Field Notes- Friday, February 3rd. 10 degrees. Outside. Bright sunshine that is COLD. Minus 30 tonight.

 Dye Bucket.  Not mine.  From somewhere where someone is coloring cloth.  With what?

I tried.  I tried doing this.....but it wasn't me....I like colors.  So I went back to just painting the cloth and the folding and scrunching and getting pattern that way.  My way.  I don't even do that anymore. I actually do very little anymore.  No one sees what I do..so it's less- necessary. Less transactional.

Husband woke up early to go to the bathroom and then got dressed.  He wasn't thinking. Automatic. Wake up. Bathroom. Get Dressed.  And then realized it's still Night.  So he went and slept on the couch. This is a very personal look into what is happening inside his head.  Or NOT happening inside his head.

I think his father and brother got off easy.....dying quickly when they had their heart attacks at 60.  Just like he did.  But my husband made it to the ER and the Operating Room only to have this happen........I don't know which is better and which is worse.  You and I will find out in real time........

The Brownies I baked.  Dark Chocolate ...are a bit too dark and bitter for my taste.  I had mine with vanilla ice cream.  While I watched Celebrity Jeopardy for One Million Dollars. I don't know who the guy was that won.  But he put everything into that win.  

I am reading a book. Before You Knew My Name by Jacqueline Bublitz.   Not a Rom Com.   

"She may be dead.  That doesn't mean her story is over."

This is what I have read my entire Life before the Rom Com Thing.   Murder.  Mystery.  Grit.  Hard to read stories and DARK terrifying plot lines.....and then I stopped.  But in the first 50 pages..I know I am going back into it.  I am ready to go back into it.  I have missed the intricate plot development.....never being able to trust any of the characters.... Ruby isn't dead yet.  She still has a week or more.  The Author tells us on the first page Ruby will die in three weeks. From the time of her arrival, by bus, in New York City.  Another character has arrived the same day from Melbourne.  And is spending her days drinking Vodka.

"Maybe the people who appear brave are merely doing the thing they have to do. It's not a matter of courage, then, to pack up and leave a Life.  Just the lack of any other option and the realization that you don't have anything left to lose."   page 24.