Can't Button My Pants.

I feel HUGE!  I had a parka on in this photo but I feel this big even without it.  Weighed myself this morning.  OMG.  All the exercising, the healthy eating and 3 mile daily dog walks haven't had any effect other than adding weight. Each day I find clothes that fit last week (3 or 4 days before) no longer fit. My waist and butt are expanding at a very fast rate as I can't button or even zip the pants I wore last week.
I just emptied my closet and the storage container.  I found size 20 pants which fall off my hips and I found my weight loss pants (12-14) which I can't pull up past my knees.  I also found a handful of pants that I CAN wear and I am feeling better now.  I can fit into all the work pants from last summer. I just can't wear them until summer. All the 12-14's are going to Goodwill.  All the 20's are going to Goodwill.

Needless to say, all this weight is causing much unhappiness.  I continue to do my Pilates exercises everyday.  I watched a series of videos and have been doing them "more" correctly than I did the first time around.  I can feel the burn now.  Pilates is all about the correct posture and use of the abdominals.  I struggle with the leg extensions and need to really work on stretching the muscles at the back of my legs and thighs.  Hamstrings?  I am pointing my toes, flexing my feet, pressing my navel into my backbone and breathing in and breathing out.  Doing the 100 with legs in tabletop position.  Someday I will be able to extend my legs and do the 100 that way.  Not. Yet.  Eight Days And Counting.

Yesterday was my first full day back at work.  The big greenhouse is open.  Sunshine warming it up.  The high school boys have worked hard to scrub the floors.  I threw away the dry kinked, leaking hose that bedeviled me all of last season and now have a new hose (which is kinking and bedeviling me in new ways) so I feel right at home.  I don't like working Sundays.  G's day off.  But I guess that is the weekend day I will be working unless I am teaching a class. I have four days this week.  A good start.

I had wondered if I really wanted to return to work.  I was trying to figure out if the positives outweighed the negatives.  One day in and I am still wondering.  It's very close.  The positives are not overwhelmingly ahead of the negatives.  Where else would I work?  Where else would they let me wander around doing whatever I want to do? And what would I wear to work?


I feel a bit better now that my closet has less in it.  Why keep clothing that doesn't fit?  Why don't I use my clothes as an indicator of the way I am eating?  The first time I had to inhale to button my pants, should have been the first day of eating less food and doing more exercise.  Not months or years later. Keeping my "skinny" clothing and thinking that, without work, they would someday fit again, is ridiculous.  I may never wear a 12 or 14 again.  But I will try to look good in whatever size I am wearing.  I will continue to try and eat whole foods.  I will do my Pilates and walk the dog.  I will learn to love who I am.  And button my pants. Eventually.

Look, Jane, Look

I am about to chuck all my To Do List and find the lawn chair and go sit out on the stoop and watch the dog run about like a crazy dog.  The sun is shining and it seems like Spring and I want to feel the sun on my face.  Ah!

Riley standing in the septic melted Spring spot.  I have little plant tips showing about 1.5 inches above the soil.  Grass.  Dirt.  I intend to sprinkle the seeds from a packet of annual poppies out there in a few moments.  I am going outside on March 12th without a coat, mittens or down liner. I am, in fact, going out there in my pajama pants and a sweater.  With my coffee.

Atmosphere

We are having rain today.  It comes and goes so I haven't taken the dog for his walk.  We could set out into the gray mist and then get pounded by southeast blowing rain.  I don't feel like getting soaked and walking back home in squishing shoes and socks.  My little drawing reminds me of the little weather pictures that children make for the daily newspaper.  My favorite was blue crayon applied in a very violent manner.  Bad weather.

I had hoped the snow would be melting a bit faster in the rain.  I have a 3 foot by 3 foot "micro climate" which is brown with little green daffodil tips.  Promising.  And just happens to be where the house water drains into the septic tank.  I have a small patch of purple crocus there also and if memory serves me; a package of new crocus that I planted in that spot.  To make it seem like Spring a few weeks earlier than all the other garden beds.

I did my Pilates exercises, vacuumed the wood floors and the sunroom (more of a mud room), two loads of laundry and had planned to iron those shirts (yes, still not ironed!!!!) but was sidelined by an Icelandic mystery that takes place on Christmas.  Dead Santa.  I've read about 20% so far.  Nothing much happens in Iceland.  So it's mostly a book about not much happening.  And a dead Santa.

My Alys Fowler book is delightful.  I am reading it slowly to savor it.  Every evening I go online to see if I can find more videos of Alys's allotment.  I tried to watch episodes of her newest program "The Edible Garden" but it just loaded and loaded and never actually got to see much of it.  I expected better from my iMac.  I have found one little video or article each day to make me happy.

I watched video of the tsunami in Japan.  What is happening in the world?  And the close call with the nuclear reactors was unbelievable.  Is the world coming to an end?  Here I am worrying about getting wet on a dog walk and people in Japan have had their home, town, highways and airport swept away. And an 8.5 earthquake.  Why so many earthquakes?  Global Warming?

Wisconsin ended collective bargaining.  Next up: New Jersey.  Two states where Democrats will be elected in a landslide vote in 2012.  I think Ohio (where my hometown of Cleveland is getting 10 inches of snow) is up after New Jersey.  Ohio is a nuthouse of Republicans and the Teamsters.  We'll see.

Dog is outside barking.  Gotta go.

