Winter White, Winter Whining

There are so many lessons to be learned this month.  So many things, unexpected, that humble us. Today began without the slightest hint of what was coming.

My joy for my fridge has been tempered by the knowledgable repair person who just left.  Yes, three days old and in need of a repair. I have spent a great deal (to me) of money on what he refers to as "a large styrofoam box coated in thin sheets of metal".  Yes, it is energy efficient but that is about all.  And the ice maker in the fridge door?  Only going to cause trouble.  Each time we open the door, the ice warms up, until it's a big clump and it burns out the motor.  And the freezer drawer?  Another idea that seems nice but isn't.  Any package that is higher than the drawer will keep the drawer from closing.  Even a quarter of an inch.  I have two drawers and so many opportunities for the freezer to go wrong.  No joy.

My joy for reading blogs and leaving comments is also gone.  It took awhile for me to realize that the comments aren't a conversation. The chance to begin a friendship.  Possibly. The comment is ONLY a place for the Reader to affirm the "rightness" of whatever the Writer has written, in 99% of the blogs.  This isn't true of my own blog.  I am always learning from the (very) few readers I have.  They leave comments and I consider their advice.  Sometimes what they have had to say, changes the way I think about a subject.  Other times, it gives me a chance to investigate my own ideas.  Defend my beliefs.  But to be told, thank you for writing but I don't need to hear what you are saying, well, I am done adding my comment.  I may even be done reading that blog.

I typed a bunch more bitchy little things and then deleted them.  This is yet another thing I have to learn and be humbled by.  My propensity to belittle.  To point to the weakness.  One of my Readers pointed this out to me and I have been faithfully rewriting posts since the day I read her comment.  I doubt she is still reading, as she found my habit offensive.  I find it offensive and hope that I have to press delete less often these days.

My enjoyment in reading blogs and visiting the internet is fading.  I don't seem to be finding or reading the really good blogs.  Occasionally, (even a blind squirrel will find an acorn), I find something really good, thought provoking and enjoy reading.  But, as often happens, this is a blogger who doesn't post often or ever again.

Perhaps it is just Winter.  Perhaps it is just me "changing".  Becoming less likable.  More of the Grumpy Old Woman my coworkers call me.  Well, I am going to have a bit of a self absorbed little cry now and then blow my nose and get back to whatever it was I was doing before my fridge needed a repair.

Great Expectations For Dogs

Riley is in a bit of a snit today as things aren't going as he had planned.  If dogs plan.  And I think they do.  He napped during our breakfast and newspaper reading and then expected to be going out for a walk.  G is working on the door.

G is finding the dog's expectations to be annoying. (surprise!!!)  Now he knows how I have felt about being home with the dog (alone) in past winters.  All Riley wants is to go for a walk.  And then another.  When he was 1 or 2 years old, we were out walking all day long, it seemed.  Then we got the Invisible Fence and G expected Riley to amuse himself outdoors.  Hah!  He sits on the deck and stares into the house.  The only time he runs around the yard is when one of us is outside with him.  I know. You think he needs a dog sibling.  I think we are a ONE DOG family. Though I wouldn't mind if someone dropped their dog off here for the day.  And that dog had an electric collar on our frequency.

Today's breakfast was the wheat berries I cooked last week topped with pomegranate arils, olive oil and Balsamic vinegar.  Not on my diet but they needed to be eaten (waste not) and they were delicious and very attractive in my bowl.  Chewy.  Now I wait to see what digestive mischief they will cause.  My new diet suggests eating the majority of your carbs in one meal.  I think that is what it said.

I finished my new mystery by Inger Ashe Wolfe, Door In The River.  It's the third in the series.  This is a fake name for a well known author writing mysteries, which are beneath serious fiction authors.  I guess.  The three mysteries are very good.  They start out the way a roller coaster ride does.  Slowly. Just moving around the track, picking up speed, letting you look around while the car climbs to the top of the first big dip.  After that, hang on.  Hazel isn't your typical policeman.  Middle aged, bad back and bitchy.  No people skills.  I don't think I would like her very much if she lived next door.  But I would go get her if something bad happened at my house or to my family.

I have the choice of a good Norwegian mystery next or another time travel romance. Hard to choose.

I sliced and salted the two eggplant I bought on Saturday. Quarter inch slices from top to bottom, lengthwise. I plan to bread and fry them later today.  We still have a few meatballs and marinara and that sounds like an okay supper.  Fried food is high in fat content and I intend to top them with cheese if I don't eat most of them during the frying. I grew to adore fried eggplant when I learned how to make it from a New Jersey transplant to South Florida (we both worked for the same company).  She regularly brought fried eggplant sandwiches for lunch.  If she had worked there longer, I would have learned to make more Italian dishes, earlier.

My grocery has beef pot roasts and pork butt roasts on sale this week.  I like both.  I also need some carrots, brown sugar, bacon and more eggs.  And another jar of peanut butter.  But that means getting out of pajamas and into clothes.

New Refrigerator Day

It's new.  It's shiny. I can see all my fresh foods while standing up.  The freezer drawer pulls out.  All my fresh food fits.  The frozen "just" fits.  But I think if I freeze things in different shapes, it will all fit in the future.   The set up guys were very nice and did an excellent job. Arrived at 9 am and gone by noon. They carried the fridge into the house.  No rolling on dollies.  When we hooked up the water nothing came out in the ice/water door dispenser (never had that before) and when we looked inside the fridge was full of water.  So everything got a nice wash and dry.  The filter wasn't as tight as it should have been.  Now it's cooling down and all my food is back inside a fridge.  Very exciting.  Shiny.

It's rather gray and drippy outside.  Cold inside.  But one giant ray of sunshine is that I am wearing the navy cord pants (JJill) that I bought this summer at Goodwill (when they fit loose) and then this fall they no longer fit.  Way too tight.  Today they fit.  Not tight at all but not as loose as in the summer.  Very exciting.  The new breakfast must be working.  One whole egg plus two yolks cooked in the fat left from frying three strips of bacon.  One potato fried in 3 T of butter.  I have a small handful of raw almonds around 2 or 3 and then dinner at 5 or 6 (or even later).  Today, since I was moving things around, I had 1 T of peanut butter at 9 am and lunch was one whole egg plus two yolks over  leftover roasted Brussels sprouts and some cheddar cheese.  Now that I can see the leftovers, we might be able to actually eat them before they get wooly.

For anyone who follows my diet adventure, the only difference in my diet which could account for the the pants fitting in the summer, not fitting in the Fall and fitting again, today, is that I am not eating ANY of my cereal products or aged cheeses. I am eating more carbs (the potatoes), less protein from meat sources, and more fat which is coming from fresh cheese like mozzarella and ricotta (remember I was eating garden tomatoes and mozzarella every day for breakfast all summer), bacon, heavy cream and lots of butter on everything.  I am adding heavy cream to my coffee.  If I think I want to eat later in the evening (usually jello or almonds) I just procrastinate getting up to get something until it's bedtime.  And I drink water.  I am rarely, if ever, actually hungry after breakfast.

Big football game today and I have eggplant to slice and salt.  Books to read.   A new rolling cart to fill with pots and pans if I feel like it.  I can get all the cookie sheets out of the cabinet (do they drive you nuts?) where they are always in the way or falling out on the floor.  Did I mention the shiny fridge?

Working On The Floor

This area was under the fridge (which was embedded into a closet style surround open only at the front) and under the right side of the desk unit.  We couldn't get at any of the damage as the cabinets were in the way.  I mentioned last time that this damage occurred during the Great Ice Storm.  This is the plywood under the wood planks.  A bit of mold and you can see the water damage.  You can also see that whomever laid the original planks did a piss poor job of the seams.  We discussed pulling up more planks but the same "whomever" installed the island ON TOP of the planks.  So to get any planks out, we would then be forced to deconstruct the island which has electrical outlets.  The vote to stop was 2 - 0.

The other area that was water damaged was by the counter in front of the sink.  We must have been VERY sloppy in the first years of living in this house.  Slopping water all over the counter and the floor.  I need to get one of those damaged wood repair kits and work on the trim areas with water damage.  Regain the deep cherry stain.  Now the floors are all done.  I am thinking of freshening up the cupboard doors with new handles.  The ones we have look old.  Like adding new buttons to a jacket.

G has gone for a walk with Riley.  It's 40 something and dripping outside.

