Saturday Suppliment

The days just seem to be flying by! I have been working on this altered book cover for days and doing a little something to it each time I walk past. Gluing things down and then ripping part of that off. Next on the agenda is paint. This is a book cover with the pages removed. You can work on the outside or the inside surface. I chose the paper side (inside) but with an Exacto knife you can carve up the outside surface pretty easily. Next time I'll use the colored outside surface.

I have been making little paper collages with creative direction from the advent calendar my daughter made for me. Each morning I open a little numbered envelope with instructions for the day's activity. Books to get at the library, collages to make, lists to create. I didn't make yesterday's collage-- instead I actually worked with fabric. And it's been SO long since I did that, that I worked directly on the ironing board surface and now am finding that I can't move the flimsy piece without destroying it. Before falling asleep, I realized I could pin it to the cover and then remove the cover from the board and "slide" (????) the piece off onto a piece of release paper. We'll see what happens. The layered strips that make up this piece are the foundation for my limited edition of ten Christmas cards. This will be the third or fourth year I have been making them. And people are asking when they will be mailed. Well, two people.

It snowed again last night. Light powdery snow that looked like glitter in the moonlight. Riley and I walked for 30 minutes at 7 pm. Nice and dark and quiet. Riley got an early Christmas gift from Sam. A battery operated blinking blue light that attaches to his collar. It also lights up the sidewalk for me. And it is a very interesting effect when Riley buries his whole head in the snow. Think blue tunnel. The blinking light can be seen by humans for about 20 feet and should be valuable for owners looking for their dogs at night. I hold on to the leash with a very tight grip. Usually Riley gets himself spooked by something and stays next to me like a burr. But I never become complacent.

I've come to enjoy these late afternoon /early evening walks. It IS cold (17). But the holiday lights are a distraction and I bundle up in plenty of layers.

We finally purchased a dog bed for the living room so we can watch television in there instead of sitting around the dining room table with the dog playing or sleeping on the bed he has in the dining room/great room. Now I can watch Tivo. I was seriously missing my Tivo. Yesterday I caught up with Project Runway (season 4 stinks) and the Holiday Top Chef. Today I will be watching the food channel all day while I do "things". And I have to go to the grocery store. (Ugh)

I purchased new spandex knit Perfect Pants at LL Bean on Thursday. Size Medium. Yes, size medium. I can't even begin to describe the feelings that came over me when I pulled them on and they fit. Nothing tight. No "stuffed sausage" look. And that glorious feeling lasted until 6:30 when I was seated with two friends at a local Indian restaurant telling my story of the pants. One "friend" said "you know they increased all the clothes sizes and the medium isn't a medium anymore, it's probably a large." Really. Do you think they increased the sizes in the last 11 months? I asked. Because the last 11 months is all that concerns me since I couldn't even wear the XL last year at this time. She just couldn't be supportive. Had to knock me down.

I don't care (much) and will take as much pleasure as possible in wearing my size medium pants and pajama pants. And, NO, I have NOT lost TOO MUCH weight. That's the second most popular comment I get. Geez, no wonder people lose weight and regain it so fast. All the "helpful and supportive" comments from the community.

December 2: Advent Calendar

I used simple #5 shipping tags for the days and pressed on restaurant menu board numerals we have in abundance from our ten years as restaurant owners. I like the clean graphic look of these tags.

Next. I duct taped two insulation boards (15 by 48) together down the long center. The puppy got interested in the project at this point and things got a bit "difficult". I had a long dress made of this beige linen (which now looks quite grey) so I cut the back panel off and layered it with poly batting and stapled it all on, pulling tight so there wouldn't be any bagging or sagging. Then I used yellow head quilting pins (JoAnn's) to attach the tags to the board.

The idea here is to add an ornament each day. One I find in my house that I want to use or a new one that I make (I added glitter snow to a pine cone Riley and I found yesterday on our morning walk). It's possible that I will even buy an ornament for this calendar.

The little bell is an ornament I made 30 plus years ago with a neighbor. I found it in the bottom of the desk drawer last night. I have the extra beads and instructions in a worn brown paper bag that I have carried from house to house all these years. I told my husband that I will probably take it to the nursing home with me. Still pondering on those instructions. Which are not quite all there.

My daily horoscope is again right on the money.

Take another look at the big problems that you think are blocking your path toward progress, and you will see that they are actually just minor setbacks. Rather than keep you from moving forward, they are merely forcing you to devise a new way to navigate around them. They're doing you a favor -- they're reminding you that you need to utilize your creativity a lot more often when you are dealing with problems. There are multiple ways to solve any issue, so why don't you find a unique one?

I felt wonderful making the Pottery Barn calendar. It was good to be doing something. And it changed the emotional texture of the rest of the day. Today my task is a monochromatic collage from the "creative advent calendar" my daughter put together for me. Each little daily envelope has a creative suggestion inside for something to do that day. This is a very good thing. Would be a good product to sell.

December 1 : Five Happy Christmas Memories

I asked my daughter to add little suggestions to the advent calendar she made for me last Christmas. This suggestion was in envelope number 1.

1. Cleveland, Ohio. Halle's Seventh Floor Winter/Toy wonderland. Mr. Jingaling.

2. Christmas Eve with my Dad. My dad was a city policeman and worked as much overtime as he could during all holidays to save money to buy us a house. On Christmas Eve he would be home in the late afternoon (dark) and my brothers and I would walk through the neighborhood with him looking at the Christmas lights. My mom would join us along the route. When we got home we were encouraged (the first time) to go up on the porch and look in the windows to see if Santa had come. He HAD!

3. Advertising was so closely tied to Christmas when I was little. Santa and Coke. This was the ONLY time of year my parents purchased Coke. A six bottle carton of tiny green glass bottles. One for each of us (3 kids, mom and dad and Santa). We drank our little bottles on Christmas Eve. Ever so slowly. And placed the one for Santa next to the cookies we had made for him.

4. Christmas in Europe. When we lived there for 6 years I loved every Christmas moment. The advent wreaths and candles. The Christmas Markets after dark. The tiny trees with white lights only on roof tops and balconies; marking the way for the three wise men on their journey. Following a church group into the woods across from my German house and standing with them in a clearing in the woods, moon light, singing "Silent Night" in German.

5. The week after Christmas, 1979 or 80, I think. Bolingbrook, IL. Our family room. G was home for the week (he traveled 2 weeks each month to Europe) and he set up a card table in the family room and constructed my large saltbox doll house while the kids played with their Christmas toys and watched Christmas television. We may have gotten our first pet that year. Sam's kitten.

Advent

I found this neat advent calendar in the Pottery Barn catalog. All the ornaments are for sale and the board itself is 36 by 48, covered in linen and for $129 they send the board and the tags. Maybe even the numbers. I have some scraps of foam insulation on my dining room table that need to be cut to the same size--probably 30 inches by 48 and then wrapped in batting and then some linen from a dress I can't wear anymore. My daughter gave me tags. My husband has menu board numbers which I can use.

I'm thinking I will make ornaments each day or find something in the attic to use for that day. By Christmas I will have a nice little display. Re-useable. And if I win the lottery or have extra $$$ some day-- I can call Pottery Barn and order a "real" one.

I actually doodled in my journal yesterday. And today I visited a web site where an Iraq artist made collages from burnt and destroyed Iraqian library books (from the riots/looting after the Bush victory). I loved the way they looked. So I began one of my own which you will see tomorrow along with the above mentioned website.

I think the "creative blockage" may be clearing. Anyway, I intend to keep making things, even awful things, everyday. I'm going to suffer for my art. And if I post--you will too. LOL

This week Dr House said something profound (and cruel) to a musician/drug addict:
If you're going to do something: Do it good. Or learn to do it good. Or don't do it at all.

Push Forward

My horoscope for today:

Push through self imposed barriers. Widen your horizons. Remind yourself that the world is full of people who are just doing their best to be happy.

Yesterday I was responsible for turning a "good lunch" into a "not so fun lunch". An art friend and I meet to eat lunch and then to share our work and discuss life and art. I whined about my art blockage. And my friend threw up her hands and said "make bad art then." "Suffer! Isn't that what artists do?"

Well!!

