Fabric Content

My "Trade Your Stash" loot. While I was Program Chair (one month) I had my chapter members pack up a bag of items from their quilting stash to trade for a bag of some one else's stash (only 12 out of 60 participated). I picked a bag and was delighted to find all sort of odds and ends from someone's crazy quilt adventure. Silks, velvets and laces. Today another chapter member called asking if I wanted her stash of silk tie remnants (I have a reputation for taking scraps). Is the Universe sending me a message? YES!

I've gotten to work, for just about an hour, on the Twelve by Twelve challenge for October. Shelter. The recent economic disaster makes me think of "sheltering my money" but that's not what I chose. Close. I sort of "tag a long" with the group but I'm not a member. But I do enjoy tagging along and the Twelve don't seem to mind.

I'm not really a member of anything besides this blog and it's readers.

I envy all of you with enthusiastic quilt chapters, guilds and mini groups. My chapter was very active and vibrant at one time and could be again, I think. I just wasn't the right catalyst to motivate them (Program) as they saw me as "too strange". There were a few who wanted to know and do what I am doing but they weren't vocal enough to override the majority.

In "What's New", I cut open the woven gift wrap and have my Rayna Gillman birthday present book on hand printed cloth open. My next grocery list will have a large box of gelatin on it. I want to try the gelatin monoprints first. As I was reading the book this morning, and seeing the listed items that could be used for printing, I was almost ready to jump into the truck, and head off to work on my Saturday off. We had so many of the printing items in the big trash box in the annual house yesterday. Bubble wrap, Christmas ornament plastic containers, styrofoam shapes. I hope we have more of that on Monday so I can save it from the dumpster.

I have some soy wax, not much, but perhaps enough to try a sample project. I also have a small "kit" box of dyes and print paste from a workshop with Hollis Chatelain. It's probably all expired but it's what I have on hand to experiment with and will do the job, I think.

What I love about Rayna's book (and her) is that she will go out, at night, with scissors, to collect pieces of construction fencing. Because she's "an artist". Rayna has also gone into the street to do a crayon rubbing of a manhole cover she thought was interesting. Again, because she is "an artist". I love that. I need to think of myself as "an artist" more often. All the time.

What's Happening today: Since G & I both have this weekend off (rare) and it's raining and we are both tired from working so much, I have been cooking and baking. We had a really big lunch that cleared out a lot of garden produce stored in the fridge. Fried squash with onions (a nice old southern dish), steamed rice, roasted beets, sliced cucumber in sour cream dill sauce and leftover turkey breast bones (with lots of meat still on them) roasted till crispy and brown for G. I just pulled an apple and dried cranberry crisp from the oven. That will be tasty later this evening with coffee. G and I like eating a big meal around 2 or 3 and then having something with coffee around 7:30.

The garden is slowly shutting down. Tomato plants have blackened and the squash vines have died back and I can see how many Delicata and Butternut squash I have. Lots! The celery needs a bit of paper wrapped around the bunches to blanch it a bit, but I like it deep green with a strong celery flavor. The leeks look good. Carrots are getting long and fat which reminds me that I need to try my hand at making the carrot, orange and ginger soup G likes to order at our favorite restaurant. I love the black bean bisque but Thursday I tried the butternut squash bisque and it was "out of this world" good. Simple food. Simply delicious.

I bought some grass seed to plant in the garden as winter protection and a nitrogen additive. I have been adding ground leaves and lime but I think I need to add more peat now and more lime. And cow manure. I'll stock up on bags of what I need when they go on sale. Soon. Right now G and Riley are asleep so I am going back to my studio--- cause I'm "an artist". And I need to be doing "art".

Sweet Home Alabama

I have been thinking lately of moving to someplace rural like Alabama and buying a farm (a small one) and growing vegetables, fruit trees and having chickens. I'm thinking of Alabama because I have a gut feeling the tax rate would be low, heating costs, land costs etc would be reasonable and there would be good dirt for a garden.

I open a dialog with any readers. Tell me what you think, know or suggest. My reading of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and the Slow Food Movement have lead me to this path.

