Daily Notes- December 7th

                                        

While emptying the large cupboard in the living room, a few items found their way into the bead bowl.  The bowl has a five inch diameter so you can imagine their size relative to the bowl.  A tiny wooded heart, an elephant and a Chinese cat.  Also the odd quartz chip above the elephant.

The elephant holds a place in my heart.  When I was 10 my father- who rarely spent quality time with me, spent quality time with me showing/teaching me to draw an elephant free hand for a class project.  We drew on newspaper.  What we had.  Then I drew one on drawing paper.  I very proudly took the drawing to school (we were doing some sort of project) and the teacher (I was new to this school and scared) declared that I hadn't drawn the elephant myself and telling lies was a very bad thing.  The entire class laughed.  They continued to laugh and ridicule me until we all graduated from high school.  A class of 500.  And I was forever the odd duck.

I was embarrassed and humiliated.  I asked for a sheet of paper and drew an identical elephant on it. In front of the class and teacher.  Such bravery.  No apology for her remark was given.  Nothing.  And that moment in time was where my Life went off the rails so to speak.  In the school where I had gone from kindergarten to grade 4- I was a happy child with friends.  That was never true in this school or the next or the next. As the people I was in school with from 5th grade never varied or changed.  Fate even wanted to fortify this shunning.  My college roommate in my freshman year was the Prom Queen/Head Cheerleader from my high school.  Luck of the draw. Fate.

I think I have told this story before on this blog- forgive me for repeating myself.  But the little elephant brings it all back.

I survived- but at what cost?   I often wondered what happened to the girl even lower on the classroom scale- the girl who ate paste.