Field Notes- Monday October 30th. Dark, Cold and Wet with Rain and Tears.

 It's over....10:20 this morning.  Hospice is really wonderful. We all bonded in the care of one person who needed us.

Field Notes- Sunday October 29th. Chilly, Damp and Cloudy here in Maine. Feels like Sorrow.

 Pretty Spooky.  Handpies. Any other end of October I would consider making them.....Not this one. Where would I find eyes?????  and who actually will come to this house to trick or treat????

We are quiet here....the every three hour drugs even during the night 24/7.... make up our schedule.  The Hospice Visits....are a lovely change of pace. People. Talk...Conversation.  Nothing is how I expected it to be. It's so comforting..... like a warm hug...

I have many many things to do..eventually...sorting things and deciding what to keep and what to let go. I think I will let go of some things immediately and then let go of other things slowly. Some things have been ignored for years and YOU would THINK be easy to let go .....but that is not how its working....

Yesterday I wanted to actually cook but discovered my pantry is quite bare.....I have the basics of most cooking on the shopping list...onions, carrots, celery, potatoes, butter and a loaf of bread and I might add a small cabbage to the list... for my favorite soup.   I do have romaine in the crisper so could have salad but it's COLD.  In the house.  And the thermostat is 65.  So the cold is ME not the room. I had oatmeal for breakfast.

I think I will go find my sweater- the red one with the multiple elbow patches.....perhaps it will warm me up?  Thank you for reading here- I see the numbers of people visiting have gone up so much......I will try and write about how its going and let you all know that I am feeling okay ...really..I think after..It will be difficult.  But husband has been on this road for quite some time....so nothing is a shock.  Or a Surprise. But still........it will be difficult to get used to.

Field Notes- Saturday, October 28th. Shooter is Dead. Suicide.

 Paper fish.

Well, we have made it thru yet another day.  We have packed the canning jars into short boxes. The last two of the big kitchen packing boxes- son's dishes and glassware remain unpacked as there is nowhere to put more dishes etc..  He has added his kitchen towels to the mix and I like them very much.  I have lots of flour sack towels.

We have doubles of some cookware....cast iron twin Dutch Ovens, Crock Pots.  Oddly enough, He has the missing pieces of saucepans etc from All Clad that I didn't buy.  He also had a newer version of my one quart saucepan and lid- a wedding gift in 1968. Still in use to make Kraft Mac and Cheese and steamed rice.....we now have a rice cooker-- on the shelf..  We both have different sizes of cast iron frying pans.  We both like to cook.  

I am going to try Tater Tots in the Air Fryer today.  The book I am reading mentioned "Loaded Tater Tots" as Bar Food.  What shall I load them up with????  Tell me in the comments.

We  decided that ten of any plastic storage container with lid was enough.  I had way more stacked in towers from the Chinese Takeout....now ten.  I have enough recycling to fill my recycling container until New Years. I think that is an exaggeration but...it's fun to think that.

I also have quite a lot of flattened, folded packing paper. I have not started to cut down and fold the boxes. they also can be recycled.

I am purposefully not writing about husband as he cannot give consent....

Grocery stores have been closed all of this week so...I wonder if we can pick up prescriptions today? Probably better to let everyone else pack into the stores and wait till Monday. I can use light cream for my coffee and oatmeal....decadent.  I bought light cream to add to the Ensure for husband.....before he decided to refuse to drink it.  

Field Notes- Friday , October 27th. Still in Lock Down on most roads. Shooter is still out there.

 

Painted furniture.

So Nurse was here...we now have a schedule for administering drugs.....two weeks...perhaps three.  Our Timeline.  Will it go by fast or slow??? 

Cut his tee shirt up the back.....to make it easier to get on and off.  

Grocery stores are still closed.....I suppose down closer to Portland something would be open but we are WAY TOO CLOSE to the Shooter's Home.  The Nurse drove thru Lisbon and she said it was non stop military vehicles and police tactical squads. Checking and re-checking her car and ID. AND she could NOT find an open gas station to fill her car.....

