Tuesday, October 10, 2023

field Notes- Tuesday, October 10th.....my head is full of Fuzzy thoughts.


 Okay...I tossed a bunch of images and still got a repeat...It doesn't matter anyway, does it.

I managed to feed myself yesterday.  I watched the WAR news. You can only keep your boot on someone's neck for so many years before they erupt in hateful lava and burn the place down.... get a clue.

I managed to get the recycling and the garbage to the curb for collection this morning.  It felt like climbing a huge mountain.  It felt exhausting.  Then I sat--coma like-- until it seemed like time to go to bed.

I had intended to start a wash load....but I didn't remember to do it.

It's all "too much" and I can't even...well, do anything.....not even think.

I just cry...and then get tired and go to bed and sleep until it's time to get up and make oatmeal and walk down to the mailbox and get the newspaper and then eat oatmeal and read the paper and pack my bag to get ready for the hospital and the long drive there and then the long drive home and nothing changes and nothing gets better or anything......and people keep wanting me to "decide" and I can barely button my sweater and make sure my pants are zipped.

Hospitals everywhere are having the same influx of Baby Boomers.  The local hospital also has beds in the hallways just like they do in this huge hospital husband is in.. And rules are that no treatments can be given in the hallways....so people wait for a room and then they get treatment.  Hallways are full.  And there's COVID coming back for another round.

And in the end...it'a all about money.  Can you pay?  Have insurance?  The nurses and  doctors are doing a good job. They are kind and considerate but I have to go find them if husband needs something. 

My husband has given up...I can see he has...he has promised to pee in the bed if I would just take him home.  He won't try and get up out of bed.  He will listen to me...if he can just go home.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don’t want him “fixed”, I want him safe. I want you safe and if that makes me a stubborn mule than so be it.
—your daughter

DianeN said...

I realize that I'm no expert but with my mother-in-law and father-in-law, Medicare paid for up to 100 days in a nursing home as each of them had been hospitalized (not at the same time) for about a week and it was deemed that they were not strong enough or well enough to go home immediately.

Obviously it would have to be a nursing home/rehab center that accepts Medicare but I'm wondering why that isn't happening with your husband unless there are some kind of extenuating circumstances. It's a standard thing here.

Not trying to be a buttinsky so please don't be upset or annoyed with me. I'm just hoping the hospital people broached this with you.