I was sorting through my "ripped out of magazines" pages and images yesterday and came across a stack of photo copies of a school photo of myself. I layered a couple of images to get the picture you see at the top of this post. I can see, you may not be able to, the (my) fingers pinching the folds of the dress. I'm happy to be the center of attention. My mother is taking the picture (always tension there), I'm in school where I felt safe and all I had to do to get through the day was "do the work". A relative "calm" period of my life.
I have been struggling to come up with an idea for Quilt National. The deadline for entry is September 19th. The day after I turn 60. This seems like an event in my life I should make into a piece of art. So.... who am I now? Do I feel safe? Am I just getting through the day?
The only "for sure" things I know--- I like being the center of attention. Quietly. I like the public and having friends but I like solitude better. I love my job at the library. I like to help people and teach them the things I love to do ( sewing, decorating, gardening). I'm generally happy.... for no good reason. My opinions on some topics can make people defensive. I like to be "right". I don't like "stupid", "mean", or "hurtful" things or people. I still like to "play house" like I did in kindergarten. Little dishes, furniture and the small contained areas were heaven on earth to me when I was five. Now I rearrange furniture, make slipcovers and pillows and set up little vignettes to please the eye. I love being home.
But I have always felt that I hadn't accomplished what I needed to in this lifetime. My karma. I have often felt like a boat drifting away from it's mooring. I paddle back to the dock. Then start drifting again.
I can entertain myself 24/7 without running out of things to do-- or not do. Inquisitive, clever, charming, amusing, hard working, stubborn, deceptive, critical, wobbly on decisions
( wondering if I made the right one), emotional, good health, good bones, healthy appetite and wide hips. Lots of art material here if I pay attention.