I guess it IS what artists do. They WORK. And only a fraction of that WORK is any good in the beginning. How on earth did I expect to get past this? I think I was hoping for a good work to just FALL into my hands. DUH!

So. I will be WORKING. Making awful, horrible stuff. And then making MORE. Suffering. Pushing forward.

Doing my best to be happy, also. How about you?

A New Look

Yesterday my daughter and I sat and worked on the new template for 2 hours. Choosing styles and colors was very stressful. I am having trouble making up my mind. Usual for me. I always know what I don't like. More difficult knowing what I DO like.

We lost the Artful Quilter's Ring button and my Sitemeter. Will have to re-install those someday soon. The links button works so great. Even I can do it.

Riley is a bit out of sorts today. Sleepy. Whiney. Unsocial. I wonder if he ate something weird. Weirder than usual. You just never know what he scoops up. Cigarette butts. Plastic bags. Mushrooms. Deer Poop. If he doesn't perk up tomorrow we'll check in at the Vet.

I am experiencing a major artistic block. I haven't made any art for awhile now. Not even my favorite little paper collages. My paper and pen journal is just pages and pages of writing since July. Not even one little picture pasted in with all the words.

I did make a little "rip off" of someone's work. I can copy. Not proud of this talent but if the design is simple enough I can make a duplicate. Takes time to get it right. And all the decisions have been made by someone else.

Tomorrow a friend and I will pack up my dearly departed friend's fabric, books, and quilting supplies. I miss her more than I thought possible. Perhaps all this is grief. Something I have never experienced before. I hope the packing of the boxes will complete this grieving process. And I can move on. My friend would want me to move on.

Here's Looking At You!

Only took a couple dozen tries but I got a decent picture of the "new" me. Of course I've been eating like a sailor on shore leave this week so I may not look like this for long. I think this year's turkey was the best one ever. And the pumpkin pie is so good! I get a tiny sliver but it's so rich, I can barely finish. But I soldier on.

All this weight loss has come at a price. Wrinkly skin. Like on a balloon that was blown up really big and then sits around in a warm room loosing air for a week or so. You know how it looks all wrinkly? Puckery? Crepe-y. What I need is big rubber bands to hold up all that loose skin on my thighs. Pull it all up to my hips and sort of hold it there. So my legs look fantastic. Or else keep it all covered. I carried most of my weight from the waist down. I did look like a Weeble. Now all that skin is empty.

My shoulders are wider than my hips. Or it just looks that way to me. When I walk and my shadow is in front of me-- I look straight up and down. I used to look like the food pyramid. Little pointy head and big big bottom.

I had three hours this afternoon and I spent it reading art blogs, writing in my journal, taking those dozens of pictures of myself, trying to get that smoky fire going and filling the house with black stinky smoke instead. I did get the purple pair of size 10 J Jill cords hemmed. I have no idea why they fit, but it's a real diet booster. No art.

Tomorrow I plan to go to the grocery and get lettuce for lots and lots of salads. And fruit and yogurt. Maybe skip Chinese Lunch. Wear the size 10 pants. Oh, yeah!

Black Friday

I know why they call it this, but still, it seems not so correct. Today we had Thanksgiving Part II for lunch. I re-roasted the wings and legs of that turkey to get them "crispy" and loaded up plates with mashed & sweet potatoes, stuffing and gravy and we pulled chairs up to the table and crunched away.

My walking partner is still in town until the 27th so we had another delightful walk in the 30 degree, brisk, weather this morning. Riley just loves to start his day with a three mile walk and then a nice nap.

The fire in the woodstove was very smoky yesterday and kept going out. ( I swore, cussed and even kicked the stove, but it refused to work) Today is much the same problem. The wood is dry. This is why I really do not enjoy using the woodstove. When it works correctly, the heat is nice and soft and warms the entire high cathedral ceiling-ed room. When it doesn't work-- the whole house stinks of smoke and fire. We had four perfect, hot fires in a row and now, two terrible cold and smokey fires. I wish I had a gas woodstove. The only reason I'm using the woodstove this winter is the price of heating oil. We have plenty of wood piled up-- free, sort of. (purchased it 16 years ago and never burned it) At this rate, the whole house will need interior cleaning and painting to get rid of the smoke. And the smell.

Riley needs his dinner. So I will post this and get back to "dog duty". G is working till 11:30 tonight--Black Friday. When I worked retail, I loved the holiday season and all the customers. But that was long ago and I was younger and not quite as "poor" at customer service. :-)

Thankful

Today I am thankful for my life just as it is right now. How often are we "just right" with ourselves? No changes necessary.

Riley and I walked the empty streets of our little neighborhood. No cars, no people, no dogs. I speculated that everyone was having a late, family breakfast. Riley thought about it. Decided he wanted a cheese fueled run. So G and I teamed up to get him running and soon he was a foam splattered black dog. Happy dog.

I baked my pumpkin pie yesterday and made a batch of no knead bread with additions. One tablespoon of honey, wheat flour and three tablespoons of GrapeNuts. I let it sit around for 24 hours and now I have it in a 12 muffin pan making it's last rise. I ALWAYS forget dinner rolls on Thanksgiving so this will be a family event.

The turkey needs to be ready to eat at 6pm so I have time to fool around. My daughter, our only guest, is eating with friends at 1 or 2 and then with us at 6. So G and I will have lunch and then make dinner.

Brussels sprouts from our garden, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberries and baked acorn squash. No green bean casserole. It turns out that I have always been the only member of the family who loved it. And I no longer eat large piles of food. So there is too much of it leftover. In fact, we really have trouble finishing leftover food now.

I'm the same weight I was 25 years ago. Amazing Theory: If I gained only 3 pounds a year for 25 years I would have weighed exactly what I weighed last year at this time. Seventy five pounds more than I do now. And in those 25 years, I lost weight occasionally. Like 5, 10 or 15 pounds. So there were years when I regained that much. Unbelieveable. It happens when we just aren't paying attention.

I am so very thankful that I started on my "healthy eating plan" in January and stuck with it and walked nearly every day and counted every calorie and weighed and measured every portion.

I am thankful my family is healthy and happy. I am thankful for G. And for my dog. And for Tivo. And now I'm going to finely chop celery and onions and peel potatoes and love every second. I do LOVE prep work with a knife. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Moving Along

My walking buddy is back in Maine with her Florida sunshine tan. She looks great! We bundled up and walked this morning (24 degrees). It is SO much nicer to walk with someone! As to the art above. You've seen this before but now with some leaves. Salvaged pieces from when I "altered" my favorite sweatshirts to fit the "new me". I added three blue buttons.

Another piece we have seen before but with an added strip torn off of something green wrapped around the fringed piece of red satin. It needed some relief from all the red. I may add some buttons to this as well to repeat the dots in the fabrics.

I used one of the prepared Pamela Allen workshop backgrounds for this and just built it up with whatever prepared and unused bits I had on the work surface as I had only a few moments to work. This is progressing but needs a "punch". I think something stronger for the leaves which are darker in real life, but I can see that the contrast is not enough.

I am finding that I enjoy the adding of unmatched scraps to a piece. Not thinking too much. Just trying things repeatedly and finding the solution to be surprising and not what I would have thought. Taking a chance. I just need a few hours to load some threads in the machine and topstitch and quilt these to actually get a feel for the surface.

The last and most successful in my humble opinion. The piece was made horizontal but I kind of think it should be vertical with the "kite" (from my favorite red sweatshirt). The additions of green scraps to the left is very exciting and because they are batiks and velvets, there is a nice tactile thing going on. With some stitching I think I can see what happens to the surface. When this is horizontal the little peaked shapes looked like houses. They still could be houses as my viewpoint could be from the sky looking down.

I don't think I would have made anything like these four if I had lots of time in the work room. The ones above are legal pad size. I'm finding I like smaller work. I have a pile of different fabrics to make into leaves for a larger piece. Corduroy pants, velveteen, batik and if time allows today, I plan to paint some of my own fabric for the leaves also. Some color and texture I can't find in my fabrics or in my clothes.

