Most of my garden (the part I worked on) is in order. I dug, I planted, I mixed, I fertilized, I made K's special work drink (green tea and lemonade), I repotted seedlings into newer, more spacious pots and G and I sat out on the back stoop and discussed plans for future days in the garden. He wants to build a pergola. Today he trimmed raspberries, raked leaves and hauled the hoses out of the crawlspace and watered the garden. Half the fennel perked up a bit.
April commented that I am hard on myself. You need to know that I don't plan ahead what I will write about in these posts. You read exactly what I am thinking and feeling at the time I type the words. Everything can change moments after I hit "publish". I can sit here being ridiculously happy moments after writing about being "heavy" of heart, mind and body.
I used to be able to say, with complete honesty, that I was happy almost all the time. I woke up happy for the start of a new day and went to bed happy about how I spent the day.
Yes, April, I can't say that now. G just said I should stop working. And I said he was probably right. I don't work for the money and someone, who does need to work for the money, could have my hours. I work so I don't get lonely. But I seem to be spending significant amounts of time, at work, by myself. You, dear readers, are more of a social event than 7 hours at work.
Eating shredded wheat for breakfast makes me happy and the thought of not eating it makes me sad. Having to eat meat makes me sad. Eating a plate of vegetables and grains makes me happy. I want to be the right weight for my height. Weighing 35 pounds more makes me sad. I want to have upper body strength so I can stand tall into my 80's. The Pilates exercises make me very happy. Skipping them due to work makes me grumpy. Having a dirty house makes me sad and even just cleaning the counters this morning made me very, very happy.
April, today was a good day. I just needed to get outside and dig holes into some dirt.
We both know what I have decided to do. I think it's the right thing to do.
I was going to ask if you are eating red meat and this post confirmed that you are. When I eat too much red meat I feel different than when I eat more poultry and fish. Maybe you started eating too much too soon?
ReplyDeleteI feel that somebody who needs a job would be grateful to you if you quit. And I don't think you enjoy your job that much. Or at least that's the way it seems from reading your blog everyday.
ReplyDeleteMaybe doing volunteer work somewhere would give you more satisfaction. How lucky you are that you don't need the money. Not many people can say that.
Also just curious. Have your tastes in food changed as you get older. I know mine have. I never ate Mexican until I turned 40. I always thought that was due to my hysterectomy. LOL
Now I am in my 60's and today I woke up and suddenly I can't stand the thought of chocolate. I used to love it. I'm wondering if I've maxed out on the amount of chocolate my body can endure? What do you think?
Linda
Just follow what your heart tells you is best and one way or another, you will be okay.
ReplyDeleteSending you a virtual hug.
Wow! Just follow your heart. That is something I am constantly trying to redirect myself to do. Most of the time, the "shoulds" get me again and again.
ReplyDeleteApril
Maybe they would let you come in to do classes since that seems to be fulfilling or would your local library like a gardening series? That way you could socialize on your terms!
ReplyDelete