And So Shall You Reap

I have planted seeds of unhappiness in a friendship that has spanned 39 years.  It  ended with today's email from her. We met by accident.  Across the hall neighbors in an apartment complex.  G and I had lived there for a few days or possibly 2 weeks when I miscarried and needed someone to watch over a 2 year old and 6 month old (sleeping as it was 3 am) while G drove me to the ER.  G knocked on her door and she agreed to sleep on our couch until he returned.  We have spent time together, off and on, for all the years in between.  Even vacationing together at times.  There have been periods as long as 6 years when we haven't communicated at all.  But never because we had hurt each other. We shared our enjoyment of quilting and always made something on my annual visits to her home.

We have grown apart in the past two years since my friend's dad passed away.  She has suffered from depression and a deep sadness. No longer interested in quilting, so we lost that common interest. Her family is her rock and comfort.  I have never had that sort of family, so it feels foreign to me and I am not all that comfortable when I see too much of them on the yearly visits I make to see my friend.  I haven't visited in two years.  I just didn't want to go. She came here once, many years ago. We both were feeling the same irritation and unfriendliness.  We are going to give each other space and time and see what happens.  It's difficult to be long time friends when you have to second guess every comment you make. This is the second "forever" friend I have said good bye to.  I wonder if it's me changing or them? Of course, you have to be a friend in order to have a friend.

Work was one big blur today.  I remember sitting down to eat lunch and then it was 4 and I was supposed to have gone home at three.  I am tired.  I am enjoying the Greek yogurt with a scoop of protein powder mixed into it as my lunch.  I had it today with half a small can of pineapple chunks and 1/4 cup of Fiber One for crunch.  It's filling and even now, almost 6 hours later, I am not feeling hungry.  But I am thirsty. I think fresh pineapple will be even better.

Life changes so much in 24 hours doesn't it?   I am still seriously considering not working at all or working less over the summer. Even though my boss called me by name and actually treated me like a thinking person today. My new coworker is looking around already for another job.  She is spending lots of time alone at work and it isn't that interesting (customers aren't asking her to identify sticks or resurrect root rotted orchids). I had hoped to spend the next 28 days training her to take over.

I think it may be time to make supper.