I went to the library yesterday to find some reference materials for my Expressive Books challenge. I don't think I will be going in the direction of the research but it was good for the brain cells to contemplate the subject matter. And it is amazing where one "thought thread" will lead. I may just make a series of separate pages in fabric, paint and paper and then lay them out and see what fits and what is needed. I think a subject or theme will come out of the work rather than trying to get the work to co-operate with a set idea.

I'm interested in painted fabric, textural surprises, transfered images and the use of recycled fabrics (waste). I'm also increasingly drawn to large, graphic images. Perhaps lino or wood cuts printed on fabric. The Japanese books from the library are making me want to cut into some lino or speedball sheets.

Time to start a fire in the wood stove. Pizza for dinner tonight with pepperoni, mushrooms and pineapple. Whole wheat crust for me and regular for G. A new brand of prepared dough balls at the grocery store today which looks much better than the store brand. The wheat looked "wheaty". Turkey is thawing in fridge and all the sides are ready to be prepped. I even remembered pie ingredients and whipping cream. I didn't get dinner rolls.

Blog Evaluation- Needs Improvement

I want to change my blog name. I want to change my blog.

I had low expectations for this endeavor when I launched. I had been writing in a pen/paper journal for many years. Jotting down ideas, drawing things, copying recipes, craft ideas from television programs, pasting in "art" from magazines. Anything I liked or wanted to try was recorded. These journals, and there are four or five bulging books now, are completely entertaining. To me.

What I wanted was somewhere to TYPE. I love the typed word. So fast. Deleteable. And my pen/pencil journal is slower (penmanship) and the only way to delete is to tear out pages. And those pages are really sewn in tight.

I also wanted a place to write opinions and ideas and embellish the truth and tell lies. I wanted to WRITE. And of course, I wanted it to be ALL about me. Problem is: My real life is completely dull, even to me. In the beginning, I wrote some really good stuff about my past, about days and times that meant alot to me. And the emotion came through in the words. Lately, not much.

I've signed on, in the past few days, for a challenge. To make a book. A creative exploration of an idea, method, or technique. Mapped out. Like an expedition into uncharted territory. Like an explorer looking for the edges of the known world. Afraid he might fall off that edge. Into what? I'm terrified. Excited. Have no idea yet what I will explore.

I want this blog to be a factual record of this exploration. With side trips into the mundane. Explorers wrote about daily life along with the adventure. Samuel Pepys's Diary was a unique look at daily life and intimate thoughts. An exploration of his life. So mine will still detail walking the dog and weeding the garden and forgeting to plant the daffodils until the snow starts falling.

In the "needs improvement" department, I will try to be more entertaining. More of a writer. Telling a good story. Beautiful descriptive writing. I may even take a stab at dialogue, which is a weak point for me. I do like a bit of good repartee. (Editor's Note: Two detours to the encyclopedia and dictionary in this one post!)

In order to have time to write this post I had to sacrifice one of my slippers to the puppy. He is busy ripping it to shreds while I am typing away. A fair trade.

So how shall I change my blog name? I can't even begin to be clever about this. I was stumped when it came to naming my children. And the puppy. Help!

Just DO Something

Remember when I wrote that I would be dedicating 2 hours a day to art? The only thing I am dedicating 2 hours to is dog walking. My whole day is walk the dog/do household chore/feed the dog/do household chore/walk the dog/feed the dog/do household chore/walk the dog/feed the dog/read the paper/go to bed.

You'll notice there is no time spot for personal cleanliness. I sometimes spend the whole day looking exactly like I did when I rolled out of bed and into dog walking clothes. Now that I can wear a "cold weather" cap, I don't even have to worry about bed head.

Today was a new low. I went to an appointment with the eye doctor in dog walking gear. Only because I got back from the morning walk too late to shower and change clothes. The upside, if there can be one, I didn't have to change clothes for the afternoon walk.

When my husband got home from work, the dog and I had been in the house 3 minutes (after a 3 mile hike). Riley was ready to go again. So we both took him out into the 4 acre unfenced yard (woods) and whistle trained him. We use a whistle to get his attention and call him and he's supposed to "come". This is tricky. Riley is 7 months old and thinks he is the boss now. So he RUNS. Away. We are trying to make coming to us when we call a "lot of fun". We attached the 20 foot lead to his collar so we would only have to get within 20 feet to catch him if he ran. He ran alright. Back and forth across the yard. To me. Then to G. He ran until he was foaming at the mouth. Then he had water, dinner, and was crated for a nap. G and I went out to eat. Cozy little restaurant. Wine, pate, lamb, cheesecake, coffee. G ate most of those things. I drank the wine.

I just need to DO something other than what I have been doing. It's all very nice. I do like clean clothes, good food, vacuumed floors. But I need to do something creative before I forget how. Reading would even be nice.

It WAS really nice to sit in that cozy restaurant with candles and wine and white napkins and have a nice chat with my husband. Should try for more of that, also.

Well, I think I'm going to take a much needed shower, brush my teeth and watch Project Runway. Tomorrow is another day.

Sunday- November 11

The bits and pieces of my friend's unfinished quilt top. My dilema: Leave the blocks as they are or use some of the new fabric she bought just before her death, (washed and ready to use) to make the blocks that are weird look prettier. Like the one in lower left. the floral purple with the peach. and the new fabric which looks lovely. I don't think my friend was actually going to take the blocks apart. I need to go over to the house and see if there is any more of the blocks building fabric around. Obviously I did not get everything I needed.

My second attempt at No Knead Bread. 500 degree oven. More flour. While it was better looking the taste element was only fair to middling. I guess I like a dense and tasty loaf. This one was airy and tasteless. G and I finished it off today. Toasted.

I truly do not know how Mrs Mel goes through 3 baked loaves. This one loaf lasted all week. And we had it for sandwiches, oh so thin Parmesan toasts with salads, breakfast toast and I was going to make croutons if it made it through today. But we toasted the remainder. I mixed up a new, replacement loaf for the coming week. One cup WW flour along with the white, sugar and a touch more water than necessary. It's sunning on the window sill. I'm only going to bake this one at 450. And I may knead it a bit to increase the gluten. Third time is the charm?

Weighed myself this morning. Didn't gain and lost a bit. So that's good news. Back to writing everything down in the food diary. I had gotten away from that and that isn't good. I need to make sensible decisions ALL day long so that dinner is a good meal and not a handful of salad. Canned soup for dinner yesterday. Ick! Organic maybe, but still tasteless. How can they mess up SOUP???? Chinese Lunch today. Yum.

Road Trip

We (man, woman and dog) were all getting a little frayed at the edges, so I decided we needed a change of scene. So we got into the car early on Thursday and drove south. On the way out of Maine we dropped Riley off where he was born and he had a day of "Doggie Daycare" with free play. He had his packed lunch with him.

G and and traveled into New Hampshire and Mass with the quilt show in Nashua as our destination even though it's a pretty stodgey show. I saw the sign for Cracker Barrel and we pulled in and had *breakfast*. Oh, it was heavenly. Two eggs, 3 crispy thick slices of bacon, grits, hashbrown casserole (and whatever is in that) and one biscuit. Two cups of coffee and a couple games of golf pegs in a triangle and I was happy. Cracker Barrel was all decked out in Christmas and glitter. I purchased one little Santa suit on hangers for a little quilt I want to make with fabric I have had for YEARS. I left behind the tiny toddler Halloween costume of orangey gold satin, black netting and sparkles. 70% off. Adorable.

On to Nashua, New Hampshire. I should have saved my $9.00 entrance fee and just roamed the vendors and gone home. There were about 50% of the usual quilts and they were all traditional. Lots of gorgeous hand quilting. The room looked half empty. Of quilts and people. The vendors were doing okay and the lunch room was packed when we got there.

I overheard some conversation about where a group of quilters was going next and heard Trader Joes. I barged right over and got directions. I've been wanting to have a peek at a Trader Joe's since I've been reading blogs. None in Maine which seems pretty ridiculous now that I've been. Seems like a perfect fit with Mainers. But we always seem to be at least a decade behind the country.

I shopped Trader Joe's and got Peach Salsa and four packages of dried Mangos. Only the mangos have sugar listed as the first ingredient and they are WAY TOO SWEET. So I washed one package off this morning to see if I could remove some sugar. I may have to throw them away. I like my fruit a bit tart. I had 2 pieces and can feel my heart beating. Way too much stimulation.