Dog Tired

Riley spent the day with G.  They walked in the woods (off leash) and did many, many errands.  They even went to Petco to buy more dog walk treats and to the vet for a Lyme test and a shot.  And then Riley went to sleep.  He's snoring.  He hasn't even had his dinner yet.

Riley has been tired, lately.  Last night, I asked if he wanted to go out for "last call" and he didn't stir so I checked to see if he was dead or something.  I leaned over and touched his side and he jumped a foot off his dog bed.  He was that sound asleep.  Of course, it didn't take but a nano second to switch gears from sound asleep to racing down the path into the back yard.  There is always the possibility of deer loitering in the back garden late at night.

Why do animals sleep with all four feet touching?  And why are sleeping dogs so darned cute?

I Want This

Tables and Chairs.  How many do I have already?  I still have the table and chairs G & I purchased when we moved from college to Georgia.  G had a job but we had "no money" and were eating off the wedding gift ironing board and two lawn chairs.  G's cousin took pity on us and arranged for this rattan table and chairs (part of the rattan garden room set he was buying) to be given to us while we paid the HIGH price of $25 per month until the set was paid for.  High because we had only $14 a month for food.  Rent was $99. I still love that rattan set (remembering many happy family meals, puzzles and card games) the four of us had around it's perimeters.  I could just pull it out of the attic storage and use it.

But this set of chairs is calling to me.  LLBean.  My 10 foot table has no chairs.  I can see 8 of these black beauties lined up, four to a side.  And why not get the red rug also?  The one we have is a faded blue.  Of course I still need to go to Beans and actually sit in the chair.  Bean is known for the "skimpiness" of it's things.  I think of it more in the way of "cheapness".  Rather than sell things that have a bit of the grandness of scale and depth, Bean goes for "less" and then charges "more".  Especially in furniture.

Or do I really want a smaller, more intimate table and chairs.  There is only the two of us here now; and perhaps forever more.  My hopes of dinner parties and big family dinners has evaporated as the years have drifted by- 43 years.  I should be realistic by now.  It's just the two of us and on holidays, three.  Twice a year, if we are lucky, it's four and company shares the table with us.

I wonder if I look at this advertisement and see something that doesn't exist. Will never exist, again.  A fantasy. "Build it and they will come".  Ha!  I want what I once had, and loved so much. I miss my children.  Not the adults they have become, but the children they once were.  Such good company.  Around that round table.  My last and best memory of that rattan set in use was a power failure due to a summer storm.  Our son was home from college and the three of us played rummy for a few hours (until the power and the television came back on).  On a warm summer's evening. In my favorite house of all that we have had (6).

I cried while I was typing that last paragraph.  Not from sadness but overwhelmed by the emotional response I felt in that memory.  G and I have such wonderful children. And I love them so very much.  And I'm tired and had a very emotional visit to the dentist, again, this morning at 8 am.  And I am not a morning person.  And it was not a positive experience.

I'm going to walk the dog, do my Pilates and just get on with life. The sun is shining. I am going to make potstickers for dinner.  For two.

Whole Foods

Not the store but the concept.  My daughter sent a link  to a blog about a woman trying to eat a better diet. She blogs pictures of everything she eats.  The link will take you to the final page and you can go backwards or just go to the beginning and see her attempts at eating better.  I think my daughter sent the link because I have been beating myself up about eating a pound of Christmas chocolates (so delicious) and this blogger eats two pieces of deluxe chocolate every day until the candy is gone.

I wasn't that excited about the actual things she eats (and photographs with a date/time indicator) but I was amused by the multiple breakfasts.  I know that somedays, one breakfast just doesn't do the job. I could also sympathize with the snacking in the afternoon, which rolls like a ball on a steep hill, out of control.  Most of her snacking was a result of a too small breakfast followed by a too small lunch.  If she ate enough at breakfast and lunch, dinner wasn't an issue.  And snacking wasn't an issue. Her normal work day ended around 7 pm which is very late to be starting to prepare a meal.

She gives no indication of weigh lost.  She did lose weight but the reason for doing this 6 week adventure was to learn to eat better foods.  She even tries to eat the food pyramid and finds it's more food than she can actually consume.  Interesting.

My take on "whole food" is that the food must be in it's natural state or as close as possible to it's origins.  The butternut squash I am roasting as I type, is just that, butternut squash (actually grown in my backyard last summer).  I rolled the peeled chunks in a splash of olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper. I skipped the addition of usual pancake syrup because that isn't in any sort of "natural" condition and I dislike pure maple syrup (I don't like honey either).  There is a "five ingredient" rule which some people use.  Meaning a product can have only five listed ingredients and you have to know what all five are.  No chemicals.  Which is why I continue to use plain sugar and no artificial sweeteners.

Yesterday I had breakfast (oatmeal), coffee, the last slice of Kraft American cheese (plastic cheese), a diet Coke, a vegetarian Bruce's Burrito (it must have weighed a full pound and was made from freshly made ingredients like beans, rice and avocado) and an orange.  For the entire day.  And I did my new Pilates routine (I don't like the new machine, but I usually despise anything new), walked the dog and never got any shirts ironed.  G arrived home with the surprise burrito just as Riley and I walked in from our walk.  4 is the perfect time for me to eat.  It's when I am very, very hungry. The burrito was greeted with much joy and happiness.  And I ate the whole thing.  I wouldn't mind having one of those everyday.  At 4 pm.