The latest heating oil bill has arrived-- $571.  I am deeply depressed.  We have never gotten a bill this high.  And winter hasn't even begun.  Just when we have retired.  Sigh. The long, hot showers that were the highpoint of my days will have to become short, not so hot showers.  We also each got bills for Medicare Part B.

The only bright spot in my day happened after 4pm when I finally got through to Unemployment.  And then had a 20 minute wait until someone picked up my call.  I am just fine.  I had just used up my last week of last year and needed to start over again. Not going to prison. The person I spoke with suggested I ask my employer to keep me on one week longer in December/January and call me back one week later in March to solve this problem.  Sure.  I think a better solution is to not work the last Sunday.  Which puts me into a new week for Unemployment.  I have written in bold Sharpie marker on the 2013 December pages--do not work the last Sunday.  Which is the 22nd.   A bit early to stop working on such a busy holiday. And this is why bad things happen.

Who knows.  I may find a better job this winter.  And make more money. I would like a job making soup.  And making "today's vegetable".  I can always ask around.

I am off to the library to drop off books and pick up a new one.  I saw a number of good reads on the recent visit to Barnes and Noble and added them to my reading list.  One was by a favorite author and I am so pleased that it is the book I am picking up today.  I also plan to stop and see if the grocery has eggplant today.  On Thursday they were out of everything.  Tomorrow I will have a new fridge.  I just can't wait.

An End Of The Week Update

My high fat/low protein diet is working out better than I had hoped.  I am eating just two meals a day with no snacks.  Not hungry.  Dry, metallic taste in my mouth which makes drinking lots of water easier. A reader sent me some suggestions for smoothies. Some with kale in them.  I think I like the idea of a smoothie but have never made one.  The internet has tons of smoothies but mostly for body builders before and after lifting weights.  Paleo is mostly body builders or runners.  Then there's people like me.  Just want a smaller rear end.

The kitchen is getting ready for the new fridge.  YES. YES. YES. I bought it yesterday and it arrives on Sunday. It's all French Doors, Stainless, Bottom Freezer Drawer.  G is working on floor repairs and we will be dragging the old creepy fridge into the dining room area while he works on the floor.  G needs a shut off valve for the ice maker water supply.  Water is now dripping into a pail.  Our troubles have always been water problems.

And we have always had problems with the ice maker supply which is why G is repairing the flooring under the fridge.  The great flood during that big ice storm.  When the power goes off for 6 days--shut off the water supply to the ice maker.  Just a hint.  I remember walking into the kitchen that icy cold morning and stepping into a sea of water.  My heart sank and I used every bath towel we owned to soak it up, but water kept coming.  G was at work.  So he told me how to go into the crawl space and crawl, literally, in the dark with a flashlight and look for the kitchen area and find the tube shut off and turn it then back upstairs to see if it was off (not the first time and not today either) and then back down (it was like 12 degrees outside and inside with no heat) and then it was off and I had to hand wring the water out of the towels and then try to soak up more water.  Then wring and hang them in the garage to hopefully dry or just freeze solid.  Delightful memories.  I remember crying.  Oh, yeah.  And that was only the second or third day.  I had 3 or 4 more days to go.  In the dark, cold and with the wood stove giving me a terrible respiratory problem that took weeks to get over.  The ice maker tube brings back terrible memories.

Unemployment has already sent a letter saying I must call immediately along with a page of Unemployment Fraud Offenses.  I think my last day of work was my last day of the week at work but actually the start of a new week for Unemployment.  So I will have to send them a check for the amount I made on Sunday the 23rd.  I am writing in big letters on the 2013 December calendar sheet.  "Do Not Work On The Last Sunday".  Sigh.   I have called three times and the recorded message says they can't take any calls.  Period.

I do not even want to tell you about Medicare.  G sent them an envelope about an inch thick with photocopies.  People say I will be happy to have it.  I am not happy as of now.

I have had several terrifying moments since the emptying of the business desk drawers and the placement of business desk papers in new places.  Looking for important things and unpaid bills.  It has definitely NOT been fun.  I made sure I didn't shred anything.  So, in a pinch, I can dig around in the waste baskets or garbage bags.  Certainly has a loosening effect on the bowels.

Why Did We Wait So Long?

For over twenty years we have wanted to remove everything but the dish cupboard in this part of the kitchen.  The surround cabinets over and next to the fridge made it impossible to buy a decent sized new fridge (too wide and too tall).  The desk, while nice to have for the computer, is no longer needed. Everyone who knew how to do finish carpentry and saw this area--said "oh, it was all built on site, remove one thing and you have ruined the rest".  We believed them.

Here is G working on removing the only custom part of the overhead cabinet and book shelving.  The side cabinets came down easy-peasy.  We had some problems with the countertop as it was screwed down before the drawer units were installed.  But we got it out in perfect condition.  The tops of the drawer units was custom fitted so that took a bit of thinking. Finding the screws was never ending. Now G has two sets of drawers for his workshop.

The hardest part of the de-construction was the part we wanted gone the most.  That long side board and over the fridge cabinet.  So deep and high that we had forgotten what was stored in it.  Tupperware. Ancient 40 year old stuff.  Try as we might to do no damage, the remaining dish cupboard was damaged on the front top edge.  Where the finish carpenters had broken off long screws in the upper connecting space.  G tried everything to work the screws out and nothing worked.  So we lifted and pulled.  It was all we could do.  G now has the crown molding to recut and assemble on the top of the dish cabinet.  So It matches everything else.

The good parts of this job: we found lots of things we had forgotten we owned. The sad part: we bought this stuff. I got to move everything in the desk area to new homes and, because I usually try to put new things with things that are "like" them--I am hoping I can find them again when I need them.  I did successfully figure out where I had put my index cards.  I had a few recipes to copy out of the Rao's Cookbook.  Yes, Dee, the eggplant sauce and I may write down the one with olives as well.  I did copy the Tiramisu and Cheesecake recipes.

Now we need to fix the floor under the the cabinets due to water damage (if we had been smart this would have been an insurance claim years ago), figure out what sort of paint or panels we want on this wall and go shopping for a new fridge with bottom freezer drawer and it won't matter how wide or tall it is.  The other side (where the desk was) will be a rolling restaurant shelving unit about 48 inches wide.  With all my pots and pans handy and no digging in cabinets looking and trying to pull them out.  We were thinking of a new microwave on the shelving unit but I don't really want to take apart any more cabinetry.  Leave well enough alone.  It is just the first month of retirement.

My computer is tucked onto the little English desk in the living room.  It all fits and works.  I could even start watching movies on the computer while sitting on the couch.  It's something to consider. Could Netflix be far behind????

My new low carb diet (Dr K's Optimal) is going along quite well.  I try to eat the recommended breakfast, get too full and then have no desire to eat again until 5 or 6 pm.  The carb count is higher than I am used to and the fat content is WAY higher than I am used to.  We'll see.  I have no scale to go by.  I FEEL lighter everyday.  The button on my pants is no longer digging into my waist.  I am not happy with my reflection in the mirror.  I look sallow and tired.  I may need to bundle up and sit on the porch in the sun.  Get a winter tan.  Sort of a skier's tan.

Is there any project you have put off thinking it would be too difficult?

Learning How To Be Retired

Easy in some ways and not so easy in others.  I sail across the blogs looking for one that addresses being retired without a golden pension.  With just what you have managed to save on your own.  Wondering how to "live" and how to "enjoy living".  I think, in my heart, we will be fine.  We just need to find our footing.  Not too much.  Not too little.  Just enough.  Not more.

Riley has already discovered his "sweet spot".  G is home and Riley is ready to help get the morning paper, take out the recycling, go for a ride in the car and most of all, take a walk.  G is Riley's most favorite person.  So, for Riley, this is working perfectly.

The temperatures are keeping the skylights covered in icy snow.  Making it dark in here.  The great room.  Where we spend most of the daylight hours.  Where I have the heat turned up to 61.  The other rooms are all 58.  I would go lower in the bedroom wing if we didn't have a dog.  We always had the heat off and the window open an inch or two in the winters before Riley.  We have the very heaviest of down comforter and it was a delight to sleep under breathing ice cold air.  We never got sick.  But that is too cold for the dog and if we close the doors--he is sad.  We can't use the comforter.  I have a summer weight one on the bed and it is enough.  I miss breathing the cold air.  I think it is something we carried back to America from Germany.  Babies nap outside on the terrace in winter, wrapped in warm blankets.  Less germs.

