Monday, November 13, 2023

Winter Notes- Monday , November 13th. Can't motivate myself.


 Green Bean Casserole is one of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving.  Last year I made all the sides and ate the same dinner all week.  Husband refused to eat any of it....he was that way so much of the time.  Back then.  A year ago.

It took so much out of me.....I don't know if I will ever be myself again.  I feel like a stranger to myself.

Nothing can be done- what is past is past.  I need to keep telling myself to "let go" of it all.  Move on. But I am moving on in deep sticky mud these days.... and I can't actually get anything done....I can't think.

We watched all the football yesterday...son with laptop which he kept reading..  the games weren't all the interesting and I was more focused on mending the newly worn out places on the elbows of that red cardigan.  Which these days is 40% mending.  I'm wearing sweater from deep in my closet- one that isn't "cotton".  Why do I have cotton sweaters?  what was I thinking????? They all need to go to Goodwill.

Today I need to get the recycling and garbage organized to put out after dark- which here in Maine is 4 pm.  I have a lot of recycling. A lot.  Which is a good thing.

I dumped a bunch of compostables in the fridge into the compost bins.....fruits, vegetables...that sort of thing.  I am not really cooking or eating... I made a fresh pot of soup and ate some the day I made it and haven't since.   I should...eat some today.  I should.

Son is having lunch now....then Library and Grocery Store.  Like "usual" he says......sigh. It is so not usual.  I was thinking before bed last night....I will be 80 in three years. Eighty.  Just thinking about that slammed me into a wall- HARD.  What would I do, even now, without him here?????


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