Son and I unpacked three of his Kitchen Boxes and did the thing- which of these two things do we keep and which one do we get rid of.........we own almost identical stuff.  That's a Sesame Street song..which of these two things is not like the other.

I have one of the smaller cartons and a stack of paper....I can pack a box of Canning Jars.  I have a roll out shelf in a lower cabinet that son could use for some of his heavier things.  Things we now have on the restaurant shelving. His mixer is on top of the fridge....doesn't fit in the built in cupboard mine lives in.

The Soup is getting better each day....if we get to visit a grocery store- I will buy leafy greens to add to a second batch.  Well, I would need to buy everything as I used up pretty much the contents of the freezer to make the first batch.

He has a larger Apple Desktop...not using it...do I want to try using something larger/newer than what I have...which I have to tell you seems "large enough".  His is newer and will work better... I said I would give it a try.  Why not?  He is giving living here with me a try.  Which is way more uncomfortable.

Field Notes- It's cold...Everything is LOCKED DOWN. No nurse today and no aide.

 I was surprised to find the Morning Paper.  

Everything is closed and none of the support people will be coming today or tomorrow.  Supermarket is closed.  LLBean is closed (first time ever).  All Schools are closed.... Birds are not even flying.

The Shooter is still out there....

I was so surprised to see a Maine news program on MSNBC last night and then to see what it was....the Hospital with all the injured people is the hospital ER where we took husband.  I can't imagine what that was like last night.  I need to put on warmer clothing...It was so warm yesterday.

I had to wash my hair with bar soap this morning as I had no idea where my bottle of shampoo was....it was out on husband's supply table.....why? not a clue why I took my shampoo out there.  I did rinse with good conditioner.

The Vegetable Soup was delicious and we will have it again today.  Thankful I cooked yesterday.

I need to find some socks....And a sweater.   Sun is shining and 59 degrees outside at 10am.

Field Notes- Same Day Wednesday, October 25th.

 Moving Van arrived and  hours were very loud and noisy but the couch did get up and over and into the room where  son wanted it.  Over was into the garage and OVER my Honda Fit (which doesn't  start so no way to move it) and then up stairs- across the Attic, out a door, thru another door.  Very very tight. All doors had to be removed from their hinges.

They "lost" the base for his very large tv....but then found it in the box....under tons of paper.  The They is the packing crew not the unpacking crew.........Unpacking was a woman who looked 20 but had three SONS in their teens. She carried boxes up the stairs on her back- on hand in lower left corner and other hand in upper right corner....that's all...and up the stairs ..over and over and over. She never stopped talking.  To her co-worker.

The packing crew ( in California) brought ALL the wrong sized boxes....and then tried to make  them work.....

I made the Soup recipe in Sunday's NYTimes...this past Sunday.  It's a bit salty- My Lunch buddy said it was salty- she made it yesterday--so I didn't add any salt....and it's salty.  My Lunch Buddy likes salty soup. I am supposed to "watch" my salt intake as I bloat easily.

Husband was bathed, changed and dressed...he is now sound asleep.  The Hospice Aide is just the best...I look forward to her visits.....Lovely person.

Field Notes- Wednesday, October 25th. Early Wake Up with Husband.

 Going to be making soup today- minus potatoes as I have none..... I do have beans but Son will check the dates on cans.......I can't be trusted..... ( I admit to not checking the Pantry for expired goods on a regular basis.)  that will NOT be a problem going forward as he will be checking the dates on EVERYTHING.

So...moving van is arriving today at around 10am....son is pacing......worried the couch won't fit up the stairs.  It will.....one way or the other.  Husband slept well.....up early but now sleeping again.

House was "too warm" this morning so I am turning down  the thermostats...  I hate being too warm. You can always add clothing but too warm feels like suffocating.

Shortages of inhalers.....our prescriptions haven't been filled.....for inhalers....I am trying not to get worried. Daughter says it's a World Wide Problem.....so.   Not the only one worried about BREATHING.

Well, I need to eat something......Oatmeal or Bran Flakes....

My Lunch Buddy made the soup and said it was delicious....she did substitutions and said- still delicious.

