Habit

I woke up this morning--and in truth was thinking these thoughts before bed last night-- that I was sad. I haven't had much communication with commenters lately (well, for months) and since I don't have any more friends who like to talk about what interests me, they prefer we talk about them or personality free topics, so I am sort of left to live inside my head.  Not a good position.

If left to this "inside my head" living,  I will slowly be moving away from a healthy way of thinking to depression.  And, for me, that involves lots and lots of sleeping.  Like all day and all night.  I'm not in danger of that yet.  Winter.  Not working.  That's when it will happen if I allow it.

Reading blogs hasn't helped.  I keep looking but can't find any that I connect with.  Am I that different from everyone else?  Shouldn't I be able to find people with interests like mine who might just try and be supportive of me?  Perhaps I just don't know how to communicate?

I'm also a bit hungry.  Not much dinner last night and now it's almost noon and I still haven't had any coffee or breakfast.  I have the frying pan going with any vegetable I found on the counter, bacon fat and an onion.  I plan to make bacon and fry the last three eggs.  That should do it for breakfast.  I didn't buy anymore eggs.  Real eggs.  They just aren't doing it for me.  Eggs still taste better if someone else cooks them for me.

It rained overnight or early this morning.  Fall seems colder than usual.  I have garden chores to do.  things I have neglected to plant.  There always seemed to be time ahead, all summer, and now the end is rushing forward much too quickly.  The garden is finished. Or pretty much finished.  Still some beans and the spaghetti squash.  The rest needs to be piled in the compost.

I have the Summer 12 by 12 to make.  I have the bed sheets to wash. The shirts to iron.  The dog. I have plenty to do.  I just miss being able to communicate all this with someone.  Someone who talks back, makes suggestions etc.  Someone who cares about me.

Self pity party.  OMG.

The bacon fat fried vegetables are amazingly good.  The egg yolks got overcooked, but it's still a good breakfast.  And the coffee is nice.

I guess I just need to pull up my big girl panties and get on with the life that I have. Work on my To Do List.  Get through the day.  It's not like someone is going to knock on the front door and say "need a friend?" or anything.