Whistle While You Clean & Gravity

My theme for today.  I was up at 7.30 and sat quietly watching Law&Order reruns, writing in my journal and finally drawing this pear.  I like drawing.  I'm out of touch with the finer points right now, but once I was pretty good at drawing.  Not good enough.  We are never really good enough.  Always room for improvement.  I want this year's journal to have a great many pencil and pen drawings in it.  As a side note: the entry in the journal right before this morning's May first entry, was April 4th.  That says something about the way my life is going.

So far, I have one load of wash ready to go into the drier, emptied the dishwasher, scrubbed the sink, cleaned the counter around the coffee bean grinder (so messy) and coffee maker, have the cream and sugar waiting to go into the sink (sticky), mixed and baked some good looking baking powder biscuits using buttermilk, and now I'm going to repot my pepper and tomato seedlings.

I am having issues with my body mass.  Everything feels huge right now and very heavy and solid.  G thinks it's muscle but I think (fear) it is fat.  Pure and simply:  solid fat. (I have neither gained nor lost any weight in the past 2 months) I can't cross one leg over another. Something has gone very wrong.  Last night I kept dreaming that I was too close to the "edge" and slipping over (to fall from a height and get killed) and begging for someone (and the bystanders were usually the teen loader boys from work) to grab me and keep me from going over.  When I started my exercises I felt light and fit.  My pants were loose.  Now I feel heavy, lumbering and all my clothes are binding and making me feel like I am being suffocated.

Perhaps THIS is what made me want to cry at work.  That my body was so heavy and unable to push the carts over the gravel and that bending to set down or lift trays from the ground was such a struggle. This is how I felt when I weighed too much back in 2007.  Unable to do much because my weight was a significant factor in WHAT I was ABLE to DO.

Here I am back to 2007.  Unable to bend over.  Yes, I am still 40 pounds less than I was at my heaviest at the end of 2006.  But 40 pounds more than when I began working at the greenhouse.

If I was a scientist, I would be researching gravity to see if too much gravitational pull is located in my general area.  Like being stuck to a big magnet.

In other news, I stepped on an old board in the garden and it had two nails which went thru my shoe but not into my foot.  Everything seems to be falling apart around here. G didn't water my fennel seedlings and they were pressed flat into the dirt (dead or nearly) as was the borage plant.  He says when he checked them, they were fine.  I am going to continue to clean the house, garden and iron.  I would like to continue pulling weeds and grass out of the center island.  Perhaps plant a shrub or two.  Dig up the catmint and move it.  Fertilize my roses.  Whistle.