Sunday, October 07, 2007

Autumn Sunday

Another blurry picture. I'm sorry. They look clear in my viewer.

Today was like yesterday. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I don't want to walk. I snapped at the puppy and he is all confused about it. Even my Chinese Lunch didn't perk me up.

I feel all down after the doctor. Like that song "Is that all there is?" I've lost my focus all of a sudden. This is probably all related to the loss of my employment. Now I'm all worried about bills and finances. I made hardly any money and contributed none of it to the joint bill paying so this is ridiculous. But there it is, the 800 pound elephant, in the room with me, in bed with me and at the table with me.

I know that many of you are out there struggling with real, serious problems and here I am whining about imaginary problems. Imagination is a strong enemy.

I emptied one whole bookcase and sorted out the books to keep and the ones to donate to the book sale. I have two large grocery bags of romances that I read over and over during my last "depression" when we moved here to Maine. 16 years ago. I ate grilled cheese sandwiches (soft, squishy) and read romances. All day and all night. I would finish a book and flip to the first page and start again. I don't remember if I ever got out of my chair unless it was to get another sandwich. So the books are leaving the house. And no cheese sandwich supplies are being purchased.

I hope my walking buddy is available tomorrow to walk. And Riley will want to do his two walks. So I should be able to do 5 miles tomorrow. And I hope I remember to make supper. I have forgotten to cook-- no, really, I'm not being funny-- I have forgotten to cook. I look at the clock and think, "Was I supposed to have done something?" Dinner.

I have to shake this off. I do.


Deborah Boschert said...

I know that feeling. There is so much potential and opportunity... and yet, where to start and why? Bleh. Hang in there.

dee said...

You've just hit the wall. I'ts sort of like grieving-in stages. Shake it off and do whatever it takes to get your groove back. You've done so well and you're so talented-take a couple of mental health days and get back on the horse!
When James was little and he would have a bad day at school-we would do mental health days. Lots of movies, cartoons, junk food, and curling up with a pal. I'm thinking of you and hoping you feel beter soon. Don't let a few idiots break your stride!

Exuberantcolor/Wanda S Hanson said...

You are probably approaching a plateau with the weight loss at an unfortunate time. I remember being at the stage of "why do anything, what difference does it make?". Why not make a small block a day from your scraps and start lining them up on your design wall. Soon it will feel like you are working on a project. Everything doesn't have to be a masterpiece, just "doing" will stir the creative juices.