Remember When The Weekend Was Easy?

My favorite of last week's collages. And I worked Friday and had a social function to attend on Saturday afternoon. Staff Appreciation with Food. Always a problem for the person on a "eating plan". Supper later in the day--and I could have skipped it--was a Greek Salad from one of our favorite take out places and "diet cheese wedges". The regular cheese wedges are pizza dough with oil and loads of cheese, baked and sliced and served with Marinara Sauce. In my "former life" I ate the whole 8" circle myself. The diet version-- and the take out place was not surprised by the order---- was pizza dough, a tiny bit of cheese and sauce on the side. G ate half.

Sunday was Father's Day and Sam brought croissants and a Sunday paper for her Dad and she and I went out shopping. How's that for a holiday? Anyway, she shopped at Wally World and I stood in line to return something I had purchased in 2005. Walmart is a wonder. I stood in line for over 20 minutes, said I didn't have a receipt for the item and was handed CASH. I then purchased some Tide and a watermelon.

We then went to Staples to purchase a new phone for Sam. The one we really wanted was out of stock so she purchased our second favorite. Basic with answering machine. Funny how the "out of stock" one was the one on sale?

Next stop was the pet store for Sam and Coldwater Creek for me. I am a glutton for punishment (and a 60% off sale) so I went in to try on clothes never dreaming that any would fit. I wanted--what else--another white shirt. One that fit and followed the lines of my new "hourglass" figure. I am nothing if not predictable. I found two things--a pair of slim striped pants and a very girly pleated, ruffled white shirt. Linen. Be still my heart. Nothing was extra large. Sam said "no" to the saffron colored shirt I wanted.

I also stopped and repaired a friend's sewing machine and got scratched by her cat, had Chinese Lunch (yummy) and walked 2 miles (Sat and Sun).

All this and what I had penciled in my dance card was working on my big marigold quilt. I did get some topstitching in on the side parts. I don't think this quilt will ever get finished. And I worked on pressing the WU flowers on another quilt while watching Home Sweet Alabama on Saturday. There was a bit of "oops" when the cutting mat was removed but I think I got all the pieces back where they may have been. It looks okay.

No pictures because you've seen it before and nothing is different. So. Nine in the morning and I think I'll try for some more stitching on the marigold before my manicure and then work at the library until 8pm. The Closer is on at 9. I really should make some dinner for G and put it in the fridge for him to heat up later. I really should.

Paper Collage 2007

This is the collage for today 14 June o7. I use pages from full color, expensive decorator magazines like House& Garden, Veranda, and House Beautiful. I take the images and layer, cut, trim and look and finally paste with a glue stick and the latest financial publication from my index fund. I use the glue stick with abandon on a page and then turn that page over and use a fresh page for the next item to be glued. The stuff from the index fund is printed on thin sheets which are also nice to cut up for text backgrounds.

I love using eyes in my collage and in one of my fabric pieces I actually made a flower that was "eye" shaped. The headlights also look like eyes and the hood design--like a big nose.

This one was fun. About five layers of pages, one on top of the other. I may attempt something like this out of fabric. The different textures will be interesting to work with: woven, cord, see through, shiny and of course the flower and it's "eye".

There was a fourth collage--my favorite which didn't load. So tomorrow I will try to get that up. I'm working everyday this week at the library and don't have time for much more than a paper collage in my artistic life. But on the weekend I will be moving the sewing desk back to the sunporch for the summer and quilting and zigzagging till the lights go out. I have a backlog of things that need finishing.

TopChef: Do they just pick a lame candidate to vote off right away? That red neck with no chef training was a poor choice all round. He was way out of his depth and had no skills. The producers should be ashamed. And don't they TASTE their own food before serving???? They had plenty of food--they could cook and taste and then make a final product. Serving inedible food is my "pack up your knives" moment even if 5 of them had to go home all at once. Do you think a restaurant chef would have given them a second chance? Hah!

Sunny Sunday

This has really been a miserable summer so far here in Maine. Two or three gorgeous days and then cold, damp, rainy days all in a row and finally a sunny day. It's JUNE!. Nearly summer.

My garden reports 6 radishes have germinated. Out of a bazillion seeds planted.

My husband purchased a desk from the "land of miss-shipped furniture" at work. $6. And now that we have assembled it and marked it with a pencil and jigsawed a hole in the top for my sewing machine and the sewing machine "elevator" that will raise and lower the machine for my sewing pleasure--- I have to find room for it in my overstocked workroom.

The old sewing table will be going on to a new life as a colorfully painted end table with really cute knobs on the faux drawer in front. Whilst in the workroom it never came close to having it's "makeover". I'm sure there are other items in the workroom in need of a fresh start or do-over. Hey, me!

So after eating a breakfast peach and tieing on the walking shoes and doing 2 miles, I will walk right into that workroom and start moving stuff around and out and into piles and, and, ---and, I just hope lunchtime arrives sooner rather than later so I can stop.