Editor's Note (later in the day): I looked on line and the taxes are very low and you can buy hundreds of acres of woods for HUNTING of deer and squirrels. Why would you want to hunt squirrels? Not much in the way of a little farm with an attractive farmhouse and barn. There was a huge house that had 5 bedrooms, lake, in ground pool and it came with a tractor for the 24 acres. The price was pretty high but I thought I could be happy there. Oh, yeah! I do love a pool.

Sorry, but NO to the sheep. They are cute and they do "mow" the grass but I think they might "smell". I don't think I would even have the chickens. They aren't nice and they really do smell. Living near Birmingham and the offices for Southern Living would be way cool. Not really country.

Post 453

One of the piles of magazine and newspaper debris that are in piles on my table. A good piece of text, an interesting liner in a bill envelope, a little inspection slip of paper, a picture from a cigar box. All these things enchant me. And, eventually, if I live to be 100, they will be used to collage some flower in my journals.

Today I must make some decisions. Where to eat lunch and with whom. What to make for the 12 by 12 challenge. I have two ideas and so far have had "no time" to try either. I also need to decide if I want to invest time and energy (both in short supply right now) in being Program Chair for a group I really don't even want to belong to anymore. Guess I just made that decision. The next decisions will be made in the vegetable garden. Who moves into the kitchen for processing, who moves into the compost pile and who stays in the ground. We have had sunshine for two full afternoons so I hope more raspberries have ripened. So many on the vines and so little time left. I also have bulbs to plant. And $5 sale roses. No frost has blackened the red dahlias yet so they can stay put another week or so. I also need to decide if I want to start a cold weather crop of kale, beets and spinach. And do I want to plant garlic.

Next year, I am planting onions and potatoes in my small garden. I already decided on that.

I also decided to buy a lined vest or down filled vest to wear at work in the mornings and afternoons, when it's coldest. The greenhouse is nice and cozy (bright and warm) in the middle of the day with the only downside being wet socks. I might look and see if any of the boots I see sitting in the houses (filled with spiders and dirt) would fit me. Then I would have to clean them, dry them and remember to wear them when I water each day. This seems easy enough to do, but my day is so fragmented, I forget what I was in the middle of, when I get a request for help with a customer etc. Yesterday I spent most of the day up by the cash registers (answering questions, ringing up sales and working on my Suduko puzzle). And ended the day hauling pot mums across the parking lot and then watering them by dragging the hose across the parking lot. Around cars and trucks and customers. I decided on Chinese for supper last night.

I think I began this blog three years ago at the end of September. I need to check on that. I used to work and rework my blog entries to make them witty and charming and no one ever read them. Now I use the blog as it must have been intended, as just a way to express my thoughts, in journal form. And if someone enjoys reading--- well, that's the wonder of the blog! I have figured out, over the years, how to occasionally manipulate my readers (as an experiment), get comments etc but generally, I must TRY to make that happen. It doesn't come naturally. So I COULD be more popular, if I tried harder, and was less like myself. I'm not really the "popular" sort of person. It WOULD be WILDLY EXCITING to have 1000 readers a day and 500 plus comments on a post. But then you'd have to manage all that and "keep up". I'm not that interesting. I'd have to start making stuff up and the blog would turn into a work of fiction. Not this blog.

The dog has taken G for a walk. I am taking a nice hot shower. After I finish my nice cup of coffee. Then I will start deciding.

In A Hurry

G stayed up late watching his "Dancing With The Stars" and I retired earlier after watching the "Mentalist". Oh, that blond Aussie is gorgeous to watch! I wish I had TiVo'd the show because I missed a lot of the dialog which looked sort of witty. G will never like the show as there is way too much "talking" and nothing blown up.

This morning started with G being one full hour "late" so I will be taking the dog to day care this morning. G went over the "rituals" of going to daycare. Riley is sitting on his bed in a pool of doubt and confusion. He and G didn't play any games with his toys this morning, as they always do. And I didn't let him out the right door for his morning potty stop. He just growled. Not a happy puppy. I am no substitute for his G.

I worked 10 hours yesterday as my co-worker went home early with stomach pains. She has something wrong with her: appendix, Crohn's disease, bleeding ulcer (no one can get a straight answer from her as she is very vague and I don't think she understands what the doctors tell her.) I think she is having panic attacks whenever she has any intestinal pain. She's "young" for her age and has been babied by her family too much. I always have her take deep breaths and puff on the exhale and she calms right down. But I can't stand over her all day. I have no idea if she will come in to work this morning or how long she will stay if she does come to work. So I am looking at another long day.

