Field Notes- Saturday, July 8th. Overcast, Cooler- Rain in the Forecast.

 Daughter stopped off after work (landscaping clothing, sweat and dirt)- She had been at Goodwill.  I was given a sealed stack of five packages of 4 by 6 Index Cards.  In case I want to spent my LIFE  drawing Cactus on 500 of them..... the size of the package is daunting..... but...I can do math these days- so perhaps only two years of a daily drawing habit.  Maybe...with some days/weeks off. And recipes on some of them. Recipes I will never use.

I think I have given up cooking.  The stove is used to boil water for pasta (husband's)  The oven for pizza. And the remainder of cooking is microwave or toaster oven.  Thinking of baking something- even a pan of cornbread......I think about it and decide...no.

I am reading.  My eyes are getting dry- due to AC units pulling moisture from the air and the ceiling fans. But after two days of oppressive damp and heat......we now have clouds and still cool air.  It's nice but MOIST.. not a ripple of a breeze.  Trees and leaves are still.

I did not enjoy the six years of Georgia Summers and then the full 52 weeks of Humid Hot Florida ...for  three years, not to mention Summers when living in Chicago with 100% humidity and 100 plus degrees.  Our clothing was wet after only 15 minutes outside.  All those homes and yards produced the most fantastic TOMATOES......sigh, I do miss them.  Here in Maine- not great for Tomato growing.

So...daughter left with my unopened bag of frozen breaded chicken patties.  Turns out they are her FAVORITE as they fit perfectly (she loves perfect anything) on her gluten free "buns"...she did not use that descriptive word she just made a drawing of sorts with her hands.  She left happy.  She also spent TIME talking with her father on the sunporch.  Which I appreciated.  And he enjoyed.

I watched both days of the Murray Tennis Match.  I was happy he lost- I prefer the Greek Guy. And watching someone who was getting no great joy out of playing- is tedious. I refuse to watch any matches with the Serbian AssHat. So, I have few opportunities for tennis going forward........I do like mixed doubles so perhaps that will be what I do.

Field Notes--Friday, July 7th. I think it will be HOT again today. With lots of SUN.

 Now...this might be something to consider....but the mosquitos usually put me off of outdoor seating here in Maine backing up to dense woodland.... animals, ticks, mosquitos..... oh, my. Like the Teddy Bear's Picnic Song from long ago..... "Don't go out in the woods today....."  have I used this image before???? I deleted it so I won't use it again......

I bought mosquito spray...the news from Florida..malaria from mosquito bites. Spellcheck didn't correct my spelling.  I used to have a spelling book in the top left hand drawer of this desk...husband has it. I will try and find it.  So I can spell things as they should be spelled.

The house on the street (drugged out son), Number Five, is up for sale with a price no one is happy with....two houses back to back ...selling below value due to owners not maintaining the property.  I had hoped the sale of our house (after we stop living in it) would provide some long term money for our two adult children.....guess not.

I was  Counting my Chickens.......wasn't I?

I bought lots of stuff at the grocery yesterday after my haircut......husband's prepared meals with Meatballs this time...not Chicken Parm. I layered the meatball meals in the stack with remaining Parm meals.  so they would get eaten......I bought myself some hotdogs and buns.  I am hoping I have relish.  But if I don't I will chop up sweet pickle chips and "make" relish.  I did purchase two prepared meals of Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli for myself..... they didn't have the Chicken Cordon Bleu..... as well as hot dogs and buns......which I am looking forward to eating. I did NOT buy Potato Chips.

My Lunch Buddy suggests Lunch....we have lots to "unpack"!!!!!

Field Notes- Thursday. July 6th. 8:50 am. Yep...up way way too early.

 King Arthur.  Sends me emails...pictures of their products.  Like I am going to bake anything. Years too late for any of their special flour packages.