I'm giving Sunday Chinese Lunch one more try. Last week's lunch wasn't so good. If this week is the same--then I will be moving on to a new "treat". Tomorrow I have a lunch date with "J" and some Tex-Mex chicken fingers. Can't hardly wait.

In case you're wondering. I deleted the whole "eating plan" post. This IS an art quilting blog and not a self help/blathering blog. Yesterday I clipped art and text from some old magazines for a paper collage. As soon as I get a new glue stick. And find my scissors. I will be making a small 6 inch square collage everyday this summer. I'm finding them to be a good exercise for future fabric endeavors.

And, really, all my fabric endeavors are in the "future" as the only sewing I am actually doing is on the seams of my pants. Or on tucks in the waistband of those same pants. And I don't know nothing about sewing clothing.

The Times They Are A Changing

A forty pound weigh loss can change a person in more ways than just size. I feel different in every way. I feel confined. Like a caterpillar in it's wrappings; pushing, growing, getting ready to emerge and dry off it's new wings.

I thought about this change in weight for a full year before starting the "new eating plan" in January. I mostly visualized some slim black pants, tiny tee shirt and a spikey new haircut. In other words, I imagined myself younger. I'm just now realizing this.

I also visualized a "new life" to go with the slimmer body. An artist's life. Painting. Pottery. Mixed Media. In a sunny studio with long wide tables. Space to have two or three projects spread out at all times so I could work a bit here and then ponder a bit there and fuss with something in yet another spot. I didn't visualize working at the library. Surprise.

My relationships with people are also changing. I know my husband is worried. You can see it in his eyes. He wonders if I will still be here each day when he returns from work. I will be here. The "I" may not be the person he knows or has known. Or wants to know. Those are his future choices.

I am becoming a person I don't know yet either.

I am only half way there, half way to my goal and already I am questioning my path. I am afraid of what is in front of me. But not so eager to go back to what I was. Each day is a challenge of personality, body, spirit and determination.

When you are half way there--to go back would take as long as continuing forward. So I will push on. Bear with me. Your comments and good wishes come at just the right moments. Have I mentioned that? Well, they do. Random good wishes are the very best kind. Unexpected. Surprising. Thoughtful.

If you wonder-- at forty pounds I look different. Smaller than I was but still a large size woman. (this disappoints me more than I care to admit) I can see and feel my shoulder bones and hip bones. I may need to buy new underwear soon. I am putting all my clothing in the dryer and hoping it shrinks, just a little. I had my gray hair glazed a dark brown and was intrigued when no one noticed the color but commented on the "great haircut". I only had it trimmed. Same cut. I wish I could have liposuction of the hip saddle bags and a tummy tuck. Chinese Lunch yesterday wasn't so very yummy. I may not need it anymore. It was my "treat" each seven days. I think the chicken tenders at Pedro's with honey mustard and BBQ sauce may be the new "treat" with a side salad and no dressing. And I can have this "treat" when I lunch with friends.

I'm walking 2 miles everyday- today will be a chore because it's 50 degrees and raining so I will be soaked to the bone by the time I finish. A nice hot shower and some pasta should make it worthwhile. Whole wheat pasta. And then work at the library. I've made G some homemade tomato soup with the last big bag of frozen tomatoes from last year's garden. G loves soup. I love him.

Turbulent

Just when I think it's safe to get all comfortable with myself and my life, I go and screw around with it. Like picking a scab. Just can't leave some things alone. The picture is of a baking sheet I use to make breakfast biscuits. Used to make. No biscuits for this girl. Now. And I seem to be wondering if I should be making rusty fabric. Not that I know anything about the process of rusty fabric. And why would I want some?

Anyway, I was not happy with the way the kennel had treated G when we took the puppy back and so I began an email dialog with the kennel owner. She was still not nice. I worked my usual magic (???) and after 4 emails she was actually being kind and decent and THEN the other shoe drops. Would we be interested in another dog. Older (3), female, fox red (reddish yellow lab), trained. Recently the mother of 12 pups (9 black and 3 yellow). Will be the mother of another litter next year. Of course I made the mistake of showing the email to G.

I thought it was safe. It wasn't. Now we are not getting along. I'm not sure I want a dog. I just wanted to rid myself of bad karma. Perhaps this is my karma????

Here's my scrap African style piece. It's just ironed to the fusible batting. Not quilted. And today at Marden's I spent $3.36 TOTAL on 4 plus yards of white cotton twill. I did not buy anything else. So very proud of myself. And since you asked, I plan to paint it. With very cheap acrylic paints.

Planted--under duress-- radishes, green beans, zucchini and butternut squash. Fertilized everything including cabbage, brussel sprouts, and the place where cucumbers will be some day soon. And cut and placed red plastic "mulch" on the five pots of green peppers. The red plastic worked last time on the peppers and eggplant. Caused them to produce fruit.

