Field Notes- Tuesday October 3rd. Warming up. Driveway loaded with acorns.

 Elephant never forgets.

Really Bad Day...yesterday and so far today.....Heart Doctor today at 3pm.

Had to call daughter in middle of the night (last night)...husband had gotten himself to bathroom while I was sleeping. And  he had fallen. How he managed not to crack his skull on anything- amazingly lucky. She's strong and was able to haul him up.  3 am.   He's moved his timing up an hour.

Daughter said this would NOT have happened if he had gone to rehab.  She is absolutely right.  1000%

I was WRONG...he should have gone to rehab.

I was recalling the time after his heart surgery...he was younger, not demented. I was younger....dealt with him and a dog who wanted a daily walk......and I went back to work at some point.

I never could fall asleep again (after having to call daughter) so I am working on jittery energy right now.  How many days has he been home?  I haven't slept an entire night since.  I get about 3 hours sleep.  The tension in my neck muscles is painful.  I cry so easily over anything....

I wanted him to have a shower before the doctor visit....but can't see how I can do it.  I don't even know if he can stand up over kitchen sink to get his hair washed.  But I will try.

I keep hearing small noises and walk down to see if he is up and trying to go someplace.  He's asleep.

But...I can't trust him to stay asleep.  I think I might be at the being of my own urinary tract disorder. I never changed my desk calendar to October.... the entire last week of September is blank- more like the day after my birthday..is blank. 

I feel all shivery and cold and it's almost 85 outside.  I had cereal and hot sweet tea this morning.