Mushrooms growing in the Grass Growing Experiment (out front) of a few Summers Ago.  The WHY of it...don't know.  White and quite dense.  I pick them and toss into the untended wild section....grow there if you want or animals can come eat them..  I sprayed the ant hills in the sidewalks this morning.  They were busy running away.

We had a visit from an orange FOX this morning before I made my coffee......usually RABID. So not welcomed with any joy on my part.  The deer haven't come to eat things.....they were here in early spring. I usually see a lot of big black crows under the hanging from the big oak tree bird feeders.......none of those. Perhaps the FOX ate them...? 

One year there was a massacre of great proportion across the street on my neighbor's back deck......half eaten bodies of all sorts of small animals.....ugh.

The three or four days of dampness and rain overnight has caused the grass to grow "abundantly"...I sent an email to the Grass Guy.  He will arrive Friday to cut.  I was going for every other week...but that plan has died a quick death, I think....until we stop having rain.....then the grass itself will die. Some of this is directly due to TruGreen coming twice and heavily fertilizing.....then disappearing again.

I know some of you will just sigh and say "about time" regarding the next sentence......okay...I did two loads of washing yesterday and WALKED AWAY from the machine.  Yes, I walked away and did "other things" while it finished spinning, rinsing etc etc.  And then I started a second load.  And didn't stay.  I checked in.  But not in a fussy horrid way.

I still have no idea how anything gets so very clean and soft.  ONE tiny detergent pod.  Very little water.  Lots of strange noises that sound like whales........ but the pod has "stain lifters" so there is that........

Getting my hair cut at 10:30.   Worried about parking already.  Will go down the road to my past place of employment to buy Marigolds....one planter needs them...... DMV on the 18th. Daughter finally found time.

Field Notes- Wednesday, July 5th. The Day After.

 The Day After Fourth of July.  Ours was wet.  It rained off and on.  

We were invited to eat with the Twins Family.  And other guests.  It was a lovely jumble of neighbors and we had good conversation and the food was wonderful.   One of the twin boys played the piano.  He's getting to be quite good at it.  They were going to a Sea Dog's baseball game with fireworks.  We used to do that.

I am trying to be more neighborly.  They invited us during COVID and I always declined. So now we have gone for Christmas Dinner and now Fourth of July.  One of the Twins walked us home.

The guy who inherited number 3 on our street after his mother died (dementia) has decided to sell the house.  He filled two dumpsters with the contents of the house (his mother's things)- stuff that would have been welcomed at thrift stores or Goodwill.....but instead went into the dumpster.  I wonder if he had already inhaled all the cash she left him?  He has a drug abuse problem.  The front yard is littered with stuff.  We will see how it goes...... I know the shag carpeting has been peed on by the cats and I doubt anyone has vacuumed it regularly.

Well, I am hungry and need to make my oatmeal.  I just finished a Nancy Thayer Nantucket book. People died as usual.  But no crockpot suppers.

Field Notes- Tuesday, July 4th. Damp.Cloudy.......in the 70's

 You get an image of Mixed Berry Pie today for the Holiday.  Red and Blue and with ice cream you get the three holiday colors.  We are NOT having pie.  I am not baking.  We heard fireworks last night.

The remainder of the "fall out of bed" onto the hardwood floor has now reached my right shoulder blade and neck.  A week?  I landed on my left side.  It's like a traveling injury.  The right side of my neck and shoulder aches.

Husband is on the sunporch- no sun- adjusting the ceiling fan to a higher speed-- he is wearing a heavy sweatshirt. I have asked him why....he says he's cold.   Executive Function is not working for him. Nothing he says or does makes any sense.......he seems to be drifting in another reality.

I got him a Meatball and Spaghetti dinner. Just to even out the numbers of prepared meals (Chicken Parm) and the meatballs were very fragrant with garlic......he would like to have them again.  What have I done?

With ALL the RAIN...the grass has grown considerably over the past 5 days.  Perhaps I should have selected every week instead of every other?????

