Acceptance

I just tore through the five stages of grief over the loss of my job and Saturday I arrived at Acceptance. I accept responsibility for writing things relating to the library staff in my blog and the consequences of doing that.

I also admit to being pretty darn happy about not having to go into work at the library any more. I was surprised by that. Subconsciously, I must have been looking for a way out and found one. I think if I had been paying more attention to myself and the way I felt about library things I could have made it easier on everyone and just gave 2 weeks notice. It would certainly have been less messy.

I also think that when I look back on this birthday--it won't be as the one they ruined--but as the birthday I was set free. I've been giving this a good deal of thought. I was miserable and so bored by my job. Nine and a half years is a long time to do the same thing. It was way past time for me to move on.

The "new healthy eating plan" and all the exercise and weight loss have made me less inclined to accept things that don't work for me. Not that I'm self centered or anything but I am focused on my own well being for the first time in many years.

There is one thing that is making me a bit sad. Two custom made wool circle skirts that I now fit into again after 25 years, and they are back in style (woo hoo), and I had planned to wear them to work this fall and winter. Not many reasons to wear a wool circle skirt and cropped Geiger wool jacket around here. I would have been overdressed at work but so what. I LOVE those skirts. And I always felt like a princess when I wore them in Europe in the 80's. Short jacket, high collared white blouses (I saved them and they fit also), swirly skirt that made the most luscious sounds as the wool slid over the lining, cute European shoes and expensive designer wool scarves (Perry Ellis) around my shoulders. I was so looking forward to dressing like that again. I'll find a reason to wear them-- I did work hard to lose the weight and should enjoy the reward.

G and I spent the weekend burning our way through several huge piles of branches and cut down trees. Then G rented a brush hog and cut down all the brush on part of our 4 acres. It is all clear cut rolling hills and trees now and will look wonderful in the winter.

I need to keep after G and get him to cut down ALL the small white pines on our property. I hate those trees. They block all the sunlight when they get big and shed huge amounts of acidic pine needles. All the other varieties of pine trees are okay with me. They can stay. And I like the oaks. We've cut down most of the maples and sick birches. Our neighbor has pretty maples we can enjoy in the fall but I don't need them around my house making a mess. G and I rake up all the neighbor's maple leaves and drag them back to our house to shred for compost. And since we removed all the junipers from our yard, my crabapple trees are recovering from apple-cedar rust which nearly killed them. I didn't know the rust overwintered in the junipers and then attacked the crab apples anew each spring. Geez!

G and I are working our way around the weedy flower beds (they got weedy because I can't garden and then work standing up - without a break- for 4 to 5 hours at the library-- my back can't do both)--digging up what we want to save and spraying the rest with Round Up. When everything is good and dead, I go in and dig out everything, rototill, add dirt and compost and start over. It is sometimes easier to do it that way than to try and straighten weedy things out. And I have different ideas on plant combinations now. I am a Master Gardener. I did just complete a two day landscaping design seminar. I have one large bed replanted and everything looks so fresh and nice. I even made a new obos (balanced rock pile) for the new bed-- 8 rocks high. The central vac guy thought I glued them together. I offered to unpile them to prove they were balanced and dry stacked. He declined. I've made three piles so far and they get better looking each time. This new one makes me smile each time I walk past. It's a zen thing.