My calendula (pot marigolds) already have mildew (white spotty stuff on the leaves) as do the geraniums I bought from the same nursery. Me thinks they were infected before I even got them home. And the crappy weather today and for the next few days (cold and wet) will not help.

Lots of lightning and thunder tonight. We just "Do Not" get this sort of storm here in Maine. So, of course, G and I went outside and sat on the porch and watched the sky light up, crackle and explode. There was one big bang which has to have hit something but no sirens or fire trucks. And the electricity stayed on. That is also unusual as our electrical service is very "iffy" in the state of Maine. Wind blows. Lights go out. Snow falls. Lights go out. Rain. Lights go out. Squirrel runs into transformer. Big explosion. Lights go out. For a long time.

Turbulent. But I have new peaches and a big pineapple for breakfast fruit. And plenty of bug spray to protect me on my daily 2 mile walk. And tomorrow is Chinese Lunch. And I'm so NOT working extra hours next week. The dog can wait. She's not ready to go anywhere any way (after all those puppies). No rush.

Karma. Or squirrels.

Summer Daze

A streetside farmstand had Georgia peaches for sale. Little ones. The fragrance is heady and the taste--well, it could be improved. I am sticking my nose in the plastic bag everytime I walk past. Ahh!

My little plot of peat pots sitting on the porch. Planted a bit late but doing just fine. Tomatoes and five cucumber plants. G says I can only have 12 tomato plants this year. I usually have lots more.

My Mother's Day stepping stones made with my daughter Slambo. We mixed cement and decorated the stuff and it was messy and over pretty quickly. I also smeared cement over the bottom of my old birdbath and added turquoise stones. Very pretty. Nice gift. The one on the right has old watch faces imbedded in the cement. None are ticking.

Moving along. Now the flowers need to be bigger to show movement from front to back. I will also layer more and larger flowers over the ones already in the arrangement. Nothing is ironed down. It's cheerful.

Company from Texas. Deborah from Deborah's Journal came to visit me, my garden and my studio. She brought this delightful gift and made the little pin heads from ShrinkyDink. I gave her a glass of water. We walked the yard, then Deborah helped me decide what to do with a few fabric pieces I'm working on. One is a large square with strips layered over the surface. Just wasn't working. I was attempting to translate the very successful small 15 inch Trashformation squares into a 60 inch square format. Working small is so much easier.

Deborah suggested adding some black and white to the orange and lime surface. After lunch, I climbed a ladder to the top shelf of my fabric warehouse and pulled down a black fabric with white lines in a railroad track type pattern and cut a long strip into narrow strips and added them to the square---it's "cooking" now. Thank you, Deborah!

I even used the trimmed portions of the strips to make an interesting collaged African piece. So yesterday was a "very good day". Today I planted herbs and lettuce and cabbage in the garden and watered everything. I had planned to dig and weed for most of the day in the grass filled flower beds--because tomorrow I get my nails done. But I'm tired. Maybe a nap on the porch?

Wednesday, May 23

From now on----well, today and maybe next week----I'll try a Wednesday post. Just normal, what's going on today stuff. I snagged the pretty kitty drawing from a five year old who came to the library for Kindergarten Screening. In my Town, not everyone who is five can go to school. I always have an image of screening my compost pile at this time of year. And the image of all the acorns, pine straw, rocks and sticks that accumulate on the top of the screen. And all the yummy compost and worms in the wheelbarrow under the screen. What would it be like for the five year old and mom to be left on top of the screen?

Today's breakfast was oatmeal without the usual splash of milk to loosen it up. No one here is drinking milk like they used to and even the smallest container--a quart-- spoiled. I guess I have to buy pints. Or "waste" calories drinking milk. My bone density was amazing and my height at 60 is the exact same as my height at 18. I drank milk and no soda through my youth and high school years. Coke was a Christmas Eve treat. The tiny bottle. One for each of us and one for Santa.

Watched Tom Selleck as Jesse Stone last night. My dad drank. So it was with a heavy heart that I watched Tom/Jesse drink his way through a whole evening. Every evening. And that poor dog had to watch him drink. It would be wonderful if something could make Tom/Jesse smile once in awhile.

I wanted Earl to win the million on Survivor and he did. I wanted Apolo to win Dancing With The Stars and when I tuned in at 11pm--he had the trophy in hand. No need to watch the whole 2 hour crap-a-thon. And in case you ask, I NEVER watch American Idol. Ick.

Top Chef is coming on again. I like that show. And the Closer starts next month. And Big Brother which I will watch *once* to see if I like the people. If not, I'll stop while ahead. I LOVED last summer's All Stars with Boogie and the Showmance (romance for show). LOL. G finally had enough 24 and I got to delete them from my TiVo line up, unwatched.

Johnny Depp and the Pirates are back! Number Three. Can't WAIT!!! Love Captain Jack!!!