I started reading Christina Lauren's newest book the True Love Experiment.  I didn't enjoy their Western Book. This new book has a character from Soulmate Equation.  Fizzy.  I read all afternoon and into the early morning....it's a good BIG book.  I now have a collection of three books here that I read over and over again.....waiting for the Boyfriend Candidate.  I requested it again.  I've read Nora goes Off Script several days in a row as well end up crying every time....... I have a Nancy Thayer here...Nantucket, $$$, and a crockpot.  It's a seven days loaner so I need to read it today.  In case, I want to read it a few times.  Sometimes they are very good.   I need to reserve the Jude Devereaux again.  I really loved that book. My Heart Will find You.  so...my book list is here for you to enjoy... I need to turn on the house lamps....dark in here.   Happy 4th of July.  I wish we could be Independent of the Assholes in Congress and the Supreme Court. You get to decide for yourself which are assholes.  I'll keep my list to myself.

Field Notes- Monday, July 3rd. Rained all day yesterday...morning is dark and wet.

 Taco Salad.  I think there might be Fritos under all the other stuff.  I've never actually had a Taco Salad with Fritos.   I wonder what it would be like?  The kids and I had Tacos in the regular rotation of dinners. We ate dinners together- just the three of us.  Husband was never at the table when they were growing up. Always gone.  Working or just not coming home.  Just not coming home.  

It's not surprising that neither child (adult) has a significant other...or goes on dates. Or wanted children.

It rained all day yesterday.  I read a book I have waited for.......Happy Place.  I've read all the books this author has written....especially Beach Read.   This one took awhile to get into....a lot of moving parts (characters) to figure out.  But once I got into it.... I enjoyed it.  It's been on the NYT Best Seller Lists for awhile and I reserved it at the Library months ago......finally my turn.

I think it will rain all day today.  Perhaps again tomorrow.  Not that I am complaining.  We had little snow this winter and it's been dry here for a few Summers.  We need ground water.  The mosquitos are enjoying the wet......my ankles get bit each time I go out to put on the netting and take it off the containers.   The containers are doing well.....I still have plants for one more......no idea where I will put it.

We have our weekly chores today.....library and grocery.  

My neck is stiff.  The after affects of the fall out of bed onto the hardwood floor is taking it's Time getting around.  My neck, is furthest from the scene of the crime...so last to react, I guess.  I had expected bruises. But none have shown up......weird.  Anyway, I am now very carefully exiting the bed each morning.

My oatmeal in the microwave has beeped......time to eat.

Field Notes- Sunday, July 2nd. Still outside. No breeze. Ah, the Peach Trees moving a bit.

 A well tended garden bed.

I once upon a time I had such a raised bed.  Now the fenced garden has an abundance of plants that have gone wild...... not in the beds but growing in the paths. Mint. Bee balm. Horseradish. Lily of the Valley,  Iris. Comfrey.. I tried spelling to see  if the spelling thing would fill in the blanks- it didn't (but finally my mind did)........ and a lovely sedum ground cover, that I cut into chunks, and transplant into the flower beds by the house....... which hasn't happened lately so....it has taken over the fence garden....made a luxurious carpet. Also two small pine trees...which we can move into the landscape.  Free Trees.  The Christmas Tree variety...which we like, and G used to dig in the woods and bring home..as tiny trees....it takes a long time...long time for them to reach any size- now about three feet tall. Ready to move into the front landscape but not under the power lines.

The grapes have returned in abundance.  Climbing up and over the structure (whose name I have forgotten or lost because I haven't used it in years-  pergola?) .  The blueberries  have "aged out" and produce leaves and branches but zero berries.   The Wild and Regular blackberry mixed vines have gone crazy...... I hope to find berries.  The wild are so tiny and the thorns so large.......the regular  (cultivated) has no thorns.

My aches and muscle pains from my fall out of bed days ago..are just beginning to arrive. Slow motion. I forgot to eat dinner yesterday...I think I got to thinking about what to eat...but never actually did any making...so I am hungry this morning....and want to stop typing so I can make my breakfast.....9am. I am NOT usually up this early.