Field Notes- Tuesday, October 24th. Chilly. Garbage Pick up Day. Still No Drugs.

 Brown Paper Packages tied with Red String......

A difficult day....some of you will receive the post I wrote first...this is a second one that is not off the rails.    I am off the rails......and tired.

So......not much else to say right now.  

Field Notes- Monday, October 23rd. Sunshine today.

 Creative Rain Maker.

We were awakened by...well, so much this morning but mostly husband's urgent need to pee.  Then the bedding etc had to be changed...and he had to be turned and lifted....all of which causes him pain....

Now we three are resting up.  Husband is asleep.

I am recovering from an asthmatic breathing issue- not being able to...breathe.....but after applications of the rescue inhaler I am doing much better.....I need to call in prescriptions. But first my tea and the last delicious bits of coffee cake....a gift from my Lunch Buddy who brings me library books and also returns the ones I have read.  So thankful for this....it really is the smallest of things that make Life so much better.

I have a load of bedding (husband's hospital bed) in the washer and need to get it into the dryer..... from this morning. 

Later I will organize the garbage and recycling for tomorrow morning's weekly collection.

We have a literal MOUNTAIN of things to go to Goodwill. I will save the canning jars for another day.

Field Notes- Sunday, October 22nd-- Quiet Sunday with rain and a little chill in the air.

 Son says we are listening to very Zen music......( he is not a fan)

Husband had two spoons of yogurt and then refused any more....he does drink quite a bit of water and orange juice.  And he had some ice cream yesterday.  He sleeps most of the day and night.

He says his whole skeleton hurts. All his bones.

Yesterday all my cloth from the upstairs came downstairs. I had emptied all the storage tubs that held the remains of a quilting hobby...aka junk.   Then the containers went back up and got filled with the folded cloth on the shelves.  Now it's stacked in the sewing room down stairs... handy,  In case I want o use it.   Or give it away.

And son has an open and empty closet to use for his things....when they arrive.

The Linus Project in Portland got a huge amount (of cloth off my shelves) years ago (from my closet)...the quilters made "blankets" I don't know why they call them that.....for police cars and shelters to give to the children in times of stress and fear.  These days both places want acrylic fiber items not cotton.  So the groups just bind the cut edges and it's done.

Son has gone to the grocery store and remembered his shopping bags this time.   We also looked into the Pantry and found things that were years old.......I REALLY have not cooked anything in a very very long time.  I will go the extra step and admit that I have probably been seriously depressed for a long long time.

In FANTASTIC NEWS... the printer is now speaking English....yes, indeed, no more foreign  languages ..... And the printer is printing things off the computer (air) and that is so VERY exciting.  A Computer Engineer was all I needed.

And the TiVo is now...well, I can turn up the SOUND and actually hear what people are saying...I had to make a promise not to watch so much MSNBC.......so he also fixed the volume and it was so easy- there was a place to do it and I didn't even KNOW.  He vacuumed the upstairs and got webs off the screens in the windows.  He could probably take the screens down.  Room looks amazing. He will set up his gaming consoles there and sit on his couch.....and feel "at home"...as soon as his things get here.

Until then,,,,we are going to do some cooking....and we need to find places for his cookware.....

Field Notes- Saturday, October 21

 Flowers from Patty.

A picture actually traveled from the iPhone to the computer....Son was standing there and it happened..  Now we can have images on Index Cards here on the blog posts. Again.

I have cactus drawings I can now color and send to you....daughter brought me two books of stamps. I can mail my bills ...I was down to three stamps. I have phone calls to make and emails to send on Monday. Business...to take care of.

Son and I can't go to grocery together as one of us has to stay home....in case. Today he brought down all the plastic storage tubs- two at a time and I sorted them out....kept some and a lot was put into a really full tub I will try and get to the Quilt chapter nearby- the one I used to belong to.  Every one likes some one else's scraps.  I know I was always intrigued by the choices other people made.