I haven't made my "To Do" list for this Pajama Vacation of mine.  I do have my new Work Search Log to fill out.  Looking for work I don't want in order to comply with the Rules.  Five years of going back to work each year doesn't count for much with these Rule Makers.

I have already sorted and shredded the bills etc from years back.  Three very large bags of shredded paper.  I am working on clearing off the table.  I started on the fridge cleaning but then grocery shopping and cooking filled it again and it is a mess.

I do want to empty the desk where I am currently sitting, typing.  I want to empty it all.  The shelving and cabinets above.  And then move the computer to somewhere else.  Then G and I can start taking everything apart and down.  Making room for a new fridge and some open restaurant shelving.  I am sure the floor will need major work.  We have extra flooring in the attic which as been up there over 26 years.  In case we needed it. A bit of deconstruction is always interesting.

I am wondering if our daughter might like some "no longer needed" custom cherry cabinets over her sink in her kitchen.  The desk top would make a nice counter once a hole for the sink is cut into it.  It's just like the counter tops in my kitchen.  Easy to clean.  Plain.  Made of some wonder laminate that never stains or marks.  Who knows, she may be open to something quite different.  That would be nice.

This bit of construction might be all that I can manage in the next 10 weeks.  And the expense of the new fridge the only thing we should be buying right now.  While we practice being retired.

Low Carb Diet Going Into 2013

Now that I am approaching two years, (late March), on low carb dieting I have to decide if I stay or try something else.   I CAN stay on low carb.  I like it.  Usually.  Have no food cravings for sugar or wheat products other than cereal.  I have maintained my weight but haven't lost any in a long time.

And that is my dilemma.  I didn't try this low carb lifestyle to just maintain my weight.  Not that maintaining isn't a really wonderful thing.  It is nearly impossible to keep weight off.  Keeping at least 60 pounds off for over five years is one for the record books.  In my opinion.

In 2007, I went with just a straight calorie counting diet ( not Weight Watchers) and I basically ate whatever I wanted or whatever I had prepared for my husband and then stopped eating when the total in my food diary added up to 1200.  On the days when I only added up to 900--well, those were the days when I really lost weight.  I filled 6 or 7 little diary type books in the 365 days I was on the diet.  Losing 1 to 2 pounds every single week. I went from 238 to 158 in one year.  But I lost my job and was very, very angry most of the time.  I usually waited until 10 or 11 to eat breakfast, skipped lunch and had pasta, pizza and anything I wanted  for dinner.  I tried having soup (usually a thick lentil soup) for dinner several times during the month.  My recipe cards have all the calorie counts written in the margins.  I measured everything.  Counted everything.  I stopped at 158 (I wanted to go back down to 138 and a size 8) because my family and everyone who knew me thought I was fine at 158.

From 2008 to 2011 I tried going back on this 1200 calorie diet  whenever I added a few pounds and I could never get past day three.  I eventually had regained 30 pounds in three years.  I had already given away all the cute clothing I purchased when I was in the low 160's.  But I refused to go any higher in size than 14.  That's when I decided to try low carb.  I wanted the Atkins Golden Moment.  I wanted to drop 30 pounds.  Or 40 pounds and finally get back to my college weight of 145.  It didn't work out that way.

I discovered, early, that this low carb way of eating eliminated my desire to eat.  One slice or bread or pizza never satisfied me before.  I would eat the whole loaf of freshly baked bread or half the pizza.  I snacked on cake and cookies at work.  I finished bags of chips and ice cream late at night while watching television.  After typing this--I am amazed that I only gained 30 pounds back in three years.

The first five days on Atkins I lost 9 pounds.  And that was it for a very long time.  Every once in awhile I would drop another one or two pounds.  And then I stalled at 171/173.  Nothing I did, or do to this day will budge the number on the scale.

The really "Atkins" thing though, I am wearing ALL the clothing I wore when I weighed about 10 pounds less.  My only problem is my waistband.  Somedays the button on my pants is so hard to button and other days so loose I worry my pants will slide down.  I have started eating less on tight button days and more on loose button days.  Less carbs, more fat.

So I stay with low carb.  Adding a baked potato on steak nights (1 or 2 times a month).  Adding beans to soups along with carrots.  I haven't had ANY bread, pasta, cake, cookies or muffins and hardly any sugar in all this time.  I am not tempted to try adding those things to my diet.  I have bran flakes and Fiber One for breakfast once in awhile and Bran Buds with Greek yogurt and fruit (usually berries and citrus) for lunch during the warm months.  I can't seem to let go of cereal.

I know most of the problem with losing any weight, for  me, is my age.  Sixty six.  My metabolism has slowed down with age.  I don't run or play tennis.  I work in a physically active greenhouse, lifting plants, staying on my feet all day at work which is good for me.  I want to try yoga or Pilates to stretch my muscles and build up my core muscles (which might take care of the buttons on my pants problems) and take care of balance issues, but trying to fit it into my day hasn't taken priority as yet.  By the end of my days at work, I am very tired.

I have tried visiting low carb sites to find a solution or a suggestion that will help me move forward with the last 10 to 12 pounds of weight loss.  I would like to reach 160.  I was happy at that weight for many years.  I have read that we stall at a weight we have been before.  I want to stall at 160.  (smile) If anyone reading this post has experience with low carb dieting and has a suggestion--please comment.
I want this to work.

House Work or House Warming

It's nice to have G home.  He purchased a patio door insulation kit yesterday when we stopped in to pay the $380 (monthly) oil bill.  Today he installed the plastic barrier to the windows that leak cold air the most.  We usually remove that smaller window on the right and install a window AC unit in the summer months.  The install/removal has significantly lowered the usefulness of the weather stripping.  This particular window is right next to the end of the dining room table where we sit to eat.  And shiver.  He's shrinking the plastic with my hair dryer.

I discovered that my readership increases  (new readers who Google) when I have an interesting title.  this one could be titled "draft dodging" or "home insulation tips"  or "cold weather strategy" and would generate readers who would be annoyed with the content.  So, Readers, if you have a blog--generate readership with savvy titles.

Today is SOUP DAY.  Two kinds.  Chicken Noodle for G and Bean and Escarole for me.  Both easy and both delicious.  My soup is not low carb but it is low calorie.

I am trying to mix it up, diet wise and keep calories down.  Not easy on a high fat diet.  I refuse to jump the fence and start eating wheat even though I am now VERY sure I am not allergic to wheat.  I am addicted to wheat but not allergic.  Same with Sugar.  I hardly have any health complaints.  The only real difference in my body following no wheat/sugar is that my ankles no longer swell up.  I still get dents in my ankle when I wear socks with tight bands, but that's all.

I will be wildly inappropriate right now (warning) in stating I do not and have never had the symptoms a coworker's partner described.  Loose bowels, horrible stinking farts and a burning, itchy butt hole.  Now those are symptoms of a Wheat Allergy.  As is joint pain and migraine headaches.  Not me.  And you can guess this partner is a 30 something male.

There are things I could now tell you about but I think I have said enough.  A few readers warned me regarding the sugar alcohols in SF chocolate bars.  All the above and more.  I stopped buying them.  And I stopped eating the farty cereal which had many kinds of seeds which I obviously had trouble digesting.  I often wonder, now that I no longer buy soy milk, if it was the soy milk and not the cereal? Allergies to soy are the worst.  It's in everything.

The new low calorie wheat and sugar free diet is going well.  Ankles are good.  Pants button easily. Sleeping well.  Not hungry unless it's time for me to eat.  I had a Royal Red Robin Burger yesterday for late lunch/dinner.  Wrapped in a giant bunch of lettuce leaves.  Plus a side salad.  And a side of mayo.  If Red Robin was here in my Town I would be driving there right now to have another one.  So darned delicious.  I love the egg.  I had three french fries with ketchup.    Breakfast was the very last of the fresh mozzarella and two unripe tomatoes with olive oil and Balsamic.  Lunch was two (possibly three) big spoons of peanut butter (600 calories) and dinner will be soup.  Learning Curve.  Hard to give up the fat.

Welcome To 2013

I haven't made any decisions yet.  None.  Aside from what to have for breakfast (bran flakes, Fiber One and cream).  G has taken Riley to the Vet office to see what that rashy spot is all about.  It's 6 degrees outside so if we go anywhere, Riley has to stay home.  Or he can go to Doggie Day Care and get a bath.  He smells a bit stronger than I like.  The kitchen up top is just about perfect.