Oh, G bought a scale and I broke down and weighed myself yesterday. I have finally broken 200 and now weigh 199.5. I've lost 38.5 pounds since the first Friday in January. I'm confessing to actually weighing that much, then and now, to be perfectly honest about this whole adventure. I know there are ways to do this "faster" as my friend is doing MediFast and lost 40 pounds in 6 weeks. But I'm actually trying to do something PERMANENT. This is the way I will be eating for the remaining 40 years of my life. Because I plan to have a birthday party in September, 2046 with 100 candles on the cake. I may allow myself a very small slice of cake and a big scoop of ice cream at that party. Don't worry, I'll blog it.

Art Content

While G watched the Ninja Challenge on cable I had the opportunity to go down to my workroom and start in on something. I have a similar (subject matter and dots) quilt hanging at the library now and have been asked if there are others in a series. Why not?

So I looked around for another blue dotted fabric and found this and pulled out my limited supply of fused pieces of fabric-- just didn't feel like searching for the glue bottle which has disappeared. Started cutting, free-hand in case you wondered, placing, moving. Nothing is fused yet because I can't quite figure out how I'm going to accomplish that. Yes, I do know how. But the fabric is on the wooden table, on my cutting mat and none of those surfaces are iron friendly. Moving means things sliding and falling off. I have sort of decided to tap/fuse the flowers together on release paper.

I did enjoy doing the cutting. Nice to get back to work again. And the dots really cheer me up. What's not to love about dots???? After my daily walk, I have a choice of making banana bread or making some of my "signature" tulips for this quilt. Or I can do both. Tulips while the bread bakes. Multi-tasking.

I have been dreaming of Reny. Worried about him. Is he happy? Then I remember he is at the breeder's with lots of dogs, little tiny puppies and "starter" dogs. Reny was wanting dog company so he's happy. I miss him. But each morning I wake up relieved that I will not be spending the day with him. Am I a bad person for this?

In fact, I am relieved that I am not responsible for any person, child, animal, deed or deadline. No strings on me. I don't even have library fines. I don't need to check the calendar, the clock or wear a watch if I don't want. Freedom calls me like a siren song. What would I do if truly free? Go when I want. Just leave home and go places. Visit people. Do nothing. Yes, that's what I would love to do. Life as a constant road trip.

And if I won the lottery? Build a studio on the back, south side of the house. Remodel the kitchen so it is clean, modern and utilitarian with radiant heat in the floors. Finally have a shower built in my bathroom. Buy a second car of my own to haul big and dirty things. Get my hair colored every three weeks so it always looks perfect. Buy several pairs of eyeglasses so I can change them with my mood. All these "freedoms" have a price tag. And I have little money. But a girl can dream. What do you dream?

What Goes Around

This morning I wanted to take some pictures but it's cloudy, cold, and rainy today in Maine. Another sweater day. Maybe even a winter coat day. So I took pictures of stuff and ended up liking the rubber band. It goes around.

I think I would like to be spending the day in my fabric room--straightening out the messy piles and trying to do some work. I also need to do my two mile walk. What I really want to do is burrow down on the couch with a romance book and a warm lap blanket.

G is outside getting dirty. Working on the wood pile. Yesterday he planted three Christmas trees he found growing in the woods behind our house. (on our land) Don't want you to think we were stealing them. Someday they will look pretty nice.

Made a really nice paper collage in my journal today that would make a very nice quilt. That hasn't happened too much lately. Not many quilt ideas.

Sometimes life is just too busy. No time to just sit and stare at things and think. I'm the sort of personality that needs lots of quiet alone time to just stand and stare at things. All the things I do artistically take time to perk in my mind. It looks like I'm doing nothing. But the opposite is true. When I'm busy and have to work alot at the library-- that's when I'm doing nothing. Work equals no art. And this week I'm scheduled to work everyday. So no art.

I've also decided to stop scheduling lunch dates. It's too much food and calories. And I am 3 pounds away from my 20 week goal of 40 pounds. Missed it. Very sad about it. This is now week 21 and if I don't catch up, well, I'll always be behind. So I'm tieing on the walking shoes and hitting the pavement. Every day this week. Walking. Soup. Salad. Work. Sleep.

I have to get back into the spirit of this weight loss plan. Working Hard. Eating Right. Moving Forward. Walking. Walking. Walking. Tired already.

Mother's Day

My daughter made this little stone tower with my limited help out of my stone pile at the end of the driveway. I can see the stones from my porch and it's really very "meditative". Obos.

The view from my porch steps. I think we need to look through a camera lens to truly "see" our own surroundings. I didn't realize how nice this looked till I took the picture. I love my house and yard.

It's this nice. Just what was on the porch. Right in front of my eyes. Today my daughter and are are making stepping stones from cement and found objects and then having our weekly Chinese Lunch which I look forward to ALL week. A non-diet meal.

Happy Mother's Day to all.

