Friday, August 27, 2010

And then I said, why bother?

A partial view of the 12 by 12 "failure to launch" quilted piece. It lacks a focal point. I feel, today, that I lack a focal point. I weighed myself this morning. Two weeks into the diet and I have GAINED weight. YES. I now weigh more than I did before. Well, I could scoot the scale all around the floor to find a better"spot" and re-weigh myself all day until I got a result I liked, but, I am accepting the "fact" that I have gained weight on a diet. I feel terrible.

This doesn't mean I am quitting. It just means that I will be less happy each time I eat less of something or don't eat the item at all. And to make me even more unhappy, the big, beautiful peaches I bought yesterday are dry and mealy inside so I will have to make a special trip to the grocery to return them. Money back if not satisfied. So, nothing to eat with my yogurt today.

One bright spot in the morning: the library wrote to tell me a book was overdue and I looked all over for it and then logged onto the library website to renew the book and --- it wasn't on my record. So that mystery is solved.

G is going to the local music theater tonight to see Spamalot. He is very happy and has a wonderful seat and he took his Spamalot CD with him to listen to in the car. That means I will have the evening to myself and can watch some Fringe and Rubicon.

I am sad. I am frustrated. I am going to eat breakfast and get dressed and go outside and dig up plants for tomorrow's class at work. And I will give myself a pep talk. I have a long afternoon at work and all those handouts to copy and staple. Lots of time for introspective therapy.


Diane N said...

You don't say how much the scale shows you gained. There are so many factors that could be responsible so before you continue beating yourself up, consider the possible variables involved.

Are you reatining fluids? Have you eaten things that could be responsible for retention? Are you drinking way more due to the heat? I do when it's hot and I don't really sweat a lot even when it's close to 100. I just swell. Muscle weighs more than fat. Are you doing things that will build muscle? I could go on and on but I won't.

Have you tried on clothes to see if they are looser? Just because the scale says you weigh more doesn't mean that your body isn't smaller, firmer, etc...

I think that you should think less about the number on the scale and congratulate yourself for making healthy choices as far as exercise, diet, food choices, etc... Diets are difficult and as you get older, life can be a real bitch. The stuff that worked when we were younger just doesn't work any more. It's harder to lose weight and it takes longer.

Fluctuations are normal and are just that - fluctuating. Don't let today's weigh in break your efforts.

Whether you're a size 14 or a size 8, I'm rooting for you and not just as far as the diet goes. Keep your chin up and don't let a stupid number on a scale defeat you.

kathy said...

no more to say about your diet since Diane N seems to have covered that so well.BUT, I will comment on the beautiful piece at the top of this eye jumped right to the middle piece of fabric so for me that's the focal point...then there's that great strip at the bottom. i love it all, the colors and the composition. It makes me happy and feels 'light' even if you don't at the moment.