Work As Meditation

There are times, at work, when I feel like I am meditating.  It's as if I am alone in the moment.  Adding gravel to a pot, a sprinkle of charcoal to sweeten the soil if the plant is overwatered, the soil, then the plant, with it's roots gently loosened and the final scoops of soft, moist potting soil.  The last thing I do is wash off the pot and dry it on the towels I bring from home.  Then I walk to the front to present, deliver, the plant to it's new owner.  The selected plant and pot are always more than the new owner had anticipated.  They usually say "oh" in a pleasant, happy way.  I had my camera at work but failed to photograph the new bonsai I planted for a customer.  It was my best work so far this season.

I think, yesterday, I even said to another employee, that all was right in my world at that moment.  That's a lovely feeling.  I know it won't last.  But to even feel that way, momentarily, is a gift.

I have been out of sync with my environment for quite awhile.  This cold is wearing my defenses down and opening me up to other things.  I am too tired to fight back.  Which is good.  I can relax in the moment and not be thinking ahead three or four steps.

I am also finding it difficult to eat enough.  I am not interested in the food I have been eating.  Not that I am interested in any sort of food right now.  Eating is a forced activity when I am feeling weak and hungry.  Nothing tastes good.  I didn't sleep well last night and woke this morning feeling exhausted.  My day off.  So many plans for today.  Things to check off the housekeeping list.  The landscaping list. The grocery shopping list.  The dog keeping list.

I'm struggling, this morning, with responsibility versus self.