I gained two rather important pieces of information today while in the grocery store and driving out of the parking lot. I thought I would share (write) in case I forget. And, typically, I had to really try to remember the second thing.
While shopping and crossing the parking lot, I saw a goodly number of people my age (younger by a bit and older by a bit). They were having difficulty walking and breathing. They were heavier than they should be. Just getting in and out of their cars was a difficult task. The grocery aisles were exhausting. They rested elbows on the cart handles.
I was once them. My belly was pressed against the steering wheel in the little BMW Roadster. Getting into the low slung car was hard to manage and getting out was ridiculous. I would huff and puff. Walking wore me out. My feet hurt. My hips and knees ached. If I dropped my keys, I looked for something to hold onto before bending over. And it was never easy to pick up anything, tie my shoes, put on my socks. Walking Riley would have been impossible.
Then I lost 80 pounds counting calories, skipping meals and eating poorly for a whole year. Then I decided I could eat like usual and gained 40 back. Now I am eating. Yes, eating and I have lost some of those pounds (24) and am trying to get rid of more. My original goal was to lose 100 pounds. I am having to rethink that goal.
Right now I just want to be healthy. To be able to tie my shoes, wear regular sized clothes (not sausage casing tight) and be able to get out of the car and walk into the grocery without needing to rest before shopping. I am redefining my goals. Not the number on the scale. But the healthy living number. I think I am right where I need to be. I need to accept this. And be happy that I have maintained this new weight for many many months now.
The second revaluation was a college student crossing the street in front of my car. I think I saw her once before. Isn't it funny how the Universe sends you the same message until you realize it's "for you"? She was wearing a short tunic style dress, ballet flats and she was regally confident. She was also overweight. Not jiggly. Solid pounds. Round and Rubenesque. The dress was short (fashionable) and showed too much chubby thigh. Last time I saw her, it was the same. A short knit skirt and a loose tee. BUT, she was confident that she looked great.
I think I need to assume some of that confidence. The "I look great" and "I feel great" confidence. I need to own it. Make it mine. No matter what the scale or the size tag in my clothing says.
Some of you have already advised me to do this. I heard you but wasn't ready to believe it. I am a very healthy 65 year old woman with a very physical job. Yes, I am. Whatever I weigh--it's okay. I feel good and, -------- I look good. There I said it.