G called me at work yesterday wanting to quit his job again. I just wish he had a real job in his field not this silly hourly wage job at Target. This man is a professional trainer with 20 years of experience with a major company. Why does he want to do mindless work and then complain that he has no authority???? Target just doesn't care what he thinks. Not one little bit. But our Target is the cleanest one in the state of Maine (one of Slambo's friends told us).

The things we do to have health insurance.

Time to go to work.

Invasion of Insanity

G asked to use my camera. He wanted to take a picture of this tree, in the skylight of the hotel lobby. He may not have noticed the nice composition of borders around his tree top, but I did. A nice picture to take at a quilt show.

What's Happening Today: I had to deliver flowers to the local hospital and to do the delivery, I must drive the "company" van, which is my employer's vehicle. Now I do take one liberty with this vehicle. Well, two. I adjust the steering wheel and the rear view mirror. The steering wheel so I can see the dashboard and the little dial where I find out if I have shifted into D R N or P. I do not change the radio station. My employer listens to a conservative Republican station that airs Rush Limbough's program. But he's on later in the day so that's not an issue.

Today's agenda on this station was the coming TOTAL collapse of the American economy. The EVEN GREATER DEPRESSION. No money, no banks, no jobs, no gas, no heat, no food, no retirement etc. Unless we acted now. This guy never actually said what the listeners were supposed to DO but I assume "they" know. Libby in the comments on yesterday's post hoped I had plenty of canned goods and survival equipment.

Is this guy on the radio suggesting to "everyone" that they run to the bank and ask for their investments in cash? He did say that in a regular day banks had 9 Billion in cash available for withdrawals and that on Friday the 19th, more than 164 Billion had been withdrawn from banks. I could be misinformed but that sounds very odd. Are people doing this? Are they also filling cans with gasoline? Buying canned food because they won't be able to heat and cook food? Buying guns and ammunition. I don't think it's for shooting squirrels for food, do you? Maybe a moose, which is suddenly a very popular item to shoot.

You see what happens when you force a normal person, I like to think of myself as normal and quite average in every way, to listen to this sort of stuff in a closed company van? Yes, I could have turned the radio off or the sound down but I was quite mesmerized. What sort of IQ, statistically, would they hope to reach? Or was it a hoax. Like War of the Worlds and men from Mars invading.

I think I might ask for cash when I cash my little paycheck and I may buy a few extra bags of rice and beans when I shop later in the week (unless it's already too late). I'll need a tarp to collect rainwater to cook the beans and rice. And a fire.

Has anyone, in government or at a bank, thought about just NOT foreclosing on home loans and just asking people to refinance (for free) to a nice, plain, 30 year loan they can afford? Sounds nuts doesn't it? Better to throw families out in the street while the house sits empty and the bank writes the loan off for government cash. And, "people who are losing their homes", your house was NEVER worth 60 times what you paid for it (or whatever imaginary, greedy number you and your predatory lender came up with). And the lottery is not a retirement plan.

I'm done.

Image Free Sunday

So far this blog post has not fared all that well. I have "clicked" too many keys and erased pictures, opened things I have never opened before, canceled things I wanted saved.

I don't even have anything "pithy" to say. I just want to sit here and type and talk to someone, even you, for awhile before getting on with my life of cleaning, laundry, cooking, dog walking and everything I would rather NOT be doing. I would LIKE to have slept longer this morning, read my book out in the sunshine with my coffee and perhaps even moved on to the fabric closet to make a prototype for this month's program "Twenty Squares By Chance". BUT THE DOG HAS ANOTHER AGENDA!

And I am seriously BUMMED. Now that it is almost Fall, I dug my jeans and long pants out of the bottom of the closet and discovered that they no longer fit. My rear end and waist are larger than they were last time I wore these pants (May). Oh, I could possibly get them zipped but I would be afraid of exploding if I had to breath or bend. Sitting would be impossible. I know how this happened.