Seven Things About Me

I think I'm supposed to have seven new things but I'm forgetful. You may already know these things.

One: It's summer and I just had my first strawberry ice cream cone of the season. And the cone supposedly had more calories than the ice cream.

Two: I wear a size 16 (now) everywhere but at LL Bean where I am between an 18 and a 20. So I bought the 18. It'll be like Goldilocks. A little too tight, just right and a little loose in the next 6 weeks.

Three: I never really plan my quilts. I have an idea and just sort of start working and changing things until I make something. Which may not even be what I started making. Sometimes I may have an idea of how big it's going to be.

Four: I carry two checkbooks in my purse and always pull out the wrong one. Even though I look and think about it before choosing.

Five: I hated Survivor for years and said uncomplimentary things about my husband's taste in television (he watched) and never actually watched any of the series until they decided to go the Amazon. Well, I couldn't imagine how they wouldn't get eaten alive. So I watched. And then they did the 'Pirate' one and Rupert got me hooked. Now I wouldn't miss an episode, no matter how crappy they are and wish I had watched the early ones.

Six: My husband and I have been married nearly 39 years and still don't know the complete history of each other. Constantly surprised. Or is it just memory loss????

Seven: No one who knows me and my technology phobias, can actually believe I have a blog and post pictures and get around on the internet. It's sort of like finding out your mom was a Rolling Stone groupie. Huh??

Eight: Anyone else wondering where the hell they are going with Lost? And isn't "Sawyer" a great character? So much better than "Jack". And anyone else think Ben is a schizoid? I think that voice saying "help me" was Ben talking. And why didn't the cute guy in the woods get any older? The living dead? Anyone interested in dishing on this topic?

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Today Reny goes back to the breeder and our days as dog owners come to an end. We did what was in the best interests of the puppy. G and I just had not established the dominant leadership positions that the dog needed from us and the biting and aggression Reny exhibited (as he clearly became the dominant dog) increased in violence each time. At some point G or I were going to get seriously hurt as the teeth began to break the skin.

The next owner. The next home. That is where Reny will belong and become the wonderful big dog he was meant to be.

We gave him love. And sometimes that isn't enough.

Reny knew he was saying goodbye this morning. He licked my face and leaned against my legs and let me know that he loved me as much as I love him. I think he was excited to be going on to a new adventure and lots of dogs at the kennel. In fact, I know in my heart that he was.

When you do the right thing it feels right. And as hard as this is, it feels right.

Today is a Good Day

There will be puppy news later in this post but for those of you not interested in puppy business here's what's going on with me. I am struggling to make some fabric art. A few moments of each day. But I am trying. I also purchased a size appropriate blouse yesterday to wear with the correct size black pants. Size 16. Still big. But a big change for a 2X (18-20) and sometimes 3X woman. And it helps to wear the right size clothing. People notice. But the correct size feels-- how to say this-- too close? In the past three months I got used to all my clothes being loose, even baggy.

I have to make a big decision. To get rid of the "too big" clothes or wash them and fold them and put them away "in case". (Just like I saved all the size 12 clothes I have stored in the attic for 20 years.) I never want to go back to that big size but things don't always work the way we want do they? I have considered making things from all the linen fabric in those clothes. Anyone out there "been there, done that" have any advice?

I have really missed blogging. There isn't much new to say. I just try to make it through each day and do some laundry or ironing or cook something good for dinner. We had tequila lime chicken on Cinco de Maya. I made these really wonderful peppers and onions. Soft and creamy and brown. Yum. And Mexican rice. The week before I made Chicken Francais for G and it turned out exactly like served at one of his favorite restaurants. I even pounded the chicken flat with my Christmas (gift) pounder thing. Next up, Chicken Marsala with portobella mushrooms. G likes chicken. I don't.

The dog is now 4 months old and forty pounds. We've entered the "I'm a big kid, I can decide where I want to go, leave me alone" stage. He wants to go visit the neighbors and eat their spring flowers, newspapers and their pant legs. I want him to stay home. Or at least come when I call him. So he's on the leash 24/7 and he is HATING that. Reny was born free and wants to stay that way. He was also born to run. Which is why his full name is Renegade.

At 4 pm everyday, he starts in biting. Very aggressive. Scary. Like Rottweiler biting. So we need to stop that. I have bruises all over from the bites. And no reason for it as the rest of the day he is a very mellow, if not stubborn pup. My guess is that by 4 pm he has used up all his puppy patience with all our "rules" and just lets go. And he's tired. It's not unusual for him to be bedded down for the night by 7 pm. And not up again till 6 am. He's a good sleeper.

We are changing him from 3 meals a day to two. He's going to HATE this. But the vet says he can have a rawhide bone (the biggest one we can buy) to chew. We have to take it away if the rawhide gives him the runs. He is still a young puppy.