We did NOT try for a day pass at Costco. That would have been too much culture shock. We did visit a giant Barnes and Noble and I got my annual Mary Englebreit 7 inch square 2008 calendar. This year's theme, "You Can Do Anything". Pretty good.

Riley is up from his "after breakfast" nap and I will be taking him for a walk now. When we get back he will have his "after walk" nap and luncheon will be served. Then some play, a few visits to the potty and time for another 2 mile walk, dinner, licking the kitchen floor, and some "stay" with cheese incentives and he's asleep by 7 pm. Of course, I am required to participate in all dog activities. Riley and I are a "group". So much for free time.

I do try and crate him for 2-3 hours each day, if it works out for us. He doesn't mind. Gives him time to work on the fine motor skills of unsewing his dog bed. He is meticulous. Zipper removal was delicate and complete. Seam binding is coming off in one continuous strip. And now we are removing the polyfil. Just a tiny bit at a time. In the top left corner. The rest of the bed is in perfect shape.

Riley is ringing the door bell. Time for potty.

Today Can Be The Beginning

Of Anything. Or Nothing. I'm in a sort of "Is That All There Is?" kind of mood. All this work on the "Healthy Eating Plan" and all the walking and it's all overwhelming me.

Who am I now? Who do I want to be? Eight weeks till the END of this one year commitment to change. On January 5th I will have the opportunity to make a new commitment.

The weight loss has changed me. I smile. I feel like the "inside" person and the "outside" person match. I was always surprised, before, to catch a glimpse of myself, unawares. Who is that? Oh, gosh it's ME!!!! No. It can't be. It is. And I would want to run and hide. At one point in time I remember standing in front of a floor to ceiling mirror at Gap and seeing a Weeble looking back at me. All round in the middle with a little head bump and little feet bumps. A Weeble.

Now, I look like a regular person. Most times. A regular person who is ridiculously happy about fitting into the jeans she has on or the tiny spandex shirt. Tiny for me. Not you. And all that ridiculous happiness plays havoc with the past. Being a judgmental Virgo and all. I see faults and I pick away at them. Yours. Mine, certainly. Why was I so wrong for so long?

I can't just stand there looking into today's mirror and be happy. I have to wonder about all the years of Weeble. Why was I like that? What happened to make me want to change. Why was the change so easily accomplished. Yes. I said easily. I never struggled. I was never hungry. I never, until this month, was counting the days till January 5th. I just kept moving along, one day at a time and really, am just as shocked that it worked as everyone else is.

When asked, about how I did this, I say "I was ready to change". As simple as that. I was tired of carrying 100 pounds extra of guilt, sadness, failure, low self esteem, unworthiness, history and whatever else had been dumped onto me, around anymore. It was too heavy to carry. The weight came off but so did the baggage. Years of it. A lifetime of not being what anyone wanted. I've been unpacking that baggage as the weight came off.

Now it's time to unpack the last 30 pounds of baggage and I am dragging my feet, eating a cookie, not counting my calories, not weighing and measuring everything I eat. Being self destructive. Because the last of that baggage is the most toxic and the most familar and the hardest to face up to. Because to get rid of that last 30 pounds, I have to face up to what I am.

And I would guess, to do that, I have to admit, to my own self, that I am a failure. I never finished college. I never had a proper career job with a salary. I don't have professional credentials. I never tried hard enough to get any of these things. But they are what I always wanted. A profession. A job. To be able to support myself.

Wow. So today can be the beginning of unpacking that baggage. I can certainly go back to school and finish college. And a degree will probably get me a job. I was going to say that I might be too old. But a classic Ann Landers line came to mind. When a guy said "I'll be fifty in the 4 years it takes to finish college." Ann replied "So how old will you be in four years if you don't go to college?" But what do I want to be when I grow up? How do I discover my true calling? Can anyone light the way?

Dedicate Two hours a Day to Art

More painting was done to this flower. I don't think it's done yet. But I did try and sign it just in case it's done. I think I will paint over that. For sure.

What I like about this one is the limited amount of paint on the surface and the fact that it looks just as good upside down. Could hang it either way. Change it with your mood. While I was painting, I was thinking--House On Water. It does have a watery feel.

A fabric flower (my signature tulip) and my newly painted flower. They look like distant cousins. I need to figure out how to add more depth of color. The large spaces aren't all that interesting. And the acrylic paint dries so fast. I got a book on acrylic technique and it wasn't helpful. Maybe this is why I have never painted.

As to the title. I have a list of 15 things to do to become a better artist. I will be tackling one each week. This week. Two hours a day dedicated to ART. So far today, I unrolled the unfinished quilt I am finishing for my friend who died on October 21. I spent time trying to SEE what she was working toward. There are 23 incomplete blocks. Her color combinations are odd to me but could be significant to her style or signature "look" (or stroke impaired brain) so I don't want to impose my artistic vision onto her work too much. Doing this for an hour or two was very tiring but oddly very creative. Like learning a new language. I took pictures of the blocks with the digital camera to put some distance between me and the work. One block is 85% done and that's the one I'm going to use to finish the others. Use it as a road map.

G has done all the dog walks today. I just didn't want to. So now, while the football game is on, I plan to go down to my workroom and make something. Maybe some pieced fabric to cut big leaves out of. My old green wide wale cordoroy pants pieced with a green napkin. Or not. Two hours a day is long. I have been dedicating zero hours for weeks.

Tomorrow I need to snap out of this funk and get back into walking and doing art while the dog naps in his crate. Enough of this "I'm tired" whining.

Progress Report

So much blank wood. Can you believe it? I can't. The covered areas all belong to me. Down there past the big floral lamp. The situation: I have to clear a spot in another room for the things that need to leave this room. And in doing so need to find another spot for----- etcetra.

I did find a few clean, starched napkins for this photo. To set the mood for where I'm going with the long, empty table and the napkins and candles. I got this flatware in Denmark back in 1980 or 81 when the entire family went to Europe with Daddy. To see where he worked. When he was gone for two weeks every month for three and a half years.

My newly restored bookcase. Only books I actually read are still here. The others have gone to the book sale. Decorating, Cooking, Gardening, Journals in the lower left. There is a matching bookcase on the other side of the curtains. That is in the process of being loaded with magazines I NEED to keep. When I have absolutely nothing to do, I look at old magazines. It's comforting. Last night I looked through a year or more of House &Garden and they are now ready for the Magazine Exchange at the library. I found one thing of interest. A list of 25 ways to contain clutter. They suggested piles of magazines, neatly stacked under coffee and end tables. Does that sound "uncluttered" to you?

From the latest Mary Englebreit magazine. A French General styled bedroom. So for Christmas I will need a wreath and a red and cream striped pillow. Doesn't that look serene?

I went to the grocery store yesterday and actually found Tide with Bleach in Original Scent. The only kind I will buy or use. In liquid. I prefer dry. I can't imagine why people want their clean clothes to smell (stink) like Ocean Breezes. Have you smelled an ocean breeze? Smells like stinky ocean mud and rotting seaweed. Fishy. Nice at the ocean. Not so nice in your closet.

I also purchased a large bottle of Clorox so I coud bleach all my old napkins. They are blinding white now! I know the bleach will rot them eventually but until then-- go white!

Which reminds me-- Riley and G have gone to cut a tree limb off a power line-- yes, they did--- and I should take this opportunity to wash Riley's bedding. Tide with Dog fragrance wouldn't be a winner either.

Uncluttered

I moved furniture. Emptied and rearranged cupboard contents. Moved dishes. Took a small load of things to Goodwill. Took a bigger load of things to library for the book sale. Took wine glasses and mugs to my daughter's office for distribution. Took a hanging wall cabinet (white bead board) to daughter's house and hung it up on her wall in kitchen (actually had husband do this). Still need to find home for displaced contents of said wall cabinet.

G and I will be drinking our juice and water from lead crystal rocks glasses now. Instead of them sitting in the cupboard waiting for a special occasion. Like the Queen of England coming to visit.

We will be using the Polish pottery dishes for dinner, breakfast toast and assorted other everyday uses. Along with the silver flatware. I'm 61. Enjoy it now. My kids don't want it.

