Monday, November 20, 2006


Compart. Mental. I divide my life, my thoughts, my desires into separate compartments or sections of my life. Thoughts I share on the blog. Others that I record in my pen/paper journal and others that go unrecorded. This recording process has forced me to discover things about myself. Things which are uncomfortable. Ego. Superego. Id.

I think of myself as empathetic, sensitive--- a people person. But now I see myself as someone who keeps a good amount of distance from people. Even family. I just don't *need*. I do *feel*. But the need to be close isn't there. Perhaps there were bonding issues when I was an infant. So I have discovered --in the compartments-- that I am a "difficult" person. I want what I want. I may never want what you want.

I have also discovered something intriguing. My TrashFormation grid pieces have a direct link to Piet Mondrian. All those classes in Fine Art, all those layers of knowledge in my brain, are still there. Unconscious thought. As I drew these Mondrian sketches, I remembered an early acrylic painting of mine in college. My painting professor mentioned in the critique that my work was Mondrian-like -- but there was something very interesting in the way I had painted it. I had forgotten that. The making of these grids comes easily to me--almost automatic. As if someone else was doing the thinking and I was only the hand doing the work.

I have several ideas for future work. And a Pomegranite for my winter watercolor model. Red and round. I think I will cut the fruit open and explore the wonder of drawn and painted seeds and membranes. The inside of the Pom is compartmentalized. Each section full of seeds. Each seed full of tart, red juice. Coincidental? A series of symbolic events? I don't think so.

1 comment:

Deborah Boschert said...

This is such a thoughtful and honest post. And each of those pictures is perfection. I love the grid too. I should think about how that reflects on my personality and attitude. (Hmmmm control? order?)