G just got home with a new walking harness for Reny and a long, thin BBQ rawhide stick. The wrong thing. Why he can't do exactly what the vet suggested is beyond me. The house smells like a smoke pit. Yuck! And he bought a freezer bone. Like you make for a teething baby. G says Reny likes ice. Reny just likes anything that comes out of the fridge. And is handed to him. Reny eats wood. Bark chips. Rocks. Reny is no gourmet. So we are returning the freezer bone. I wish we could return the stinky rawhide stick but G gave it to Reny (for 10 minutes) and he already chewed the end off it. The store clerk said it took 2 months for her Husky to chew the stick. Ha!

Well, Reny is napping. G is "doing things" and I will go do something also. Then go to work and on the way stop and buy the correct rawhide bone. Plain. No smell. Huge. And not a thin, flavored stick that Reny can shove down his throat. And not from Petco. Men just DO NOT know how to shop.

Where did the Puppy Go?

Yes. This is my puppy at 15 weeks. No longer the pudgy, goofy little baby. This guy has attitude and a stubborn streak a mile wide. Today I cried. Big sobs. He was snarling. Biting. Acting like an aggressive, out of control dog. For the second day in a row. So we both had a time out. His was in the crate. Mine was a big cry. Then we went for a mile walk in the pouring rain. Both wet, cold and miserable. After I dried him off, Reny went into his crate (on his own) to just sit in the corner. I made chicken soup for G to eat when he gets home and the dog watched me. Reny and I are being cautious of each other. The crying upset him.

A co worker has just put a deposit down on a lab puppy. Wouldn't you think I was a good example of why you don't want to buy a puppy? I guess not.

I have a Book Sale meeting before work and then I'm working till 8 pm. Reny should be asleep for the night by then. One day at a time. I feel like such a rotten person. Who doesn't love a puppy? Me.

My friend J says this is all caused by me being a "control freak" and not being able to control the dog. Another friend asks what I would expect from a human baby of say 2 years (cause that's about how old Reny is and he's just saying "no"). Reny is certainly better than a human 2 year old.

There are more good moments in a day than bad ones. There has been no punishment. I worry that Reny is not as happy as he was in the beginning. Before "sit", "stay", "leave it", "ouch" (for biting), and the one he hates most "heel". Oh, and "drop it" when he mouths the leash. He is less eager to "come" because I usually want him to come back to me and leave behind assorted neighbors, stinky things in the woods and this morning--a corn cob.

So far, Reny has found 2 corn cobs and one chicken wing in the front yard. Someone's dinner? Where is this stuff coming from?? Crows? Garbage bags? Passing cars? All it takes is a little reinforcement-- and 2 corn cobs is enough--and Reny is looking, sniffing and quartering the front yard hunting for food. His parents, grandparents and great grandparents are all field champions. Reny is bred to sniff, hunt and cover the ground. You should see him track birds as they fly over. Wow. And he hasn't had any field training. I wish we lived near a big open field so he could run and "hunt". But would he "come" back to me?

Puppy Training/ People Training

15 weeks. 30 pounds. Stubborn. Exuberant. Running full speed into the water standing in our wetland areas. Fearless. Learning to heel and walk nicely. Not jumping on people. Not eating soap. I should explain that last one. In order to "save" our perennials from the deer, we Mainers place metal sticks around the tender plants and attach a clothes dryer sheet filled with Irish Spring soap. Deer don't like smelly soap. Or so they tell me. Dogs DO like smelly soap. Sometimes Reny is wet AND soapy. Then I have to get a five gallon bucket of warm water and pour it all over him. Could we have had him for only 5 weeks?

Reny no longer looks like a puppy. He looks like a reduced size adult dog. I would take a picture but he is never still unless he's asleep. And he is VERY black. Taking pictures of a VERY black dog is near to impossible. I got an Orvis catalog yesterday and they had a black lab in several pictures. I could just refer you to the catalog.

Also it's been 17 weeks of the new "life/eating" plan. ( I would like to think I have also lost 34 pounds-2 a week, but I haven't done my walking so I don't think I've met my goal) Some days I am starving. And then in a day or two, not hungry at all. Still wearing the same underwear. My clothes--the old ones--look better on me now. I want them not to fit--but they still do and that makes me very sad. People who see me infrequently, still do not register that I look any different. Perhaps it's because I still wear all the same clothes? They don't see the altered seams or tucks. Or perhaps it's because people don't really "look" at others and "see" them. They just don't pay attention.

On our one sunny, hot day last week I wore sandals, short pants (capri) and a linen shirt. I felt light as a cloud. Like I could push off the earth's surface and float into the air above me. I almost wanted to try to do it.

I have obligatory borders to cut and sew onto the obligatory pieced quilt top today. Then I can pass it on to the next person and be done with it. And then I have no other obligations other than the puppy. And now that we have come to terms with the choke collar----Sigh---I can do a peaceful, positive one mile walk with the puppy. And really, he seems content with it. Like he doesn't have to work so hard thinking of bad things to do. He can just walk. And listen to me telling him how wonderful he is. What's not to like about that?