I can actually SEE the wood top of the dining room table in SOME areas. Not the entire top as yet but we are moving in that direction. When it's clean, I will stain it a nice walnut. French.

And I have decided to paint one whole very large long wall in this dining room with chalkboard paint and define the chalkboard area with a faux (French) picture frame treatment. I can then write menu descriptions, make holiday drawings, and post wonderful quotes on my chalkboard. The top edge can be decorated with faux holiday garland and twinkly lights for a warm and cozy ambiance. The table will be plain (and empty) except for white starched napkins and candles down the center. I love clean surfaces. Which you would never guess with all the s**t I have piled on top of each and every one around here.

When I told my friend K about this uncluttering she said "It's about time!"

I didn't walk yesterday and ate bread and pasta and little steamed dumplings with spicy peanut sauce and am ever so sorry about falling off the wagon but it all just GOT to me. And now I hope I'm past all of this and can just move right along. I wrote in my pen and paper journal for nearly 2 hours this morning so I'm feeling unburdened. So much conflict in my emotional life right now. Dreams of being abandoned and left behind.

Grocery shopping later for pineapple (I need some daily fruit), chicken for soup and detergent and bleach for all the dingy white cotton napkins I pulled out of the napkin drawer. Right now Riley and I are going out for a WALK!

Yesterday's Pictures

Riley standing around looking for something to do. Well, once it got to be Trick or Treat time, things got pretty interesting for the pup. Doorbell ringing. Small children with sticky substances to lick off them. Other dogs coming for treats--wearing costumes. I have a "dog rule". No clothing on dog. But I did hand out candy "eyeballs" to all the humans and dog biscuits to all dogs. I think Halloween candy should be "icky" in a delicious way. Eyeballs.

I changed the sheets yesterday and all this fresh white linen was so delicious looking. I am spoiled completely by 100% linen sheets. They are so expensive, even at the Cuddledown Factory Store in Freeport, but they feel cool in summer and warm in winter. And they don't catch your bed clothes like flannel does.

One meal to the next with Riley. He does do an excellent job of cleaning all the bowls. Not a speck of anything in either of them. The little spots on the bottom are water drops. Labs drink and then carry water in their jowls all over the house. Riley likes to share his water with my pant legs, shoes and socks. So refreshing.

G says today is "my day". We can do whatever I want to do. But. He is making a list of chores next to his breakfast dishes. I think I may ask him to walk with me this morning. I miss my walking partner very much.

Eggplant Parm was delicious last night. I was going to invite the neighbor to eat with us but realized there was no free table space to put a third person. Piles of books, magazines and newspapers everywhere. Ugh. It's not as bad as those homes where you can barely walk through the house because of the piles of "things" but no flat surface is clear. Except for the kitchen island which I cleaned off so I could prep the eggplant last night. Still flat and empty! So perhaps "my day" will be devoted to a flat, clean, blank dining room table. If it happens, I'll take a picture to remember the "moment".

Wednesday October 31

Blogger doesn't want to do pictures right now.

So, what do you dog owners do with the dog all day? I walk him, feed him and pet him but still he seems to want more. I have no idea what. And I want to do my own stuff some of the day. Not just dog stuff. How many leaves can you smell? Yesterday we walked 5 miles. I'm tired. We've done 2 miles already and its just 2 in the afternoon.

Just a sec.

He found something to do. Chewing on some stored butternut squash out on the porch. Another squash ruined. At this rate I won't get to eat any of them before they all rot or get eated by the dog.

Was reading Melody's blog and it led to some YouTube cooking videos and I discovered Indian cooking videos by ManjulasKitchen and watched all of them. My favorites are Palak Paneer and Aloo Gobi. The Roti and Aloo Parathas look like interesting breads.

Tonight's dinner (I am remembering to cook) is Eggplant Parmesan. I have the sliced eggplant salted and sweating in the fridge. I should check to see if I have marinara in a jar or do I have to make my own. And what pasta shape to go with?

I did surrender to the NYTimes No Knead Bread and while my loaf wasn't perfect, it was very, very delicious. I plan to try again. I may have added too much water or not enough flour. I also think I "touched" the dough a bit too much. It turned out smooth, not rustic. And the NYTimes video said 500 degrees on the oven and cast iron. Smoking hot is the way the baker described it.

My heating oil arrived. 96.9 gallons at $2.999. Two hundred ninety dollars and 60 cents. And I haven't turned on the furnace yet. That's just for heating the water. For 2 months. August 20th to October 31. If only I could have afforded the budget plan of $2.59 a gallon. But we just didn't have $2700 up front. Being "sort of retired" isn't for sissies.

We aren't old enough for Social Security, Medicare or funding from our investments. So we (well, g has to) work an hourly job to get health care benefits, try and live on what we don't have invested, and not buy anything. After years and years of being taken care of, very well, by corporate employers and really enjoying being quite spoiled. We had it all. And now I miss it. I wish I knew how to do something people would pay me lots of money to do.

But right now--- it's out to walk the dog. The dog who is huddled on his dog bed after being yelled at for eating the squash. Bad dog! I did say that, for the very first time, in his little life. He is feeling great remorse, I'm sure. Me too.

Sunday October 28

The sun is shining again after a full day of cold rain. The majority of our oak leaves have come off the trees and the streets and gutters are packed with a dense carpet of oak. Oak leaves have a thick, hard to compost, composition. They are also nutrient dense. Lots of tannin. Slippery when wet. Repels water when packed in a thick layer over the ground. More than you will need to know.

Riley is napping after a long morning walk and a filling lunch. His dog bed is located in a nice sunbeam and he is ever alert to the movement of the wheels on my desk chair so he can jump up and come see me at a moment's notice. We try each other's patience.

I am tempted to try the internet favorite "No Knead Bread" today. For baking tomorrow. BUT. Bread is my weakness and if I make it, I will eat it. Or want to eat it. Temptation.

I have books to pick up at the library and a pile of magazines to take to the magazine exchange. I have begun to sort out the cupboard where I store (hoard) magazines. I discovered last evening that I have copies of Country Home dating back to 1998. Not good. I am getting rid of all the Cottage Living and cancelling my subscription. Not really enjoying it. Not into House & Garden either. House Beautiful, not so much. Hard to stop getting them since the "deals" they offer are so good. One year for $10. Like it's free. Veranda is not holding my interest except as fodder for collage but since I have a stack of old issues about 2 feet high--I think I have enough collage materials.

Riley has decided I have been here at the computer long enough. He wants to play. So I guess we'll have a nice fast game of run and chase me. Did I tell you he knocked me down and dragged me across a lawn on Thursday? Yep. He likes to "play".

How about the 103 million dollar pitcher for the Red Sox hitting a pitch and getting 2 runs in? I think he actually smiled. Sort of. I have no idea who won yesterday and don't care. For some reason, I just am not that into the Red Sox. I do like the 103 million dollar pitcher and watch the games where he pitches. DiceK.

Chinese Lunch today and perhaps some painting. Of fabric. Or not.

Leaves

While working at the library, I scored most, if not all, of my Master Gardener volunteer hours by watering the library plants and answering patron questions regarding their plants and trees. Now that I no longer do the library thing, I need to find another way to earn my hours.

I am going to try and get them by converting all of you to new, green garden ways.

Right now, it's leaves. There are plenty going to waste out there. And chopped up leaves are the finest mulch in the garden. Lightens the soil. Feeds the worms. And FREE!

So gather some dry leaves up into a flat pile of sorts with a rake and put the bagger attachment onto the lawn mower and just start running the mower over the leaves. You could do what my son and I did our first year in Maine. We emptied the clipping bag out onto the leaf pile as we went and sort of double and triple chopped them until everything was pretty much crumbs. Then we ran the mower over one last time and collected the leaf crumbs and took the bagger right over to a garden bed and mulched. 2 or 3 inches deep over bare ground.

If you have a vegetable garden, please mulch it with leaf crumbles. Mulch all your perennials. If we have a "global warming" winter with warm days and then cold days and then rain--the perennials will heave without a good thick mulch to protect them.

If you have no time to mulch now, rake the leaves off the grass and into the edges. They can over winter there and be nice and dry and ready to mow into crumbles in the spring. Do not throw them away.

