Monday, December 19, 2011

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I deleted the picture and the post I have been working on for awhile now.  It all sounded like something better written in the paper/pen journal and not here.  That's the problem with this blogging thing.  We over share and make the readers a bit uncomfortable.  I was oversharing.

I decided, when I prepared the chili last week, to add one can of rinsed kidney beans to the chili.  I think I divided it into 6 (2 cup) servings for suppers and work lunches.  The first time I made it I didn't add the beans.  I also prepared a pot of Escarole and Tomato soup and didn't add the can of cannellini beans to the soup.  I tried eating it without any additions.  Added strips of precooked chicken.  Then, last night, rinsed a can of beans and added half a cup.

I'm breaking the Atkins Rules.  But I'm not sure beans and lentils are the diet breakers that cereal, bread and pasta would be.  I could be very wrong.  And soup, the way I make it, is very low calorie.  Fat free. So I have been adding sour cream or cheese to the chili.  Anyway, that's what I am doing.  It's cold and I need to eat food that warms me.

My visit to the dressing room of a women's clothing store has made me VERY sad and discouraged.  Seeing the body I thought was changing to a smaller size, in the mirrors, set me straight.  I don't look any different.  My saddlebags are still big and lumpy.  My knees are fat.  I still have my two Buddha bellies. Yes, I am wearing the smaller sizes of the clothes in my storage bin.  But they are still large sized clothes by ordinary standards.  Fourteen is considered Plus Size.  And I am solidly a Pear Shaped Woman.

The Potluck breads are at the potluck.  The shirts have been ironed.  Today's major jobs are packaging my son's Christmas box and putting lights on Fatso.  Oh, and walking the dog and going to the grocery store.

I watched Survivor last night.  Moments after Ozzy was voted off, I changed the channel.  At that point I didn't give a crap who won--the three "survivors" were all unworthy.  I was finished with it.  I wished there had been a way for the jury to just not vote for any of them.  Just refuse.  It's what I would have done. I discovered, this morning, that Coach did not win.  That's a good thing.

That's really the only good thing I have for you this morning.  I am not feeling the Christmas Spirit.  If I didn't already have the tree here in the house, I think I would skip it this year, along with the handmade cards etc.  We have received three cards.  I send one out (store bought) when I get a card. I don't feel depressed or sad.  I just don't feel interested.  I wish all my customers a happy holiday and smile.

I realized this morning, that it's been a long, long time since I actually laughed out loud.  I miss laughing. I think I have mentioned that before.  Realizing that, made me cry.  What a way to start the day, huh?

5 comments:

Diane N said...

Do NOT let the dressing room experience make you feel sad nor discourage you. NOBODY looks good in those mirrors. Be pleased and proud at what you have accomplished with your weight loss. As for saddle bags, PUH-lease! Mine are big enough that they could have used them during the days of the Pony Express.

It sounds as though you are having a case of the Christmas blues, too. Christmas is supposed to be so cheery and happy and "God bless us, everyone!" Sadly it isn't that great for so many.

As for Christmas cards, I have not received nearly as many as usual, either, and the ones I have received were just a signature scrawled - no note, no letter, not even a cheesy Christmas newsletter telling me how wonderful their year was. Maybe it's the times, maybe it's the mood, I don't know. I haven't received a card from over half of the people I sent to.

I hope you will feel better about things very soon and not let it get you down too long. Even though we have never met I feel that I have a pretty good idea of who you are from what you write. I like you because of what you write and the way you write it. I bet there's a lot of others who do, too, whether or not they comment.

Take the time to enjoy what you like about Christmas and do the things that have meaning to you. If you don't want to do the cards, don't. I wish you and yours a happy Christmas and I wish you the gift of contentment.

Annie said...

Advise on the mirrors: do not look in full length mirrors when you are undressed, turn away til you are completely dressed, then check out the outfit. I would be depressed if I went around looking in them all day,they are not for the over 60 crowd, same with the scales, stay off! I don't even look at the scale at my dr checkup, have no idea how much I weigh, and don't care. I go by how I feel and how my clothes fit.


You're a bit over concerned about your looks, you are loved by who you are not by how you look.

Hope you find something to laugh and smile today!

Life Scraps and Patches said...

Just stop and read a Janet Evanovich book - you'll laugh out loud and feel a little better

gema said...

Maybe if we both stood side by side and looked at ourselves in the mirror together you would have something to laugh about!!!

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