Reality Check

No matter what age or condition I think I am -- inside my head-- this is what I look like on the outside. I wish I looked like I do in the bathroom mirror, right after washing my face. So young and fresh. I can see the waddle of my chin. That I need better glasses. That my hair is messy, again. My ears don't look as BIG as they do in real life, though. My nose is larger than I think it is. All in all, for me, a nice picture. 62.5

G has taken the dog to Petco to buy dog food and a new, metal water bowl for the back deck. They also went to the vet to get Riley's nails clipped and Riley now weighs 72 pounds. He's lost 6 pounds since the beginning of the new year. All that chasing of the plastic, planting pots around the yard. Now they are out walking. Riley stood next to me, looking, asking to go to "school" (daycare) this morning. He really likes to go there. It's his routine. But not today. Today he gets to spend time with G & me.

I went shopping at Big Lots yesterday in hopes of finding more of the delicious Italian pasta they had last month. Antolina. Imported from Italy. I found bowtie pasta last time and this time I found two sizes of spaghetti. I bought 21 packages. We had one package last night with butter and Parmesan cheese (and lots of fresh ground pepper). I may have to go back and buy more. Cooks up nice and al dente "firm to the tooth" and has a wonderful flavor. Not true of most pasta we buy. Which usually is pasty. But I think most Americans like their pasta overcooked, soft and gummy. Not me.

G is doing "End of the Month" paperwork and I will be eating alone this evening. I have some kale and the two artichokes I purchased so I will have a nice vegetarian meal. I will saute the kale with an onion (browned in olive oil) and some plumped up raisins. The artichoke will be steamed and served with some melted butter. Yummy.

I paid my overdue real estate taxes yesterday morning, deposited my pay checks, wiped down all the surfaces in two bathrooms, bought pasta at Big Lots, worked hard at work, took a lovely shower after work, made an easy dinner and actually stayed awake to watch TWO entire TiVo'ed programs. The Mentalist and Lost.

I have rhubarb in the fridge for a rhubarb custard pie. It isn't SPRING without rhubarb pie. I think I ate my way through two or three last spring, which might just be WHY I gained 20 pounds (along with the daily Yumbo for lunch or the yogurt and fruit). Do ya think????? That and the fact that I switched from the mini ice cream cone to the medium all summer. Just those two changes. Makes quite a difference, FAST. Now if I could just find something to burn off the pie and ice cream so I could have the lower weight (which I want) and the treats (which I want). Because I don't want to give up the treats. I even skip dinner in order to have the ice cream. The gym?

I have been finding that my breakfast is used up by 11 am (tummy grumbling) at work and that my lunch salad doesn't do the trick of filling me up when I have heavy lifting and hauling to do. That's why I started eating the ham and cheese Yumbo last year with carrot sticks and hummus. Then I switched to vanilla low fat yogurt, a fresh sliced peach and raspberries with Grape Nuts. That was VERY HIGH in calories also. Yogurt is NOT a low calorie food. And yogurt and fruit does not FILL you up. So I added a bran muffin. See. It's perfectly clear how I gained weight. And we're not even talking about the mid morning raisin bagel with low fat cream cheese. Now I chew gum. And make my own little French press coffee mid afternoon. I have even left my Granola bars at home, instead of in my locker.

Now that, finally, I am starting to think clearly again, I hope, that over the next six months, I will be able to lose some of this weight. Slowly. I will never be as thin as I need to be. Or was, once. But I can try to return to the weight I decided was "good enough". And then I have to be careful.

I'm going to clear the dining room table of art supplies, magazines, paid bills and plants. That's my "reality check" job for the day. And place my container of seedlings out on the deck to warm up in the sun. And later today, weed, iron shirts, and watch television. I have a lunch date with a librarian. Can that be any better???