Deep Waters

It's still raining here in Maine. Will it ever stop? The side yards, low spots, are full of water this time of year, but this year there is so much more water and it is deeper. Good thing the pup likes deep water. My daffodils keep wanting to flower but then it snows again and they back up and wait. Nothing else even has buds. This picture is from March when it was warm and sunny.

My horoscope for today:
It's time to get more analytical about your emotional life. Examine your past patterns -- some people you've banished from your life share certain traits, and today you'll be in a good frame of mind to see these traits and understand their importance for the first time. Your own life is worthy of study -- your habits, your likes and dislikes, your goals -- all of these elements combine to create the person you are. Understanding them better will help you become the person you want to be.

Funny that the word banish was used. As that is exactly what I do. My mother as a prime example. She was so toxic to me that in order to save myself, I had to banish her. Do I really want to examine her behaviour? I worked so hard to get past the mean, hurtful, abusive and damaging things my mother had done to me from the very beginning. She felt her life would have been better if I had never been born. A mother's love.

Anyway, yesterday I got a call from a friend in California. She is also losing weight. But she is using Medifast and has lost 37 pounds in 14 weeks. I'm very proud of her. And she is sending me some of her larger clothes for me to wear now. So sweet.

I'm wondering if this weight loss thing is cosmic. Like syncronicity or however it is spelled. When thoughts are free wheeling through the universe and they "stick" to people who are receptive but pass over people who aren't open to them. Deepak Choprah thinks that the Impressionist movement may have been one of those universal things that stuck to artists ready for something new. How else to explain how so many (living quite far from each other) were painting in this new way, suddenly, without technology to spread the images.

Well, breakfast is over and Reny is asleep under the table so I guess I'll go and try to stitch a few blocks together--after changing the thread in the bobbin. Oy!

Today

I feel like changing my life. Again. I need more art and less of everything else. I would like more book reading but that doesn't seem to fit into my life anymore. I wonder why that happened?

I feel like a snake or lobster. Too large for their skin and needing to "shed" the too tight outer layer. Wiggling. Pushing. Struggling. To get out. This shedding is not painless. For every inch of the new, there is the loss of the familar. And familar is cozy, warm and safe. The new is cold, strange and scary.

Right now I am tied down tightly by obligations. Agreed to long ago. I must finish these things--I'm that kind of person--and I must be vigilent to saying yes to new obligations. These obligations always seem so benign when I say yes. Then as time passes and I have new interests the obligations weigh on me like rocks tied to my ankles in deep water.

Forgive me. But the puppy is one such obligation. There are days, hours when I resent having to watch him, take him out, amuse him. I am under the impression I have better things to do with my time. But what is better than the love of a dog?

Another obligation is piecing a quilt top for a sick friend. Easy enough but all the blocks are boringly the same and the finished top will be boring (for me). I just need to get past my own opinions and get the job done and pass it on to the quilter. Really. My obligation was only to put the blocks together. Not to create a masterpiece.

Another obligation is this huge house full of "things". I feel smothered by the outrageous consumption/purchase of things which has filled this house. Did we "shop" to fill our empty lives? So we didn't need to talk to each other? Deal with problems? Did we shop rather than separate or divorce?

Why do we have so much furniture? Why do we have 3 dozen champagne glasses and never have people here to drink champagne? Why six full sets of china and no dinner parties? Why 20 large vases and no flowers? Why 8 pairs of sweatpants? Why a dozen white linen shirts when one would be fabulous? Why 6 dozen white vee neck tee shirts? Yes! 72 of them.

I think I will start where I can. One large bag to Goodwill every week. Or one large box. I will slowly but surely empty this house of everything we have not used or touched in the past two years. Then I will get rid of things we haven't used in one year. And then work on the multiples. There is a huge Garage Sale at the neighborhood church. I could start there with a table rental. Sell my huge basket collection. Sell the teddy bears. Sell the bed quilts.

I need to go to rehab.

Ten Things to Be Happy About

I'm hoping I can think of ten.

1. The sun is shining and G will be home in one hour to take over puppy sitting. Not that I don't love that dog, but I got to tell you my house is filthy. I need to clean. Everywhere I look there is some kind of dirt that I should be wiping up.

2. It's not snowing. Well, here in Maine that is a reason for, not just happy, but jubilant. It's snowed three times so far this month. The dog loves it. I'm tired of shoveling. It's APRIL! It's supposed to be RAINING!!!

3. Aunt Purl had a damn fine idea on her blog---paper grocery bags in each room. And if you find something in that room that is "extra" or "unneeded" you plunk it right into the bag and at the end of the weekend--all the bags go to Goodwill and make other people happy.

4. I found "a" pair of pants in the closet to wear to work for the next month. They stay up around the waist and don't sag too much in the butt. Also two of my too small sweaters are now too big. I missed the window of opportunity on those items. But I'm going to still be happy.