It is supposed to rain here.  Most of the day.  No thunder or lightening (but that could change).  Just rain.  But right now, it's calm and quiet...not even a breeze moving the leaves outside the window....no birds..... no sun......silence.  Nothing is awake yet.

Field Notes- Saturday, July First. Clouds. Possibly Humid.

 I thought you might see the humor in this pictorial image of cactus.  I don't think they are "real". Meaning..alive.

So....Neighbor across the road is back home after having her gall bladder removed--unexpectedly.  Which is how I generally think the gall bladder is removed.  Everything okay and then horrid PAIN and then removed.

My Master Gardening Classmate arrived with Strawberries she had picked and bagels.  We had a long chat while husband was trimming the overgrown shrubs on the side of the garage. Things we don't like touching the house......

We have been having bits of Sunshine and more often cloudy skies.. the smoke from Canada has fortunately (for us, perhaps not you) not arrived in Maine.

The Supreme Court...another magnificent GIFT from Trump's Four Years as President.  My own solution to college admissions problems- remove the question on admission forms- no mention of RACE.  Let the economic questions remain as to need based help.

My inbox here on the computer if FULL of things I must now move to the Junk File.  I thought daily removal to Junk would deter them...it doesn't.  When my son arrives I will write down the instruction for blocking them.....

Field Notes- Expanded-- Same day- June 29th

 The Grass has been mowed.........in like 20 minutes....We should have done this YEARS AGO.

Field Notes- Thursday, June 29th. It rained overnight or early this morning. Wet. Dark.

 I like the wall lamps.  I wanted them in matte black metal for the dining room.  They are not made in matt black.   This on line catalog shop has bedding for a "camp style" bedroom for grandchildren...that I will never have--I have the bedroom but will never have the grandchildren.and what would I do with them at my age????.  I love the old chair with a stack of books.

The Lawn Guy says he is coming today.  To cut the grass.  Which is wet. And I just don't care....sigh..I have gotten to that point where my fussy perfectionist self has just got to let go.......I did cover the Ornamental containers- Four- with netting and clothespins again last night.   Deer.  Eating my expensive plants.   Mosquitos.  Eating my bare ankles.

I finally read a book my daughter had gotten for me  Austenland.  A Jane Austin type "holiday" where you wear 18th century clothing and live in an old house.......with actors pretending to be characters......I wasn't going to like it....but by the end, I did.  It's a movie.  If you have "'things" on your cable service that allows you to view stuff (I do not)...you could go look for it.....could be fun to watch.  Was fun to read.

I rolled out of bed this morning and fell on the floor.  My back and neck feel a bit stiff.  My hip was the the first to hit the floor and it hit hard but doesn't hurt....yet.  I can't quite figure out how it happened...... I would think this is what most Seniors would say after falling......can't quite figure out how it happened.

Field Notes- Wednesday, June 28th. Cloudy, Damp, Wet, Dismal with Mosquitos.

 Not always Fun to be Royal.  Or to be an Orphan.

Well, the netting over the Ornamental Planters worked last night. Nothing was eaten to the ground. Things are very damp an mosquitos are very blood thirsty.....  I have all the house lamps on.

Reading a YA book written by author of an Adult book I enjoyed.  Firkins.  The Librarian in charge of this YA section- in another Town that isn't mine (Wells),  is selecting some very good books.  Hearts, Strings and other Breakable Things.  The lead in this book is 17.  Her mother has died and she's been in care for a few months but now her well to do aunt wants to be "charitable" and take her in for the 3 months prior to the girl going off to college... not Yale.  She was accepted but no one is stepping up to pay tuition.  The Aunt  (the girl's mother's sister) is living in the grandparent's home in a neighborhood the 17 year old has lived in before, upscale and wealthy.....childhood friends etc from summer spent with her grandparents..