Congress has done something I hardly anticipated.  The House voted on something.  Brilliant way to start the year.  But I think regular Americans need to think of ways to stop being so dependent on the government.  Here in my Town, I think property owners with street side property should have to shovel their sidewalks.  The Town shouldn't have a guy or two and expensive snowblowers shoveling.  Everywhere I lived, before the habit of having someone else do your work for you, we owned property with public sidewalks.  We cleared the sidewalks before clearing our driveway.  In Germany it was the law.  Our rental had sidewalks on 3/4 of the property and NO German would rent the house for that reason.  The house was called the American House.  And we used our American snowblower to clear the sidewalks.

G was thanked, recently, by the local fire department for snowblowing a path to the hydrant on our property.  The firemen had come to our street with shovels to do the job.  Our neighbors don't see it as being "anything that concerned them".  But if there had been a fire on the day or night of a big storm and instead of hooking up the hoses, the guys had to dig the hydrant out---- would that still not be in your best interest?

Lately I have been reading hate filled comments on the Social Security site I read.  Republicans deriding people for asking questions regarding collecting social security.  The comments are usually that people collecting are "welfare cheats" sucking the government dry.  When did Social Security become welfare?  Didn't I pay into it ever since I started working?  Didn't we all?  It's not my fault that politicians have balanced their budgets and paid for more battleships, wars and trips to Mars with loans from social security trust funds.  I never wanted more battleships, wars or trips to Mars.  Did you?

When did we give up personal responsibility?  When did politicians begin seeing the voting public as just a four or six year annoyance?   I really wish that the Occupy One movement had had a clear message. America needs a revolution.  As we are right now--well, I am dismayed and embarrassed by government on a daily basis.  From the Town level right here, to the state level with Maine's Tea Party Governor  and to the capital with these very rich old men trying to hold tight to the "prestige" not working for a living has gotten them while they collect the best in pension benefits and deluxe health care ---- but, no, that's not "welfare".  Ha.  It is.  They are the biggest welfare cheats.

Well, I have gotten that out of my system for a while.  And I did it without uttering my dad's favorite word.  Jackasses.

Looking Into The New Year - 2013

Riley has the best seat in the house.  The window.  The heater.  Pook.  The sun when it decides to shine.  And when "looking" wears Riley out, he can stretch out and take a much needed nap.

New Year's Eve was very different.  For the past five years, G has been doing "end of the month" paperwork on the last day of the month and the last day of the year.  Riley and I have spent all of Riley's New Year's Eves together.  Just the two of us.  So, we weren't quite with it yesterday.

Our favorite neighborhood restaurant was fully booked from 5pm on.  BUT, when I asked G to call back, they did have tables open at 4:30.  So we ate dinner very early.  And read our books until around 10 and then started watching a recording of the last Sherlock on PBS.  Then Riley started having some difficulty.  An itchy place on his belly he wouldn't stop licking or scratching.  It was raw and inflamed.  Holiday.  No vets to call.  The internet had some suggestions.  A hot spot.  Bacteria.  Antibiotics.

So.  After a lovely warm compress to clean the area, I applied Neosporin and then we sat with Riley and kept him from licking the area for about 45 minutes.  Long enough for the salve to penetrate and for the two Benadryl to work.  Yes, we gave the dog Benadryl.  This morning the spot is still inflamed but Riley isn't licking it.  He did wake me up in the darkness that is 6 am so I could  let him out and then serve him breakfast.  Then he went back to sleep.  No licking.  Or scratching with his back leg.

I have always believed that the year goes along as it begins.  Whatever you are doing at the end sets the tone for the year.  G and I calmly worked together to help Riley feel better.  Then we, all three, went to bed and slept well.  We are already getting into a routine of eating only twice a day.  Breakfast at around 10 and a late lunch/dinner at around 3 or 4.   A small dessert/coffee at around 7 or 8 for G.

Some trends that I hope change/improve in 2013:
Watching couples and families at the table in restaurants.  Each texting.  No one talking.

More Americans working together to make life better and less ugly bickering.  I have stopped watching the news.  And I shut the TV off as soon as I see John McCain.

Better colors in women's clothing.  The color for 2013 is emerald green.  Gag.

My preparation of an excellent minestrone.  I have lots of work to do on this.  My friend Patty makes an excellent minestrone and doesn't have a recipe to share.  She just uses what she has.  Always so very good.  Never the same.  I need to have better supplies in the pantry and fridge.

The daily art project.  I need one.  So many fiber artists have one.  Not always fiber related.  But something they do everyday.  Something portable so it can be taken with if you go on vacation, to doctor's offices etc.  Sketchbooks.  Embroidery.  Wrapped bundles of found objects on daily walks. Doodles.

I could also make a list of my breakfasts.  They get stranger and stranger.  Or draw them.

Along with these items I have the taxes, the new (2 years ago) window frames to prime and paint, I have a quilt to put together for my dear departed friend's granddaughter and I have ALWAYS (20 years and counting) intended to buy a new fridge.

364 days to go.

December 31st- Pomegranate Salad

My red pears are finally ready to eat.  Perhaps a bit too soft.  So I decided to look for a vehicle in which to eat the pears.  A salad.  I just happened to have, approximately, all the ingredients.  I see that as "good luck".  Lovely way to begin the New Year.  Or end the Old Year.

Edit:  I made the salad and found it too sweet.  Perhaps it does need the tart, crisp apple to be successful.  If I make it again, I will add more cabbage, I didn't add the full 2 cups.  And just vinegar and olive oil.  No honey.

Winter Chopped Salad With Pears, Pomegranate and Apple

4 cups chopped Romaine lettuce
2 cups chopped (sliced) red cabbage
1 Fuji Apple, cut any way you want
1 Pear, any way you want
1/2 cup Pomegranate arils (seeds)

The dressing is 1/2 cup red wine vinegar, 1/2 T honey and 1/4 cup good olive oil.

I don't have red cabbage nor an apple.  So I will be using green cabbage and 2 pears.  I do have Pomegranate arils in the fridge.  I bought a pomegranate and cut it in half and then turned it cut side down over a bowl in the sink (splash back) and beat the peel side with a wooden spoon until all the arils had fallen out.  The bowl caught all the delicious juice.  Martha Stewart video.

I had intentions of dropping the arils into a cold glass of champagne.  Still might.

I digress.  Back to the salad.  A coworker has told me about an amazingly delicious salad dressing that she uses on "everything".  Equal parts of good olive oil, Balsamic vinegar and real maple syrup.  If you make this chopped salad.  Use this dressing.  Or the one up top with Balsamic and not red wine vinegar (which to me is always too sharp).  Trader Joe's has a fantastic Balsamic in the chubby 17 oz bottle.  With the nice watercolor of Tuscany on the label.

Things are going very well here.  I am eating my way through the vegetable soup, having the occasional bowl of whole milk Greek yogurt (6 oz.) with red grapefruit segments .  No aged cheese,  no deli ham, no peanut butter, no Muesli with half and half.  Now that I assess what I WAS eating I can see why the pounds do not come off.  I am making a large box of sugar free raspberry jello as soon as I hit publish.  For the sweet tooth.  I may not be thinner but I feel so much "lighter".  It could all be in my head--but who cares, really.  I live in my head so I am content with feeling "lighter".  Imagine it and it will happen.

G and I went to the 4 pm showing of Jack Reacher yesterday afternoon.  Not as much action and violence as G likes and just enough "talking" to keep me happy.  The theater parking lot was completely full when we arrived and when we left.  Our theater was practically empty.  The hallways were empty.  The lobby was empty.  Neither G nor I could understand it.  Movies overlap.  We should have seen more movie goers at some point in our visit.  All we can assume is that everyone was seeing Django.  And that it's a very long movie.

Annual Dog With New Snow Picture

Riley is usually a bit more excited regarding new snow.  This year.  Not so much.  He just sits on the stoop and stares back at me.  Wondering why I don't come outside.  It's cold outside.  Even in the bright sunshine.  No squirrels.  And the biggest source of amusement is the nearby compost pile (we decided to use the one outside the garden this winter) and Riley has decided to jump over the side walls and into the compost bin.  Every time we let him out.