Husband slept all night and most of today.  We are moving him from side to side as he has two bedsores. From being in one (same) position for 12 hours......he had vanilla ice cream for lunch.   And lots of cold water.   We have to move and rotate him every few hours..... mostly he sleeps....

He's sleeping and listening to music from the 40's.

Field Notes- October 20th- Forecast of two days of RAIN. Colder temps here in Maine.

 This looks really good.....I have tried to eat...some or more than usual.  It's hard work. Yesterday I ate too much (McDonald's French Fries) and paid the price.  I will be more careful today.

Son and I are sharing duties now- he observed for a few days but now feels comfortable on his own as caregiver.  Giving me time to sleep or just stare at the walls or out the windows..   I discovered a few expired things in the fridge and emptied the containers etc....then I had some toast. I may return and wash some of the glass shelves.  Son's pots and pans etc have already arrived in Maine....two containers... he is trying to empty the big second floor room- was happy to find a central vac outlet up there- that second floor will be his living space.  But the bathroom up there is not nice- needs to be improved- so he will have sole use of the hall bath....I will have sole use of the Master bath.  We will share the washer dryer in the bath closet.

 Care taking is sort of like walking in fog or a cloud..... direction is impossible to determine.

Son is doing laundry in my new machine.  The first time I did laundry in that machine I was on edge hoping it actually worked.....

That food in the image is looking pretty good to me today. But I need to move slowly.......

I finished reading a good book with Trans characters.  Their pronouns do not define them.

I have three or four books waiting for pick up at the Library- Nancy will get them on one of her visits to Town--no hurry as my personal bookcase is well stocked.  

Son and I have discovered that neither of us has any interest in driving G's Big Jeep.  So we are considering trading it in for something smaller.....a Volvo.  With all the flashing, dinging safety features etc. Volvo actually stop (when anticipating danger) without consulting you.... the driver.  We will either get the Honda Fit road ready and sell it or .....donate it to some cause as is....I feel very comfortable with these decisions.  I doubt I will ever drive a car again..but could surprise myself... 

I am trying to find a way to transfer my large portfolio of Canning Jars etc to a good home. This would open up a significant amount of space for son's cookware. I do not wan to set the jars out for the Garbage/Recycling collectors.  any ideas?

Field Notes- Thursday, October 19th. Sunny with a chill in the air.

 There is a bit of this....coffee and looking out the window. At the leaves changing color. I did not draw this...I still can't transfer pictures to the computer and then to the blog.... I was also shocked to learn that TiVo is more likely than not- going out of business. So getting a New One is sort of not going to happen. son suggested Amazon Prime.  They have lots of Public TV stuff I generally like.  But I like recording stuff....which is why I liked TiVo.

I was up a few times in the night and early today...diaper changes.  Wanting water...his mouth is very dry. I did get pulp free orange juice down him....yogurt is about as solid as his food gets......I am tired.

Finished my oatmeal and coffee...son is upstairs clearing out the old sewing room- from the Way Back Years of Quilting...he arrived yesterday afternoon.....After living alone for 30 years ..this is uncomfortable I think.... so many people (3) and so much emotional baggage to deal with.

I got away for a bit and raked yellow Maple leaves off the driveway.... his two-seater sports car is parked by the garage doors.  Away from the oak trees dropping acorns 24/7.

Son and I managed breakfast and moving husband around.  I don't think he knows who the NEW tall guy is- I think HE thinks he's Hospice. In fact, he asked me who this guy was.....but then it's been awhile since we saw our son in person.....this is heartbreaking and I guess we should have expected it but husband had been talking about his son coming.......and he arrives and his father doesn't know who he is. Add this to the Long Goodbye.  The nurse- when she visits..asks him who I am.. he looks and thinks......

Son's things are arriving in 2 or 3 weeks but could surprise us  (arrive sooner) so he is busy clearing out the room where his stuff will be unloaded.  We are making a Goodwill pile.  He put the rugs back down on the floors...daughter might not be happy......he'll take the flack.  I like this about him...willing to take the flack.  He say he was comfortable and slept well last night....I slept on the couch again and was up a few times to change diapers at 2 am and 6 am.  Husband has little to zero muscle strength in arms and legs...so can't really assist.  Son helped with the 6 am lifting.  