In all this, I wonder where the father of this child is.......how he has gotten off without any obligations. And why didn't the well to do grandparents set aside money for college?  

I have quite a few questions as you can see.  Birds are behaving oddly outside the windows.  It's like they have all suffered brain injuries. Well......that's it for now.  It will be another quiet day here in Maine.

Field Notes- Tuesday, June 27th. Moist. Cloudy with a good Chance of Rain.

 This is how I feel.  Trying to get in front of the black clouds.......

Another sad moment.  The left side of the big planter out in front was "half eaten" overnight.  It looked lovely yesterday.  Now...not so much.  I have nothing to replace the half eaten dahlia.

We had pizza yesterday for Dinner.  My side had only onion and cheese and his side got pepperoni.  We each get four wedges.....I ate two with a big salad of romaine and mixed greens with Ranch Dressing. I used to eat pizza this way all the Time.  But started forgetting to buy salad greens.  I got large containers of salad yesterday.  Today I might have the greens with olive oil and Balsamic vinegar.

My Tomato Seed Starting friend, woke to find her Earth Boxes partially dumped out and the fertilizer package out of the box and partially "eaten".  We both are trying to think what happened.  This is NEW.

The bird in the back yard is still throwing his body at the sunroom window.  I now have it completely covered in paper- I read somewhere that that birds can have brain damage and this bird thinks there is another bird which he must attack...and it's his own reflection.  From what I read...they will do this until they.. die?

I just left for a few minutes to get more paper to tape to that window.  No one dies on my watch.

Field Notes- Monday, June 26th. Dismal, Damp Clouds....chance of Rain. No chance of Pie.

 Just back from a Doctor's visit.   New doctor. New office.  I also have a printout of my weight.  Not happy to see the number on that paper.  Without a regular exercise program...I don't see how it will change.  I actually don't eat that much but...enough to maintain the weight.  I guess.

We discussed tree work on the way to and house values on the way back.  

Now I wait a bit before we head out to the normal Monday Events.   Library and Grocery.  Husband is napping on the couch.  Library isn't open until 10am.  It's 9:46.

I am having a cup of coffee.  It's dark in the house...I turned on lamps.  Deer ate half the annuals in the back deck planter.  Even with the repellent.  Husband thinks the chipmunks ate the plant......no. 

Grass is growing.  Getting pretty tall and when daughter's guy cut it...mower was set too high.  I would cut the front...but mosquitos........with it being cloudy and damp...the mosquitos are voracious.

Even though I have recently been shocked by my actual weight.....I am still considering pie.

What's happening where you live?  Are your property values going up or down?  How do you feel about your weight.....?   How do you deal with mosquitos?   

I might need a nap.

Field Notes- Sunday, June 25th Rain is Expected- Clouds and a breeze now.

 This is my second attempt.  The first went a bit off..... reverting to something strange.

We are experiencing clouds and expecting rain.  Dampness.  The Morning Paper wasn't as interesting as it could have been.....some of the headlines were odd.   The rhetoric regarding the ill fated sub...NOW everyone KNEW it was a bad idea, poorly engineered etc etc.

This guy- this inventor had a crazy idea and he used second hand goods to build it and then charged huge amounts of money for passengers etc etc.....and now you are ALL noticing???? He even killed himself by going on this last dive.  And the Titanic.....why do people want to see it.  Why is my local Music Theater doing a Titanic Musical Production of it???????  And that awful MOVIE.

My opinion.

So...clouds in my coffee this morning.  Tomorrow the doctor's appointment.  When I get home- the regular Monday outing.   Library and Grocery Shopping.

My tomato plants look good.  Happy.  The Lawn guy sent an email.  I replied.  I never know if any of the emails I send go anywhere......we'll see.  But if he shows up...then he got my reply.  Every other week.

 

Field Notes- Saturday, June 24th. Clouds and a chill rolled in last evening....should rain today.

 Jane Newland.