I think I will be bulking up my breakfasts.  Adding fruits and yogurt.  As long as everything is in it's whole state I will eat it for breakfast.  And I will eat eggs with bacon and toasted French baguette.  They fill me up.  I just wish a magic fairy would stop by and deliver the eggs to me.  Cooked.

My Alys Fowler book is waiting for me at the library.  My Pilates machine is waiting for me but not so soon after eating breakfast. Riley is waiting for lunch and his walk.  I just checked the time 11:11.  The Universe is sending me an "okay" sign. I see 11:11 whenever I am questioning my path.  I see 11:11 all the time.  Which probably means I need lots of monitoring by the Universe. Okay, okay, enough waiting.  Here I go.

Housekeeping On A Rainy Day

I relocated my canned goods to a wooden cupboard (in Germany it's a schrank) where I can (ha) actually see what I have.  I moved the glassware that was being stored in this cupboard to the former site of the canned goods.  The expired canned goods (and there were many since the cabinet they were in was not very easy to see into, were opened and added to the compost bucket and the nasty stuff went into the sink disposal.  I feel virtuous. (the empty cans went into the recycle box)  And hungry.  My oatmeal is cooking in the microwave as I type.

G and I carried the Pilates boxes upstairs yesterday and set everything up.  The risers make it much easier to get on and off the machine.  I am back at square one and perhaps even worse off than the last time.  I felt so LARGE and CLUMSY this time.  But, I have to just begin again and keep going.  I remember those first days as being a struggle also.  G wishes I had purchased the $900 machine.  We have 30 days in which to experience Buyer's Remorse.

I have regular housekeeping to do today along with my first Pilates exercises, the dog walk and I do want to drive to the bookstore to see if they have Alys Fowler's books.  I may just call to save myself a trip or I could order from Amazon.  Can you tell that I wasn't scheduled to work today or tomorrow or the next day?  Yes, I am still on Winter Furlough and can continue to work on my own projects here at home.

The driveway is clear of all the thick slippery ice.  G chopped and I shoveled.  The rain and warmer temps are taking care of the remainders.  There are many puddles and lots of soggy ground on the dog walk but it's okay with me.  We're making progress!  But snow showers are predicted for Thursday.

I used up the last of my huge jumbo sized bag of kale.  That stuff is very, very good.  I need to go buy more.  BUT, right now I have butternut squash from my summer garden that needs to be peeled, cubed and roasted before it goes bad.  Once that is eaten, I have organic sweet potatoes to eat.  I like them in sweet potato veggie burgers or just roasted till very, very soft.  Red peppers were on sale at the grocery last week so I bought three beauties and found time this morning to slice them and put them in the freezer on a tray.  When they are frozen I will move them to a freezer container.  I add them, still frozen to stir fry, pizza and bean dishes.  No wasted peppers.  I have mushrooms that need to be eaten today so have to think of a recipe for something mushroomy for G.

I found a bag of pearl barley in the cupboard.  And two bags of orzo.  I had to toss coconut, dates and dried fruit (that was really old) into the compost bucket.  I found jars of things I couldn't identify in the very back of the top shelf in the cabinet.  They were dry. Very dry.  So it wasn't disgusting.  Still.

Well, the laundry and bed sheets are calling.  G wants to buy a new mattress.  Any suggestions on type and brands?  We both have back issues.  And since I am buying things: I guess it's time to replace the microwave.

Something New: Something Blue

Streptocarpus.  Not the loveliest of names but a lovely plant none the less.  I had wanted one last week when I visited work, so this Saturday when I went in to teach the Seed Starting classes (as a volunteer Master Gardener) I went over to the Streptocarpus display to see if there was a very nice plant to take home with me.  I also brought home a leaf cutting because these plants are supposed to be easily propagated from a leaf.  I am still waiting for my Gloxinia leaf to do something.  It continues to be alive.  But that's about all I can report is happening.  Today I will repot this new blue to a clay pot and enjoy it's blossoms on the dining room table.

Spring still seems far away.  The snow piles here in my Maine town are now hard as a rock and covered in brown or black smutz.  March is the hardest month.  Tired of winter and tired of the dirty, rough edges of winter.  It is supposed to rain today and tomorrow which should decrease the amount of snow but not make it anymore attractive.  And the streets will flood.  And the ice that still coats the sidewalks and parts of the streets will get dangerously slippery.  Like glass.

 The bright side is that I have a few more days to complete my "Winter List" of things to do. G wants to go have breakfast at the Freeport Cafe so that is what we will do--I need to get dressed.

Fantasy Gardening

A cup of fake carrots on the sideboard always makes me smile (and think of Spring).  Which then reminds me to get cracking on the Easter Bunny House.  Can it actually be a whole year since the last time I suggested I get cracking on the Easter Bunny House? OMG!!!!!!

The Pilates machine showed up yesterday.  Yeah!  Now to decide where to assemble it.  G wants it downstairs and if that is going to happen, I need to make a 10 by 10 foot open space.  Arms out to the sides takes up room as does the 8 foot long machine.

I also got my hair cut yesterday and we are back to the original cut which is so nice and perky.  My hair cutter had been "leaving it a bit longer" which just means it was bushy, which I detest.  Short. Very.  But it won't stand up in spikes (even though I would love that) because it doesn't grow that way.  My hair grows in one big, head sized SWIRL.