Up until the 15 of April when I became employed full time, I was walking the dog twice each day for an hour each walk (2.5 miles). I did this so he would get tired and sleep during the day and stop staring at me, something dogs do. Alot. I tried walking the dog after working all day but my knees and feet were not too happy about that. I bought new shoes to help but really it was fatigue in my bones and joints. I was walking all day at work. And because I was working hard at work (duh) I was HUNGRY! I needed a real lunch and not a 300 calorie low fat, small lunch.

So add the "real lunch" to the "not walking the dog two hours a day" and you get a bigger rear end and a thicker waist. The working all day counts for absolutely NOTHING! The odd fact here is that my work pants all still fit just the way they have always fit, even in April and May.

My summer ice cream cones, beer, bacon cheeseburgers, French fries and meatball subs and even one bacon/pepperoni pizza all helped pad my once flat rear end. There was even some pie involved during rhubarb season. All foods I crave when I am exhausted. As I have been most of the five months I have been working.

So now I am having vegetable soup for lunch or supper. I had bread with my soup last week but I feel I must stop eating bread again for a few months. I may still have carrots and hummus to satisfy my need to chew something. I would rather chew crackers, chips or crusty bread. I don't want to return to the "healthy eating plan" (my own invention) with all the counting, weighing and recording of food. But I may have to go backward for a period of weeks and months. Next time I will try on the pants in the closet every two weeks or so. Make sure they fit.

So you can see why I am feeling BUMMED! And now it's getting cold again. And I work in an unheated environment and we are so cold all day (and then we get wet while watering the greenhouse plants). I try to stand out in the sun for a few minutes to warm up and dry off. Everyone at work is wearing long sleeved tees, sweatshirts, sweaters etc. So far I have stayed with a long sleeved tee under my short sleeved work tee with a zip front work sweatshirt jacket. Most days (60 degrees or more forecast) I still wear my work shorts. I'm saving the heavier sweatshirt and my down filled hunting jacket/liner for long pants days. What I really want is a light down vest with pockets. So far, none have been available at any of the thrift stores so I might have to pay full retail for a new one at the local hunting supply store. I also have a used fleece jacket I got at Goodwill. I need some thermal long sleeved tees to complete the winter work ensemble and nice warm socks. Several pairs of nice warm DRY socks each day. And gloves. And a warm hat.

I've been told to stock my truck with a BIG pile of extra clothes and lots of dry socks.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT! Can you just imagine what kind of lunch I will be wanting in November and December????? When the high is like 35 degrees on a really warm day and usually is in the 20's by sunset. A HUGE HOT LUNCH! I don't have to worry about supper. I'll fall asleep long before I even get that cooked.

Birthday Presents

The unbelievably gorgeous floral arrangement from the artist in our floral department. C and G worked out this gift together and I am very, very happy with it. All my favorite colors: golden yellow, blue, magenta pink, lime green. All the colors in my paint box and fabric closet.

The ribbon wrapped gift from my creative son in California. No way in except to cut it open with the scissors. I haven't had the heart to destroy this beautiful wrap and get to Rayna's new book inside, the "real" present. He used quarter inch ribbons to weave this seamless all over wrap which hugs the book inside.

From my daughter. A handheld, battery operated Suduko puzzle machine. I have done two of the beginner games so far and it is really fun. The machine keeps track of the numbers and lets you know when all the "9's" are placed correctly. Wouldn't this be fun to take along to use in the waiting room at the dentist or doctor's office? Of course, whenever I have something interesting to do while waiting--- no wait! I get called right in!!! BUT, if I have nothing to do or read, I wait FOREVER!

The delicious ending to my birthday dinner. A private candle to wish on and two tiny desserts. Both chocolate, of course.

G and I had a pleasant road trip on Thursday to the World Quilt show in New Hampshire. The show was dull, uninspired and totally traditional. I had always looked forward to edgy, European and Australian work in this show. Colorful, no rules fabric art. I don't know what changed, but perhaps there are now more "artful" venues for this work and they no longer need to enter this show. I think I will skip the World Quilt Show next year.

We found GPS directions to Trader Joe's too late. It would have been a 90 minute detour and we had to fit everything in so we could pick up the puppy at the day care boarding place by 7:30. We arrived to find him alone in a small crate chewing his blanket to shreds. I know he had a wonderful time until 5 pm but after that they just crate him up and leave him to wait to be picked up. Riley has spent this morning sleeping. He had daycare three days in a row and he is exhausted. Good for me! I got to sleep late today because I am also exhausted.