G has been retired an entire week.  We haven't harmed each other.  Yet.  G has been busy.  He added a bit of insulation to the perimeter of the inside basement walls and, of course, he has been kept busy with all the snow.  We are going to the movies this afternoon.  Walking the dog is difficult in the woods.  G has to use snowshoes on the paths and that makes the going slow and tedious.  Riley has to run back and forth between where he wants to go and where G is lagging behind.  So, good exercise for the dog.

The house seems colder than usual this morning.

I filed for unemployment.  Felt like being welcomed by an old familiar friend.  This is the fifth time I have applied.  All the same questions.  All the same answers.  The results are always different.  I wonder what they will pay me this year?  I noticed that the recently unemployed Maine Hostess Cupcake employees are all getting the maximum benefit of $374 a week.   That would be nice. But I get much, much less than that.  But it's something.  Better than nothing, as my dad would say.

I made a nice pot of soup yesterday.  Hit the spot.  I had, probably 5 or 6 cups of soup.  For lunch and then for dinner.  I have more in the fridge for today and tomorrow.  Next time I make it I will add escarole along with the cabbage.  Some bitter greens with the sweet.  The escarole adds a depth to the soup that I enjoy.  I need to make a "soup list" for my next visit to the grocery.  So I have supplies for soup making at hand.  I did add some frozen garbanzo beans to the pot of soup yesterday.  About a cup in total.  So only a few in each bowl but it added a nice balance to all the veggies. I think cannelini beans are lower in carbs so I will buy some of those for future vegetable soups.  I have been finishing off my Cuties in the evenings and eating pineapple chunks before breakfast.  The pears are still very hard but I may just eat them that way.  Less sugar.  I have a serving of Greek yogurt in the fridge with red grapefruit segments.  For lunch or for dessert.  I haven't had any cheese.  Or wheat.  Or eggs. Very little meat.  Not much fat. My rings are loose.  My pants are buttoning very easily.  A vegetarian diet.  A change.

I intend to do some work (research) for the talk  I am scheduled to give in February on Roses.  I also have a Houseplant class to teach on January 26th.  I had wanted to set up a little watercolor station on the table here in the dining room and work on a little watercolor exercise each morning.  I have yet to get started on that.  I think all my paper is upstairs.  I also wanted to work on my friend Gregor's quilt for her youngest grandchild.  I have put that off for too many years.  The blocks are all different sizes (G was having mini strokes while working on the blocks and losing her right brain) and I already took apart and replaced the centers as I really couldn't leave the blocks with the very strange fabric combos. Gregor kept saying she could "see" the work and what she couldn't see was the art.  With the right side of her brain damaged.  I used the fabric she had purchased in the year before her strokes.  A very nice selection, and kept the borders as she had them.  Nice blues and greens.  I just need to lay it all out and figure out how to attach the blocks to each other.  Let someone else quilt it.

Well, I should get started with my day.

Planning To Clean The Fridge

In anticipation of the New Year.  Tomorrow I get to file for unemployment.  Always a thrilling bureaucratic exercise.  G is dressing to go into the crawlspace to insert insulation around the perimeter of the house foundation.  Our daughter did this on her house and pronounced the whole house warmer.  We like warmer over here, also.  So we are giving it a try.

I had yogurt and red grapefruit for dinner last night  (with Bran Buds to soak up excess liquids) and noticed my hands got a bit swollen and other things happened.  I also ate some almonds and started sneezing (it could have been the tangerines?).  Noticing what I eat and what happens after I eat is terribly sad.  These are things I like.  My hands are not swollen this morning.  Ring is loose.

 I had two hamburger patties (over cooked by accident while reading blogs) with the leftover sautéed sauerkraut and onion.  A disgusting breakfast if there ever was one.  But that's Atkins.  I also prepped my pineapple as I am going to be eating more fruit this week.  The pineapple isn't very ripe--so less sugar.  I like puckery fruit.  I also have red pears.  They are very hard.  The softer the fruit the more sugar.  The more sugar, the more carbs.  In case you are wondering why I am doing all this--it seems that an allergic reaction to foods you eat will stop weight loss even if you should be losing weight.  Auto immune something or other.  This has always been the probable cause of my stall.

Family history of allergies is very much something I am taking into consideration.  Eggs, Wheat, Cow's Milk, Beef, Chocolate from my youngest brother as well as drugs and alcohol.   Moldy foods from my mother.  Aged cheeses, mushrooms etc. but she was addicted to sugar and wheat.  My middle brother suffers from a bunch of respiratory and migraine issues.  But I am not speaking to him so I can't ask what foods he may have problems with.  My dad had problems with alcohol.

I was the "chubby" member of the entire family.  Bone thin until I turned 10.  Then "chubby".  Whatever allergy kicked in at 10 years old-- it stayed.  The only way to lose weight was to just eat overcooked ground beef, salads and vegetable soup.  Meanwhile my mother was begging me to eat cream puffs and cake.  She wanted me to be the "chubby" one.

I'm starting on the soup.

Thinking About The New Year

More so than usual this New Year as we are now "retired" and have lots of TIME.  Well, some of us do.  Thank goodness for the snow that fell yesterday.  G now has work to do clearing the driveway. We have been trying to stay out of each other's way.  I managed a full day in pajamas yesterday (I was feeling sort of "flu-ish") and G didn't make a suggestion on my getting dressed until dinner when he wanted to go out to eat.  I quietly explained that our weekly Italian dinner out would now be a monthly event.  This always makes me sad.  G loves eating out but at $70 a pop, we just can't do it as often as he wants.  He would give up lots of other things in order to eat out several times a week.  We'll have to discuss what those things are.

My elimination protocol so far today:  No cheese. No wheat. No eggs. Breakfast was two hamburger patties browned with the remaining peppers and onions from Trader Joe's.  I added a half cup of roasted brussels sprouts (but would have enjoyed adding a slice or two of cheese).  Some salt.  Coffee.  The key words here are "so far".

I think we will be going out after G is finished with the driveway.  Then I can pick up my last paycheck from work and buy some fruit.  I am thinking pears and perhaps a pineapple.  I have the remainder of my bag of Cuties to finish.  I do love eating my fruit with Greek yogurt.  See where this is going?????

I spent time this morning reading about "cold wax" mixed with oil paints.  I like the finished product but have noticed that whatever artist is making the cold wax art--they all look the same.  Like old painted surfaces with scratches on them.  Not paintings.  It's like that with any new process, even if this one is actually quite old.  Everyone jumps on and tries it and they all do the same things.  Is it workshop mentality?  I never could understand the workshops where all the students made the very same thing.  I even participated in a few and by lunchtime I was making changes in my work.  I called them "improvements" but they were just changes.  Then I stopped signing up and started teaching.  I never gave anyone a pattern.  There were no "losers" as there was no original to measure against.

Today is actually a beautiful winter day.  The sun is shining from a cloudless blue sky.  The brown earth is covered in crisp white snow.   The black dog is running around making little paths.  Tomorrow another storm.  But, right now?  Beauty.

Elimination Diet

Along with a lovely image from someone's Pin interest collection.  A Boro top and waist wrap.  Which I love.  The stitches and the colorful look of the outfit.  I could "add" dots to plain things and not have to shop around looking for delightful dotted clothing.  Only on top.  No dots below the waist.

I left a comment on a blog which has two lovely low carb recipes that I wanted but lost out on when the site disappeared.  So, I was interested in the reply I got regarding my long, long (never ending weight loss stall).  Food allergies.  There is a family history which I never thought applied to me.  But, perhaps it does.

My brother was allergic to nearly everything.  Eggs, milk, cheese, wheat.  His entire body was covered in a red rash.  Eggs would shut his breathing down and he would come close to dying.  This did not stop him from eating these things.  The doctors, at that time, treated food allergies with monthly shots and steroids.  My brother is no longer with us.

So I did research and found an elimination diet.  On this diet I can eat all fruits (no citrus), all vegetables but none of the nightshades (tomato, eggplant and potatoes), turkey, olive oil and salt and pepper.  For three weeks.  Then I can add one food group for a day.  Stop.  Return to the diet and list any symptoms I have for the next two days.  Runny nose, achy joints, loose bowels. bloating, food cravings, headaches etc.  As I add and test for symptoms I will know what I can't eat.  I already know that wheat and grains give me gas and constipation as do beans, lentils and peas. Eggs, too. So I won't be eating those.  I have a feeling that I will have problems with dairy as well.  My favorite.   I don't see nuts on the list so I will have to go back and read it again.  Nuts are probably not good for me either.  What will I do without peanut butter?