5. While wearing the afore mentioned almost fitting pants and one of the formerly too small sweaters to last night's work potluck, I was asked if I "had lost weight or was terminally ill". I'm going to be happy that someone noticed.

6. At the potluck I passed on the baby shower cake and wasn't going to have any dessert but spotted Edy's low fat churned ice cream. 120 calories for half a cup. I adore ice cream. So I scooped a 1/2 cup and looked for a spoon. A coworker suggested I settle for a knife as that was the only thing left. So I ate my ice cream with a purple plastic knife. Makes it difficult to eat fast so I got to savor my ice cream.

7. Found a tick on the puppy. Got it off.

8. I get a haircut and new nail polish at 2:30 on Monday. I need pampering.

9. I'm happy to have the problem of figuring out which size to order. The 1X (14-16) or the Large which is also (14-16). All my clothes are 20 or 22. I have already tried on a 16W and it fit nicely but the zipper was iffy. Can you imagine an iffy zipper on a rush bathroom visit? I'm happy the zipper decided to be iffy BEFORE I bought the pants.

10. Tomorrow is Chinese Lunch Day. Sweet and Sour Chicken. Steamed Rice. One Dumpling. Heaven on a plate and only $6.95. Happy Dance.

So I thought of ten. And I've been up since 5:30 am and am SO sleep deprived. Last night we went to bed when the puppy did--8 pm. Aren't we pathetic? Don't answer that.

Nineteen Days

Nineteen Days. And our whole world has changed. His too. We brought home a fat, rambunctious baby and taught him to "sit", "come", and pee outside (not in the house). And now we have an almost 3 month old dog (Friday the 13th) who weighs 29.5 pounds and couldn't fit on any size lap. He also was allowed to sleep through the night. G also was allowed to sleep through the night for the first time in 19 days. G even had to wake Reny up at 7:15 this morning. Reny is napping now.

Isn't he just the sweetest thing? He looks at us with such devotion. I read somewhere that dog owners worked hard to always "deserve" the love and devotion of their dog. I can feel that now.

There he is at his window. He looks out over his yard and barks at all the robins digging for worms in the flower beds. We haven't had the "squirrel" moment yet but he has seen the deer visiting (and leaving even more deer poop for him to eat (ick)).

Now that Reny is becoming a "good dog" we'll only post his pictures when he is unbearably cute or handsome. This is my first dog and I am quite gobsmacked by him. Didn't expect that.

I managed to get our taxes done--on the fourth try-- I kept making beginner mistakes but in the end it was okay. A refund from the feds and a check for the state. I really hate sending money to the state of Maine. It's just wasted. Idiots.

Got my teeth cleaned yesterday. Made soup today (German Linsensuppe). So the decks are cleared for some "ART" while there is still snow on the lawn.

When the snow melts I have to start in painting the house shutters. I put it off for two years now and the house would look much better with green shutters. I was hoping Kay would visit and help with the burn pile and the shutter painting but she went and started working and is going to Zurich for training. She invited her husband to go to Zurich with her. I would have been a MUCH better choice!!! I do love the veal in cream sauce with Rosti potatoes.

It's a Dog Day

My new dog and my new shoes. And thank goodness I have these shoes! I've been outside more than ever and up before 6 am. This is so NOT my comfort zone. At least G is taking all the 3 am potty calls.

Each day begins between 6 and 7. I make G's breakfast and pack his lunch and watch the dog while G eats and gets ready for work. Then Reny and I do stuff. Chew toys. Chew bones. Chew me. Go outside. Come inside. Go outside. If he pees he gets a treat. Needs to go out to pee 47,000 times a day. And while outside--why not chew on some trees, rhodie leaves, my pants and various rocks and stones.

I have him locked in the crate twice a day. The first nap is when I shower and get on some fresh (undog) clothes. I also do some laundry. I have been cutting, trimming and sewing some little 9.5 blocks for a Friendship Quilt for a fellow quilter with newly discovered leukemia and chemo treatments. I made one block all wrong and have remade it twice--still wrong!!!! The second nap is when I watch some television and read blogs (HA!). The second nap is iffy. It's also when I normally get ready for and go to work.

Can I admit to REALLY LOVING my job lately? Now that my job is a reason for leaving the dog behind at home--I LOVE going to work. But I do have to remember to spray myself with Febreze before since G and I smell very doggie.

Reny is loving the Spring Snow and he is romping over and into all of it. So he is WET. My floors are filthy. But Reny doesn't mind the vacuum so I can pick up the big stuff every few days. He is a very nice dog. Growing larger by the minute, hour and day. 13 weeks and 25 pounds. Stout as they say in Maine.

G and I are exhausted. We've Tivo'd everything and hope to be able to stay awake to watch our programs is a few months.

What is everyone making for Easter dinner?