While intown for the haircut, I ran across the street to get take out Lasagna for G's dinner.  I had an eggplant, cut into rounds and salted, in the fridge for most of this week for my own dinner and finally decided to flour, egg dip and breadcrumb the slices and fry it up.  I tried, finally, the one jar of Trader Joe's Marinara sauce and will buy that stuff again.  Good.  I tore up the 4 ounce ball of fresh mozzarella, topping each fried circle of eggplant with a spoon of sauce and some bits of cheese.  Into the oven while pasta cooked and we had a good dinner. Plenty of leftovers.

While in town I made a fast visit to our "Green" store to see the organic seeds from Fedco.  They didn't have the ones I wanted (winter squash the starts with "ka"and is dense and very orange) but I may go back and look around in a slower way.  I have just found Alys Fowler of BBC Gardening and love, love, love her way of gardening.  I ordered her first book from the library and will buy her second book as soon as G gets home.  I don't know how to manage Amazon on my own but will write down how to do it tonight.  I want two books.  I hope I can recall the title of the second one by this evening.  I also would like the Kelly Kettle Alys used in her garden to boil water for tea and cook her lunch.  How fun that would be at work!!!  It uses weeds, grass and sticks to heat the water.  I could serve tea during classes.  Alys had a great idea for growing "micro greens" which I will share with my classes from now on.  You, too. If I had planned ahead I would have embedded her videos here.  Another new thing to work on.

The NEW iPad 2 is out.  I am so glad I didn't let G buy the old one for me for Christmas or Valentines.  Now I can think about owning this "new" one.  G brought home new YakTrax for me to wear on icy dog walks.  Wasn't that nice?  There are fewer icy spots these days but it's still a bit tricky.  I need to be very careful.

Dee reminded me of the "bedbug" situation in regards to buying clothing at Goodwill.  I usually wash thrifted stuff immediately but I really don't need anything right now, so I will stay away.  I have one of everything and a washing machine for my work clothes.  Who would even notice that I wear the same pants every day? And this year will be year two for the baggy green cords with the big tucks at the waist.  I usually wear a thermal shirt to cover the waist tucks, then a zip front sweatshirt and then a thermal vest.  I spend the day taking things off and putting things back on as the heat in the greenhouse fluctuates and with my need to go outside (where it is 20 or 30 degrees).  Knock on wood: I haven't had a cold in two years.  I actually think the cold air in my house has more to do with it as G brings home colds and other bad things all the time.

My oatmeal is getting cold.  And Riley is pacing and wondering when we are going for his walk.  I have recycling to get into the garage and I need to look for my seed starting trays to see what I need to buy. And, of course, set up the Pilates machine somewhere.  Busy, busy day.

Walking The Dog

My Nine West boots are taking a beating this winter.  Salt, sand and snow. Most of the days, lately, have been miserable days to walk.  One was rain combined with ice.  One was below zero wind chill.  One was heavy snow.  Yesterday was delightful.  Breezy, sunshine, mostly dry streets.  Riley rode the snow piles, running along the tops, down the side, back up again. He'd be great on a snowboard. Later, while I was grocery shopping and Riley was guarding the car in the parking lot, it got dark and started snowing.  What a buzz kill.

G has a "soap opera" atmosphere going on at work.  Lots of people reporting in to him about "she said" and "he said".  G hates that.  He has already had one of the worst of them transferred to another location.  Now the secondary team is reporting in to G.  They are only prepping their own transfer tickets.  He will get rid of every one of them if they don't learn to mind their own business.  Which is selling hamburgers.

I had a plan when I went to the grocery yesterday.  To only shop the outside perimeter.  Unprocessed foods.  In my grocery the perimeter begins with fruits and vegetables, moves past the bakery to the deli, then meats, dairy, frozen foods and finally beer and pizza.  Other than the fruits, veggies and meat, most everything else IS processed.  I had to venture down a few aisles (2-3) to get pasta, Crisco sticks and Marsala wine.  Lucky for me these three items were very close to the edges, where the perimeter wasn't too far away.  I like Crisco sticks.  I love pasta.

I don't know how these things happen but I got onto a blog yesterday about Zero Waste.  Mostly about excess packaging but this blog writer has eliminated any excess in her home. Seven tops, seven pants, 2 skirts and 6 pairs of shoes (one bra).  When something needs to be replaced, she goes to the "thrift" and replaces that one item.  This family lives in Mill Valley, CA.  I have shopped at their "thrifts".  Imagine Rodeo Drive/Goodwill.  The family still has the large flat screen television, 2 cars and a vast amount of glass jars for storage in the high end kitchen and expensive fridge/freezer.  I think I have seen these jars in the William Sonoma catalogs.  Not cheap.  So this blog IS NOT about saving money.  It is about not having anything in the garbage can.  No paper, no plastic, no boxes, no junk mail.

Now, honestly, I think I actually wear only seven tops and seven pants (if I had seven that fit) in my winter rotation.  It might even be fewer.  White LS tees, the two cashmere sweaters (thrifted) and the three pair of thrifted men's corduroy pants.  I cover it all with a handpainted shawl I found in a bag of fabric remnants. So, if I was so inclined (and I am momentarily) I could fold and pack up everything else in the closet and drive over to Goodwill right now and "simplify" my closet.  It is tempting.

I was telling my daughter that I use the same mug for my coffee every day (and have 18 or more in the cupboard that never get used), use the same bowl for my cereal.  Why do I have so many bowls and cups?  I don't want to reduce things to what I used to find at my dad's.  His cup, plate, bowl, spoon, fork and knife in the dish drainer but I can see the value of it's simplicity.  I have more forks and knives and plates in use simply because of the dishwasher.  We only run it when it's full so that takes up a lot of dishes. My mug and bowl only go in on the day we are washing.