Field Notes- It's Wednesday Morning. I have been up and dressed since 8.

 I love this...old denim scraps to cover a chair.

So.....he fell asleep after the Aide gave him a bed bath at 1:30 yesterday....and he hasn't been awake since.  I did get him to drink something and take his evening pills.  He did not wake me- by trying to get out of bed at 3 am and then again at 5 am....I woke up on my own and checked him....asleep.

He is breathing..I checked.

People are calling- just now a social worker.  The aide is coming at 1:30.

This day is not like any of the other days...I now sort of miss the other days...... he is usually in a great mood with the Aide who bathes him and gets him nicely settled into bed with clean clothes etc.....

I slept all night.  Which is new.....I am NOT used to it.....being rested.. I need to eat.  I need to walk to the street box and get the newspaper.....I need to eat breakfast.......the day has begun in a very new way....and I have no idea what to expect.....

Quiet Notes----Written on Monday for Tuesday's post.

 Brown Paper Packages Wrapped Up With String...... these are a few of my favorite things....

You all are some of my favorite things .......

The Aide and the Nurse showed up today.....and made a list of what I need...and a few hours later a big truck pulled into the driveway- actually more traffic in a few days than the driveway has had in many many YEARS ........and that truck dropped off a box that actually held everything the nurse said I needed.  New diapers.  Wicking thing for pee.  A new tub for the daily "bath" etc etc.   

Daughter left with a list for grocery shopping. I bought things I wanted husband to eat...he said no. To everything- just sleep.  Not even water...he was asking for water pretty often until today.

He did pee. Kidneys still working.

The Chaplin (spelling) called, a very nice woman.  She wanted to visit us tomorrow....I told her he has been sleeping all day...(and he had also invited an Accordion Player to visit.)  Though the Accordion person had not called as yet....she was laughing.  I was laughing.  It was pretty weird and funny.  I said perhaps next week.. or perhaps even sooner if this timeline is really a race......to the finish line...

He has been awake only for a few minutes at a time since they all left.  He did look at the bird feeder daughter put up for him to observe but only for a moment and then was asleep.

Daughter brought a retired guy to look and think HOW he might add a railing to my front steps...for Winter when the steps get slippery with ice.  Neighbor has a guy coming to work on her house (and mine) and I am thinking the bottoms of the porch columns look like they might be rotting...so might need work. We'll see...

I am going online to order some books...I have a few yet but need to be thinking ahead...

I know you want to ask-- I am exhausted.  I am not eating as I should be eating...I am sleeping at night but wake up after hours of sleep and am still as tired as I was when I climbed in bed.  I second guess myself all day..sure that I have missed something. Everything. My favorite part of the day is when I put a disc in the player and we listen to music......beautiful music.  This is my gift to man in the bed--music. Beautiful music.  Music to help him dream..........

Field Notes- Monday October 16th. Chilly Weather.

 Some Art- but I can't find a note on the artist.  Gotten from Little Something and she always has the names. Go there and scroll down till you find the name.  So many artists are using a bound notebook to paint in...I like the idea of it...like a daily painting or scribble.  Not on the calendar under the keyboard (how I do it).

Nurse visit today..our first.  Meds coming by mail on the slow boat.....things he might need. To mellow out. As they say???? How would I know????  Nursing Aide was also here to bathe and change his clothes- five days a week.... I was told to take my shower and do stuff like that while she or he is here... Me stuff. 45 minutes of Me Stuff.  Use it or loose it.  I have had a great shower. I could also run out to Library or Grocery if  I was driving........if the car was in working order.

New things which are not Depends. Easier to put on. And take off. Coming in mail or Fedex. Finally Fedex stopping at my house....wow.

I took my shower before they arrived----I'll do better next time.  I do need socks my feet are so cold.

My Shopping List has gone out into the World with daughter..and my credit card.... I hope I get half of what I wrote down.  Ice cream...Yasso Bars......the vanilla ones.  I didn't ask for the Big Fat Bakery Brownies at Hannaford...I do LOVE them....but they seem unimportant right now.

