Daily Notes- October 19th

I got this off a website.  A jacket covered in scraps of cloth and Boro stitching.  All solid colors no prints. I don't have many very old "tender" fabrics in dark colors.   Perhaps I will need to find some and dip them into indigo or iron water baths.  Goodwill isn't a good place to find charcoal or dark green or indigo blue.

I would wear this jacket.  From now until the end of my time on Earth. Mending it as it decayed and fell apart.  I like owning things/ knowing them for a long long time.  Today and yesterday the old dark charcoal grey sweater with tiny buttons and a soft collar.  Cold enough for a sweater.  I think I have been wearing this sweater and the soft light grey one- since the 1990's.  The only new sweater is the red one- that I asked for when Gregor passed.  Her sweater.  Mended last year for the first time. Worn often.

I had a green sweater I wore on all car trips.  A mossy dark green V-neck pullover.  Warm but light.  The shoulder seat belt wore the surface of the sweater.  It became "see thru" transparent.  I found a green long sleeved tee to wear under it. Continued to wear  the sweater.  I don't know what happened to it.  Why it's gone.  But I miss it. There was a black one- I bought the two at the same time.  Not as well worn but showing its age.  I wish I had gotten two green ones.

I've cried every evening this week.  As I look out the front door at the street before heading off to bed.  Reminded of getting Riley into his harness and myself into my coat and hat and reflective vest.  For the "last call walk" between 11pm and midnight.  The deer coming out of the mist like ghosts.  Just curious or in solidarity for another animal "passing over soon".  So....tears.  I'm not sad.  Just reminded of that deep loving bond.  Missing him.

I think it's okay to cry a little each day.  It's not like I am depressed.  I cry because I remember all the happy sweet days and years.  The bells ringing at the back door when he wanted to go outside.  The way he settled down to sleep as soon as he heard the Law and Order sounds. The way he peeked  around the cupboard in the kitchen- hoping to get a treat.  

anyway......I think it's time to make a fresh cup of coffee and chose today's book to read.  I'm going to wait until tomorrow to do that one load of wash.  There's left over Chinese food.  Canned soup.  And I stocked husband up with Little Debbie treats.  It's all good.