I FINALLY got (ALMOST ALL) the annuals into the four outdoor pots.  And husband filled the Deer Scary things with Blood Meal-- my spelling book is missing- I offered it to husband....last I saw of it...  deterrent ?  rather than "scary"?

It got windy and chilly as the Sun was going down last evening.  I was expecting rain.  The morning paper says there will be thunderstorms...... for a few days.

The Neighbor's Lawn Guy is not returning my emails or phone calls....  in fact I got a notification from my "falling apart computer system" that his addresses aren't "real".  So they can't send my messages. I refer to my computer as "they".  So I called his phone......left a message.

I also receive messages from "them" regarding computer fraud and credit card fraud.......

I need to turn on the living room lamps.  It's dark in here.

I might have already written this-  I did two loads of wash and....walked away from the machine to do other things.....yes, I left it unwatched......it did just fine.....I wish I could say the same about me....but eventually I will be walking away every time.....and it will feel..okay.

My Lunch Buddy is taking me to my new doctor appointment on Monday @ 8:40 am.  She is driving.  She knows where it is....she was just there two days ago for her mandatory wellness check.  For our Medicare Program.  It's just a chat.....An Annual Chat, listen to heart, pulse yada yada. Check Mark. I need my Statin Refill.  Recent publications mention findings that a daily Statin keeps Dementia Away. And you tend to live longer........Husband's 80 to my 10 milligrams.  ?  Sigh.

Hopefully, we won't get the Social Worker.

Field Notes- Friday, June 23rd. The Little Roving Sub exploded.

 A little ceramic cactus.   I saw it somewhere and snatched it to the picture file.   Cactus in ceramics and on Index Cards.   My picture file was loaded....delete doesn't actually get rid of anything..... so I had to do additional things.......I might now be able to send you index cards images........new stuff. We'll see.

So.  I called in my Statin prescription from my many years doctor and no......so I had to call my new replacement doctor I haven't seen yet.......no.  I have to come in.  Be seen. Blood test.  So I explained my situation and all of a sudden we were discussing a social worker.........that was a very fast transition.  Now I have a Doctor's appointment and my Lunch Buddy is driving me on Monday at 8:40 am.  

Hopefully, NO social worker.  The woman down the street got one and was dead soon after and her drug dealing son inherited the house and bank accounts. And now we have HIM living on our street.

Husband lost his clothes.  He was looking for them everywhere- they were on the bathroom floor.  I pointed to them... he put them on.  Now doing his word search puzzles.  With three Arnica pellets under his tongue.  This is new.  The lost clothes portion.

I did two loads of washing machine- did one page of writing and then left.  Left the machine unattended. For the very first time in YEARS..........not sure i am fully invested in how this feels as yet..... but....okay I think....to walk away.

Left message (yesterday afternoon) for my cross the street neighbor's Lawn Service.  I know he is busy....we'll see when he replies.  Possibly not until end of the month.  He was on vacation so has to double up......He looked exhausted when I saw him across the street. Last week.

Field Notes- Thursday, June 22nd. Sunshine........

 Carrie Fell I think.  

I filled the outdoor decorative annual containers yesterday.  Husband wanted to make it a "thing" by dragging the full garbage can of sifted "soil" to each container..........geez.   I just filled up a small plastic pail as many times as needed and left the garbage can in the garage.  He will do ANYTHING to NOT have to walk... more than once in any direction.  I may add Annuals today.  Or not.  Depending on heat index.  Transplanting on a hot day...wilting.  Late afternoon is Mosquito Time.  So, not then......

Walking is actually beneficial to his back.  But will he listen (and remember) NO. Will he do his back exercises?  No. Will he slouch in every seat he sits in? YES.  His back is so curved now ... his head points in the direction he is walking.

I have not had a moment to start a load of dirty laundry.   Not one moment. (wink)

Tennis yesterday wasn't worth watching.  MSNBC left me...wanting to watch Tennis.