Yes, this does take time. Yes, you may get a blister from the rake. Yes, bending over will make your back hurt. Yes. Yes. Yes. I know all the reasons you won't do it. But I'm still going to ask you to try to mulch your leaves. Some of your leaves. We need to start taking care of our planet so it will take care of us. We'll start with the leaves. Brown Gold. Go on!

Wonderful Day

My first saved painting. It could use some more work but you know, sometimes you have to just leave it alone. At least for a while more. This is 8 inches square. Acrylics. Trust me, the others were much worse.

I purchased 6 inch square canvases today. Four of them. So tiny. Hardly big enough to cause me any worries.

Lunch today with someone I never had the chance to spend time with before I stopped working at the library. We tried a new place for both of us and now I wonder why I never ate there before. Cozy. Upscale. Even trendy. And the food was wonderful. My friend had the crispy eggplant panini and I had the grilled Greek chicken gyro. We both chose the House Potatoes as a side. Crispy fried with EVOO and lemon. Very wonderful. Everything was wonderful. The ambiance, the food, the company and the conversation. Just what I needed.

After lunch I went and returned the size 14 clothes I had purchased at Goodwill 9 days ago because by today, they no longer fit and I hadn't worn them yet. And why have new clothes that need tucks? I was "allowed" to exchange them but not return them. I was also coached by another employee, on the side, to return things to another Goodwill location--not this one.

So I selected a black spandex top (very sexy), size 10 (yes) J Jill brown cordoroy pants, a pair of cropped black and white check pants for next summer (small 14), and a pair of men's navy cordoroy pants (34/30) which were $2.50. I have the navy pants on right this minute. I LOVE wide wale cords and all my old favorites are now TOO BIG and Eddie Bauer doesn't make them any more. I will wear these pants every day until the zipper gives out (soon). Then I will be sad. And I'll cut the pants up and use the cordoroy in a "quilt". Or maybe get a new zipper installed.

Walked 5 miles total today. (Those House Potatoes) Found out my walking buddy is leaving for her home in Florida on Friday. :-( And my friend who is vacationing in Switzerland is thinking of flying directly to Atlanta on Friday and not coming to Maine to see me. :-( She's tired from all the vacation (2 weeks) and she really wants to go home to her grandkids.

The third sad thing-- everything happens in threes -- is not really sad. My friend died peacefully on Sunday afternoon without waking up. This is what she wanted so I have to not be sad about it. But I still expect the phone to ring and hear her voice asking if I'm free for lunch.
If they read blogs where you are, Gregor, read this one. As to what your family is doing (or better yet, not doing) -- you would be saying "Fascinating!" and you'd be right. :-)

Waiting

Our birthdays are in September. Her's the 3rd and mine the 18th. She is 84 and I am 61. An unlikely pair. She is elegant, well educated and intimidating. I'm just a Cleveland girl with a public school education. We met over quilting. And even though it's been a "rough ride" some times, we ended up getting along very well indeed.

She called every day or so hoping I would be free for a lunch date or at least a cup of tea and a chat in the garden. She found me to be "charming" company. I found her to be delightful.

She had a massive stroke over the weekend. Her family is with her. She is breathing on her own and has been given morphine so she won't experience any pain or fear. She is not conscious. We are all waiting.

On her birthday, I toasted her with Prosecco and we both wished on her dessert candle. We wished that the end would come quickly. Her wish. Expressed with tears in her eyes and mine. I helped blow out the candle. I just didn't know it would come so soon.

No Picture Sunday

Blogger is having a problem. So we will do without an image or two.

Sunday. G is vaccuming up dog hair. Dog is sleeping on sunporch in a sunbeam. I am dressed and ready to shred leaves. Wearing a pair of G's old jeans. That fact alone is enough to make this a fabulous day. I am wearing a pair of G's jeans. And they are a bit "too big". Oh, happy day. G has no butt. Never has had one.

Anyway, we raked up leaves yesterday and are now ready to set up the leaf shredding operation by the garage and start in with leaf mulching the garden beds as we weed and cut them down for winter. The vegetable garden is nearly ready for it's winter nap. Some lime and some weeding and it'll be ready for black plastic. To hasten the decomp.

Too late yesterday to get Greek gyros from the mall cart for lunch. They must have run out of food. So today we have to be quicker. Go earlier. The window of opportunity is 11 to 1, I think.

Yesterday I painted three little canvases. Wiped off two of them. In the morning light, I can see I should have wiped off the third one also. This is going to be HARD work. The kind of work that hurts your feelings and injures your pride. Not to mention self esteem problems. Which is probably why I have passed on painting for so many years. But now is the time. Better to try and fail, than to never have tried at all. I am going to try copying. It's a good way to try something with all the composition, tonal and color problems worked out by some who actually knows how to paint. And what are we quilters doing? Copying. From a quilt or a pattern in a book. That's how we learn. And then we go off on our own.

My friend will be here on Friday. Can't wait. What fun to have a friend here in the mornings and have conversation over coffee. In our pajamas. And the whole day together to do whatever we want. G has even provided a burn pile in case we want to do that. Kay and I usually burn all her collected brush when I visit her in Georgia. We sit in lawn chairs with beverages and watch the pile go up in flames. Nice. Not for everyone but we enjoy it very much. And Kay always remembers to have beverages handy.

G is done with the vaccum. Now to the leaves.

The Wonder Of It All

Blogging, "Healthy Eating Plan", walking everyday, weight loss, good friends, loving family and puppy. Life is good and I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

And I am saying this after 3 or 4 miles of walking the dog in a continuous drizzle today. I smell like damp dog.

As I stood in this carpet of bright yellow leaves, watching them fall like snow from the trees above and the puppy bounced and chased the falling leaves, the ten and a half months of healthy eating and the loss of 70 pounds seems to have happened overnight. Like a waking dream. A gift.

This puppy is also a gift. We've been together before. Happy to be together again in this lifetime.

Just as all of you who read and comment on this blog are a gift. We share so much in common, it's sort of spooky but so comforting. Two years of blogging. A Blog-A-Versary. Cheers and Thank You!

Wednesday Post 10-17

Got two bags of organic (read no chemicals) peaches peeled and cut up and made into a huge Peach Cobbler type thing. More peaches and less cobbler so I can eat some of it. I think there was about 10 cups of cut up peaches. I'll let you all know if it's any good. :-)

Cut the grass. Raked leaves and the much despised pine needles. Cleaned off the driveway. Walked the dog- 3 miles. His tail stopped wagging after two. One load of laundry.

Not going to the "Bird Flu Pandemic" lecture in Portland with my friend. She is giving me a pamphlet so I will have supplies on hand during the event when it happens. I am not all that concerned.

Gary is coming home late tonight. What's for supper?

Found a new blog- well, two new ones-- "Sixtyminutepainter" and Carol Marine's Painting a Day. One shows paintings (Carol) each day and the 60min. guy discusses painting. Just what I need to get me into painting again. It really is hard to make myself do it. And everyone has this same reluctance. Isn't that interesting and strange? Artists with painting phobia--sort of.

A chance meeting in the supermarket makes me ever so much happier (and I'm pretty darned happy already) about my recent loss of employment. I didn't misinterpret the signs and body language of the new director. I was correct. Not enough experience to do the job. Refuses to ask for help because asking would indicate how much she doesn't know. Volatile. Trust issues. Surrounding herself with "yes" people who don't question her at all. Rumbling in the ranks. This could get very interesting--real fast. I have front row center tickets.

Did I mention the letter I just got from the library asking me to make a donation to the annual book fund? Yeah. That will happen.

Spooky

Remember I said I needed to find that missing tarantula? This isn't it. This is the tarantula I found in the street on my walk this morning. I found it just before Riley found it. The Universe is a strange and wondrous thing. Need something? Ask. And tarantulas will start appearing.

Well, I made it to 70 pounds lost this weekend. Ta Da! I also made it to Goodwill and got a new (for me) navy blue wool blazer to replace the size 20 one that I LOVE (Loved), jeans that fit, black cord pants that fit (but need hemming) and two wool dog walking sweaters. That 70 pounds was mostly nice warm fat and I am freezing!!! Nothing to keep me warm. I have to order me some pajamas.

