Saturday, June 19, 2010

Unidentified Change Coming

We have a moth trapped in the house. It came in with Riley. I thought at first it was a hummingbird. Birds are bad things to have in the house. Dee and I have been discussing bats. I don't think bats are a good thing to have in the house, either. This moth is all white. So not a bird and not a bat. And it just came and landed on my arm.

I am being pissy again today. And I know why. Change is coming. I don't like change. But I can feel it coming my way. Intuitively. Like the physic hotline. Things are going to change. My horoscope for the last little while has been saying I should be preparing. Making decisions.
Getting ready.

This isn't something I am excited to learn. I don't even like having to buy a new brand or style of underpants.

So, of course, I am not getting ready. As if I even knew what it was I should be getting ready ... for. Is that even a sentence? I did do something remarkable in the past two days. I wore a sleeveless shirt to work. The flappy, old lady arms were in full view. And they are now sunburned. Shorts, also. So my legs are sunburned. And no socks. Total rebel.

Perhaps the change that is coming is the future content of this blog. I have this nagging feeling that I am boring all of you. That I should have more interesting topics of conversation. Or perhaps, actual gardening tips and stories. Recipes. Tutorials on something. I have no idea what. But I feel I should be more interesting. I feel I should be doing more interesting things. I think they used to call this "Important Business". Here I am again wondering what I should be when I grow up. And, it's really time, don't you think?

I've been off reading other, new to me, blogs and I find that the kind I like reading are the ones with a "story". Usually, short stories. One blogger purchased an old recipe file box and pulls out a recipe, makes the item (usually a dessert) and then tells a story relating to the baked goods. Others have stories about objects they cherish. Another shows me what she has found in her pocket. Or on the street. Debris lined up and photographed. Her found items always so much more interesting than mine. (perhaps I need to learn to look?) Others have taken me on vacation with them to far away places or just around the corner.

Each of these new blogs makes me feel too solitary. Too closed off. Too alone. Too self absorbed. Too complacent. I don't think anyone would be leaning forward. glued to the computer screen, waiting for my next word. Too weird.

Interesting things to report: Ice maker acting cranky and refusing to make ice cubes. The new work schedule was posted and some coworkers discovered their names were NOT on it. That's how they found out their "season" had ended. One was working her last day in the greenhouse today (she called out) and the other is working her last day tomorrow (it's going to rain and I bet she calls out). And the remaining troops are restless. Been more than three years and no raises. M goes out everyday at lunch and buys the $2 Taco Bell special. Burrito, chips, drink. $2. I asked him to get me one. I only wanted the chips and drink and I said he could have the burrito. When it's 90 to 100 degrees in the greenhouse, I crave salt and a beverage with ice. M refuses to let me pay since he ate the burrito. Oh, dear. And my hips hurt so much today that I was walking (limping) like an old crone. After sitting down for 30 minutes (first time all day) to eat my lunch with chips and diet Pepsi, I could barely walk to my locker. I had to hold onto the counter. This was a first. I had waited too long to take a pill. I won't make that mistake again. Time for bed. To dream of change.


Diane N said...

You are mistaken about people looking forward to your blog. I look forward to it very much every day and if it isn't there in the morning, I check back in the afternoon and then again in the evening. I am always glad to see a new posting, whether or not I comment. Sometimes I comment but I often feel that you have said it all and anything I might add would be redundant or inane.

I agree with you about feeling that change is coming but I don't know why I feel this way. Everyone I have talked to lately is "pissy" and feels like something big is going to happen, whether big for the world or big for their own lives, I couldn't say. But I know that everyone is feeling edgy and anticipating something but nobody knows just what that is. It's sort of like when you can feel a storm coming. The sky may be still be blue and you can't see any signs of lightning and there's no thunder in the distance but you can just FEEL it and you know it's coming.

You mentioned the blogs that have a "story" or a tutorial. I enjoy those, too, at times. Obviously some tutorials are better than others. Same with stories but often times I feel as if some of these stories are a bit contrived and have more fiction than truth in them.

I hope your blog writing will stay true to yourself and you will be as open and honest about things as I feel you have been in past writings.

Sorry to be so long-winded. My husband says I can't make a long story short but I can sure make a short story long.

Terry said...

Well, I too like your blog just as it is. If you have more stories to tell I think I would like them too. I like your honesty. It is refreshing in the blog world, where everyone goes to such great lengths to make their worlds sparkly and trendy and coordinated and blissful. Your world is solid and truthful and reassuring.

Quilterin said...

I like your blog the way it is. I check every morning if you have posted something and love the glimpses into your life. Your honesty is very refreshing in comparison to the "we are all happy and motivated to work even longer hours" of the corporate world I live in.

Annie said...

Put me down for keeping your blog as it is. Look forward to you every day.

: )

Life Scraps and Patches said...

I love the feeling of changes to come, feel that way now, feel excited. But mostly I love the way your blog is. I check it every day. It reminds me of how I imagine Julia Cameron's Morning Pages are meant to be. Opening the way for you to be creative. One more vote for "keep it as it is" as long as it's working for you. That's the main thing.

Helen Conway said...

No you are not boring us. I have been having internet connectivity problems and am now trawling through hundreds of old blog posts. many are being flicked past. But yours - oh no. I am delighted to see i Have 19 to read all at once. Or at least scattered throughout my day today in odd free moments. A treat. I like that I get to live your life with you and your comments make me smile. And now I really, really want a burrito and chips for lunch...!