What's Good Today: Sleeping late. Sitting in the cool sunshine on the back stoop with a delicious cup of coffee and a dog at my feet. No bugs. All the ingredients for another pot of homemade vegetable soup in the garden. Books waiting at the library. A cupboard full of jars of Fig Preserves I found at a New Hampshire grocery store (ten). G loves Fig Preserves. I wish we lived somewhere where I could grow figs and preserve them myself or at least buy a crate of figs. I think I could grow them here if I could protect them in the winter, but short of digging the tree up every year and moving it into the house, it doesn't seem workable.

Today's Thought: Don't Work Or Think Too Much

Wednesday, September 17

Always fun to actually post on a Wednesday. Thank you for all the "virtual" hugs and kind thoughts on my post. I finally got some sleep and I feel better. I will survive.

G collected a mountain of produce out of the garden yesterday so after work I chopped and peeled and made a small pot of vegetable soup for my supper and today's lunch at work. I added a sliced Delicata squash to the soup. This is my first time growing Delicata. It has a very dense quality. Rather bland.

Speaking of bland. The grocery was out of my brand of yogurt (again) and the only choices left to me were the store brand and the organic brand. The organic stuff is runny and very expensive so I purchased the store brand. UGH! It's going back today for my "double your money back" refund. Grainy, sour and the texture of school paste.

Tomorrow is my birthday and we have a full day's "road trip" planned. Breakfast @Cracker Barrel, quilt show, Trader Joe's (I want some of those sponges Terry wrote about in her post), and dinner @ Carrabas in New Hampshire. Riley has doggie day care at the breeder's with huge runs and a lake.

G ordered birthday flowers from the floral department where I work. It was so funny to see the floral designer and her sister making sure I didn't "see" any of the designing and ruin the surprise. They have the bouquet well hidden somewhere. I know it will be fabulous. Can't wait till I get home from work tonight to see the arrangement!

My son mailed me a copy of Rayna's new "how to book" on fabric printing, dying etc. BUT he wove ribbons into a handmade (and gorgeous) gift wrap. Seamless. No opening. In order to open the gift I have to ruin the wrapping. I WANT what's inside but I also WANT to keep enjoying the beautiful woven wrap. I should have taken a picture of it for this post! In future, my son will try to weave an opening into the design. If possible.

What's Happening: We emptied 4 more tables in the perennial yard as the 30% sale continues. The Fall mums are selling briskly. The local Boy Scouts asked to borrow my composter model for a composting workshop they are doing in October. My Spooky House has been reserved by Hawthorne School for October and the librarian has also asked for the Gingerbread House for December. Lots of good library books and stories relating to edible houses. The children usually write "spooky" stories generated by the Spooky House, so I expect to get an envelope of stories generated by the gingerbread house after Christmas. I decided to just go ahead and make all the things I would have made for my grandchildren, even though I will never have any.
I loved making the houses (and I loved working with my daughter on the gingerbread house "candy") so it's nice to be able to share them.

Time to go to work.

Just One Message- Hate

The day was going well. Nice weather, good, but tiring day at work. Nice dinner at the Chinese place. Happy dog. Present in the mail. Good vibes.

Press the answering machine button. My dad.

In one message, all the nightmares of my childhood reappear. In one message, all the good in my life, dries up and floats away. It's as if my father's (and mother's) sole purpose in life was to destroy any peace I could make for myself.

You can move 1300 miles away but your parent can always "reach out" and leave a message.

I am exhausted but I have little hope of sleep. Dad's phone message will run, like a loop, in my head, over and over. And I will remember ALL the other times. Ugly. Dysfunctional. Terrifying. Imagine telling a five year old child she is worthless. Me.

I want no pity or comments. This is my history. My emotional landscape. I am guilty of the same with my children and husband. Hurtful comments meant to inflict pain but always "justified". It's still abuse. The abused learns how to abuse others.

More than you wanted to read in this blog.

Forty Years

The ONLY wedding picture I have ever had. Polaroid. September 15, 1968. G and I were about 11 years old, in junior high, (we met on Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale and got married 6 months later). I still have the man and the dress.