Yesterday was an amazing day for television.  Survivor.  Russell got voted off for the first time.  It was delightful.  And Top Chef was so good that no one got eliminated.  Five are going to the final four.  Add that to the delightful dog walk and I was very satisfied with Wednesday.  The UPS man delivered the risers for my Pilates machine (will it arrive today?), I have a haircut at 3 pm, the sun is shining even though it is VERY windy and COLD.  At least it isn't snowing.

Clivia In Bloom

Quite the dramatic background for my Clivia.  It's just the unlighted upstairs workspace (to be) but I quite like the dark leaves against the shadowed walls.  This is the only Clivia in my collection that bloomed this year.  Things aren't going well upstairs right now; the citrus are dropping all their leaves and fruit, the orchid flower buds are wilting on the branch (not opening) and none of the amaryllis has sent up a flower stalk.  I will have to rearrange my downstairs display and add an orchid (or two) and remove some things that are past blooming (hyacinth, paperwhites).

My artichoke seeds (two of them) have sent up their seed leaves.  I am waiting for true leaves now.  The third germinated seed has not made any leaves yet.  It would be nice to have three plants.  I want them to get big enough so I can "fool" them into thinking they have survived a "winter" by letting them sit outdoors for a few weeks in cold temps.  But they need leaves in order to do that.

I have to do some grocery shopping today (buy fruit), make dinner (I haven't cooked since I made pot roast), iron G's work shirts and sit and drink coffee and read my book.  Only two pieces of chocolate left in the box.  Thank goodness.  Tomorrow I get a haircut and I am asking the hair stylist for a young person's haircut.  No "old lady" cut.  I may even buy some Doc Martens.  Whatever they are.  Big old boots, right? I draw the line at tatoos and piercings.  But I will wear communist manifesto tee shirts.

I swear I'm not a Republican but this Union Busting is making me very happy.  The time for unions is so OVER!!!  I believe each individual teacher, policeman and fireman should be accountable for his or her own performance.  They shouldn't all be safe or rewarded just because of collective bargaining. Bad teachers need to be fired.  Lazy cops need to find new jobs.  Etc.  The automotive industry cancelled union contracts and look what happened--better cars, actual profits and better jobs.  I would rather work alongside people actually doing their jobs, than to work alongside people just showing up to get the pension.  Teachers using lesson plans from the 80's because they don't even want to make a new lesson plan.  Fire them.  Plenty of new teachers graduating every June.  Teachers who actually WANT to teach. Yes, there are plenty of good, veteran teachers in the school system.  Ask them if there are teachers they'd like to see GONE.  Bet they have a list.  And don't get me started on FAT COPS.  Ones that take 5 minutes to get in or out of the police car.  Save your life in a crisis?  More likely have a heart attack.

And I'm a policeman's daughter.  My dad was always fit, ready and able to serve and protect.  Unless he was too drunk.

Reworking My Twelve By Twelve

In the process of reworking (adding to) the piece I posted at 9 this morning (previous post) I started looking for something in the sewing room and found the blue which adds the lightness I was wanting.  And since the challenge was over, I could add other colors like the orange and golds I had cut out but hadn't appliqued down.  I hadn't wanted to place the "leaves" on the batik as it was the only place I actually had any sage green.  More of the embroidery lines are covered but they were annoyingly boring and now they just serve to tie elements together.  I don't think it's finished but I wanted to show it to you at this stage in it's progress.

I had to relearn the sewing machine while working on this.  I broke another needle, the tip was wedged into the bobbin case, I couldn't remember how to get the entire case out of the machine (and then back inside), I had to find a brush to clean the insides with, find a new bobbin with thread on it, figure out how to thread the invisible thread into the machine (it has been a LONG time) and then how to get the needle to stay in the down position.  If nothing else, that was a valuable way to spend the first part of the day.  The machine is now purring.  It was feeling neglected, I think.

I am enchanted with that tiny dotted blue.  It was well hidden in a zipped bag of Japanese type fabrics.  If I hadn't had such a mess in the workroom, I wouldn't have ever thought to look in that bag.  I picked it up because I wondered what the hell I had sorted those fabrics for?  Something Japanese.

Found a 2007 recipe for Italian meatballs and sauce from the NYTimes.  Looks delicious.

Friend Of Twelve By Twelve March 2011

Blue/Sage/Brown.  Commercial cottons and silks. Hand painted fabric. Machine pieced and hand appliqued.  Embroidery.  Title: A Great Disappointment.

I like all the parts but they don't play well together.  The stitching in the bottom, brown stripe section is actually sage green even though it looks more like white stitches.  These colors don't occur, naturally, in my fabric stash.  In fact, this piece was made with the smallest handful of fabric, each sliced into strips and pieced to cover the area they cover.  I have just enough blue silk.  I do have quite a bit of the dark brown stripe and perhaps shouldn't have used it at all.  My first mistake was the background divided into even thirds.  In defense of this poor thing, it's better in person.  But isn't everything?

February Dripping Into March

It's wet.  The streets of our little town are flooding (even with the NEW improved $$$ sewers).  Riley goes out only when absolutely necessary.  He doesn't like to get wet in the rain, but dives into puddles, ponds or water filled drainage ditches.  My porches need a good shoveling before all the slush freezes.

