Green Bean Casserole is one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving. Last year I made all the sides and ate the same dinner all week. Husband refused to eat any of it....he was that way so much of the time. Back then. A year ago.
It took so much out of me.....I don't know if I will ever be myself again. I feel like a stranger to myself.
Nothing can be done- what is past is past. I need to keep telling myself to "let go" of it all. Move on. But I am moving on in deep sticky mud these days.... and I can't actually get anything done....I can't think.
We watched all the football yesterday...son with laptop which he kept reading.. the games weren't all the interesting and I was more focused on mending the newly worn out places on the elbows of that red cardigan. Which these days is 40% mending. I'm wearing sweater from deep in my closet- one that isn't "cotton". Why do I have cotton sweaters? what was I thinking????? They all need to go to Goodwill.
Today I need to get the recycling and garbage organized to put out after dark- which here in Maine is 4 pm. I have a lot of recycling. A lot. Which is a good thing.
I dumped a bunch of compostables in the fridge into the compost bins.....fruits, vegetables...that sort of thing. I am not really cooking or eating... I made a fresh pot of soup and ate some the day I made it and haven't since. I should...eat some today. I should.
Son is having lunch now....then Library and Grocery Store. Like "usual" he says......sigh. It is so not usual. I was thinking before bed last night....I will be 80 in three years. Eighty. Just thinking about that slammed me into a wall- HARD. What would I do, even now, without him here?????
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