Rice was on the list but it is a bit too closely related to wheat and grains.  I may add some brown rice and see what happens.  That might be my first addition.  Not low carb.

It's sort of like the diet G had when his tummy was sick.  Rice, Banana, Applesauce and Toast.  Minus the toast.  And the rice.  And I haven't had a banana in 2 years.  Sigh.  I actually haven't had any of the four items in 2 years.  Not low carb.  Wish me luck.

Oh, Christmas Tree

Here it is Christmas Eve.  Work is done for both G and I.  The sun is shining.  The tree has decorations. I have a few things to do today.  Not many.  I slept late and guess I needed a bit of extra sleep. No snow.  But no rain, either.

The tree is decorated with things from Christmases past.  Little ornaments I bought years ago (tiny sock monkeys collected on a road trip from Maine to Florida @ Cracker Barrels along the way), things we made when my library coworkers had the annual ornament making party each year.  Anyone with an idea for an ornament brought supplies so we could all make one.  I have them all.  And this year they are on the tree.  No expensive balls or snowflakes.  Just simple and homemade.  And well loved.  I felt myself softening and getting into the spirit as I hung the little stars, horses, lambs etc on the tree.

I was remembering the first Christmas G and I had with our little baby daughter.  We had money enough for a small runt of a tree, a few strings of lights from Woolworth and no decorations.  I wrapped the tiny baby cereal boxes in foil and the bits of ribbons I had and hung the boxes on the tree.  No gifts. We really had only enough for rent, gas and food.  I wish I had kept those little boxes.  They would be a wonderful reminder of how far we have come in forty four Christmases.

I hope you can hang memories and dreams on your tree this year, too.  Stay warm and hug your loved ones. Have a Merry Christmas.

Patching Things Together Into A Holiday

The only "Holiday" left at work are the poinsettias in the greenhouse and a small pile of trees out in the nursery.  Everything else has been taken down, boxed and shipped to the warehouse for storage.

 The "boro" image is from the internet.  This is the way I would like to be stitching any fiber work I will be making in 2013.  I would also "like" to be stitching my clothing this way.  I want to wear art.  Actually, I have always wanted to make art and wear it as clothing.  Perhaps it is time to just start doing that.  Learn about construction as I go.  I prefer boxy shapes so how hard could it be????

Today is a very busy day for me.  I have a few out of the house errands and then I have to start cooking.  Pierogi for my daughter.  Possibly making some for my husband as well with a different filling.  She wants cream cheese and he likes a combo of potato and sauerkraut.  Dinner tonight is pork steaks with sauerkraut (finally a dinner I can eat).  The pasta sauce was excellent according to G.  I had a bowl of lentil and baked squash soup when I got home from work along with a few slices of ham wrapped around a piece of cheese.  Getting tired of that meal.

Work yesterday was unbelievable.  It was raining sideways.  Cold.  The wind was making the greenhouse into a horror show of dripping water and horrific noise as the greenhouse panels moved with the wind.  The big lights were on all day but it was still very dark. And I had to water, so I was wet from the knees down. The parking lot was deep in sucking mud.  Here we had one of the busiest of holiday shopping days and the wind and pouring rain (and power failures) kept everyone away.  It's like a tunsami of bad luck for our business.  Plus it was the last day for so many co workers.  We hugged and said "see you in the Spring" hoping that we actually do see each other in the Spring.

The worst part was driving home in the dark and rain.  I think I should be limited (by law enforcement) to dry, daytime driving.  I absolutely could not see where my lane was.  Our Town buys the cheapest stripe paint for the streets.  So I was driving with on coming glare blinding me (my severe astigmatism) and no visible yellow or white lines to guide me to stay in my lane.  White knuckle all the way.  By the time I arrived home (safe) my shoulders were so tight and my head was aching.  Even the hot shower didn't help me feel better.

This has to be a trend for winter in Maine.  At least December in Maine.  Remember when my roof was leaking from all the rain in December and I had to have the guys put on a new roof in the cold?  Was that 2 or 3 Decembers ago.  And I think it rained a lot last year.  I still have green grass.  No wonder it doesn't feel like Christmas.  Of course if all the rain we had yesterday (lots) had been snow--we would be buried under feet of snow, still digging our way out to the road.  Rain is okay.  Better.

I never did any Christmas shopping.  I wrote checks.  Never sent any cards.  I wrote emails.  Still haven't decided to decorate the tree.

View From The Sunroom

I was letting the dog out and thought this "picture" was blog worthy this morning.  It's cold and raining again.  A strange, wet December.  I had just moved the big casserole containing a beef and mushroom red sauce (meant for G's dinner tonight) off the stove top and onto the floor in the sunroom to cool before storing in the fridge.  And then I will go off to work and Riley will go to doggie day care.  It seemed strange at first to be cooking dinner in the early morning.  But it turns out to be a time saver and gets a good meal on the table in little time, especially on the nights I don't get home until late.  It works best when the sunroom is COLD.  As you can see, the temp is 30 degrees out there.

G and I managed to work together and get lights on the tree yesterday.  Somehow, lights seem to make even the oddest looking tree--pretty.  I don't know if I will add decorations.  Maybe.  I do have a strange assortment of handmade items and tiny sock monkeys that I might add to the tree.  For old times sake. This is not a year where I am "feeling" the love of Christmas.  I never made my annual Christmas cards.  We haven't gotten many in the mail.  Two.  Perhaps four.  I don't count the ones from the bank or the septic cleaning people.  Has the time for cards passed?  I remember sending 2 full boxes of cards each Christmas.  My fingers cramping from writing a personal note in each.  Years ago. I only made 10, a limited edition, of my hand made cards, when I did make them.  Now that my dad is gone and my friend no longer wants me in her life and others have drifted away--  the cards just make me sad instead of joyful.

G used his day off wisely and called Social Security, Medicare and our Advantage company.  We are waiting to get new cards with Part B.  Before January 1st.  Social security says they are "in the mail". He also visited his lung doctor to see how much his prescription actually costs.  We need to know for the Part D donut hole.  So, it's $250 a month. And his doctor would like him to keep taking it.  This one prescription will put us right to the edge of the donut hole.  We won't be collecting social security until we reach 70.  This is going to be an interesting financial adventure.

Today is my second to the last day at work.  I said farewell to coworkers I won't be seeing again, this year.  Some I may not see again at work.  It is bittersweet.  But I intend to use my 10 or 11 weeks of unemployment to get some things done.  I say that every year, don't I?  And get nothing done. Sigh.

Blackboard Love

Ever since a co worker painted a bunch of cut sections of a 4 by 8 piece of plywood with black board paint, I have been "in charge" of changing the items on the boards.  Classes, open house and now holiday sales.  I have five colors of chalk.  The boards have a lively, expressive feeling.  Like a "party".

I am seeing chalk boards all over right now--especially in home decorating.  It seems like all the designers are painting one wall or a door or a something and letting everyone express themselves with chalk.  Menu, to do list, pictures and here--problem solving.  The guys on Big Bang use dry erase white boards.  I wish they used black boards and chalk.  My recent Pottery Barn catalogs had chalk drawings behind the sideboard in the dining room.

And, of course, my fabric art is getting a bit of "chalk" treatment as well.  I draw on the black fabric and then stitch on both sides of the chalk lines with my machine.  A simple straight stitch.  Some of the chalk disappears and some remains.  I am also going to paint a few pages in my journal with black gesso and use my new chalk pens to draw designs on those pages.

I am not as exhausted as I thought I would be today.  I got almost no sleep last night.  A combination of an active mind, coffee and chocolate and a stuffed up nose.  I stumbled out of bed and around the house in the dark to finally take an allergy tab.  It must have been 4 or 5am by then.  Alarm rang at 6.  So I slept for 90 minutes???

Still cold today but not 32 degrees.  Rain, snow and later tonight rain and sleet, but it all melts when it hits the ground.  Delightful.  And warm again tomorrow.  The parking lot at work is squishy, slippery mud.  Waiting for someone to get stuck driving their cars into that mess.

The person who received my Secret Santa gift loved the warm, soft scarf I gave her but intends to save it for special occasions.  I told her to "wear it" and not save it.  You can't wear out Isotoner products.  I have 20 or 30 year old gloves that still look good.  I just wish they kept my hands warmer.  My fingers are so cold--all the time.

