Daily Notes- December 30

                                     

From the 2010 Journal.  With the black print newspaper.  There is quite a bit of the old newspaper in this journal and the glue stick releases well.  The trees speaks to me still.

Be who you are. Telling myself to do that on this journal page in 2010.

Yeah. Been working on that for so very many years.  But first I had to find out who I was.  Then BE.
Harder for me than for others.  But I am braver now.  More able to stand and say NO! and mean it. Problem is...too ready to say NO to everything.  G says I am often very negative.

For a few years ( how many?), I have been trying to say yes...even as I grit my teeth and my insides are screaming NO!!!  You wouldn't think that was me, would you?  Or does that come through as an undertone to the daily notes?  It might.

Missing Riley today.  New, fresh snowfall.  Favorite thing of his.  Rolling.  Sticking his nose into the snow to smell for his very strange green rubber toy. Digging it out with such JOY and then wanting me to throw it so he could find it again. I knew this was coming.  It was a thing we two did together while I shoveled the porch and the steps and the walkway.

I saved that one toy- it's on the table with the Goddess.  Waiting for it to snow.  G wondered why I saved it.  I couldn't say.  Too hard.

I went to Target to "buy" a plastic Target bag- the old ones with the small target circles.  No.  They don't have that anymore- just the one with the big circle- single circle.  And in six weeks....no plastic bags at all.  Only paper.  I was going to photocopy the bag into black and white and use it in my book.  I don't think I have any bags.  I was never a Target Shopper.  Going to have to "make" one.