Field Notes- Tuesday, June 20th Another- in a long line of Dark Wet Days.

 Yes, it's June and this is a Winter Image but......it's pleasant.  And it IS COLD and WET here in Maine.

Yesterday started the same but mellowed out mid day and ended quite chilly...again.  Today started- early for me and I will explain--- damp and dark.....  echoing my inner turmoil.

I finally got Demon Copperhead.  The first 20 to 30 pages were dark but beautifully written. Really Beautiful.  First person so I got to know Demon thru his own words before and after his birth on the floor....  but now the book has gotten darker  (he's still a child) and I know myself...I cannot continue.....reading.  And I am having flashbacks to my first 5 years in elementary school- in the very very Black Brick Charles Dickens Elementary School with tall black fencing all around.  I was reminded of walking around the corner and seeing the building (from five to 9 years of age) all black, tall and foreboding. I recall my fear and unhappiness.

Why Charles Dickens?  Kingsolver mentions his influence in the notes at the back of the book. David Copperfield.  Why black brick and black iron fencing?  Who knows.  The school was very old in 1951. I did a Google search and it is still standing.  Still Black.  Still has the pointy black fencing.  Still Creepy..

Anyway, I woke in tears.  Overnight the Demons of my OWN came calling. So, the book goes back.But I want to write- it is beautifully written.  Do give it a chance.  I did and I am broken hearted that I won't be able to read into the triple digit pages.  Therapy is fine but the stuff it dredges up....... I've cried enough.

My childhood was far from safe or happy.  I don't need to be reminded. Even if the reminders are beautifully written.

We repeat the journey of yesterday.  Library.  Town Office to pay Car Taxes.