I am making cake mix cookies today to take to work.  A second batch for G to eat.  DH chocolate fudge cake mix (dry) mixed with 2 eggs, 1/2 cup melted butter (one stick), 1/4 cup brown sugar, 1 t vanilla.  Mix well and then add 1 cup of chocolate chips.  I am adding white chocolate chips to G's and chocolate chips to the ones I take to work.  You can also add 1/2 cup nuts.  If I skip the nuts, I add more chips.   Drop by the tablespoon on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12 minutes for chewy and 14 for crisp cookies.  Cool 2 minutes on the cookie sheet before moving to a cooling rack.  I always forget to wait and the cookies get all smushed.  Still delicious but not pretty.

No cookies for me.  I did find a website with all of Candice's cookie recipes (Ticklemysweettooth) on another blog so there is no excuse for not making some SF low carb cookies.  But.  I don't want to start eating cookies.  I have plenty of SF jello to keep the sweet tooth happy.  I discovered that my 85% Lindt chocolate bars are VERY BITTER.  I have tried mixing them (melted) with any number of things and I can't get it"sweet".  I have ten bars.  I think I will definitely be making a flour less chocolate cake with the bars.

Heavy Sadness

I am struggling to find my footing.  I have a tree that needs lights.  I have cookies to bake. I have soup to make now that it has snowed for the first time this winter.  Yet, here I sit.  Just staring at nothing.  The world is such a hurtful place right now.  I can't watch or read any more about the poor children. There is a funeral mass about to start (here in my town) for the son of someone I have known for many years.  I remember checking books out to this young man when I worked at the library.  He must have been 6 or 7. A young adult now.  Perhaps in college.

This must be how my dad felt in those last years.  Watching people younger than he, dying before him.

I will do what I can today.  Tomorrow it's back to work.

It's now a few hours later:  I am working on the cookie dough.  Snickerdoodles.  The Lentil soup with Pumpkin is the strangest I have ever made.  The organic green lentils are still "crispy" to the tooth and even the carrots are crunchy.  Been simmering for over an hour and I keep adding water to help things along.  The is a great deal of ingredients  to trash if the lentils don't get soft.  Might be my last time to buy "organic".

Friend of Twelve by Twelve - Sweet

It's come to an end.  The five year adventure that I decided to "follow along".  This has been quite a five years for me.  I have changed.  My work has changed.  And I wouldn't trade a minute of it.  Best decision I ever made--to just jump in, and best commitment -- I stuck with it.   And I usually don't.

This piece was whole cloth (the back side of some very cheap Walmart black), chalk, and slim pickings out of the wastebasket of my own painted fabrics and the last bit of the discharged black.  One piece of commercial fabric (the one with text).  A few little cross stitches to hold back folds and French knots.  A sweet thank you to a dear friend who got me started blogging (the line drawing of a stem of flowers).

I don't think I can say much more.  I would start crying.  Not because I am sad but because my heart is filled with thankful happiness to have shared this adventure.

It May Be Christmas, But I Am Thinking About Gardening

This little calendar is for sale at my work.  I love it because it feels like something I "should" have made myself.  Little watercolors of the things I love.  Garden things.  And pickles.  I finished off the last three pickle halves in the half gallon jar of refrigerator pickles this weekend.  I only made the one jar.  The recipe is one that my mother and father made (in their separate homes) each summer.  My mom always had a plate of these pickles on the dinner table, no matter what was being served for dinner.

I wore my boots and used my trowel to plant 80 daffodils and 60 tulips in my daughter's garden.  And, I reverted to my favorite summer breakfast this week.  Tomatoes and fresh mozzarella with lots of good olive oil and Balsamic vinegar.  My grocery even put the tomatoes on sale this week.  Helping me to decide to continue eating tomatoes and cheese for a second week.

I found squash with a "certified" Kabocha Squash label.  They look very similar to the ones I have been baking and eating since before Thanksgiving but these have their name on them.  The real deal. I am looking forward to making a kabocha/lentil soup to take to work next week.  There are canned tomatoes, onions and carrots in the soup with some Spanish spices (saffron).  I found it in my weekly gardening newsletter from AWayToGarden.  I don't know which lentils to use.  I have red ones and black ones.  I don't have any of the cheap beige ones I usually cook soup with.I could go and buy new lentils.  I have to go shopping anyway as G asked me to make chicken soup and I need carrots, celery, garlic and noodles for that.  Soup always starts out the same.  Onions, celery, carrot.

Now that it's the season for latke, I am wanting potato pancakes.   I can't remember what time of year my mother made potato pancakes.  Was it Easter Eve?  She served them with tuna salad made with onions, celery and canned peas.  Really.  Christmas Eve was potato and sauerkraut pierogi.  Which reminds me that I have to tune up the pasta maker and make a double batch of cheese pierogi for my daughter for Christmas Eve.  I may even make some for G.  I LOVE them but they are SO not something a low carber can eat.

My Christmas tree is in the stand, out on the sidewalk in front of my porch.  Not in the house.  Yet.  The tree looks miserable and it's not what I thought it was.  Too tall.  Too Thin.  Too Sad.  My daughter had the same experience on Saturday.  She was so disgruntled (we both had our "dream" trees last Christmas so this is especially hard for us) while looking at trees that the tree guys (at my job) wouldn't come out of the tree shack to approach us. They took one look and listen and backed up and ran for the shack.  Because I am her mother (and possibly responsible for her behavior) I stayed out there and held up every wild tree (several times each) until she decide to take the best looking runt home.  Having a bad tree is sometimes a life learning lesson for those of us who love a perfect tree.

I ordered a seed catalog from Johnny's Seeds.  I stare wistfully at my closed down vegetable garden (all covered in leaves) and must wait patiently until March.  I will be saving seeds from my certified kabocha squash and from these breakfast "Backyard Tomatoes" grown hydroponically here in Maine.  And tending my citrus trees.  And waiting (for a long time) for my amaryllis bulbs to begin sending up leaves and flowers.  Only 90 days.  And Spring will be here.

Why Does It Always Rain On My Day Off?

I had (well, I still have) plans for today that included planting daffodils and tulips in my daughter's back yard.  I have on warm, heavy clothing in preparation for going over there and digging holes.  I can't wait.  The weather could decide to change into winter at any moment.  Here it is December 8 and the ground is still not frozen.  In Maine.

My Christmas Tree is still leaning up against the garage.  We still don't know if it's too tall.  We still have no twinkly lights in the house to suggest there might be an upcoming holiday in a few weeks and I am thinking I may not put any ornaments on the tree this year.  I just don't want to fool with them and G has no real love for Christmas.  I don't intend to do any shopping other than for my Secret Santa at work.  I will send money and let everyone buy their own.  I do need to buy new bones for Riley's Christmas and it would be nice if I could find a new puzzle ball for him.  The ones you fill with treats and the dog has to roll and chew to get the treats out of the ball.  He certainly likes the one he has but it's sometimes too easy to get the treats.  He likes to work on it so a more difficult ball would be fun.  And there is always the peanut butter Kong.  Christmas is easy for Riley.

I don't need anything but I think I may look for a cashmere wrap.  Something nice to throw over my shoulders when we go out.  To keep drafts off my neck and shoulders.  I still have Christmas presents from two years ago that are in the boxes--unopened and unused.  One is a pasta maker.  Isn't that a useless gift to ME.  From ME.  I can't even remember what the second one is and there is nothing of interest in the cookware catalogs that I want or need.  I certainly don't need clothing or candy.

I should bake some cookies.  To send to my son.  I need a cookie tin to fill and then mail.  This week would be a good time to get that done.  And bake some cookies for work.  I can't decide what to get for my Secret Santa.  I'll have to ask my daughter for an idea.  She helped me last year and the gift was a BIG hit.  I describe the person and she comes up with a few gift ideas.  What a skill.

G has all the electronic stuff he needs.  He got the iPhone and iPad last Christmas.  He still wants a new TV but the old one (purchased in 1988) is still working.  And I don't think I like watching TV on those odd, wide screens.  In other people's homes, the wide picture is always slightly blurry.  I think I would lose all the pleasure the picture we have now, gives me.  Even here on the computer screen, I dislike going with the full screen view.  It makes my eyes and my head ache.  This computer screen could actually BE a screen where I watch DVD's but I would have to roll my chair about ten feet away.

I should just get started with today's list of things to do.  The bulbs, the grocery, the library books, the shirt ironing, the changing of bed sheets, the laundry, washing the dog towels and making G's pizza for dinner tonight.  I made the dough last night before going to bed.