I have been handsewing (thus the pincushion at my elbow).  My 12 by 12 has been worked on pretty much all day today and part of several days before.  It still has "needs".  Meaning it still doesn't look good.  Better, but I have a blue sitting on another blue and no contrast, so that needs work.  Can you see the blue, green and brown threads on needles stuffed into the cushion?  It is all so dunkel (dark) with no focal point.  Anyone looking at it would say "what is this supposed to be?"  I'm not feeling the love.

G has EOM and I have eaten the remainder of the Garden Chowder for lunch.  And the dark chocolate with nuts from my See's candy box.  G stopped and checked out a new Elizabeth George from the library for me to read.  Reading usually keeps me away for the fridge and candy box.  I ate so much yesterday that I FINALLY am not constipated anymore.  What a joyous relief.  This is what happens when I change over from shredded wheat to oatmeal.  Things don't travel as well as they should.

The PBS Any Human Heart was truly, deeply, awful.  But not as awful as I am hearing the Oscars were. And I missed the Charlie Sheen interview on the morning shows.  Hear that was entertaining.  Now they are mentioning bipolar disease and mental illness.  Miss one interview and you are so far behind on these Hollywood things.  I learned yesterday the show was cancelled.  Good news.  Once the little boy was older than 10 they should have stopped.  Or was Charlie the half man????  Half wit?

I am going to have a cup of tea, take a shower, then read my book.  Only one week left of unemployment.  I have to enjoy it.  Rest up.  The next two months at work are cold, dirty and tiring.  Perennials coming into the cold annual house, foliage and flowers into the greenhouse and I have Agapanthus to divide.  Huge plants.  I am going to be bone tired, cold, covered in dirt and so happy to stand in the hot shower until the water goes cold.  Then fall asleep standing up.

Eye See

Why do we make the things we make?  Why do we buy and cherish the things we buy and cherish?  What makes me, me and you, you?  And does it matter so much?  I think it has more to do with pleasing others than pleasing ourselves.  True artists are only interested in pleasing themselves.  In my little world, if I am happy I seem to have the ability to make others happy.  If I am spiteful and crabby, not such a happy crowd all around me.  I have been more content with my art work since I decided I was the only judge worth listening to.  This doesn't mean I am doing "great works of art", but merely that I am making art.  And the art I am making is making me happy.  Likewise with the food I am cooking.  The seeds I am planting.

My neighbor across the street came by to give G chocolate for shoveling her mailbox out.  I asked her to come in for coffee (even thought the house was a mess).  She has a new job.  That made G and I happy.  Not as good a job as she wanted but a job, with health insurance.  She also mentioned falling down one evening while walking her dog and not being able to get up.  Crawling back to her house.  That made us both feel terrible.  She needs to carry her phone.

G is blowing snow off the driveway and then he is going to walk Riley.  I have laundry to finish and bed sheets to wash.  Bed to make. Floors to vacuum.  Table to clean off.  Our breakfast biscuits were delicious. The same recipe as always but with soy milk and it seems to make them extra tender.

Black & White

The snow.  The ice hanging from the roof.  The cold.  It's all coming to an end as March enters in full Winter Roar.  We have 8 to 10 new, wet inches of snow and tonight another 4 to 6.  Then rain.  Probably freezing rain.  In between storms, bright blue skies and sunshine.

My employer asked me to come in to work today to discuss "things".  We have a number of classes offered in March and I thought we would be discussing that.  Instead, he told me I would be returning to work on March 7th (and teaching two classes). My Winter Furlough is coming to an end.  Much sooner than anticipated.  I'm not sure how I feel about this yet.  The winter greenhouse was nice and warm this morning. It smelled of dirt, damp and mystery.  The little flowers seemed so bright and cheerful.  Streptocarpus in pretty blue.  Primula in golden yellow, red, pink and white.  Cyclamen.  Orchids.  I have missed the bright light and warmth of the greenhouse.  I mixed potting soil with water to make a damp, perfect soil to divide and repot African Violets for a customer.  Since I was there, they asked if I would to do it.  They weren't sure how.  How could I say no?  And did I know if we had sprout seeds? And when to plant spinach?  How large a pot for the lime tree? Could I make the coffee for the class snack?  Welcome back.

So, I have one week and one day to straighten out my life here at home and get ready to return to work.

Last night, before I knew what today would bring, I ordered a new Pilates machine from QVC.  The "new improved" model on "special" and not the expensive pro model.  It will arrive by Friday, March 4th. I was happy with the less professional model before and I hope to be happy with this new model, now.  If not, it goes back in 30 days, no questions asked.  I want to feel the way I felt while doing the exercises.  Calm, meditative.  Remember how well I slept?  The dreams?  Good dreams.  I miss all that and want it back in my life. G wants to use the machine, also.

Riley is sleeping on his pile of dog toys.  He had a good walk with Sam today.  In the woods (with leash) and then digging holes into snowbanks.  Sam knows how to make snow a fascinating adventure for a dog (or small child). I remember when Reny was a 2 month old pup.  She rolled tiny snowballs down the driveway for him to chase.  The next winter she was rolling large snowballs down the same driveway for a new puppy, Riley, to attack and destroy.  I'm not very good at thinking of interesting dog games.