He slept all night and I slept all night...best night ever...and it's two in a row....Life is Good. I do, no idea why, still get up at 3 am.... and since I am up and he is asleep I walk down the hall and use  the bathroom. And then go back to sleep.  he is asleep right now so I should be doing something productive.....like a load of wash.  But I am typing this...for you.At some point the 3 am will drop like the penny and we will all know why.

The RN was also here...we checked meds....we went over things...we are waiting for the morphine.  Which will mellow him out... DNR is taped to wall. I selected a funeral home. Cremation. And perhaps a small service as he did own two restaurants for years right here in Town and mentored quite a few young people during those years. They might want to be able to pay respects.

Which reminds me- I need a good photo of him for the obituary.  These are the thoughts running thru my head.  Hospice can last a few weeks or a few years- Jimmy Carter as an example. I will ask daughter to get a nice picture....She will jolly him into it.

He's fallen asleep....this is when I am supposed to do me stuff. It's been so long since I have ...I can't imagine what I would do....but first thing coming to mind- is find some socks as my bare feet are very very cold.  And I am wondering if I have flannel sheets somewhere in the house....that would be nice. For him.

So the Me Thing will be socks for me and a sweater not a cotton shirt and then flannel sheets...somewhere in the house.  My one year working Winter at LLBean- I bought TONS of stuff for little money at the employee store....Returned items they didn't want to reshelve. Sweaters, boots, coats, bedding dog beds.... lots of corduroy pants and so many linen short sleeved Camp Shirts...not the ones with darts...the square boxy ones...which I adore as I am square and boxy.

Field Notes- Sunday October 15th. Sunshine but chilly here in Maine.

 Dee's houses.  I can use "almost" the same fabrics and still my houses etc won't be as awesome as Dee's. I have always loved houses and house appliqué.  That little "open" door looks like a light switch. I know I have that blue on black fabric--somewhere.

So sunshine today.  I slept most of the night but am getting less and less comfortable on the couch. I really want to sleep in my BED.

I sewed a button on my favorite "almost worn paper thin on the butt" green cord pants.....it took a few minutes to remember how to do it......sew on a button.  Sturdy sewing of a button.  No wiggle...no wobble.

Still waiting for a neighbor to bring me something to eat.  Or is that Funeral Food they bring????

I emptied the fridge today-----we might go grocery shopping tomorrow- daughter and I. I do have a prepared five cheese lasagna.  Heat and serve.  That sounds delicious.  Most of what I took out of the fridge was vegetables....so they got composted ..all the birds and small animals will enjoy the food.. I still have yogurts.  Tried one of the plain ones on husband for his breakfast.   A few spoonfuls. Which is more than nothing.

So, the birds have found the brand new porch bird feeders.......and the next door cat has noticed the new spot birds are hanging out...... I am re-reading a nice book....we are getting to the good parts now...finding out who one really is and what is important to them....  

I have had a vintage hand sewn quilt on my lap for a few days now.....and noticing that some strips have disintegrated.  So I  was looking in the sewing closet on the second floor and then in my closet of cloth on the first floor (sewing room) and found a few things- could be front side up or faded back side up...I am sewing them down.  It's bed sized....so this could be what I work on All WINTER which here in Maine is ENDLESSLY LONG.  Its a very nice old hand sewn and quilted quilt--30's or 40's .  When I get a working iPhone  I will send you all a picture of it. I know it should be left as is...and all repairs are removable.....so there is that....odd how some fabric shreds and falls apart and the others are good as new.

Like People.

Field Notes- Saturday, October 14th. Son's household is packed and heading East. He is in Vegas to visit a long time friend and co-worker. before driving cross country.

 I pinched marigold flowers off the plants out front...saving "seed" with hopes of Milk Jug Seed Starting in January (something normal).  For the back garden...  Two other flowers were closed and dry so they came in as well.  The bees are still overnighting in the petals of the pink flowers. 54 degrees this morning.

