Dark Mornings

October is, so far, darker than usual.  And wet.  It is still raining.  Not hard and steady.  Drippy and steady.  Yesterday the temp rose to the low 70's and the mosquitoes returned to harass me while I closed up the tomato bed and added leaves to the rhododendron bed that faces the end of the driveway. It's the first of the backyard a person visiting sees.  It should be attractive.

I am having oatmeal for breakfast with a whisper of Splenda and a splash of cream.  I am so tired of eggs.  I am so tired of eating cold foods in the morning.  I want comfort.  I also had two little prunes. So something sweet and something hot and filling.  Not my diet.  Well, not my diet of the past 18 months.  Perhaps my diet of the next four months.  A return to the diet of 2007?  Not really.  I am barely eating right now and still not losing anything.  I am also not feeling the "love" anymore.  My rear end weight just isn't budging.  I am thinking all the fat (I eat) has decided to take up permanent residence in my butt. I don't think I am wrong.  With 1200 calories a day, my butt was down to skin covered bone.  Much better.

There has to be a way to combine what I know about subduing the urge to eat (low carb) and the way to lose weight (1200 calories a day) to finally reach a weight I can try to maintain for the next 30 years. My downfall (of the 1200 calories) was going to work at the greenhouse and eating fast food.  Plain truth here; I ate too much.

We bought a new vacuum.  Hard choice between the Roller Ball Animal (Dyson) for $600 and the on sale Hoover for $99.  The Joanne who was once the pampered wife of a corporate executive wanted the Animal.  The Joanne thinking about a husband retiring on Dec 23rd knew she had to lower her sights to the Hoover.  I wonder if these are the choices we will face for the remainder of our lives?  The Hoover did a commendable job.  G mentioned, only once, "imagine the job the Animal would have done".  I did imagine it.  And then put it out of my mind.

So, today is a, perhaps, temporary pivotal point in how the next few months goes.  I feel like I am standing at the fork in two roads.  Choosing which way to go.  So far, when I have chosen the untrod path I have been pleased.

I don't know if anyone still watches DWTS after the past few weeks of Bristol Palin.  This untalented Tea Party Queen is still not dancing and still sending others home.  The political leanings of ABC are very evident.  Sarah Palin is front row center each week.  The judges give the girl high marks for a miserable performance.  The overnight "votes" keep her on the show while better, much better, dancers go home.  It is sad.  I feel diminished by the thought of what this means. Students who can't spell or make change with high school diplomas or, better still, college diplomas.  Teachers who no longer try getting annual merit raises because of the union bargaining.  Police who blast past traffic with lights and sirens just to get past traffic or get to the pizza joint to eat lunch.  A society where mediocre is good enough.

This is not the America I know or love.