G reheated leftovers tonight.  He did a fantastic job of it.  Delicious dinner.  It's a wonderful thing to go take a shower and come back to find a hot meal waiting for you to eat.  Didn't even have to do the dishes. After dinner, I took the time to write in my journal, finish my book and eat a few pieces of my Christmas chocolates from See's Candies.  The Nuts&Chewies Collection.  I plan to eat most of them this weekend and be done with them. Last week I ate the $1 bag of orange slices I got at Walmart.  I ate three one day and then a few days later, ate the rest of them.  I couldn't stand knowing they were in the house.  Now that they are gone--I don't care about getting more or eating more.

I think I will go to bed now.  I'm tired. And if I go to bed I can stop eating candy.

Winter Redux

Almost March and Winter refuses to let go here in Maine.  We were just beginning to notice brown along the sidewalks and garden edges.  Beginning to think of crocus and daffodils. Cruel to snow again! At least, the ravaged, yellow/brown snow is now covered in a clean layer of white.  Fresh.  But I have had enough.  Of white. Of snow. Of winter.  Bring on the rain.  The mud.

Here it is 5 pm and the street plows have closed the bottom of the driveways with 36 inches of heavy wet snow.  My cross the street neighbor is reading her newspaper, in the car, waiting, I presume for her hired plow person to arrive to clear her drive so she can go into her house.  I can't offer her my living room.  My driveway is blocked as well.  G has left work and would like his dinner before starting to clear snow.  The pot roast is tender and dark brown, the potatoes are boiling away and instead of carrots we have peas.  I made gravy with a mix of soft butter and flour (very French) and it looks good.  I hope it has a decent taste as well.  Reading Elizabeth George.  Feeling British.  Ha!

G and I read our books rather than watch television last evening.  It was nice.  I have been staying awake later and later and waking earlier than usual.  I am tired.  The browned hunk of beef is in the oven (not the slow cooker) turning itself into pot roast.  Later, I will peel potatoes and fry carrots (yes, I fry carrots!) to serve alongside the beef.  Plenty left over for tomorrow when I will be too tired to cook.

I have decided what I want to try on the 12 by 12.  I made the background yesterday and enjoyed the stitching, the pressing of seams, the running of hands over the pressed seams (this is what I love about fabric and quilting -the seams; and I despise piecing), and now I have a glimmer of an idea for the foreground.  I am feeling the need for handsewing.  Applique or embroidery.

G toasted the sandwich bread for his breakfast, again, this morning but there is a slice or two left for a cheese sandwich for my lunch.  Telling him anything is such a waste of time.  I have to stick notes on every item on the counter.  It's like his head is empty.  And he has fooled around with my computer screen and I hate what he has added.  Can't figure out how to remove it.  I have argued with him over this same thing so many times and he keeps doing it--like it's "new" to him every time. It's MY computer.  He can add s**t to his own screen.  G enjoys "more". I like "less".

Riley has been in/out several times this morning.  Yesterday G took him on his first off leash walk in the woods since the "leg pain".  Riley was asleep for the rest of the day.  Now he is hoping for another romp in the woods without his leash.  Don't we all?

Getting Back To Business

I have, perhaps, three more weeks of unemployment/furlough and I have not crossed off any of the items I wrote down on my Winter Furlough list.  I started work on a few, but G's mysterious muscle pain, the new Pilates exercises (now a thing of the past) and the daily dog walks have limited the amount of time I have to actually get something done.  Fabric is piled on the stairs going up and the floor and in the upstairs room. My old workspace looks like the inside of a dumpster.  Hardly conducive to contemplative fabric collage.

I did manage, in the beginning, to get some much needed cleaning done here at home.  It needs doing again.  My slipcovers have still not been taken to the Suds&Fold to be washed in one of the big washers with bleach and hot water ($5).  I could do that today.  Read my book while they Tumble&Slosh.

I purchased sewing machine needles (all of mine had broken -the tips snapping off, still threaded) for some well intentioned mindless zigzaging of wabi sabi placemats.  I even found newer and better fabrics for the blue placemat while moving and sorting fabric.  My upstairs fabric closet looks neat and not over filled, but standing next to the closet are three towers of storage containers.  Containers that need little stick on labels.  Containers filled with "projects".  And the newest 12 by 12 is due on Tuesday.  I haven't even started.  I haven't even found fabric in the blue, sage, brown colors.

My new list:
12 by 12 for Tuesday morning
Easter Bunny House.  Construction/Painting/Decoration  Need fake grass.
Taxes
Sam's Ohio Accounts
Vegetable Seeds
Zigzag Placemats
Wash White Slipcovers

I have it all written down on the March desk calendar.  In orange Sharpie.  Can't miss seeing the list each morning.  I'll try to have a list update for you during the month.  House construction will most likely be posted in pictures.

I am making a pot roast tomorrow.   I am washing darks right now and whites right after.  Changing the bed sheets and dusting the four poster rails.  G will vacuum after physical therapy.  The windows need washing.  And I am eating my oatmeal as I type.  The dog needs walking.  And I would love a shower.

What a terrible list.  No wonder nothing gets done.

Never Again

If ever a Deep Cleaning of Tooth Roots is suggested I will "just say no".  My two back molars were cleaned to a depth of 8 centimeters with the additional pain of a full quadrant numbing.  The hygienist tried with just a gum injection but I stopped her after 30 seconds and told her "no".  So my dentist appears and asks for the "long needle".  Everything from then on was not the least bit comfortable.  My jaw ached.  Large grains of what looked like cement were removed from the lower depths of my molars. The surface is now smooth and ready for the gums to re-attach themselves.  Live happily ever after.