I have to empty and sift the container soil....re-useable.  Some of it is over ten years old.  Sterile. You add the nutrition yourself in tiny golden beads.....I keep forgetting the name of the product. I can describe it and even draw a picture of it...but can't recall it's name.

It was quiet last night and I slept- but still- perhaps forever ......waking at 2 or 3 am and then again 3 hours later. He is still asleep. the 8 pm emergency medication from the Hospice Nurse.......works.  But perhaps too much?  Do I want him asleep more than awake????

He must have stirred in the night as his one blanket is pulled up high under his chin...he complains most about being cold.

I had wash in the washer that I had not moved to the dryer....it's in there now..

I slept well..I forgot to write that in the top paragraph.  I slept well.  I am rested. Calm.  I have cherry tomatoes from the Twin's Mom in the fry pan and will be roasting them in the oven and then mixing into freshly boiled pasta.....I am planning to actually have a meal and not just yogurt and bran buds.

Well, best laid plans...laundry, drier mishap with protective liner for bed (pee pad)..thank goodness I had Peggy order two more from Amazon.

Field Notes-- Friday, October 13th.....Last night should never be repeated. He was manic.

 I want this plate of food... so much....

So last night....he was someone else....would not listen... was.... trying to climb over the rails- but too weak to actually manage.  But I couldn't sleep if he did manage to slam into the hardwood floors head first.     I am pretending to be awake. Typing this.

So I am running on empty....  Like fumes.......I have had coffee but no breakfast as yet. Oh damn- oatmeal is in the microwave- cold.....crap!!!

I spoon fed him a portion of one of my Noosa yogurts....raspberry but really light on the fruit puree portion.  The yogurt is tasty....I always swipe the container  with my finger at the end to get every bit of it.

I sat down like a responsible homeowner and wrote checks for the pile of bills.....daughter came, swept Acorns off the driveway and then off to pay her property taxes etc etc.....she also has something going on with her car tires....lug nuts?  something....so she is seeing to that as well.

The rash that started in the corners of her eyes- is now a full mask effect and is on corners of her mouth and cheeks. She is wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. Uni-bomber with a rash. Needs to do the FULL Elimination Diet thing....in case it's food....could also be stress...we got quite a lot of that going on here...or pollen?  Or the air she breathes.  But never the cats.....never.

Hospice meeting yesterday was like hitting a wall.  I can hear the fat lady singing.  Death.  Now it's real. Close.  How is that going to feel living alone?  He did travel a lot...Left me behind a lot...so might be like that????? Or not like that at all.

I smell Man Pee--24/7. It gets in my nose and stays there...after changing the Depends. I asked my Amazon neighbor to order another pack of two pee pads (to go on the mattress under him- in case)....washable... In case he goes thru them faster than he is now...One on the hospital bed and one in the washer and one as backup.....I want 3 as backup.   Always a Girl Scout- Prepared.

He's reading a magazine.  In the hospital bed,  In front of the big living room window.  With Fall color outside.  Sun is shining.  Wish I could take a picture and send it to you.  Looks peaceful

Field Notes- More Rain Overnight....Thursday, October 12th. I never know what day it is.

 I should plant things that provide food for the birds and small animals. Maybe next Spring?

The Bees are still sleeping inside the flowers in the largest container.  Daughter thought they were dead but when the flower was touched ..they moved.  Sort of like sleeping in you cereal bowl.

I am writing at 8:24 as I have no idea how the day will go.....this might be my only "alone" time. I had a nice hot shower, washed my hair, put on a load of wash in the machine.  You know, Me Stuff. Rest of day will be Hospice visit, and husband things...he seems to like the hospital bed.

I slept on the couch just in case....but he didn't need anything....

I have changed his Depends and it works out that cutting the side seams open makes it all very easy for removal.  Getting the new dry pair on- involves him doing a bit of hip lifting.....but he still can do that.

I have the rails on the sides of the bed all the way up....he can't get out without me dropping them.  The remote is where he can't reach it....because Dear Readers...he can't be trusted as far as one can throw him. He is bull headed.  Has been and always will be.

Well, he is awake- the Day Begins....