The Red Sox and Cleveland Indians are tied one to one. If it was warmer out, I'd be wearing my Indians tee shirt. Even here in Red Sox territory.

I'm thinking I want to go all shabby chic in my decorating. Paint everything white. (Just thinking, is all) I threatened to paint the dark walnut hardwood floor in the living room a few years back. I wanted to paint it white then, too. G almost had a heart attack. Paint can always be removed if we ever sell this place (I said). Paint doesn't ruin a wood floor. And we didn't pay for the wood floor anyway. So it's like it's free, right? G didn't like it when I gave that same room a Tuscan yellow faux finish on the walls. And it looks amazing and he likes it now.

I could just continue with the French country look and do a creamy white trim on the windows and some French green accents. I'll have to get a French decor book and see what the floors look like. I'm thinking they have rugs. So I guess I could add red and green and creamy white to what I have and it would look all French for the winter. I'll have to see how the French do Christmas. I can make one of those rolled log cakes with the tiny mushrooms.

I want new dishes. I have about 6 full sets of dishes (nope, only 4 sets left) but I am bored with all of them. I want something different. Chunky. Big. One color. Big plates. Big bowls. Big mugs. I'm thinking Salsalito from Pottery Barn in Amber or Green. Both of those colors would fit in with my "new" French theme.

I have no idea what I will do with all the Petite Fleur I have. Sounds French. Could be used for Spring/Summer??? The Franciscan Apple would look okay mixed in with the "new" (to be purchased) big dishes in amber or green. So they can stay. Then we have the whole Polish pottery collection. Blue. Dots. Breakfast? The Villeroy Boch Manoir will be moving into storage for now. I have tons of it and we have used it all for over 15 years. So tired of fancy creamy white dishes. Most of this was purchased in Germany at outlets. And I think the days of wine glasses are so "over". I have shelves of 18 and 24 matching glasses for red, white and bubbly. When we lived in Germany we needed all that for entertaining. And I did bring it all out and used it all, over there. I was very entertaining.

So that's what I am contemplating today. Changes. Off loading some "things". Feathering the nest for winter enjoyment. Making plans. I have the time. I'll keep you informed.

Poor Visual Blogging

My Halloween quilt which is NOT hanging at the library this month. And I still have not found the huge purple and black tarantula that is supposed to be popping out of the treat bag! Where is it????

Stopped in at the library to return books and there was a "famous" quilter (published) at the desk saying she missed seeing my quilts behind the desk. I said, "so do I". She said, "Did you run out of them?" and I said, "No". And then we looked at each other in a meaningful way and she got the message. Two employees said Hi. Nice.

Another library in a nearby town ended the employment ( just days after my employment ended) of their Children's Librarian after 22 years of wonderful service to the community and the children. The Assistant Children's Librarian resigned the same day, in protest. Letters to the Editor have flooded the local paper, a protest is scheduled during the library trustee's meeting, and local towns have been asked to withhold library funding to cause hardship for the library. What were they thinking?????

As to the title of this post. G and I had dinner with a friend last night and we were having a nice blueberry vodka cocktail and telling stories. We told about the "bat in the house" and G mentioned that I hadn't taken a picture of the bat for the blog. Well, I did it again. My friend sent me home with a basket of freshly picked Concord grapes for jelly making and I did not take a picture of that pile of grapes for you all. And they were pretty. Now they are grape juice.

We also picked up and sorted all the peaches that have fallen off my friend's peach tree. Riley ate two peaches, pits and all. I'm hoping they aren't poisonous to dogs. He also ate an apple. We made sure he didn't get anywhere near the grape arbor. Oh, he had some raspberries. This dog just loves fruit. He also ran all over a big field behind the cemetery. Lots of good flat out running. He is gorgeous when he runs. A true field champion pedigree.

I'm having lunch with a library friend today and will be purchasing some jelly sized canning jars for my soon to be grape jelly. I've never made jelly before but am willing to try it. I think I also need something called a "jelly bag". After that, I will skin and cut up peaches for a peach pie and also attempt to make some peach salsa. We had some Trader Joe's peach salsa with chips last night with our drinks. Delicious. We also had potato, carrot and coconut milk soup with salad and spelt bread. G is a trooper. The vegan lifestyle just doesn't do it for him but he always eats like he's enjoying it. I put lots of extra butter on his spelt bread. My friend gave him 4 big cookies for dessert. Riley slept in the car.

Thank you to all who have commented with thoughtful suggestions on how I can manage to get through all this "stuff" relating to depression. I have them all written on index cards and shuffle through the cards and "do" whatever appeals to me that day. It is working so far! I am sleeping appropriate amounts, not going off my diet, not reading romances all day, making art and cleaning out my studio with plans to move upstairs. Now that I have lost nearly 70 pounds, my knees don't make funny noises anymore when I walk up the stairs. Wow! The light is so much better up there and the space is nice. I plan to take up only what I need-- to do the work I'm interested in doing. Everything else will stay downstairs and what is still there by summer will be given away. I refuse to be dragged down.

Autumn Sunday

Another blurry picture. I'm sorry. They look clear in my viewer.

Today was like yesterday. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I don't want to walk. I snapped at the puppy and he is all confused about it. Even my Chinese Lunch didn't perk me up.

I feel all down after the doctor. Like that song "Is that all there is?" I've lost my focus all of a sudden. This is probably all related to the loss of my employment. Now I'm all worried about bills and finances. I made hardly any money and contributed none of it to the joint bill paying so this is ridiculous. But there it is, the 800 pound elephant, in the room with me, in bed with me and at the table with me.

I know that many of you are out there struggling with real, serious problems and here I am whining about imaginary problems. Imagination is a strong enemy.

I emptied one whole bookcase and sorted out the books to keep and the ones to donate to the book sale. I have two large grocery bags of romances that I read over and over during my last "depression" when we moved here to Maine. 16 years ago. I ate grilled cheese sandwiches (soft, squishy) and read romances. All day and all night. I would finish a book and flip to the first page and start again. I don't remember if I ever got out of my chair unless it was to get another sandwich. So the books are leaving the house. And no cheese sandwich supplies are being purchased.

I hope my walking buddy is available tomorrow to walk. And Riley will want to do his two walks. So I should be able to do 5 miles tomorrow. And I hope I remember to make supper. I have forgotten to cook-- no, really, I'm not being funny-- I have forgotten to cook. I look at the clock and think, "Was I supposed to have done something?" Dinner.

I have to shake this off. I do.

Saturday

A slow start today. Didn't want to walk. Didn't want to do much of anything. So I didn't.

Yesterday (Friday) was my visit to the doctor for my weigh in. I've lost 67 pounds since January 5th. My blood pressure was 96/78 or 98/76. The nurse who weighed me on January 5th, in March and again in June looked at me, looked at the chart and said " Just a moment, I have the wrong chart" I said "No you don't, it's me". And it was.

My walking buddy treated me to lunch (for my birthday last month) on Wednesday with sparkling wine and dessert. On Thursday, my husband treated me to a belated birthday lunch and I had something with chicken, shrimp, artichokes, capers in butter sauce. I asked the waiter to ask the chef to make the butter sauce on the "skimpy" side. Still. I haven't had anything that rich in months. Decadent. No dessert.

After my doctor's appointment, I treated myself and G to something from the little white caravan on the town green. A Greek "fast food" experience up against two hot dog wagons feeding the crowds in my little town. I had wanted to add something Greek to my culinary birthday meals but it never happened. So Friday I walked over and purchased a lamb gyro for G and a "Big Fat Greek Salad" for myself. Delicious. And the pita is unbelievable. Puffy and grilled. G said he could have eaten a second one. The food wagon is so white and clean. With little bouquets of fresh flowers. And when I walked away, they called out to me, by name--"come back soon, Joanne". Wow. They asked for my name when I placed the order, but still, what a most excellent touch! If I was still working, I'd try that one myself with the library patrons. To improve my poor customer service skills.

My friend from Georgia is coming to visit on her way back from Europe. I'm counting the days. And cleaning. I have to dig out the guest room, find a bed and get the house tidy. Nothing beats company for getting the house in order.