I was fine until the sedative wore off; library, grocery and walked the dog.  And then I was stunned at how my teeth, jaw and head hurt. I curled up in the chair G spent most of the two weeks of his misery in with the heating pad on my jaw.  Riley was miserable and worried.  Mommy can't be sad.  I am still not able to chew any food other than oatmeal and bananas and I think I will be taking another pain pill in a few minutes.  All my liquids, including coffee, are to be warm not hot. I have a special soft toothbrush.  Pink.  My teeth feel loose.

On a more pleasant thread, I am thinking about the seed starting for my vegetable garden.  Big Spanish red peppers to roast, fennel for pizza, artichokes (I have three germinated seedlings in tiny pots), peas, broccoli rabe, kale.  I want parsley, dill and cilantro.  I intend to try again to grow beets, radishes and carrots.  I want turnips.  Perhaps a cabbage or two. Green beans. Some escarole for soup. I finally broke down and purchased a heating mat to encourage my seeds to germinate at 70 degrees.  All I need is some seed starting soil and a quick visit to the garage to look for the trays and little sectioned pots.  If I had wanted to be more thrifty, I could have saved all the tiny yogurt cups from G's daily yogurt.  Punched holes in the bottoms for drainage and used them for my seed starting and seedlings.  365 cups.  I did save my cereal boxes to cut into strips for collars to keep cutworms away from my baby plants in the garden. But that is later.  Not now.  Now is Seed Time.

I had to send in my Work Diary and the Signed Statement of Truth Telling to the Unemployment Board as it has been 6 weeks.  I have a new Work Diary for the next 6 weeks.  In answer to the question : Is there any possibility of returning to work for a previous employer?  I replied, yes, just as I returned in 2009 and 2010, I will be returning to work at the end of March in time for the Spring Open House on March 28 (when I will be teaching the Vegetable Gardening Class).  Because, you dimwits, I am STILL EMPLOYED by my previous employer.  I am just on winter furlough.  Oh, never mind.

Riley has figured out how to get my attention when he feels I have left him outside too long.  He comes over to the window and barks.  Never has done that before.  And he knows which window.

I'm going to have another cup of warm coffee, read my book for a little while and then get dressed and take Riley for a walk.  30 something degrees and sunshine.  A good day to walk.

Survivor tonight.  Secret Federal Agent Philip.  In the hot pink underpants.  Redemption Island. Boston Rob.  My thought is that if Russell or Boston Rob get voted off and sent to the Island, they will beat off any competitor, come back at the end and probably win a million dollars.  So, these teams shouldn't vote them off if they know what's good for them.  Just saying, is all.

Deep Tooth Cleaning Today

I reserve the right to ask them to stop the work.  One tooth.  I have suffered from Dental Phobia for most of my life due to the propensity of the "Family Dentist" to forgo any pain relief, or at best, refuse to wait long enough for it to take hold.  These are nightmares from my childhood, before the age of 12.  Later, in high school, I visited, on my own, a dentist who would let me sit for however long it took for the novacaine to work.  A long time.  My present dental group is long past the tension and anxiety of my first visits when the normal tooth cleaning had to be done over a 2 or 3 month time span.  Now, they are so cavalier as to schedule deep cleaning and expect it to go smoothly.  I am checking for escape routes.

The light powdery snow of yesterday was the perfect accident waiting to happen.  I didn't go out to walk the dog because one careless step on the smooth slippery snow covered ice and I would have fallen.  The YakTrax DO NOT work on smooth, slick ice.  Riley was disappointed.  I read my book and he snored peacefully on his sun soaked dog bed. I am hoping that by the time I return home after my dental visit, the sun will have melted more snow I will be able to tell where the safest path lies.

I made the Garden Chowder for dinner, using up the broccoli in the fridge, a few carrots, a potato, onion and some canned corn and tomatoes.  I don't think it's G's favorite as it has "vegetables" so I will be eating the remains even with the cream and grated cheese I added to make it seem less vegetable to G. I'll make chicken for him tonight.  That man could happily eat chicken every night of the week.

I have a new item to add to my "To Do" list.  Checking the dates on canned items in the pantry cupboard.  I have a very small cupboard of canned goods and try and use them up and then replace the items.  Now I see a few cans that have been repeatedly shoved to the back.  That happened once before in the deep dark recesses of the top shelf in this cupboard.  To canned cherries.  The cans had actually been there long enough to leak.  What a mess.  I may move the canned goods to the vacuum closet.  Cooler, darker and smaller so I can't accumulate too many canned goods.  Usually, only bean varieties, corn and tomatoes.  I did notice some artichokes and one can of pineapple chunks.

 I am not a survivalist with cartons of canned goods stuffed under the beds.  I would prefer to stockpile rice, dried beans, sugar, salt and some grains with which to make bread or dumplings (and my box of vegetable seeds for a garden).  Live like cowboys on the range.  Beans and biscuits.  Or like the Mexican immigrants; beans and tortillas in times of no money or no job.  I wonder what the Chinese poverty meal is?  Or the African? The British? Any ideas?  I think the Egyptians fall back on lentils and rice with deeply fried onions on top if available.  My grandmother would have served vegetables from the garden in a stew over dumplings made from flour and potatoes.  Which is why I am pear shaped.  Or dumpling shaped.

Time for breakfast followed by tooth brushing and flossing.  11.30 appointment.  Ugh!