Fairy House Display

My employer purchased Fairy House/Garden supplies at the spring show and they arrived just before Christmas.  Most of the tiny furniture was sold already and I wanted to make the display "cuter" so I brought in the fairy house I had made many years ago out of a simple cardboard box, glue, twigs and dry autumn leaves.  The roof is shingled with sugar pine cone "petals".  I got the idea for the house from the elaborate houses at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens which I saw on Martha Stewart.

The BBG has replicas of famous buildings and landmarks made from plywood and coated with leaves, twigs etc and then coated thickly with resin.  To protect the buildings.  They are arranged on an elaborate landscape with hills and "woods" with many trains running through the "town".  Small trees and shrubs landscape the terrain.  You may be able to search for this on the internet and see it for yourself.  I don't have the time to learn how to insert such a link.  Going to work in minutes.

I wanted to try the idea out on something small and quick before attempting a large building.  I had planned to add a building to the front landscape area of my house (under the mugo pine).  I did manage to provide the children at our Town library with a program where they made fairy houses out of pint cream cartons (which already had a pitched roof) before giving up on this project and starting work on the original Spooky House made out of a cardboard box.  Also, thanks to Martha Stewart.

In fact, I was always talking about creative things I had learned from Martha Stewart that my friends, at the time, expected to arrive at my house to see that I had elaborately stenciled my driveway.  Whenever I would see a MS program where Martha was sewing something (with the iron at hand for pressing seams, I was overcome with desire to sew.  She just made sewing on a sewing machine seem like such a WONDERFUL experience.  Nothing like the experiences I shared with my machine.

I would wander down the hall and look at my machine and ask it "why" it had to be so stubborn.  Broken threads, wads of knots in the bobbin, broken needles, gathered seams when I expected smooth flat ones.  So much anguish.  None of the serene bliss of watching Martha sew seams and make scarves, pillow covers and other lovely things.  I now have an excellent machine and better thread.  The machine and I still have our "moments" when nothing goes right, but I know to walk away.  More often things are lovely when I sew and my Bernina and I are happy.  Not as happy as Martha, but happy.

This Is Where I Work

A bit like working in Santa's Workshop isn't it.  This was taken on a cloudy day with all the big greenhouse lights on but it still looks amazing and colorful.  I just love standing at the top of the walkway and looking down on the riot of color.  The smell of balsam makes it all seem so very Christmasy.  I'm very lucky to have this job and be able to work in the "big house".

Today was finally very busy at work.  I was very "in demand" and got to answer questions and be helpful most of the time.  After work I planted tulips in the front garden bed.  Nothing like waiting till the very last minute is there?  Good thing it was in the 50's the past few days with light rain.  Any frost in the ground was gone.  Still.  It was hard on the butt and knees.  I didn't think I would be able to stand up at the end. There I was, on my knees on the sidewalk, nothing to hold onto to get up.  That's when you actually know you are 66.  I did get up on my feet.  Herculean effort.

My pants are fitting better.  At least this pair of cords is fitting better.  I'm not in the mood to go trying the others on.  I am making a strong effort to limit carbs in my diet. I did find little bottles of liquid Sucralose at the grocery (NEW).  The Splenda packets have dextrin and other powders which add carbs but not calories.  This liquid is pure sucralose in water.  Zero carbs. Zero calories.  I am getting used to it.  I think I may be able to have hot tea again.  The additives made the tea taste weird. The company that makes Splenda refuses to sell the liquid in the US.  I think it is available in Canada and Europe.  Or it was.  I have to practice with the squirt bottle.  I had hoped it would dispense by drops.  Easier to control.

I bought six little bottles.  I learned my lesson with those lovely squash I liked so much.  Don't expect the product to EVER be available again.  Buy it when you see it.

Working down to a "seasonal furlough" is quite different that what is happening with G.  He is working down to retirement, working side by side with his replacement.  Watching as so many things are being changed, right in front of him.  It has to be difficult.  He seems quieter each evening as he comes home from work.  Not that he wants to continue working.  It's just a passage in life that he has to get through.

Well, we are going out to dinner.  I have nothing to prepare into a meal.  Bad shopping on my part.  Plenty of stuff for my diet but nothing to use to make dinner.

Bringing The Plants Indoors

On Saturday G and I hauled all the houseplants (that had summered outdoors and then chilled on the sunporch until it got down to 25 degrees) into the house and found them homes up on top of the cabinets.  I will take a picture of all the citrus trees lined up on top of the Kitchen Altar next time.  The sun is shining this morning, so a good time to take a picture.  It's been dark, wet and cold for the last week or so.  We have Christmas cactus, lavender , bay laurel and rosemary from left to right.  Everything is in a container, saucer or Walmart boot tray to keep water off the cabinets.

See my 26 year old microwave "custom built" into the cabinets?  Can't replace it with a new one.  No one makes a cabinet mount microwave anymore.  When it dies (and it is slowly losing the ability to regulate temperature), I will have a big ugly hole where it once was built in, and no tiles to fill the space.  These cabinets were custom.  I don't have a tall set anywhere else in the kitchen to replace this short set.  Actually, I have a large selection of cabinets in all sizes but none that match any of the others.

Wait until you see a photo of the Kitchen Altar.  Where the stove resides.  Isn't this a waste of space?  Those are the citrus trees up on top.  The back of this altar is a wall in the room we now use as a dining room.  I think it was supposed to be a great room.  It's just a big wall that sits there in the middle of a huge cathedral ceiling room.  The kitchen island is directly in front of the stove across from the wall of cabinets in the top photo.  No stove hood or vent which is why I have a fan up on top and a can of room freshener on the counter.  My Kitchen Aid mixer lives in the bottom right cupboard (next to the knife block) with it's very own outlet.  The cabinets have nothing much in them, up top.  The bottom cabinets are full of pots and pans.  I dream of knocking this whole damned wall down and making the island double it's width and length and adding a sink and dishwasher to the island and putting the stove where the microwave now lives. With a vent hood. And buy lots of drawer cabinets. Only drawers.  Oh, I have lots and lots of expensive plans.  Sigh.  I need a better paying job now that G is retiring.

Just as I was getting used to cold, wet and dark, the weather shifted.  I drove to work Sunday morning on ice slick roads with sleet covering my windshield.  I drove home, in the dark, in a misty fog where visibility was nearly zero.  When I went to bed it was a balmy 50 degrees and raining.  Twenty more days until this year's work is finished and G is retired.

And I picked out a Christmas Tree.  D (at work) thought it was 12 feet tall.  I measured (with yardstick) and came up with 10 feet. G thinks its 12 feet. Men. My ceiling in the living room is 8 feet.  I have no problems removing as much from the top as necessary to have a very fat, full bottom on the tree.  Plenty of "boom, boom".  I had just about given up on having a tree this year.  The pickings in wild trees was slim.  Wild trees are trees that no one has clipped or cut into nice shapes.  They have bare spots and are leggy, fat, weird and totally like trees out in the woods.  They have personality, spunk and a bit of homely charm.  And they are cheap.  Last year's fat bottomed tree was a total delight.  I loved it.

I am living in a state of confusion right now.  My summer pants were very loose.  Then I started wearing the cargo pants from Spring 2008 to work and they fit with no wedgies.  Now I am moving into my winter pants (cords (2008) and jeans (2008)) and nothing fits.  They fit last winter.  Now they are too snug in the waist.  Why?  That's what I am asking myself since I am still fitting into the cargo pants just fine.  Things that usually didn't fit--fit and things that usually DID fit, don't. Crap!

Needless to say.  I am backing away from the very few carbs I was eating and upping the fat in my diet.  I even had eggs for breakfast (yuck) and salads for lunch.  I am combing the websites for support and food ideas.  I think it is easiest to just have two or three things and eat as much of that for the 2 weeks it will take to get the waistband loose again.  It's not like I was eating CRAZY or anything.  Clothing is the devil.  Especially pants.

I never got around to reading my books.  My after work showers put me into a coma.  I nearly fell asleep in the shower yesterday.  Today I have the dining room table to clean and the house to make look presentable.  The medicare supplement  "person" is coming to interview us on Thursday.  G has the paperwork for Medicare Part B ready to mail (our employer's office manager finally got it filled in and signed).  I think a visit to the SS office is in our future plans in 2013.  This retiring is such a mess of paperwork and tension.  My tummy is in knots with worry.  Will we outlive our money? Sigh.