Daughter called to ask me to correct the lawn mowing saga..  SHE suggested he NOT mow the lawn for US.   He being one of her co-workers.  He works on the weekends cutting grass for the company she works for......I have nothing more to say about any of this..... You will not see any references to my lawn ever again...... count on it.  

It's beginning to heat up here in Maine.  No longer in wool socks and corduroy pants with thermal shirt under my work shirt.   Now...no socks, wrecked old LLBean ¾ knit pants, short sleeve white v-neck tee. The pants got wrecked in the fenced garden when they got hooked up on the wire fencing........ the v-neck tees are the ones with spots and stains that won't come out......the really clean white ones- not many- I wear for "dress up" until I start wearing the short sleeved linen Camp Shirts solo.  Box shaped.  With short sleeves that look like TABs coming off the top and sides.  Best shirts EVER.  New ones have darts..... and are crap.

Re reading Nora Goes Off Script.  Will be reading it several more times......already missing the Boyfriend Candidate.  I have a few others on the pile...... and two waiting. And a full bookcase of Favorite Books. so..Don't cry for me......it's just that I liked the Boyfriend Candidate so very very much....but Nora Goes Off Script is a very close second.......as is Second First Impressions (in bookcase),

Field Notes- Wednesday, June 21st- 8am. Still, cloudy overcast morning. Cold.

Okay.  Let's try this a second time.  Chilly, damp and overcast.  The usual for Morning here in Maine.

Image "between a Rock and a Hard Place".....aka My Life.

Yesterday.....well, the lawn mower guy changed his mind.  Doesn't want the job.  I tried my best to tell you all what it's like here in Maine- asking for help......all that.  So once and dumped.  It was "too much". We did get the AC units installed.  That's a win.

So......now I have to call the guy who DID want to cut grass and see if he will be kind enough to take us on as clients.  He might not.  And he also might not have Time anymore.

I have a load of clothes in the washer.  I have started wetting my pants....  

I was going to write about the books I am reading but ...it sounds tedious and dull even to me...I did get the Town Tax Tags for the cars.....I did get books at the Library.  I did get Chicken Parm Dinners even though the clerk said they hadn't gotten any in that day.  They had six on the shelf. I bought all six.

I may have already told you this......I think husband's second credit card was also hacked. 

Life is just so GREAT right now.  Asking for help was just so GREAT.... a real mood lifter.

Field Notes- Tuesday, June 20th Another- in a long line of Dark Wet Days.

 Yes, it's June and this is a Winter Image but......it's pleasant.  And it IS COLD and WET here in Maine.

Yesterday started the same but mellowed out mid day and ended quite chilly...again.  Today started- early for me and I will explain--- damp and dark.....  echoing my inner turmoil.

I finally got Demon Copperhead.  The first 20 to 30 pages were dark but beautifully written. Really Beautiful.  First person so I got to know Demon thru his own words before and after his birth on the floor....  but now the book has gotten darker  (he's still a child) and I know myself...I cannot continue.....reading.  And I am having flashbacks to my first 5 years in elementary school- in the very very Black Brick Charles Dickens Elementary School with tall black fencing all around.  I was reminded of walking around the corner and seeing the building (from five to 9 years of age) all black, tall and foreboding. I recall my fear and unhappiness.

Why Charles Dickens?  Kingsolver mentions his influence in the notes at the back of the book. David Copperfield.  Why black brick and black iron fencing?  Who knows.  The school was very old in 1951. I did a Google search and it is still standing.  Still Black.  Still has the pointy black fencing.  Still Creepy..

Anyway, I woke in tears.  Overnight the Demons of my OWN came calling. So, the book goes back.But I want to write- it is beautifully written.  Do give it a chance.  I did and I am broken hearted that I won't be able to read into the triple digit pages.  Therapy is fine but the stuff it dredges up....... I've cried enough.

My childhood was far from safe or happy.  I don't need to be reminded. Even if the reminders are beautifully written.

We repeat the journey of yesterday.  Library.  Town Office to pay Car Taxes.