Another Monday

I was reading a post on grief over at the Voodoo Cafe, and got to thinking that maybe that's what's wrong with me these days. Some type of cellular grief. It maybe the reason I am dragging my feet re: settling my dad's estate. This is not depression with all the usual attachments of sleeping all day, wearing pajamas all day (only half the day) and eating a number of grilled cheese sandwiches while reading and re reading the same book over and over. That kind of depression isn't depicted on the television advertisements.

So here I am, in my pajamas, trying to avoid walking the dog. Once I'm dressed and outdoors, it's good. I'm just not that interested until I am outside the house. And, while it isn't as cold, it is very gray and icy outside.

I made a lovely Valentine's Day dinner. Steaks, baked potatoes, asparagus and wild baby green greens in a salad with homemade croutons. Dessert (for G) was a nice deep chocolate brownie. Dessert for me was finishing the bottle of merlot. Yes, I did.

Yesterday, spent out shopping thrifts with my daughter, I threw together a pasta with fried onion, bacon and mushrooms with Parmesan cheese for G. I had some toast with peanut butter.

The diet isn't going all that well. I just don't care. I'm not motivated. I look old and flabby and lumpy and my skin is still hanging in wrinkles like a deflated old balloon from the last diet. There isn't even any food that would "comfort" me. There isn't any book I want to read or reread. I have trouble falling asleep so sleeping all day isn't even possible. I have things I could be doing but it's like I'm dragging a 1000 pound weight around with me called procrastination.

So small steps today. Get Dressed. Walk Dog. Make Soup. Clean Sheets On Bed.

The Art Rule for Today: Number 8. Use Intuition/ Master Technology. Did you notice the link? I think intuition requires a "leap of faith" and so does technology. Every time I press the publish button--- I wonder.