What with Doctorates in Science and Math and Physics and working all day and even weekends.  In comparison.  I was ordinary.  Mom-like. I wiped noses, stopped fights and asked the quiet ones- what's wrong?

I saw some of the boys ....after Europe when we moved back to the Chicago burbs.  After high school. I truly wish we had stayed put and I could have watched them all grow up together-- with our son. Amazing Boys.

Thursday, September 29, 2022

Field Notes- Thursday, September 29th. Hurricane Watching Yesterday and Today.

 It was pretty EPIC yesterday.  Water.  Water is so devastating.

So that was that.  Plus homeowners insurance.  Florida insurance companies not covering Storm or Water damages.  Same here in Maine.  Special -very expensive- policies if we want "water coverage". Are you covered for Storm or Water damages????  Better check.  

I was trying to recall how many years we lived in South Florida.  Our son had just turned 4 when we arrived and in second (actually third) grade when we left.  It seemed longer.  The second/third grade was one of those things...his second grade teacher refused to have him in her class so a third grade teacher volunteered to "take" him.  She never had a moment of trouble with him.  

The second grade teacher was very very sure he was "retarded".  And said that.  The boy sitting next to my son in 2nd grade (in the last row at the back of the room) had a learning disability and my son helped him with his work.  The two of them were ignored by the teacher.

I actually wanted to go into the school and do bodily harm.  They had a professional man come in and give my son an IQ test. (even the Principal was positive the 2nd grade teacher was right)  I might have written about this years ago- it still makes me furious-- anyway the tester was in tears at the end.  He said   he never thought he would get to experience the testing of a child who needed, like two more seconds, to get a perfect score." He went on to say watching my son figure out the problems was so incredible.  The process of solving.

Not retarded.

I was miserable for the entire time we were there.  And this is when I started wearing my wedding ring on my middle finger.  I learned to drive, got a driver's license so I could cash checks, got a job and a credit card-same one I still use today.  So....the rock bottom-ness of it.....created the me you having writing this blog. Today.  What doesn't kill you..makes you stronger.

Wednesday, September 28, 2022

Field Notes- September 28th. Cloudy with a chance of Something.

 This looks like something Dee would make and probably did make..  Her Houses always call to me....... I would like to see progress images to see how it all begins.  The mid portion also when things have gotten out of control--fabric must be removed..... replaced...auditioned.

Sunshine.  Warmer.  Tru Green stopped by yesterday.  it's always unexpected.  The guy spreading fertilizer etc on the 15,000 square feet that is our yard (that has grass) the rest of the acres are covered in trees. Eventually the hurricane will reach us.  Unless it runs out of energy. Or leaves via the Carolinas.

Yesterday was quiet here.  Nothing happened.

Husband successfully arrived at his Cardiology appointment.  His diet of Fat and Sugar showed up in his bloodwork.  He then went to have his hair cut.  Then home with a bag of cookies studded with M&M's, frosted cupcakes and Keurig cups of Caramel coffee. You can see how much attention he paid to his cholesterol.. If he paid ANY attention. If he even knows about Cause and Effect.

It's like watching a movie in very SLOW motion.  And knowing How it Ends but left up in the air on When it Ends.  I may not even be Here when it does End.  That could be the Surprise Ending.

I gave some consideration and thought to the request my son and daughter have made- that I leave the Journals and Notebooks for them to read after I am dead.  They already read this.  I am thinking of loose ends. I am thinking, now that I am closer to death than to living....I should explain the choices I have made for 76 years. Inexplicable Choices.  Not to defend them.  Just to say I made them and then lived with the result.

I dreamed of dead friends last night.  Talked to them.  They didn't reply.   But they listened. I asked for forgiveness.  I though of ways I could have been a better friend to them.  It feels like AA.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Field Notes- Tuesday, September 27th. Looks like it might rain.

 Colors by Zodiac.

All the paint companies got together and decided what colors fit with what Zodiac signs.  It was a pretty lame idea.  I do like the zodiac art on the wall though.

Yesterday was not my best day.  I am not going to tell the story but it worked out in my favor even though it should not have because I ruined the day for someone else.  Shit Happens. From now on I am parking in the grocery lot and walking to the Library or having husband take me and he'll park in the handicapped spaces.  It's just easier.....safer.

I promised husband I would bake Brownies today.  I forgot to buy him cake at the grocery store. I just walked thru the vegetable/bakery section never considering the bakery.......I did get Chicken dinners and Pizza dough.  So...that was okay, but the "not buying" dessert was a sore subject.

He's gone for his Cardiologist Appointment.  And then a haircut.  It's all on his iPhone.. so, fingers crossed he gets where he belongs.  I'm going to wait on the Brownie baking until he gets home- he could arrive with bakery.  It's on his mind.

I need to turn on lights.  I guess that's how I know it's Fall/Winter.  Having to turn on the lights.

Husband finished off the puzzle I bought him.  Very fast.  And yesterday, at the library I didn't see any that looked good enough to borrow.  I could put out one we have already done.  It's not like a puzzle has a plot and is a mystery.  I'll do that.  It's good if he has several activities.  Word Search.  Coloring Pages.  Puzzles.  Book To Read with Dessert and Coffee.  Then it doesn't feel like he has "nothing to do".  I already okayed Cutting the Grass so he did that yesterday with the riding mower.. I okayed myself for couch sitting and staring  at nothing.  I had a book.  But I wasn't interested.  Yeah.  That's weird.