Where You Are Now

Where you might go.

Are you living in the "now" , the "past" or the "future"? I find myself at the usual place, indecision, around my birthday (the 18th). I usually have this feeling that I should be thinking about what the next year will bring.

I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and am thinking about the "big farm" picture. I have four acres here in Maine, but without a huge greenhouse, we will never be able to produce enough food to live on. No animals, other than the wild ones in the woods, are allowed (like chickens). So if I want to produce enough food to live on, with fruit and nut trees--- we would need to live elsewhere. Warmer.

I'm also thinking about solar panels for heating water. Or a wind turbine. I'm not interested in burning wood for heat.

Today was such a contrast. Unhappiness among the workers but wonderful customers. I had a delightful encounter with a customer who brought in quince fruits from a bush for identification. While discussing fruit, she mentioned hiking and finding, overhead, while answering the "call of nature", Elderberries. I adore Elderberry jelly. But this customer wasn't about to tell me where she found this huge cache of berries locally. She said she had already made jelly and several pies with her newfound berries. We both had memories of country lanes in Germany lined with elderberry bushes. Ah!

I re- potted two little "trees" into bonsai dishes for two different customers. And for each, I went out in the pouring rain to scrape moss off of rocks to plant on the surface. I just think it looks so much more natural that way. I also sold, at 60 instead of 50%, EVERY PIECE of willow fencing to one customer and helped pile it into her car. And I trimmed and cleaned the entire wall of starter (small) green foliage plants. A good day when it could have turned into something not so good.

What's Good Today: G calling me at work and asking if he should drive over to bring me long pants since the rain had really brought a chill to the morning (61 degrees). Sweet. K buying me a tall cup of hot coffee after lunch. Warm. Leftover eggplant Parmesan for supper after a long day at work. Satisfying. An email with a dinner invitation for next week. Interesting. Now I'm going to find out if the new romance I got at the library is any good.

Sunday Morning

My day began with me mixing up a batch of blueberry muffins to share with Deborah.


And ended with me receiving this handmade journal. Deborah and I had a very, very nice visit. I enjoy reading her blog and exchanging emails, but it was so nice to sit, sip coffee, eat muffins (and not let Riley eat muffins), and just talk. We had rain all night so when the sun and blue sky returned while we were talking --- well, it was pretty nice. I can't stop smiling.

I have a ton of tomatoes to process for the freezer and I thawed out some butter for cookies for G's lunches BUT I have a good book calling me. And I have that new technique to try and now I have these blank and very interesting journal pages begging for ink, collage and stamping.

I have missed all of you, also. Too busy to blog. My composting class went very well and I got compliments on the presentation and rave reviews on the Jello Dirt with Gummy Worms that I served at the end. One participant thought I was actually serving "compost" and wondered why I had added the spoon to the "sample". Everyone polished off their "samples" and the remainder (I made a double batch) was enjoyed at lunch by the greenhouse employees.

Due to an absence by a fellow employee, I had to work 10 hours on Friday, got home at 6:30 (after stopping at the grocery for ingredients), made the "Dirt", made myself some supper, played with the dog, prepared my compost notes and compost samples and fell into bed at 11 pm only to get up "moments later" at 6 am to get ready to go back to work and haul all my "stuff" to the truck and then from the truck into the building. Next week, it's Native Plants and Maine blueberry muffins.

What's Good: Rained all night so the garden is good and moist. I got to help in Floral (on Friday) making many little mum bouquets that were wired onto a long garland for a wedding. I also got to make little boutoniers (spelling) for the groom and ushers. I was astonished by the beauty of each of the three bride's bouquets put together by C in the Floral Dept (and the many bridesmaid's bouquets). She is an ARTIST. And she had to do THREE complete weddings on Friday and Saturday. Alone. All we could do was help with the little stuff. Making boxes, clearing space in the coolers, going down cellar for more flowers, making little mum bouquets. I did manage to improve my technique while making 10 of these little water pick wrapped items. C is a very patient teacher (and she really needed help). I'm looking forward to my Anniversary Bouquet which G will be ordering and C will be making.

The Blue Angels will be up in the air in an hour. No show yesterday because of fog and rain. But the sky is clear, cloudless and BLUE today, so let the jet engines ROAR!