And I have purchased little square stretched canvases to paint on. Small is good. G will get the folding French easel out and I'll be ready to go.

Artist's Models

Hannaford had just what I was looking for for painting models. Red pears. I don't know why but I like them but I do. And they look so very smart with my Italian handpainted plate.

My first attempt at painting. Now this was without a pear model. No cherries modeled either. I was just painting. To get a feel for the paint, the surface and my own limitations. Trust me--there's lots of paint on this canvas. I think the pear has nice volume.

This is a strange week for me. No going to work. Getting used to that. Lots of walking. Leaves falling. Nip in the air. I had to put the down duvet back on the bed-- I was freezing, especially my feet-- and not able to sleep very soundly. Last night I was warm and slept through the night. Ah! We don't heat the bedroom-- really!-- and even have the windows open most of the winter (in Maine) for fresh air, so being warm while I sleep is very important. And I have almost no body fat left. Lots of saggy skin but not much in the way of fat storage units except in all those places where it has to be removed and "tucked". I'd really like a tummy tuck and saddle bag removal for Christmas.

Riley is scheduled at the vet for "all day" on Thursday for neutering. And then 10 days of "light" activity. G and I are going to take advantage of the all day thing and drive to Portland for some "sans dog" activities and Lunch at a Restaurant.

It's Cheeseburger Tuesday so I have to get ready to grill. And I found a way to make really great, fat free french fries so have to get them prepped. And I have two half sheet trays of cherry tomatoes to oven roast and pack up for the freezer. And basil to pick, wash and blenderize for frozen basil cubes to add to sauces and soups all winter. And my butternut squashes and green cabbages are getting ready to be picked. Lots going on in the garden.

I am going to try and read another book. I am so out of practice with my reading. I like it once I get going, but it's hard to get started. So many other things to do. Night Ferry by Robotham. The new Reichs book was good. Took place in Canada. I like those better. The new Evanovich was better than usual, thank goodness. They had been sliding toward mediocre. I put in a reserve for the new Peter Hoeg book "Quiet Child". He wrote "Smila's Sense of Snow" awhile back.

The Gay Guys have been reviewing Tim Gunn's Style show. Veronica needs a make over. She's Tim's "gal pal". Also, I agree with the guys. Tim takes a 29 year old in tees and crop pants and turns her into a frumpy 39 year old in a patterned wrap dress. And why does everyone need a trench coat? And why would you walk the dog in a white halter dress?

By Request: My Picture

My dad, my son, my friends wanted a current photo of me and of me and Riley so G took this photo yesterday. I'm wearing my new size 14 jeans. And they fit. Not tight! Riley wanted to run and play and wasn't all that interested in having his picture taken. I have to work on my facial expression. I look tired and annoyed and I wasn't.

Riley and I walked 2 miles plus a walk in the woods this morning which may have been an additional mile. Riley found mushrooms, something icky which he swallowed and a dead chipmunk. I had hoped all that excitement and a tummy full of lunch would have him in the mood for a nap--but not so much.

I made myself a veggie burger with cheese, tomato, bacon, lettuce and am ready to settle in with Kathy Reichs new mystery which is already overdue at the library. It's rainy and muggy and perfect weather for a good book. Hope you like the picture!

Kudos To Library Staff

Thanks to your interest in finding out what I said to get myself fired-- my visits doubled on the "dates" when this happened. Close to triple digits on some days. Wow! And all from readers locally! Revenge IS best served cold. I'm loving it.

Time Is On My Side

Yesterday I put the dog in his crate as usual for a Tuesday-- like I was "going to work" and went instead to my studio to do whatever I wanted. I sorted a bit. Sewed a bit. Packed things in containers. And a whole 4 hours went by in a moment. I made this little "hot" number yesterday for my "Just When You Think It's Safe" quilt. It's going to be very RED. In fact, everything I have been making in the last few months has been red. And black.

This is rolled up and piled on the table. I liked it much better spread across the floor in my bedroom. It's the background for "something" but I have no idea what yet.

Today I will saute a nice ripe sliced tomato with butter, salt and pepper and then add some cream and grilled summer squashes and let it all heat through for a most excellent lunch on an unseasonably HOT September day. Could hit 90.

THEN. I will get out my stretched canvas and my paints and I will PAINT. I've had painting on the back shelf of my life long enough. It's time.

Tomorrow my walking buddy and I will toast her new bathroom remodel with Prosecco. This has taken so much longer than planned and better be worth the wait! Most everything arrived broken the first time, needed to be reordered, some was again broken or the wrong size, reordered and then the carpenter installed things and one piece had been measured wrong and therefore ordered wrong, and then the plumber had to come, and now the carpenter again. I think it's almost 18 months.

Am I crazy or shouldn't the building supply house open the boxes when they arrive and check the condition before shipping things to the client's house? Did they really think she wouldn't notice that the expensive Italian sink bowl was cracked? That the vanity was the wrong size? That the faucet had parts missing? That the mirror was broken? Would they notice if she refused to pay him?

I guess my expectations are too high.

Acceptance

I just tore through the five stages of grief over the loss of my job and Saturday I arrived at Acceptance. I accept responsibility for writing things relating to the library staff in my blog and the consequences of doing that.

I also admit to being pretty darn happy about not having to go into work at the library any more. I was surprised by that. Subconsciously, I must have been looking for a way out and found one. I think if I had been paying more attention to myself and the way I felt about library things I could have made it easier on everyone and just gave 2 weeks notice. It would certainly have been less messy.

I also think that when I look back on this birthday--it won't be as the one they ruined--but as the birthday I was set free. I've been giving this a good deal of thought. I was miserable and so bored by my job. Nine and a half years is a long time to do the same thing. It was way past time for me to move on.

The "new healthy eating plan" and all the exercise and weight loss have made me less inclined to accept things that don't work for me. Not that I'm self centered or anything but I am focused on my own well being for the first time in many years.

There is one thing that is making me a bit sad. Two custom made wool circle skirts that I now fit into again after 25 years, and they are back in style (woo hoo), and I had planned to wear them to work this fall and winter. Not many reasons to wear a wool circle skirt and cropped Geiger wool jacket around here. I would have been overdressed at work but so what. I LOVE those skirts. And I always felt like a princess when I wore them in Europe in the 80's. Short jacket, high collared white blouses (I saved them and they fit also), swirly skirt that made the most luscious sounds as the wool slid over the lining, cute European shoes and expensive designer wool scarves (Perry Ellis) around my shoulders. I was so looking forward to dressing like that again. I'll find a reason to wear them-- I did work hard to lose the weight and should enjoy the reward.

G and I spent the weekend burning our way through several huge piles of branches and cut down trees. Then G rented a brush hog and cut down all the brush on part of our 4 acres. It is all clear cut rolling hills and trees now and will look wonderful in the winter.

I need to keep after G and get him to cut down ALL the small white pines on our property. I hate those trees. They block all the sunlight when they get big and shed huge amounts of acidic pine needles. All the other varieties of pine trees are okay with me. They can stay. And I like the oaks. We've cut down most of the maples and sick birches. Our neighbor has pretty maples we can enjoy in the fall but I don't need them around my house making a mess. G and I rake up all the neighbor's maple leaves and drag them back to our house to shred for compost. And since we removed all the junipers from our yard, my crabapple trees are recovering from apple-cedar rust which nearly killed them. I didn't know the rust overwintered in the junipers and then attacked the crab apples anew each spring. Geez!

G and I are working our way around the weedy flower beds (they got weedy because I can't garden and then work standing up - without a break- for 4 to 5 hours at the library-- my back can't do both)--digging up what we want to save and spraying the rest with Round Up. When everything is good and dead, I go in and dig out everything, rototill, add dirt and compost and start over. It is sometimes easier to do it that way than to try and straighten weedy things out. And I have different ideas on plant combinations now. I am a Master Gardener. I did just complete a two day landscaping design seminar. I have one large bed replanted and everything looks so fresh and nice. I even made a new obos (balanced rock pile) for the new bed-- 8 rocks high. The central vac guy thought I glued them together. I offered to unpile them to prove they were balanced and dry stacked. He declined. I've made three piles so far and they get better looking each time. This new one makes me smile each time I walk past. It's a zen thing.